Guests bringing food

Linnea503

When you invite people over for a meal and they ask "what can I bring" do you take them up on the offer and suggest something? I used to always decline and do everything myself, but now with a toddler and newborn I'm more inclined to accept the help.

magentawarped

I'll suggest a side dish or a salad sometimes, but nothing major.

lexusolsen

magentawarped said:

I'll suggest a side dish or a salad sometimes, but nothing major.

This or dessert.

dmurrie

I'll have them bring sides or salads, maybe an appetizer or maybe ask someone to bring a couple bottles of pop or juice, that sort of thing. With some of our friends and relatives, they'll bring something either way, so if I tell them what to bring, then I have a little control over what it is... Although then some go overboard and bring 3 platters of fruit for a "fruit tray" for 8 people. I've stopped feeling bad about it, because it's always the same people and I always make sure they know how many people we're expecting. So I'd say make sure they understand around how many people are there. Then you're obsolved of all blame if they go overboard.

zbeesma86

wine or beer.

Spin313

I usually suggest a dessert.

With family, I've started doling out responsibilities (salad, drinks, dessert) since I always host family meals and holidays.

Linnea503

Thanks ladies. It's for a brunch and my friend insisted so I said muffins/scones, and if she wanted, a bottle of champagne since I'll be serving mimosas.

caybeh

It depends on who it is and what I'm serving. If I do take them up on it, it is usually dessert or a salad.

Andrewsgal

My standard answer is no, if they keep pushing I say a bottle of wine.

mrsrobinsontobe

We take turns entertaining a lot with other families. I always bring a salad, another friend always does the buffalo chicken dip - or other app, another the dessert. 

spring_time

I always tell my friends to just bring themselves.  It is just a given that my sisters and mom will bring something, so I give them a broad category (appetizers, dessert, side dish).  

Our extended family has gotten so big that one family branch will host by providing the main meal with sides and everybody else supplements.  We are also BYOB because everybody loves to drink and alcohol would end up costing the host a fortune.

notkateanymore

Depending on who it is, I'll suggest something. We have people over quite frequently and a lot are repeat guests, so we all always bring something to each other's house.

notkateanymore

I also say bring something to drink if you want something specific, but people know we always have wine and a full stocked bar.

JeffandLeslie

I usually say no, but we do have some friends where we go to each other's houses quite a bit like @KateMW described.  In those cases I'll say a side or a dessert (as will our friends), and we usually let the other know what kind of main we're making so they can plan (i.e., Italian, Mexican, etc.).  

When we go anywhere we bring wine, unless we know that our hosts don't drink or don't like wine.  We've occasionally brought beer if we know what people are into.  

hayleydeee

I usually suggest beverages, or a bottle of wine. Never anything they'd have to make.

cactus5

If pressed I usually suggest a dessert or an appetizer.

Linnea503

For ladies who decline, is it that you prefer to do it all or is it an etiquette breach in your mind? I always worry it's rude of me to have people bring something, but the flip side is that I always happily take something to other people's homes.

raraavis28

I really prefer to prepare everything myself but I do have a couple friends who will bring something regardless so for them I'll usually say "dessert or something to drink."

rachie1019

Linnea503 said:

Thanks ladies. It's for a brunch and my friend insisted so I said muffins/scones, and if she wanted, a bottle of champagne since I'll be serving mimosas.

Champagne and scones? What time shall I be there?

notkateanymore

I feel like bringing a dish and bring wine is completely different. I always bring a hostess gift of wine but will also ask if I can contribute to the meal.

honkytonk_kid

It depends on the occasion and the guests. I've done Easter at our house a few times, and I did everything, birthday parties I do everything because I've planned it out and everything goes together. If it's a more casual "come over and we'll grill" (which is almost always the case) then I don't mind letting people know they can bring a side or drinks. Heaven help the person who tries to bring desert to MY house- that's MY THING I always ask and usually take something, but many of our couple friends are from college when none of us could afford to feed everyone at once and everyone had to pitch in something, haha

MesmrEwe

It all depends on who is asking!!!  I have some family and friends that I wouldn't touch anything they bring with a 10' pole, and others that anything they have in mind would be WONDERFUL!  So my vote is "consider who's asking first!!!"..

peaceinnature

If people insist I tell them to bring an appetizer or their favorite beverage.  Family and close friends are different and if they offer to make something I take them up on it, but never tell them exactly what to make just side, salad, or dessert.  I love to bake so I always offer to bring something, and at the very least come with a bottle of wine.

SurpriseAt39

You asked 'when you invite people over for a meal'.
To me, this means something like...one other couple, or your parents/siblings, close friends.
It doesn't imply large party to me.

Either way...if I'm hosting, then I have put a great deal of thought into appetizers, entree, sides, dessert and beverages. There is usually a theme (seafood or easy BBQ meal).
I plan all of the good and do my best to have drinks my guests usually consume.
The most I've ever asked I'd got diabetic family members to bring anything specific to them for coffe/tea sweetener.

MIL frequently brings stuff that scares us. She brought a shrimp cocktail tray once that had been thawed and sitting at room temperature at her house for hours before she came over. I couldnt even consider eating it.
She also brought an apple pie once that was (previously frozen) raw. She thawed it, when the instructions said bake from frozen. I ended up with 3 desserts that night. I baked her pie (hoping for the best) for her. She didn't even eat any of it. We threw it out after she left because it was disgusting.

I don't ask for help, and decline help if offered after guests arrive.
I prep as much as I can in advance so that I can spend time with my guests.

...
Now, if I'm hosting a large gathering of say 10 or more adults and children...I'd suggest drinks (especially for their kids) because I don't generally keep juice/pop in my house.

...
Also...I may have a very full fridge, and have my space planned out, so if you bring something I haven't planned for, it may sit at room temperature for hours even if it needs to be cold.