New & Scared

RaylynnMommy14

I'm very new and scared this is my first baby...a girl don't get me wrong I'm grateful for her as well. I'm all alone at 24 weeks what should I do where to start

mrsdanielleM2010

FYI to anyone opening this I had suggested that @RaylynnMommy14‌ start her own thread so she could get as much help as possible.

Can we know:
1. Are you seeing a doctor?
2. If so, what has he/she said so far?
3. How are you feeling?

bumpuser10199668

Do you have any sort of support system around you? People that can help with appointments, planning, etc? It is all very overwhelming, and I think we ALL understand the fear that comes along with being a first time (or second or third, etc) mommy!

jortiz780

Many of us are FTMs here. Read some of the past posts and you will start to feel like you have a support system. This board has helped calm my nerves on being a new mommy and other health issues that I was having.

mcstrepp

Know you are not alone. I am also a ftm having a girl and there are a lot of ftm on the board. Also a lot lf Second+ times mom that are really helpful. Do you have any specific questions?

RaylynnMommy14

Well I do have a doctor she said I'm fine nothing is wrong she is right on time with her growth and everything. Support system no all by myself baby father has 3 other kids so he has others to worry about. So everything is on me as you can tell. So everything she need I'm doing it where to start I have no clue

conradraging

First off, HI. I'm an FTM and having a girl too. I'm 26 weeks. 

Its definitely a scary time for everyone, more so if you have no support system. Do you have any family or friends there for you? Do you have any specific fears/concerns we can try and help with? 

mrsdanielleM2010

Glad to hear all is well with your LO. I agree with pp that the more you participate here the more it will feel like it's a support system.

If you look around on the bump, they will show you a timeline - it's a free and easy way to check on if you're ready. I ignore some stuff but like to see previews of what tests are upcoming.

If the situation with you and the baby's father is rocky you might want to consider establishing legal paternity to see about child support.

bumpuser10199668

Really, all you need is a place for baby to sleep, something to eat (boob or bottle), and diapers.  Babies need YOU more than anything else, so don't overwhelm yourself with too much!

RaylynnMommy14

Baby father he will give funds if I ask that's not the problem and my family won't accept her because of who her dad is. Baby father told me he will pay but don't really want time with her he already has two little girls and a son that has his time

mrsdanielleM2010

RaylynnMommy14 said:

Baby father he will give funds if I ask that's not the problem and my family won't accept her because of who her dad is. Baby father told me he will pay but don't really want time with her he already has two little girls and a son that has his time

In this case my advice would be to make sure that you establish paternity legally so he can't go back on his word.

I'd also suggest you look at the single parents board where more people would be more familiar with how exactly to handle the demands you're facing.

conradraging

RaylynnMommy14 said:

Baby father he will give funds if I ask that's not the problem and my family won't accept her because of who her dad is. Baby father told me he will pay but don't really want time with her he already has two little girls and a son that has his time

So if you have some financial support from him, thats a good thing. I'm sorry that he doesn't want to be a part of her life. But like PPs said, you're doing a good job already by making sure she is healthy, and if you have questions about pretty much anything, there are GREAT women on this board who are basically geniuses. Also, they're good lookin'. 

If there are any questions you have please please please ask them! And many previous posts on here will definitely be helpful for you to check out.

RaylynnMommy14

Yes I was think that but I didn't want to seem mean or evil. He gives me at least 250 every time he get paid to buy her diapers now. I work as well ..... But being I don't have that much longer before she come do I start buying her bed and clothes now or wait longer

mrsdanielleM2010

Many people here have been buying for a while to spread out the cost over time. If you search the bump or a site like Lucies list you can find lists of what all you will need.

RaylynnMommy14

@Monicavickery‌ I didn't plan but we were okay with that

conradraging

RaylynnMommy14 said:

Yes I was think that but I didn't want to seem mean or evil. He gives me at least 250 every time he get paid to buy her diapers now. I work as well ..... But being I don't have that much longer before she come do I start buying her bed and clothes now or wait longer

I still haven't made a lot of purchases as far as big items go, like a crib, swings, strollers, and all. I have bought clothes, but only because I can't get within 50 feet of a Baby Gap without being pulled in by some crazy magnetic force. 

I'm guessing you don't have a registry or anything, which even if you don't end up making one, I spend a lot of time looking at other people's to see what moms think are important, must haves and what I can skip.

bumpuser10199668

I'd start trying to purchase the big things now...especially seeing as how you'll be bigger and more uncomfortable you won't want to be putting a crib together and all that jazz. Plus, if you've already purchased some diapers, you'll be good for a little bit.

PS It is NEVER evil to secure you and you child's future! And if the father has other children, it seems like he will understand that.  Never feel guilty for going after what you and your daughter need.

RaylynnMommy14

@CarmAlarm thanks I will keep that in mine... Well I see I have a lot to do far as cribs and car seats and clothes

Djcieply

RaylynnMommy14 said:

Yes I was think that but I didn't want to seem mean or evil. He gives me at least 250 every time he get paid to buy her diapers now. I work as well ..... But being I don't have that much longer before she come do I start buying her bed and clothes now or wait longer

I would start buying things now to spread out the cost. Look for resale stores in your area, you can find some really awesome deals on gently used or even new stuff. Also if you are on Facebook search for a local Buy/sell/trade page sometimes they even have pages strictly for buying and selling baby items. I've found Facebook way more helpful than Craigslist for finding baby items.

Becoming a mommy is a very scary thing. Just know you have support here whenever you need it!

conradraging

I probably should have said that I haven't made big purchases because I have to move across the country, once before LO comes, and once soon after. So there's that. But I would personally buy the car seat soon. And something LO can sleep in. I mean, a lot of people on here talk about how they plan on keeping baby in their rooms with them for several months, so if you can't swing a crib right now, its not the biggest deal in the world. There are options.

MrsLaLaBug

Looks like these ladies have given some great advice already, I'm just chiming in to say welcome!! Hang in there, and FX your family will change their tune once they see your precious newborn girl!!

nilvero

Welcome, FTM here and you are not alone, it's definitely an overwhelming and scary thing. I completely second trying to find some swip swap groups on facebook. I've found a lot of things for my LO that way. Also, check and see what baby consignment stores are around you. You can find some great things that way. Definitely start looking now for the big things, like a car seat. Target is having a great sale and many places will price match. And stick around here. You will find plenty of good information, laughs and some great ladies to celebrate and commiserate with!

wrightpalomo

Hi and welcome! 

Everyone has said a lot of great stuff and I agree with the previous posters that you are a) right on track seeing the doctor, b) babies don't need that much stuff, and c) get that legal paperwork done with the baby's dad! 

Good luck and stick around, we're lots of fun  

pshaortao

Welcome! You're definitely on the right track with making sure your LO is healthy and figuring out what you need to be ready for her. As a FTM, I feel so much better being able to discuss things and read what other moms are saying on here. I've learned a lot since I started in March!

I agree with PPs about buying things overtime. I've been looking around on craigslist a lot lately. I plan to get some things through there such as a dresser to go with the crib that we already got for a good deal, bulks of baby clothes etc. The clothes are probably the best because a lot of people just want to get rid of what they have but for cheaper than in stores. They are pretty clean and hardly worn the first time around, and a great way to save $$.

braybee

SingSoftKitty said:

You've already gotten loads of great advice so I mostly just wanted to say welcome! Also, in regards to baby gear definitely check out craigslist and children's resale shops. There really is no reason to buy everything brand new and you can find a lot of things gently used and in great shape for less than 1/2 the cost. Just make sure the car seat is new or from a person you trust and know it has never been in an accident.

This! Hope you stick around, you can find tons of support here

SingleMom31

Welcome. My first wasn't planned either (hence the single mom SN). Especially at first, I felt very overwhelmed and, frankly, scared.

I agree with the advice above. Also, I found the baby bargains book helpful when making my shopping list. It's overwhelming standing in the store and at times, I felt like a bad mom for making budget conscious choices when there were super premium options available. It gives recommendations at various price points, and has good discussions of why some things are more important to spend a little more on.

Soogerplum

First of all welcome! I myself was a single mom 5 years ago with my DD at 19 years old so I know how scary it can be. From the moment I saw her face though, my life was changed forever and she was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Idk if you have them there but there is a used baby store chain called Once Upon A Child and you can find some fantastic deals there! Babies don't need too much though. Just love, food, and diapers!

AR1of2

Welcome! I am also a FTM at 24w+4d. Our baby was also unplanned. Fear is normal, but you can do this and you will! I'm glad you reached out for support.

PP have mentioned, but I'll reiterate, consignment sales/stores! I am not good at this yet, but a friend of mine is phenomenal at deal hunting at big consignment sales - google if there are any coming up in your area. There are many deals to be had! GL, hope to hear more from you!

RaylynnMommy14

Thank you guys so much. I got up this morning and met with a lawyer, and the baby father agreed to meet with us as well. So Monday we are a meeting. And I started looking when I went in Wal mart last night and and literally lost my mind which you guys said I would have done she now has clothes all over my bed I had to sleep on the couch. So you guys really helped more than enough!! So with the cribs any safety tips for that

mrsdanielleM2010

RaylynnMommy14 said:

Thank you guys so much. I got up this morning and met with a lawyer, and the baby father agreed to meet with us as well. So Monday we are a meeting. And I started looking when I went in Wal mart last night and and literally lost my mind which you guys said I would have done she now has clothes all over my bed I had to sleep on the couch. So you guys really helped more than enough!! So with the cribs any safety tips for that

I'm impressed! How did you find a lawyer willing to meet on such short notice on a weekend!!

RaylynnMommy14

One of my co workers husband

RaylynnMommy14

Yeah.. I'm do her room in about a month

hpragolini

Burlington coat factory had some of the same cribs as babies r us but a little cheaper. They also have a lot of other baby gear that seems to be exactly the same but cheaper as well. Worth looking into.

JustCricket

so glad you're getting things figured out. hopefully the laywer will help you on what to do next and I hope you find a good support system (whether it's co-workers or friends) Best of luck to you!

eta- seems like you got a good one with that co-worker

Groxb

RaylynnMommy14 !

Hoping all the best for you. Keep up with the boards and you'll learn so much and have a great support team.

Where abouts are you from?

Ecat504

Hi there just so you know I'm a FTM at almost 25 weeks. LO's BD skipped out the day I told him I was pregnant (in February). I was really afraid at first because likewise I thought my family wouldn't accept my baby girl because of who her father was. And for awhile they didn't, I found so much support and help on this board and if there is ANYTHING at all that I can do to help you through this you're welcome to PM me. I know how scary it is being alone during this time, but like pp said babies need YOU more than anything.

SingleMom31

The Graco cribs are pretty highly rated and are around $150... If you watch for sales through Target/Walmart/Amazon though, you can often find them for less.

Or, if you know someone growing out of their crib, I wouldn't hesitate to use it. The two big things there are: the slots should be no further apart than a soda can and you don't want one with drop sides (though those can generally be fixed if you're at all handy).

A lot of moms use a pack n play at the beginning, since you can easily move it around the house and can put it in your room at night. They're about half the price of a regular crib.

With our first, we also browsed sales weekly... If the crib was on sale this month and the mattress next month, that's when we bought them.

ashaw512

Well it looks like you've gotten great advice from these wonderful ladies. So I just wanted to say welcome. Also, for DD I got a carters 4 in 1 convertible crib and changing table combo at Walmart for $200. Maybe you could look around and see if you could get a bundle? They tend to be cheaper than buying single crib or dresser and changing table. I should mention my changing table has drawers so I can put her clothes in it to and when we are done with the changing table top to put the pad on I can take it off and use it as a dresser top, put a lamp on it or whatever.