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Got in Trouble Lurking Other Boards & F/U Update

LundleBeanLundleBean member
in TTC After a Loss
Feeling sorry for myself:
I try not to think about how far along I would have been, but I was stalking people (I'm terrible) and came across someone whose due date is a day before mine would have been. Ouch.  Ticker would have read 30 weeks, 3 days. Real ouch.

I finally had my f/u for my loss yesterday, and it went well. (As well as it could.)  We discussed tests I could do and things I could change, and when I cried to my OB (thinking about it is making me tear up) about how difficult it will be to make it to first and second tri again (if I can do so), he said I could come in every day if need be to ease my mind.  I wouldn't be there every day, obviously, but his offer to help really meant the world to me.

Anyway, I've been trying to focus on moving forward and I accidently knocked myself down by lurking in the wrong place.  While I was cycling, I'd lurk occasionally on PAIF, and it didn't hurt until now.  Even recently, I was able to lurk on PGAL without a problem.  I'm okay with early pregnancy (all pg & children hurt, but they mostly don't destroy me), but I obviously cannot handle 3rd tri right now.
Lesson learned.
No real point to this post, just needed to vent and TB is the only place I can do that right now.  Thank you, ladies.  Sorry this was so long.
Siggy Warning BFP/Loss Mentioned
Me: 30, DH 30 Started TTC 7/2009
9/2010 SA=Normal 9/10 HSG Dx Both tubes dilated; Rx bilateral salpingectomy & IVF; 9/2010-12/2012 Financial break
1/2013 Bilateral Salpingectomy 5/2013 Recent SA shows borderline morphology
5/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #1 6/25/13 ER=11R 9M 9F  6/28/13 3dt of 2 embies (8B & 6A-); no frosties: BFN
10/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #2 11/12/13 ER= 9R 6M 6F  11/15/13 3dt of 2 embies (8A & 8A) 3 frosties (2 day-5, 1 day-6)
11/22/13 (7dp3dt) +hpt  11/26/13 (11dp3dt) BFP Beta=141 11/28/13 Beta 2= 372 EDD 8/5/2014
3/20/14 Fetal Demise 20 wks F/L 17 wks D&E attempted 3/21/14 & 3/22/14 Born Still 3/23/14  I love you B.T.
"Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't work out the way you want them to." –Nani (Lilo & Stitch)
“All I can say is, it's a sort of kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch, the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of the sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.” ― Elizabeth McCracken
imageimageimage
8/2014 FET 8/7/14 Transferred 1 5-day blast (4AA): BFN
image
TTCAL September Siggy Challenge:  Animals in Clothing

Will add soon

**All AL/AIF Welcome**
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Re: Got in Trouble Lurking Other Boards & F/U Update

  • DenaMareeDenaMaree member
    You eloquently wrote what I've been thinking about as I've been lurking on the multiples and second trimester boards! So sorry for your loss!! Your OB sounds great!! I have an excellent RE, but I know when we do conceive again I'm going to want/need a referal to a new OB.
        BFP: 2/24/14 | EDD: 10/22/14 (triplets) 
    US (with RE) 3/24/2014 (two healthy HB), US (with OB) 3/31/2014 (three healthy heartbeats)
    US (with RE) 4/7/14 No Heartbeats :(  | D&C 4/8/14
    BFP#2: 10/22/14 | (beta  #1 75, beta # 2 219) | EDD 7/3/15 ~*Please be our RAINBOW*~
    DX: MTHFR hetero C677T


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  • LundleBeanLundleBean member
    Thank you @ashtog .  I was just reading your post on the Loss board.  I am so sorry about Sawyer; it's so hard not to think of what might have been.  Loss just changes everything too, too fast.
    Siggy Warning BFP/Loss Mentioned
    Me: 30, DH 30 Started TTC 7/2009
    9/2010 SA=Normal 9/10 HSG Dx Both tubes dilated; Rx bilateral salpingectomy & IVF; 9/2010-12/2012 Financial break
    1/2013 Bilateral Salpingectomy 5/2013 Recent SA shows borderline morphology
    5/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #1 6/25/13 ER=11R 9M 9F  6/28/13 3dt of 2 embies (8B & 6A-); no frosties: BFN
    10/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #2 11/12/13 ER= 9R 6M 6F  11/15/13 3dt of 2 embies (8A & 8A) 3 frosties (2 day-5, 1 day-6)
    11/22/13 (7dp3dt) +hpt  11/26/13 (11dp3dt) BFP Beta=141 11/28/13 Beta 2= 372 EDD 8/5/2014
    3/20/14 Fetal Demise 20 wks F/L 17 wks D&E attempted 3/21/14 & 3/22/14 Born Still 3/23/14  I love you B.T.
    "Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't work out the way you want them to." –Nani (Lilo & Stitch)
    “All I can say is, it's a sort of kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch, the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of the sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.” ― Elizabeth McCracken
    imageimageimage
    8/2014 FET 8/7/14 Transferred 1 5-day blast (4AA): BFN
    image
    TTCAL September Siggy Challenge:  Animals in Clothing

    Will add soon

    **All AL/AIF Welcome**
    Report Reply
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  • dawnstar898dawnstar898 member
    Big (((hugs))) I definitely cannot look at my BMBs but I'm ok with PGAL for now.  @ashtog my birthday is May 6th, so sorry about sweet Sawyer, so heartbreaking

    Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011,  TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
    BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
    Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
    Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC!  Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case.       Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal.  Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities.  Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!

    BFP #3 December 11, 2014!  Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!

            Perfect little heartbeat of 156 seen 1/7/15 :)

    ***Everybody Welcomed***  :)  

    EDD 8/21/2015 Team Green!

    IAmPregnant Tickerrainbows                

     photo Multiple4_zps436a50cc.jpg photo April3_zps882432ab.jpg August 2 

    August 2015 Siggy Challenge: Favorite mean girl from a movie or show:  Kathy Bates in "Misery"

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  • LundleBeanLundleBean member
    @DenaMaree  I'm sorry about your triplets.  I hope you find an OB you are comfortable with.  I have no problems with my RE, but I have no brags either, so we'll see what happens a couple cycles from now.
    Siggy Warning BFP/Loss Mentioned
    Me: 30, DH 30 Started TTC 7/2009
    9/2010 SA=Normal 9/10 HSG Dx Both tubes dilated; Rx bilateral salpingectomy & IVF; 9/2010-12/2012 Financial break
    1/2013 Bilateral Salpingectomy 5/2013 Recent SA shows borderline morphology
    5/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #1 6/25/13 ER=11R 9M 9F  6/28/13 3dt of 2 embies (8B & 6A-); no frosties: BFN
    10/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #2 11/12/13 ER= 9R 6M 6F  11/15/13 3dt of 2 embies (8A & 8A) 3 frosties (2 day-5, 1 day-6)
    11/22/13 (7dp3dt) +hpt  11/26/13 (11dp3dt) BFP Beta=141 11/28/13 Beta 2= 372 EDD 8/5/2014
    3/20/14 Fetal Demise 20 wks F/L 17 wks D&E attempted 3/21/14 & 3/22/14 Born Still 3/23/14  I love you B.T.
    "Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't work out the way you want them to." –Nani (Lilo & Stitch)
    “All I can say is, it's a sort of kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch, the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of the sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.” ― Elizabeth McCracken
    imageimageimage
    8/2014 FET 8/7/14 Transferred 1 5-day blast (4AA): BFN
    image
    TTCAL September Siggy Challenge:  Animals in Clothing

    Will add soon

    **All AL/AIF Welcome**
    Report Reply
  • LundleBeanLundleBean member
    I glanced at my BMB a few weeks ago (even though I knew better) to leave a message to change my status on the blog. I saw what the current topics were over there.  I just can't.
    Siggy Warning BFP/Loss Mentioned
    Me: 30, DH 30 Started TTC 7/2009
    9/2010 SA=Normal 9/10 HSG Dx Both tubes dilated; Rx bilateral salpingectomy & IVF; 9/2010-12/2012 Financial break
    1/2013 Bilateral Salpingectomy 5/2013 Recent SA shows borderline morphology
    5/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #1 6/25/13 ER=11R 9M 9F  6/28/13 3dt of 2 embies (8B & 6A-); no frosties: BFN
    10/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #2 11/12/13 ER= 9R 6M 6F  11/15/13 3dt of 2 embies (8A & 8A) 3 frosties (2 day-5, 1 day-6)
    11/22/13 (7dp3dt) +hpt  11/26/13 (11dp3dt) BFP Beta=141 11/28/13 Beta 2= 372 EDD 8/5/2014
    3/20/14 Fetal Demise 20 wks F/L 17 wks D&E attempted 3/21/14 & 3/22/14 Born Still 3/23/14  I love you B.T.
    "Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't work out the way you want them to." –Nani (Lilo & Stitch)
    “All I can say is, it's a sort of kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch, the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of the sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.” ― Elizabeth McCracken
    imageimageimage
    8/2014 FET 8/7/14 Transferred 1 5-day blast (4AA): BFN
    image
    TTCAL September Siggy Challenge:  Animals in Clothing

    Will add soon

    **All AL/AIF Welcome**
    Report Reply
  • PinkCaminoPinkCamino member
    When I first got here I'd go and lurk on multiples and my BMB frequently. It's such a slippery slope. ((hugs)) I'm so sorry you got caught in that trap.
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  • buggirl72buggirl72 member
    ((((Hugs)))) ladies.  When I got here, not going to my BMB was one of the hardest things I did but also one of the best. There are enough reminders that we cannot escape of where we should be and what should have been without subjecting ourselves to our BMBs.

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • O2girlO2girl member
    (((Hugs))) lady! It is so hard sometimes. I'm glad your ob is so helpful. I'm so sorry you are feeling low.
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow

    image


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  • MSU_Girl1202MSU_Girl1202 member
    Big ((Hugs)). I used to go to the first tri board when I first had my MC...and it hurt...bad. It was almost like I was trying to make myself feel it more or something. That stopped pretty quickly. I stay way far away from those boards now...occasionally lurking over on PGAL just to see how people who have graduated from here are doing. You are definitely not alone.
    Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
    08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
    10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
    04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
    05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
    03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
    4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
    5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
    7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
    9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d      
    10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
    2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
    3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
    6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
    2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
    6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
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  • LundleBeanLundleBean member
    Thank you all.  It sounds like a lot of us have done the same thing.  It's like touching something you're told is hot, just to see how hot it is.
    Siggy Warning BFP/Loss Mentioned
    Me: 30, DH 30 Started TTC 7/2009
    9/2010 SA=Normal 9/10 HSG Dx Both tubes dilated; Rx bilateral salpingectomy & IVF; 9/2010-12/2012 Financial break
    1/2013 Bilateral Salpingectomy 5/2013 Recent SA shows borderline morphology
    5/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #1 6/25/13 ER=11R 9M 9F  6/28/13 3dt of 2 embies (8B & 6A-); no frosties: BFN
    10/2013 IVF w/ ICSI #2 11/12/13 ER= 9R 6M 6F  11/15/13 3dt of 2 embies (8A & 8A) 3 frosties (2 day-5, 1 day-6)
    11/22/13 (7dp3dt) +hpt  11/26/13 (11dp3dt) BFP Beta=141 11/28/13 Beta 2= 372 EDD 8/5/2014
    3/20/14 Fetal Demise 20 wks F/L 17 wks D&E attempted 3/21/14 & 3/22/14 Born Still 3/23/14  I love you B.T.
    "Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't work out the way you want them to." –Nani (Lilo & Stitch)
    “All I can say is, it's a sort of kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch, the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of the sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.” ― Elizabeth McCracken
    imageimageimage
    8/2014 FET 8/7/14 Transferred 1 5-day blast (4AA): BFN
    image
    TTCAL September Siggy Challenge:  Animals in Clothing

    Will add soon

    **All AL/AIF Welcome**
    Report Reply
  • BookishMommaBookishMomma member
    So sorry you're going through this. I'd be 3rd tri with my first loss, too. I have several friends who are gearing up to have babies around the same time I would have. I love them dearly, but it kills me, too.
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


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  • BookishMommaBookishMomma member
    @ashtog big hugs to you, honey
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


    Report Reply
  • StephieMKStephieMK member
    (((Hugs)))
    I try to avoid looking back at my BMB. Protect your heart. Unfortunately, I've learned of two friends IRL that are due when I was supposed to be. I'm happy for them, but it still hurts.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Married April 9, 2011
    TTC since October 2011
    Me 34, DH 40

    IUI #5 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture Oct 24, 2014-->BFP!!! EDD July 17, 2015. Panorama=low risk...and it's a GIRL!
    DD born July 10, 2015
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Trying for baby #2!
    IUI #1 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture July 10, 2017-->BFP!!! EDD Apr 2, 2018. Panorama=low risk...and another GIRL!

    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kflynn81kflynn81 member
    (((hugs)))  there was a girl on PAIF that had the same due date as me and I haven't been to lurk on PAIF since we lost Jack in December because I can't even see her name without thinking about it. Now her and most of the others that I was on PAIF with have had their babies or are getting close and I'm just stuck in babyloss limbo, so I get where you're coming from. (((hugs again)))
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

            Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                      

                                                                              Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


                  Anniversary





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