Give me your thoughts (more venting)

rosesandpetals

This is a f/u to my other post.

We've been back and forth between the pediatrician's office and the hospital for the last 2 days. Yesterday they suspected pertussis and the labs came back today. She has pertussis. They said the most at risk are babies under 12 months who haven't been vaccinated. Since we've been vaccinating on schedule, they are not nearly as concerned. They say it will likely be much more mild. DH and I both have asthma so that is a concern but right now she is home and starting medicine.

MIL called DH blubbering and crying about how she still wants to babysit on Monday (moving day). If he hadn't been in the backseat with DD while I was driving, I would have ripped the damn phone out of his hand and thrown it out the window. I don't care how much of this is or isn't her fault, I'm still livid. She seriously fucked up and DD is sick, I don't have time for her self-pity.

**

I DD'd this part just in case. Don't want to make the situation any worse.

rosesandpetals

Erin KM said:

Maybe they're just upset because they're worried about your DD too and they want you to keep them updated. Otherwise it seems to me like they're overreacting.

That's possible. They don't usually get upset about stupid shit so that makes this even weirder.

bumpuser8448316

So you we're traveling with other people and just up and left without saying anything? That's weird

rosesandpetals

@jellybellystarr we didn't really say anything at lunch. I was thinking about DD and didn't think they wanted to listen to me rage about MIL so there was a little small talk about the food and then we didn't really say anything to each other or to them. We were really worried, I'm sure it seemed uncomfortable but we weren't trying to be intentionally rude.

@quesyrah We didn't really just up and leave... they were there when we were trying to get our flights changed and we were pretty panicked the whole time. I thought it was pretty obvious we would leave right away.

So I guess it does seem kind of weird. I guess I am just annoyed that they are friends and they're bitching about something stupid while DD is sick and haven't asked about her at all.

magentawarped

I would've been a little miffed if you'd run off without at least saying goodbye. Lunch, yes, they're being a little silly for expecting you to be a social butterfly when you're worried about your kid. I think your H's apology sounds on point.

I'm really sorry about your DD though. My DD has para-pertussis right now, which is basically just the coughing, and that's bad enough. I never want to have to deal with full-blown pertussis. I hope she feels better soon.

Aussie45

QueSyrah said:

So you we're traveling with other people and just up and left without saying anything? That's weird

I don't think so. If my daughter was in the hospital over something that could've easily been prevented, I would be seeing red and not thinking clearly. I wouldn't be thinking whether or not my friends feelings had been hurt 8-|

@roses&65335678 I do think going back there during the flight would've been the best idea, but again, with how mad and worried you were, I don't blame how everything went down. I would just explain it to your friend (s) and tell them everything, and that you didn't mean to be rude you were just really worried and angry. If they have a problem with that, then tough shit.

Aussie45

roses&65335678 said:

@quesyrah We didn't really just up and leave... they were there when we were trying to get our flights changed and we were pretty panicked the whole time. I thought it was pretty obvious we would leave right away.

So I guess it does seem kind of weird. I guess I am just annoyed that they are friends and they're bitching about something stupid while DD is sick and haven't asked about her at all.

Ok, I'm less inclined to feel bad for them if they saw you panicked trying to change your flights. I would think it would be obvious and while a goodbye would've been nice, I would've understood why my friends would've left. Clearly you were worried and it showed. Then they bitch about this and don't even ask how your DD is? That's more rude than what you did IMO.

notkateanymore

Their feelings got hurt. Just apologize and move on...unless you don't plan to continue the relationship. It's not worth it IMO to get all pissed over something like they did but obviously they are.

rosesandpetals

@katemw DH all ready apologized. No response to the apology so I am guessing they're still annoyed but whatever. I'm not going to argue with them about it, I guess I was just asking if they're justified and I am being too wrapped up in mommy mode or they're being petty like I think (thought?) they were.

I could have texted or walked back there. Honestly, I just didn't think about it. He's DH's best friend... I just thought they'd "get" it.

Thanks for the responses everyone. @magentawarped It is awful. I hope your DD is okay and gws.

rosesandpetals

I'm really trying to see what you are saying but the more I think about it, the more upset (not angry) I am getting. DD has been really sick, it's not like she has a little cold. They knew MIL was giving her medicine that she can't have. And still not responding to texts because they're upset we didn't say bye at the airport? Like I get it was rude but this is my kid we're talking about. Friends should show a little more concern/understanding than that. eta: and I said something about it on fb so they know she was in the hospital.

rosesandpetals

cjcouple said:

roses&65335678 said:

I'm really trying to see what you are saying but the more I think about it, the more upset (not angry) I am getting. DD has been really sick, it's not like she has a little cold. They knew MIL was giving her medicine that she can't have. And still not responding to texts because they're upset we didn't say bye at the airport? Like I get it was rude but this is my kid we're talking about. Friends should show a little more concern/understanding than that. eta: and I said something about it on fb so they know she was in the hospital.

Do they know how seriously things have gotten though?  

I don't know, they're not responding. But I said yesterday they thought it was pertussis.

rosesandpetals

amy052006 said:

roses&65335678 said:

cjcouple said:

roses&65335678 said:

I'm really trying to see what you are saying but the more I think about it, the more upset (not angry) I am getting. DD has been really sick, it's not like she has a little cold. They knew MIL was giving her medicine that she can't have. And still not responding to texts because they're upset we didn't say bye at the airport? Like I get it was rude but this is my kid we're talking about. Friends should show a little more concern/understanding than that. eta: and I said something about it on fb so they know she was in the hospital.

Do they know how seriously things have gotten though?  

I don't know, they're not responding. But I said yesterday they thought it was pertussis.

Do they have kids? because before kids I would have zero clue what that meant and would assume it was a cough and NBD.

No, they don't have kids.

magentawarped

amy052006 said:

roses&65335678 said:

cjcouple said:

roses&65335678 said:

I'm really trying to see what you are saying but the more I think about it, the more upset (not angry) I am getting. DD has been really sick, it's not like she has a little cold. They knew MIL was giving her medicine that she can't have. And still not responding to texts because they're upset we didn't say bye at the airport? Like I get it was rude but this is my kid we're talking about. Friends should show a little more concern/understanding than that. eta: and I said something about it on fb so they know she was in the hospital.

Do they know how seriously things have gotten though?  

I don't know, they're not responding. But I said yesterday they thought it was pertussis.



Do they have kids? because before kids I would have zero clue what that meant and would assume it was a cough and NBD.

This is what I was wondering.

Spin313

They are being ridiculous, not you. Maybe they just don't get how serious this is/has been.

Is it possible that they have something going on, and that's why they aren't returning calls/texts...? Maybe it isn't a case of "butthurt."

rosesandpetals

Diapers&Wipes said:

You can be mad. They can be mad too. What if they wanted to go with you to see your DD? You just assumed they didn't care then and now you want them to do what? Again, I would have left too. I would like to think I would send a quick text saying we were going to get DD, text you later when I find out if she's ok. And if I didn't I could understand my friends being a little ticked.

If they wanted to come see dd and be a fly on the wall during that shitshow confrontation with mil I would have thought they were weird as hell. And it was.late, way after bedtime. I guess it could be that they don't know h ow serious it is. This whole thing just seems so petty, I all.ready feel.like the world's shittiest mom for leaving dd there,  it would be nice if my friends would get over something stupid like this.

Mrs.Hizzo

I'd swallow my pride and make a phone call, if they were good friends.

rosesandpetals

Diapers&Wipes said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

You can be mad. They can be mad too. What if they wanted to go with you to see your DD? You just assumed they didn't care then and now you want them to do what? Again, I would have left too. I would like to think I would send a quick text saying we were going to get DD, text you later when I find out if she's ok. And if I didn't I could understand my friends being a little ticked.

If they wanted to come see dd and be a fly on the wall during that shitshow confrontation with mil I would have thought they were weird as hell. And it was.late, way after bedtime. I guess it could be that they don't know h ow serious it is. This whole thing just seems so petty, I all.ready feel.like the world's shittiest mom for leaving dd there,  it would be nice if my friends would get over something stupid like this.

Obviously I don't know all the details but it's clear you are mad with them and want everyone to tell you are right and they are wrong. I said before and I will say it again, i understand why you did what you did BUT I can understand how your childless friends would be ticker you just peaced out. Should they get over it? Yes. If they were my friends I would call and explain and apologize. Not over text and not one line like your H did. There's obviously a disconnect going on.

I said before I'm not angry, I'm hurt. I'd love for everyone to say they're overreacting because wth am I.supposed to.do? Mil stopped giving my dd antibiotics she needed and gave her medicine she can't have because of an underlying issue for a week without telling us. She had a fever if 103 for a week and we didn't know. I was in another country. I was scared. And now I'm supposed to call and beg forgiveness because I didn't think to text and tell them we were leaving the airport? We got back Sunday night, it has been 4 days. Yeah I'm hurt that they're acting like this when I have so much else going on. They're dds grandparents. 

rosesandpetals

Grandparents should be God parents.

rosesandpetals

Dh tested Monday morning and said sorry we took off yesterday, we had to go get Lily. They didn't respond so he asked what was.up last night and.got a reply this morning. She did not have pertussis when we left, she had an ear infection and a sinus infection. I made a post about it yesterday or.the day before, I can't link I'm not.on my computer.

Andrewsgal

Honestly I think you are way over reacting and they have a right to be upset,

Mrs.Hizzo

roses&65335678 said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

You can be mad. They can be mad too. What if they wanted to go with you to see your DD? You just assumed they didn't care then and now you want them to do what? Again, I would have left too. I would like to think I would send a quick text saying we were going to get DD, text you later when I find out if she's ok. And if I didn't I could understand my friends being a little ticked.

If they wanted to come see dd and be a fly on the wall during that shitshow confrontation with mil I would have thought they were weird as hell. And it was.late, way after bedtime. I guess it could be that they don't know h ow serious it is. This whole thing just seems so petty, I all.ready feel.like the world's shittiest mom for leaving dd there,  it would be nice if my friends would get over something stupid like this.

Obviously I don't know all the details but it's clear you are mad with them and want everyone to tell you are right and they are wrong. I said before and I will say it again, i understand why you did what you did BUT I can understand how your childless friends would be ticker you just peaced out. Should they get over it? Yes. If they were my friends I would call and explain and apologize. Not over text and not one line like your H did. There's obviously a disconnect going on.

I said before I'm not angry, I'm hurt. I'd love for everyone to say they're overreacting because wth am I.supposed to.do? Mil stopped giving my dd antibiotics she needed and gave her medicine she can't have because of an underlying issue for a week without telling us. She had a fever if 103 for a week and we didn't know. I was in another country. I was scared. And now I'm supposed to call and beg forgiveness because I didn't think to text and tell them we were leaving the airport? We got back Sunday night, it has been 4 days. Yeah I'm hurt that they're acting like this when I have so much else going on. They're dds grandparents. 

You're supposed to call them and say "Hi, it's Roses. I want to apologize for leaving the airport so abruptly and not saying anything to you guys. I don't think we let you know how serious the situation was and how worried we were about DD that day. We still should have said something to you, though, and I'm really sorry we didn't. We just weren't thinking straight."

Aussie45

Andrewsgal said:

Honestly I think you are way over reacting and they have a right to be upset,

Overreacting that her DD needed to go to the hospital, get a catheter, and get diagnosed with pertussis? She was clearly worried, and I think @nowababy made a good point. She's probably deflecting her angered emotions over the MIL situation to her friends. If a call to explain things to the friends doesn't clear things up, then it's pretty shitty of them. She was in a fog, in a different country, and her daughter was given the wrong medication and bad off enough to need to go to the hospital. It was rude to just leave them hanging there, but I could totally see myself doing the same thing. And I hope my friends would know me better than to think I was just trying to slight them.

ETA: Because I left stuff out.

rosesandpetals

Diapers&Wipes said:

I'm still curious about the texting piece. I just don't understand. Was your H's text confrontational? Or was he just checking in with them? I understand being hurt. Your MIL sounds like a piece of work.

"Sorry we just took off last night. We had to get Lily from moms." And last night: "we haven't heard from you guys in awhile. Just been busy or something?"

rosesandpetals

All right I'm just not.going to say anything. Clearly I'm being irrational so ill just let dh deal with it.  But if their dd were in the hospital I like to th I k I would get over being left at the airport and make sure everything was okay. But whatever. Ill just drop.it.

notkateanymore

roses&65335678 said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

I'm still curious about the texting piece. I just don't understand. Was your H's text confrontational? Or was he just checking in with them? I understand being hurt. Your MIL sounds like a piece of work.

"Sorry we just took off last night. We had to get Lily from moms." And last night: "we haven't heard from you guys in awhile. Just been busy or something?"

How is their response hurtful?

Aussie45

Diapers&Wipes said:

How the hell would the friends know this? That's why it's an overreaction. The friends didn't know how bad it was bc the OP didn't even know until she took the kid to the hospital. I think we all get wrapped up in our own bubble sometimes. Your kid gets hurt and you get all momma bear and don't see anything else. Understandable. I would do it too. BUT when someone says "hey, wtf" you say, "my bad, momma bear came out. I was laser focused on my kid". And good friends would move on.

I know they wouldn't know it, but to say she's majorly overreacting is a stretch IMO. I honestly couldn't see myself getting worked up if my friends had a sick kid they were clearly panicked to get back to. I just couldn't. And I couldn't see being petty enough not to even ask if said friend's kid was feeling better if they were that upset about it.

Aussie45

Roses, did you mention the hospital on FB or just the pertussis? Is that something they check frequently?

rosesandpetals

We talk almost every day so it was weird to not hear from them.And for.them.to.not respond to his first text about needing to get dd. And it wasn't angling for a fight, dh is the least confrontational person ever, even if he were mad he would never say anything about it. I might but dh wouldn't.

rosesandpetals

Aussie45 said:

Roses, did you mention the hospital on FB or just the pertussis? Is that something they check frequently?

I posted a picture of her in the hospital and said they were thinking pertussis. They are always on there, I'm sure they saw it. Idk. I think that is shitty from a friend. Whatever. I am really upset with mil and worried about dd too so maybe I am just projecting.

fintin

Honestly as of right now you have enough shit on your plate and if I was you I would say forget them until things calmed down. Then afterwards yall can hash out who hurt whos feelings and why. Doing it now is most likely going to leave you more stressed and hurt.

It totally sucks your little one is sick and I hope she gets better asap

Aussie45

Honestly, I'd just call and talk to them and explain everything, or even let your DH do it. Clearly they are hurt, even though I think it's shitty. Especially since the picture of DD in the hospital is up and they still just don't seem to care. When I picture my friend that I would be close enough to travel with, I couldn't see myself getting mad that she left abruptly especially after she was already upset about her kid. I couldn't even see myself reacting that way before kids.

@Usm123 brings up a good point though. It's easy to let friendships fizzle. You guys are close enough to talk every day and make them your god parents, so I would just call and try to talk it out. If they're still being unreasonable, then fawk them.

Aussie45

krfarris12 said:

Honestly as of right now you have enough shit on your plate and if I was you I would say forget them until things calmed down. Then afterwards yall can hash out who hurt whos feelings and why. Doing it now is most likely going to leave you more stressed and hurt.

If they're this close though, then it would be nice to not have to worry about whether or not they're mad. It could take a load off their shoulders while trying to deal with MIL and DD.

rosesandpetals

Aussie45 said:

krfarris12 said:

Honestly as of right now you have enough shit on your plate and if I was you I would say forget them until things calmed down. Then afterwards yall can hash out who hurt whos feelings and why. Doing it now is most likely going to leave you more stressed and hurt.

If they're this close though, then it would be nice to not have to worry about whether or not they're mad. It could take a load off their shoulders while trying to deal with MIL and DD.

Honestly.too they're part of our support system. We have a lot going on right.now and they're being angry about something that is so minor in comparrison. I dunno, that does bother me. 

spring_time

I think a lot of this is because communication over text misses a lot. They did not know, at the time, how serious your DD was. The first text seemed almost flippant, and it comes after they may or may not have been waiting around for you at the airport. Once you did find out, you did not communicate with them directly, just expected them to view a Facebook page like 200+ your closest friends. Then the last text is kind of like, "Hey, what's your problem" I can see why they might be hurt. They did nothing wrong, and you should apologize with a phone call. Chances are, after you explain the whole situation, they will feel kind of petty and jerky and make their own apologies. Hope you DD gets better soon!

rosesandpetals

Lala he said he suspected they were mad otherwise they would have responded. And it isn't that they didn't check in, it is that they respond with being peeved about something like that and now aren't responding at all. But I'm.going to just stop.for real now because I feel like I am getting it from all.sides lately and just need to let it go.

ETA: I'm going to DD the OP just in case.

rosesandpetals

When DH came home I told him to call and apologize and take responsibility so we could put it behind us. So he called and R said "Kids get sick all the time, that's not an excuse" and DH explained that it was more serious and apologized again. He just said, "I'm sure she'll be fine." So I guess they just want to be mad for a while. I don't know what to do, I'm just going to give them space and assume they'll reach out when they get over it.

Aussie45

roses&65335678 said:

When DH came home I told him to call and apologize and take responsibility so we could put it behind us. So he called and R said "Kids get sick all the time, that's not an excuse" and DH explained that it was more serious and apologized again. He just said, "I'm sure she'll be fine." So I guess they just want to be mad for a while. I don't know what to do, I'm just going to give them space and assume they'll reach out when they get over it.

Oh ya, because you know hospital trips are no biggie. Pertussis is no biggie 8-|  Like I said earlier, fuck them. You tried and did everything you could. They're being assholes. I'm sorry they're acting this way towards you guys.

rosesandpetals

Diapers&Wipes said:

When DH came home I told him to call and apologize and take responsibility so we could put it behind us. So he called and R said "Kids get sick all the time, that's not an excuse" and DH explained that it was more serious and apologized again. He just said, "I'm sure she'll be fine." So I guess they just want to be mad for a while. I don't know what to do, I'm just going to give them space and assume they'll reach out when they get over it.

Are they usually so heartless or is this a new thing?

They're just... not the type of people who get being a parent. They're great friends and I really love them. But to give you another example, his brother is getting married and they are annoyed that his other brother won't fly to Vegas for the bachelor party even though he has 2 kids. "Just get a sitter." Was their solution. So they aren't really heartless they just don't seem to get that parenting is a 24/7 deal. But I mean they're in their 30s so age is.not an excuse.either. They really don't have an excuse, I am.pretty hurt.

Aussie45

You can not get it, but still be understanding. Nobody goes to the hospital just for fun, so even if they didn't 'get it' per se, they're still being rude. It's more than just a kid getting sick FFS. It's not like you rushed home for a cold.

I'm sorry they're being this way to ya'll. I'd be upset too

fintin

Im super sorry your friends are making things worse by not being supportive. You already lost one support system in your MIL and now they are being insensitive to say the least. Stay strong for DD while shes healing and I would just put these friends in the back of your mind until it can get hashed out calmly without hurting more feelings

notkateanymore

Ok there has o be part of the story we're missing or even you're missing...this is just all so odd.