Obsessed grandparents

CK121011

Just a little vent and wondering if anyone is going through the same thing. First of all I want to start by saying DD is very lucky to have 2 sets of very loving, generous grandparents who spoil her to pieces. We are also fortunate that they both help with taking care of her when I go to work. However I'm feeling like it's very hard to keep everyone happy and make sure everyone sees her enough. She's the only grandchild so they are obsessed! My mil won't say anything to me if she feels like she didn't get enough time, but I know she cares. But my own mother is NOT afraid to show her disappointment. It really bothers me because I try to be fair but I'm afraid to tell her when MiL has her. For example this last weekend we went camping with DD and my parents came so they had her all weekend. I was feeling guilty because my in-laws weren't invited because 1) they don't camp and 2) it was at a campground I went to as a kid so just wanted my family. I'm sure they were feeling left out so I asked them if they wanted to watch her this weekend for 2 days while I worked. Then last minute DH needed his mom tonight. Well my mom has been asking to see her and got All upset about this. I don't feel like I need to explain myself and really hate all the pressure. Both me and DH are home tomorrow but really just want to hang out the 2 of us. I don't know, just seeing if anyone is going through the same thjng. Thanks for the vent!

CK121011

Haha I know! It's like enough already... We appreciate everything but we deserve time to just be our little family too! Oh well I guess the good always comes with a little bad. I am so happy DD has so many people that love her so that's all that matters! We just gotta be strong sometimes and just say NOPE haha love it!

bnik

our parentslive 10+ hours away thank God but they are obsessed from afar

amt0312

That's definitely a tough situation and I have no advice. My and DH's parents all live far far away on almost opposite sides of the country and sometimes it sucks not being able to have them over all the time to see DD, but I can see myself getting annoyed if they were obsessed.  

CK121011

It would def be tough if they lived far away because sometimes it's helpful! @Arya808 that is annoying ... my Mil will always "come to the rescue" when DH has lil one by himself so he can do other things, which is fine, but I thought it'd be nice once in awhile for DH to spend time with lil one without me. It's good Quality time and So he got used to caring for her since I do it 99% when I'm around. Oh well!

MrsW062610

Yes! My parents live 14+ hours away, so no problem there, But MIL and SFIL are totally obsessed. DH and I get no hello or anything and she usually just rips DD from me when we see her. No hello to me first, or Can I hold her?

We finally had a talk with her this past weekend bc it got too much. Asked her to give us a minute before ripping our daughter away from us and say hello to us first. She apologized and said she would do better.

If your DH is behind you on this, talk to both sets of parents together (it was hard for MIL to get upset with DH with me sitting right there and she didn't get defensive at all, which is surprising).

blue_elle

My MIL HAS to see DS every week. And she always shows up with a bunch of shit we/he don't need (clothes in the wrong session, heavily used books, etc). I'm beyond over it.

My mom adores him, but doesn't pressure us to visit constantly, thank goodness.

Rebis58

That would be really hard and frustrating to deal with, so please don't take this the wrong way or feel like I'm thinking you're not grateful. It's very clear you are happy that your LO has grandparents who love and want to spend time with her.

Part one of my advice is to try to focus more on the positives that come with very involved grandparents, especially in the moments where you are feeling frustrated. I grew up without an extended family and my whole life I've felt so jealous of people who have close grandparents. It's going to be such a great thing for your LO to have those relationships growing up.

That being said, I would be totally annoyed if my parents and in laws were putting that pressure on me. Part two of my advice is to be honest, especially with your own parents, about how they're making you feel. I would tell them how much you appreciate and love them for how much they love your LO, but that they are putting a lot of pressure and guilt on you. If you don't say something it probably will only get worse as LO gets older and more fun to be around.

ETA: Wanted to say that I also think it's okay to say no sometimes and just spend time with your family alone! Not just okay but something you SHOULD do for your sanity!

km_md

Everyone loves E and wants to see her all of the time. She is the only grandchild in my side and DHs side. MIL has been a pain in my ass since I had E, and always bugs to come over and stuff. And DH is just as bad, always wanting her to come over. My mom is much more understanding. She loves to see E and will take whatever opportunities she can, but she understands that we need some time for our own little family and doesn't make me feel guilty if I want to spend some time at home. 

KimberlyTX

Having grandparents that want to love your children is great, but I get that it can be overwhelming sometimes. My kids see my parents just about every day--my dad watches them when I'm at work, and they live across the street. My ILs only live 5 minutes away and see the kids weekly, but not nearly as much as my parents.  We do try to split up babysitting so the grandparents get equal time with the kids, but I refuse to "get out of the house" just so they can babysit (as I think MIL would like us to do a lot more).  I work and want to spend time with my kids when I can.

It sounds like your mom (and DH's mom, if you think she's feeling resentful even if she's not telling you) need a reminder that this isn't a contest.  And you need to take time for yourself and your little family, too.

CK121011

Thank you all so much. I was feeling really bad earlier and all of your helpful messages made me feel a lot better and a lot less alone! I will try to stay positive and be honest with everyone.