October 2013 Moms
ballygirl
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My dog is not adapting well (wicked long dear diary post)
ballygirl
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Bally is a 13 yo lab/chow chow mix. I've had her since she was 9 weeks old. She's always had the stereotypical chow chow temperment - very loyal and sweet with me and her 'inner circle' of people that she loves, but suspicious and territorial with strangers. She's never been good with kids or most other dogs. In the house, she's very easy and low energy but she is nervous and unpredictable in any kind of chaotic or noisy, hectic environment. She becomes agitated and will snap at people if she feels threatened or if she is approached and touched by someone she doesn't know and trust. She does well when she has strong, clear leadership from me (and only me) but if she feels like no one is in charge, she can get pushy and depending on the situation, aggressive.
I socialized the heck out of her when she was a puppy and have spent thousands of dollars and many many many hours with trainers trying to work on her aggression issues. We made a lot of progress. But every trainer I've worked with has told me that even though we can try to acclimate her to different situations and show her how to behave, you can't change her base termperament and that I should never let my guard down with her in new or chaotic situations and around kids.
I knew this might be an issue when I got pregnant and we consulted trainers and got some advice. She was fine with the babies when they were newborns because newborns don't move. She just ignored them. But now as they get older and noisier, she is getting increasingly agitated and aggressive. Noisy toys are her trigger - the exersaucer, noisy rattles, or when they bang on things. We've tried to get her acclimated to the noise and even though she's stopped barking at the noise, she is still not comfortale with it and paces nervously around when the girls get going. We put up baby gates and she has a large crate that she is very happy in, so we just try to keep her separated. The other day my mother left the gate open and Bally came into the living room where Lizzy was playing with a noisy toy and Bally lunged at her and then ran away. This is her MO when she gets aggressive - a low lunge and a growl and then run away, she doesn't actually bite, doesn't actually touch the skin, its more like a warning snap I think - but its still scary and could easily turn into a bite with a flaily kid
Bally has never been popular with my family to begin with but now my mother is on my case and thinks I should get rid of her. She actually wants me to put her to sleep, which is out of the question. Her argument is that even with baby gates, it only takes one time where the gate is accidentally left open for something bad to happen. And I know this and it does concern me but I just don't know what to do. If she were a younger dog, I would probably consider finding her a new home without kids, but she's 13. There is no way she'd adapt to a new owner at her age. Plus, she's probably only got a year or so left. She's really slowed down this past year. The bunnies don't even run away from her in the yard anymore and she barely moves all day. She probably has some arthritis but there is no medical reason to put her down yet. She's not ill, not suffering. I almost wish she would just go deaf, so the noise and chaos wouldn't disturb her. This whole situation has me so stressed out. I am never going to hear the end of this from my parents until she dies and every time it comes up they make me feel like a terrible mother for keeping Bally now that we have babies. But I'd feel like a terrible person if I just put her to sleep or abandon her at this stage in her life. So, I feel terrible either way. Does anyone have any experience with dog aggression and kids? Any advice? Here's a picture of her for your time (from 2010).
I socialized the heck out of her when she was a puppy and have spent thousands of dollars and many many many hours with trainers trying to work on her aggression issues. We made a lot of progress. But every trainer I've worked with has told me that even though we can try to acclimate her to different situations and show her how to behave, you can't change her base termperament and that I should never let my guard down with her in new or chaotic situations and around kids.
I knew this might be an issue when I got pregnant and we consulted trainers and got some advice. She was fine with the babies when they were newborns because newborns don't move. She just ignored them. But now as they get older and noisier, she is getting increasingly agitated and aggressive. Noisy toys are her trigger - the exersaucer, noisy rattles, or when they bang on things. We've tried to get her acclimated to the noise and even though she's stopped barking at the noise, she is still not comfortale with it and paces nervously around when the girls get going. We put up baby gates and she has a large crate that she is very happy in, so we just try to keep her separated. The other day my mother left the gate open and Bally came into the living room where Lizzy was playing with a noisy toy and Bally lunged at her and then ran away. This is her MO when she gets aggressive - a low lunge and a growl and then run away, she doesn't actually bite, doesn't actually touch the skin, its more like a warning snap I think - but its still scary and could easily turn into a bite with a flaily kid
Bally has never been popular with my family to begin with but now my mother is on my case and thinks I should get rid of her. She actually wants me to put her to sleep, which is out of the question. Her argument is that even with baby gates, it only takes one time where the gate is accidentally left open for something bad to happen. And I know this and it does concern me but I just don't know what to do. If she were a younger dog, I would probably consider finding her a new home without kids, but she's 13. There is no way she'd adapt to a new owner at her age. Plus, she's probably only got a year or so left. She's really slowed down this past year. The bunnies don't even run away from her in the yard anymore and she barely moves all day. She probably has some arthritis but there is no medical reason to put her down yet. She's not ill, not suffering. I almost wish she would just go deaf, so the noise and chaos wouldn't disturb her. This whole situation has me so stressed out. I am never going to hear the end of this from my parents until she dies and every time it comes up they make me feel like a terrible mother for keeping Bally now that we have babies. But I'd feel like a terrible person if I just put her to sleep or abandon her at this stage in her life. So, I feel terrible either way. Does anyone have any experience with dog aggression and kids? Any advice? Here's a picture of her for your time (from 2010).
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Re: My dog is not adapting well (wicked long dear diary post)
I would definitely ride it out. But as added protection, can you do two gates? Not necessary, but could get your mom to back off.
j/k, for the dog.
My mother probably needs it too. Prozac for EVERYONE!!!
Sorry... Hugs to you.
Baby gates are wonderful tools, but I will advocate for complete separation of Bally and the girls. It only takes one time for something absolutely horrible to occur, so I personally would try to make it impossible for interaction to occur.
I can't imagine how hard it is to have to separate two very important components of your life - serious internet good thoughts and hugs to you.
I'm sorry to hear Bally isn't adjusting well. I love that sweet face.
Your mom is trying to be helpful and I can see where she is coming from. HOWEVER, she doesn't get a vote on what happens in your house. That is between you and DH. You are trying your best and she needs to understand that euthanizing is not an option. Personally, I would tell her that and refuse to discuss it further.
Do you think Bally is more upset because she is in pain? Maybe @huntjul or @petdocd can help.
Previous posters have given good suggestions. I hope everything works out.
(((HUGS)))
Our house is pretty small and Bally can't make it up the stairs very well anymore, so complete separation is not really possible unless she's in her crate all day. The noisy toys are right in the next room, its a pretty open layout, so she can see and hear them all the time from her area. Basically, she has the (unused) dining area and kitchen and the rest of the house is blocked off to her. We used to bring her upstairs and leave her in our bedroom and she was pretty happy there but she has a hard time on stairs and kept falling down the stairs all the time. Now she's afraid to go up them.
We've tried positive reinforcement to try to get her used to the sounds using treats but this approach has never really worked well for her. Basically she gets so worked up about the treat that she goes nuts and sometimes gets even more pushy or aggressive to try to get a treat. The best approach I've had with her in the past was leash training. She's nearly perfect on a leash. I feel completely in control. She heels really well and is very relaxed, even in chaos. Somehow when she is on a leash, she completely trusts me in any situation I get her into and so she is not nearly as reactive, but its only with me, not with anyone else walking her on a leash. I can walk by a whole yard of screaming kids or barking dogs and she won't bat an eyelash if I am walking her and I can give her quick, gentle corrections if she starts to get off track. So, in the past, the way I've gotten her to acclimate to different things (vacuum cleaners, delivery men) is to keep her on a leash during her interactions or exposures to new things or triggers. So that was the approach the last trainer told me to use with the babies, but it would require me to be right next to her all day on a leash which is obviously impossible right now.
I may call the vet. I've never been an advocate for medicating dogs for behavioral issues for most situations but in this case, maybe it would be appropriate.
@wedding06 We give her daily aspirin and some other joint supplements. She definitely would not do well if I tried to find a new home for her unless maybe it was one of our friends that she knows.
We are in the process of converting a room downstairs into a dedicated playroom. This room is a little more isolated from the rest of the downstairs and since it would only be the babies in there, there wouldn't be a lot of walk-through traffic like there is with the current set up. I think that will reduce the chances of the gate being left open. Also, we can leave the current kitchen gate up which would essentially put 2 gates in the way of the playroom, so that would be a pretty secure setup I think.
uuugh - my poor Bally. I love her so much, this whole situation just makes me so sad.
Thanks @hunjul and @sleepy33. I put a call in to my vet and am waiting to hear back from him to talk to him about this. I'll definitely ask about some better arthritis meds too.
Our two boxers are, well, boxers and tend to be very high energy and nervous around DS. Initially, the female looked at him like he was one of the rabbits she catches on the regular.
We use a system of four different gates to ensure that the dogs and DS aren't together unless we want them to be. It's not ideal but it keeps everyone healthy and happy.
Please don't feel bad about having to separate them. You are doing right by all your kids.
Also, doggy prozac is awesome.