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Ppd /severe anxiety/phobic delusions sorry this is long

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Re: Ppd /severe anxiety/phobic delusions sorry this is long

  • Just now reading this, but big hugs! I hope things only get better from here.
  • Yes, your family deserves a happy and healthy mom, but you deserve a happy self all on your own! I'm glad you found us

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

    image

    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 
    studyinpinkaditigirl
  • I also want to give you a huge high-five for taking that step! I am SOO glad you were able to seek and find help.

    This community really is the best. 
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    My daughter is my hero.
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  • I would shed a happy tear at all of the love and support I've received here but I don't think these meds would allow it. Seriously though, for a Internet community, you guys are really awesome.
    This made me laugh (in a good way!)  You really nailed it today and should be so proud of yourself.  You know how you always hear that kids need to be "caught being good?"  Make sure you give yourself credit for taking this step :)  I hope we get lots of awesome updates from you!
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • blessed2585blessed2585
    10 Comments First Anniversary Photogenic 5 Love Its
    member
    edited May 2014
    I understand the frustration that you are going through. I have OCD with the doors and windows being locked and making sure that I know where my pets are. It wears me out and I wish I didn't worry so much. I got put on Zoloft by the doctor for depression recently and it has helped with my OCD a lot. I would talk to your doctor. I know that counseling can be expensive but I know that Focus on the Family has free licensed counselors that you can call at 1800-A-Family. I have spoken with them and they are great!
  • @Tessybell2007-  I used to have terrible anxiety after my daughter passed away.  I mean, deep down I knew if was due to the grieving process, it was if I couldn't get my brain to shut off. My anxieties were mostly health related.  I can't tell you how many cancers I thought I had and something like a swollen lymphnode would send me into a tailspin.  I had trouble sleeping and most days my anxiety and insomnia was so bad, I would throw up every morning.  I would also compulsively check websites for signs and symptoms of cancer.  It was terrible, so terrible.  

    We did go to grief counseling and I also took meds for it.  Looking back, I honestly think that counseling was one of the healthiest decisions I ever made.  One more thing that helped me was having a worry journal.  For some reason, it was very cathartic to take my thoughts out of my head and put them on paper.  It also helped to put my worries into perspective.  I would read past journal entries and think "  Hmmm, that's right.  I was really worried about that a few months ago and now I am not.  Maybe my current worries will go away too."

    Please also know that you are not alone and I think you are very brave for taking the steps to be healthy.
    Tessybell2007
  • @Disneygeek77‌ I'm so sorry for your loss.. Something that profound is bound to have serious impact on how you grieve. My dad died tragically when I was 13 and when I look back I don't think I ever grieved appropriately.

    A bit of an update: we moved into our townhome over the weekend. I had taken citalopram (1/2 dose) the day we picked up the keys. When we first got here I started my "inspecting".... Checking for any signs of a bed bug infestation. *sigh* I noticed dust ontop of some electrical outlets (that i rationally knew were from the homeowner buffing holes in the wall) but I had the thought that it was a pesticide left behind for bed bugs.. Then I grabbed a utility knife and unscrewed all the outlets to check. The medicine kept me from having the physical anxiety feeling but I still had the compulsion to check. The cleaners had used some fruity smelling air freshened or carpet cleaner and I thought maybe that it was bugs (they produce a rotten raspberry Oder) I have never encountered bed bugs and I think the obsessive web searches and the forum that I spent so much time on made my anxiety so much worse. If I forgot to take my mascara off and it smeared on my pillowcase id have to wipe my eye on my pillow to compare and make sure it wasn't bed bug poop.

    I hope these fears go away with time.. And the realization that if I had bed bugs they would be dining on me while
    I sleep and I've had no bites or reason to think this.

    As for the medicine aspect. I'm nervous about being on anything daily. I am on citalopram and vistaril. I hope I. Can use this short term to get over this time in my life. I really want to do therapy for the long term though because there are so many things I need to learn about myself. Over the last week I've been thinking a lot about my childhood and adolescence. I am beginning to think I've had anxiety since a young age and the triggers have changed over the years. When I was 9-12 I used to hallucinate at night and it would keep me up all night to the point where i was sick in school the next day. I used to think I saw figures/people outside my bedroom window trying to get in. They were like huge shadows. It was very real to me at the time and to this day I know that I did physically see it. Everyone told me it was my imagination. My mom even brought a priest in to bless our house. It went away over time but I've had flare ups of anxiety frequently. When my dad died I was so worried about how my family would financially be ok. When I was a teenager a fight with my boyfriend would break me down so bad id stop eating/wouldn't get out of bed.

    Ugh.. So much to think about. I am going for a full mental evaluation today. I have an appointment with the therapist in couple weeks. I honestly do not feel "crazy" or out of control, but I need to find ways to cope with this..


    Thanks again to everyone who has shown me compassion and understanding here. Means more than you know.
  • Wondering if anyone has experience dealing with anxiety and a particularly needy child. My dd 16 months has been having a rough time the last few months. I think she gets frustrated often because she is trying to express things and falls short.. Mix that with teething, and normal growing pains and she has some epic meltdowns. I would say she is crying/cranky/upset the majority of everyday with a few happy/playful moments inbetween. Health wise she's doing fine but I know it grates on my nerves to have the constant crying/pulling on me. She wants me To hold her all day and it's hard to do anything with my 3 year old because of how jealous and upset she gets. I keep hoping this is a phase because it is so so hard.
  • @JerseySprouts‌ thanks-I have a carrier and a sling but haven't been using them lately because of how mobile she is. She wants up and down constantly. I'm not frustrated so much at the clinginess it's more so the constant crying/whining. Even when I am holding her she tends to cry. I know she is frustrated because she can't so every thing she wants to (play in the garbage, climb in the fireplace, play on the stairs .. Basically every potentially dangerous thing she is drawn to) I'm hoping its a phase .. She's learning that she has independence and choices so it's just rough lately. Under other circumstances or during a more stable time id be able to cope with it better but when I am already completely frazzled and drained it's especially hard. My Dh tries to take her often but she just wants me. Once I feel better I think she will calm down too.. She can probably feel the tension.
  • @Tessybell2007‌ just wanted to throw my support in too. You have gotten some AMAZING advice here, and I am so glad you are getting help.

    I am also on a daily med for anxiety and depression. It has really, really helped me. Please don't be afraid of taking meds every day. The citalopram is meant to be taken daily and won't work if only taken occasionally. It is also a very, very safe medication!

    Do keep in mind that while the meds do enter your system and start working right away, they take a few weeks to reach their absolute peak effect, so hang in there! It's going to keep getting better!

    So, so, SO glad and impressed by you for getting the help you need. Ignore the bug forum and come here instead!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    studyinpink
  • Yes, I agree.  You have to stay off the bug forum.  I know it was hard for me at first too because I would compulsively check the internet for symptoms.  They actually have a term for it, cyberchondria. 

     Honestly, the internet is no good for those of us with anxiety.  Trust me, you will always, always be able to find some article, some blog or some internet stranger that will confirm your fears.  I would compulsively check the internet because I foolishly thought it would make me feel better and tell me I wasn't sick.  That never happened and it only made my anxiety worse.  Finally, I had to tell myself to stop it.  I had to stop looking up stuff on the internet, stop watching medical dramas, stop watching medical related reality shows and stop reading health related articles.  The only thing I would look up on the internet would be info about hyper/cyberchondria, grief and anxiety and the only articles I would read are articles about finding a cure for cancer.  

    Avoiding those triggers really helped to decrease my anxiety.  I figured I had done enough research about different cancers already, that I didn't need to do anymore and if I was truly concerned, I would call my Dr, but I wasn't going to make myself sick because I have swollen a lymphnode anymore.  
    [Deleted User]
  • Oh my gosh @Disneygeek77‌ this sounds exactly like what I've been doing the last 6 weeks. I would keep going to these forums and submitting things (pics of beetles found in my inspecting frenzy or random marks found around my apartment) and the "pros" on the site would keep telling me it wasn't bed bug related. This would momentarily relieve my anxiety but then it would come back out of nowhere even stronger. When they told me one of the pics of the mark on the wall looked suspicious I just totally lost it. That day was the last straw for me.. Or rock bottom. In fact, someone on that forum felt so bad about my freak out that they bought and are shopping a detection device to my old apartment so I can check the mark and see if it's anything. At this point I think it might be a step in the wrong direction for me to even do it but on the other hand I don't think I can resist checking... Although if it came back positive I would probably just drop dead. Ugh... The thought is already making me anxious.
  • Do whatever you can to resist the urge to check.  Tell yourself that you will always find something ( which would be unrelated) that will scare you, but your family does not have bug bites and that is the most common sign.  Whenever you have to urge to check for bugs, write in a worry journal or research anxiety and PPD/ OCD.  If possible, go outside and try to get a little exercise. 

    Keep taking your medicine and talk to a counselor and again, I applaud you for recognizing that this obsession isn't healthy and taking the steps to be healthy.
  • @Tessybell2007‌ I have a 16 month old going trough a clingy phase that sounds like your DD. I think they're just that age where, like you said, they can't say what they want so they get frustrated and spiral out of control into whining/tantrums.

    Also, you don't have to be "crazy" for therapy. A LOT of people go to therapy and just don't talk about it. My dad also passed away when I was a teenager and it's been a big help for me.

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

    image

    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 
  • Seriously... The ad below my comment is a huge bed bug. I'm hoping this is generated based off my recent searches .... Whaaaaat the hell!!!

  • I think they do generate ads off recent searches. I wasn't around for your initial post, but I wanted to applaud you for getting help. Keep up the good work. Please don't think about any stigma surrounding therapy or mental health medications. If you needed glasses, you'd get glasses. This is not something that you did or that you can control; you might need medicine to stabilize the chemicals in your body. (This is coming from someone who has done therapy and is currently on medication for anxiety.)
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