NBR: Shitty wife moment

Chrisanna0508

Dear Diary starts here. Sooooo, I was joking around with a neighbor over text message the other day about how she had accidentally taken home our Hershey's bars after making s'mores the other night. I said did it look like DH really need chocolate in the house. DH always jokes about being a fat man and I say stuff about me not needing sweets in the house all the time. Well he was messing around with my phone, saw the text, and got really pissed. He left to go out of town for 2 days for work without saying goodbye. I left him a voicemail and told him I was sorry and I shouldn't have joked about his weight, but still have not heard from him. So do I deserve the shunning or do you think he is overreacting a little? Anyone else dealing with sensitive SOs?

tencheer

Shunning is usually overkill in my opinion but I totally understand him being hurt. It is one thing to have a joke with your spouse but totally different to see them insulting you to a friend.

My hubs is a sensitive one an I have been on your side of the shun more than I care too. I hope you hear from him soon.

skyla13

I get the sensitivity. It is like the idea that i can b&m about my parents, but no one else better do it. It is one thing to joke within the family, but yeah, texting someone else would sting.

Now, that being said, him not returning your phone call is overkill. Too much bad mojo if you ask me, especially since he is out of town and since you seemed to have sincerely apologized.

Lee81

You said something insensitive and you hurt his feelings. My husband would have reacted the same way. For that matter, I probably would have too. All you can do is apologize, give him time to get over it, and be more careful about what you say in the future. Include yourself in the joke next time. Does it look like we need chocolate in the house probably wouldn't have offended him the way singling him out did.

deedee1017

Lee81 said:

You said something insensitive and you hurt his feelings. My husband would have reacted the same way. For that matter, I probably would have too. All you can do is apologize, give him time to get over it, and be more careful about what you say in the future. Include yourself in the joke next time. Does it look like we need chocolate in the house probably wouldn't have offended him the way singling him out did.

I'd say that given how hurt his feelings are DO NOT JOKE ABOUT IT AT ALL the next time.

norbert5

Shunning while out of town isn't cool. But I agree with a joke being between a couple isn't something you share with the neighbors.

Lee81

deedee1017 said:

Lee81 said:

You said something insensitive and you hurt his feelings. My husband would have reacted the same way. For that matter, I probably would have too. All you can do is apologize, give him time to get over it, and be more careful about what you say in the future. Include yourself in the joke next time. Does it look like we need chocolate in the house probably wouldn't have offended him the way singling him out did.

I'd say that given how hurt his feelings are DO NOT JOKE ABOUT IT AT ALL the next time.

That's probably a good point! No more weight jokes.

Jenball717

Agree with everything said above. It is hitting him so hard, it must really bother him more than he lets on. Maybe it is time to have a serious discussion between the two of you and see if it is time to make some healthy changes in your life. As a couple. It is an awkward discussion, I had to have it with my husband, but if you can be each others support system it will help a ton.

Just my 2 cents. I hope he talks to you soon!

sooner1981

Yeah, I get the feeling that if the reverse had happened, and he had been joking with a guy turns that you didn't need chocolate because you were looking a little cow-like lately, there would be women on here calling for his castration.

I doubt anyone would have suggested that you were over reacting and to maybe initiate a conversation with him about your eating/exercising habits, because if you were offended by the comment, it clearly bothers you and you need to fix the problem.

I think this is one of those those times when you just pour your heart out and tell him you really messed up and don't try to "explain it away" or minimize it by saying that he must really have a weight problem if he was upset by the comment. Just apologize without a "reasoned explanation," and then try to be extra thoughtful when e gets back. And I would probably save the "concerned about your health" talk until this issue has faded a bit.

Everyone screws up from time to time. Strong relationships are maintained and strengthened by the willingness of both parties to apologize when warranted and forgive the other for their transgressions.

Chrisanna0508

Thanks guys. Yeah, it was not a great idea, but we did talk finally and he's not upset about the saying it to someone else part( he said he doesn't care what our neighbors think of him), but rather that I would see him in that way. I think there are a lot of things festering under the surface that need to be dealt with and this is just what brought things to a head. Hopefully when he gets back we can sit down and talk through everything.