Can I vent here? Annoying friends..

NextChapter24

Hi! I’m a longtime luker,no kids yet but hopefully soon.  My DH and I had a party recently and friends were over. While discussing babies and pregnancy etc. the other ladies’ attitudes about working really annoyed me. One of our good friends (who is pregnant) quit her job even though they are not financially stable. When asked what they plan on doing (her getting a job etc) she kept saying how she doesn’t want someone else raising her baby and went into how horrible daycare is. Our other friend who actually works at a daycare agreed with her! She said when she has children she is staying home. She couldn’t believe there are babies that are at daycare from 7-5! The horror!

I was really angry. My DH and I are saving so that we can have the kind of life we want to provide for our child(ren). I just do not get the argument that if you send your kids to  daycare they are raising your children. What about school? Do teachers raise your children? I just find it really irresponsible of this friend to quit her job and put all the responsibility on her husband.

ok thanks for letting me Vent. She really makes me upset-like I’m doing something wrong or something. Also you get a cookie if you read all that!

cecilyandgautam

Yes, you definitely can vent here. We have weekly vents on Mondays and occasional judgment threads on Thursdays. I would try not to take it too personally when some one says they don't want others raising their children. Surely you'll hear that again from others - it's an ignorant thing to say, but it's not about you. I grew up going to daycare, preschool, after care, having a nanny, etc and I was never confused about who my mother was. When some one says that, especially before they actually have children, it's their thing - not yours. 

But your friend who's staying home - you can actually make that work off a very modest one person salary and if they're ready to make the sacrifices, you should congratulate her. When her baby actually comes along, she may change her tune. In the meantime, you don't have to justify anything to her.

VOR

To be honest, I feel that people who are so vocal about this stuff and feel they have to put down the other option are doing it out of defensiveness.  If your friend really isn't financially stable, she probably knows it's really NOT the best choice to quit her job, so in order to justify it, she's taking a STAND that she's making the RIGHT CHOICE!!!!!

You have to learn to be confident in YOUR choices.  There will be many things that you do differently than your friends.  Once you have a child and continue to work - if they continue to spout off, all  you should do is smile and say "we all need to make the choices that we feel are right for our family" and then change the topic. 

NextChapter24

thanks @VOR- we are definetly ok with our choices-- it just gets annoying when she is constantly bringing it up and flat out saying that I will be a bad mother for doing this.

As previous posters said, I shouldnt judge her financial situation, so I don't feel she has a right to come to my house and tell me how any future children I have won't know me because I will be working during the week.

mae0111

amy052006 said:

NextChapter24 said:

thanks @VOR- we are definetly ok with our choices-- it just gets annoying when she is constantly bringing it up and flat out saying that I will be a bad mother for doing this.

As previous posters said, I shouldnt judge her financial situation, so I don't feel she has a right to come to my house and tell me how any future children I have won't know me because I will be working during the week.

Sorry -- I call complete bullshit as to this being how the conversation went down. Actual functioning adults don't talk like this, and if they did, people wouldn't be friends with them.

My best guess is the whole lot of you needs to chill out, keep your noses out of each other's business, get comfortable with your own choices, and stop being desperate to validate and defend yourself.

Seriously -- I ahve close friends that work full time, part time, freelance and who stay at home.  Friends don't actually talk like this to each other -- if that is really how it went down, you all sounds like a bunch of clueless teenagers.

Meh.  I did have a couple of "good" friends tell me that I would regret my life choices because I choose to work.  I was discussing that it's hard, and that I know that as the kids get older, it's going to be harder for DH and I to balance everything.  I believe the quote was, "You need to decide how much money is enough.  Memories are so much more important than money.  When you look back, won't you be sad that you missed out on so much with your kids?"

It wasn't the first time I'd heard this.  Same friends said, "When you stay home with your kids, you get credit for how they turn out."  It smacked of, "daycare is raising your kids", but maybe I was just being oversensitive??

I've since distanced myself from said friends.  I struggle with my choice to work, and whether it's right for my family.  But I decided I don't need anyone telling me why my choices are wrong.  

OP - maybe you should do the same.

NextChapter24

@amy052006- well i'm so glad i have you to call BS on what really happened. Tell me what really happened? What was said. Get over yourself. I came on this board looking to vent and a for a little advice. If you don't like it move on please.

 

Thanks for everyone else that did offer something constructive.

SunAndRain

Ditto the above
I've thankfully reached a point in my life where I don't give a crap what other think of my choices. I'm smart. I make educated decisions. I'm not right all the time but making mistakes is how we grow as individuals. And I'm too busy to really care about the choices my friends make. Stupid comments happen. It's times like these when I try to reflect on all the times my friends have forgiven me for being imperfect.

NextChapter24

@amy052006 without giving away too much personal detail,  i do when they are spouses of those invited. No, these are not people I would just invite to lunch or go out with all the time but we see them enough.

Said person is extremely vocal about everything and has no filter. So this would not be an uncommon thing for her to voice her opinion about.

Anyways, didnt mean to start a debate here. Thanks for the feedback everyone!

ss265

OP, it sounds like you are intent on continuing to work once you have kids - there is nothing wrong with that. Just be prepared that you will have hurtful comments and you just need to let them roll off your back. I am pretty fortunate in that very rarely has anyone said anything hurtful to me in real life but I think they don't because I am pretty blunt and pre-empt it by commenting that I could never stay home with my kids and that if anyone was staying home, it would be my husband, not me. The key is to have responses at the ready.

I would also distance yourself from this person, if you can - maybe ask your DH to hang out with her DH alone and not invite the wives along to socialize. Personally I could never be close to someone like who you describe - which could explain why I can count friends who chose to SAH on one hand.

NextChapter24

OP here, thanks everyone for the responses. You are all right- In the future I will have to distance myself from this person.

@k3am- wow! that is too funny! I'm sure it got the point across!

MommyAtty

@CourtandNate‌ -I don't think you're odd man out. I think we all, as parents, choose who our support teams are. Those people help us raise our kids. The difference is when someone says your daycare is raising your kid. No, they aren't. They are the people you chose to help you raise your kiddo. And you continue to choose. If your provider wasn't backing you up, you would likely change your support team, right? My MIL and FIL are our daycare. Yes, they help us raise our children. We are very, very grateful for that. But if they ever believe they are equal participants in making decisions about how our kids are raised, I will switch in a heartbeat.

VOR

CourtandNate said:

As a working mom, I will be the odd man out.  When changing DD from a center to an in home daycare I said out loud many times "I would be naive to think this person isn't helping me raise my child" I find solace and many less cold remarks because I personally (don't think everyone needs to feel my way) believe that Ms L is an active a full participant in the way DD is turning out. I like knowing that she is reinforcing things and helping me.  My offense comes out when I am referred to as a part time parent, but personally I do think Ms L is HELPING raise DD and I love it.  We team up with her and are slowly producing a very functional and independent but SOOO loved little girl

Definitely not the odd man out.  I very much attribute my DS being potty trained to my DCP.  He has a much broader knowledge of his letters and numbers because of my parents.  Etc.  These people absolutely have helped me with DS.

And here's the kicker - he is BETTER FOR IT.  I'm a good mom, but I'm not what *I* would call stereotypical "mom material".  There are things these other people in his life are BETTER at than me.  My stepmother used to be a kindergarten teacher.  Please - of COURSE she brought skills to the table that I don't have! 

I so believe in the idea of "it takes a village". 

skibunny59

NextChapter24 said:

thanks @VOR- we are definetly ok with our choices-- it just gets annoying when she is constantly bringing it up and flat out saying that I will be a bad mother for doing this.

As previous posters said, I shouldnt judge her financial situation, so I don't feel she has a right to come to my house and tell me how any future children I have won't know me because I will be working during the week.

I hardly ever get comments like this but mostly it's because most women I know work.    All of the women in my family work and all of my close friends work.  Most of the women where I live go back to work.  My cousin and SIL don't work but they have never ever said anything like that to me.  Honestly, if these are such good friends I think it's pretty crappy that they are saying these things to you.

Meery82

beaubecca said:

Am I the only one that thinks it's ok to put these ladies in their place? I don't think it's perpetuating mommy wars to stick up for women who choose to work - especially if you're one of them. I also don't think distancing yourself or cutting yourself off from them is good enough because I honestly think not enough people are clued into reality these days. OK so they choose not to work - good for them. But that doesn't mean its OK for them to just go around throwing comments out about having daycare raise working moms' children.

I don't mean you have to start a huge fight, but did you speak up and say that your daycare is wonderful but YOU are the one who raises your child? And did you tell them that you found their comments to be insensitive and down right rude?

If women are being petty bishes they need to be called out.

I totally agree. I do think PP was saying don't perpetuate mommy wars by sticking your nose in someone else's financial and working/not working situation. That's one thing. Standing up for yourself is another. 

In my opinion, OP needs to not worry about what these other women are doing financially or regarding working/staying at home, but most definitely put the bitch in her place when she is personally insulted for her choices.

ss265

amy052006 said:

beaubecca said:

Am I the only one that thinks it's ok to put these ladies in their place? I don't think it's perpetuating mommy wars to stick up for women who choose to work - especially if you're one of them. I also don't think distancing yourself or cutting yourself off from them is good enough because I honestly think not enough people are clued into reality these days. OK so they choose not to work - good for them. But that doesn't mean its OK for them to just go around throwing comments out about having daycare raise working moms' children.

I don't mean you have to start a huge fight, but did you speak up and say that your daycare is wonderful but YOU are the one who raises your child? And did you tell them that you found their comments to be insensitive and down right rude?

If women are being petty bishes they need to be called out.

This is why I think the whole thing was bullshit.  Nobody just stands there if someone says that, mouth agape.  

I think the issue was that the OP doesn't have kids yet so she can't speak from personal experience. Which could also by why her friends said that - doubt they would say that, knowing that she is a working mom.

NextChapter24

MarBee1214 said:

amy052006 said:

beaubecca said:

Am I the only one that thinks it's ok to put these ladies in their place? I don't think it's perpetuating mommy wars to stick up for women who choose to work - especially if you're one of them. I also don't think distancing yourself or cutting yourself off from them is good enough because I honestly think not enough people are clued into reality these days. OK so they choose not to work - good for them. But that doesn't mean its OK for them to just go around throwing comments out about having daycare raise working moms' children.

I don't mean you have to start a huge fight, but did you speak up and say that your daycare is wonderful but YOU are the one who raises your child? And did you tell them that you found their comments to be insensitive and down right rude?

If women are being petty bishes they need to be called out.

This is why I think the whole thing was bullshit.  Nobody just stands there if someone says that, mouth agape.  

Prior to becoming a mom, I kept my mouth shut about a whole lot even when people said downright mean and nasty things.  I was told by a family member of DH's to "suck it up" after being hospitalized for the 3rd time for HG because "everyone has morning sickness and you have to get on with your life"  I didn't say a word to her.  Now?  I absolutely would lose my shit on her.  Funny how being a mom changes you!

amy052006- you are starting to annoy me with your comments. So what? I'm making this up to comment on a WM board? O-Ok. I didn't call her out because it was a small gathering at my home and that would have been awkward for all involved. Jeez.

cecilyandgautam

amy052006 said:

beaubecca said:

Am I the only one that thinks it's ok to put these ladies in their place? I don't think it's perpetuating mommy wars to stick up for women who choose to work - especially if you're one of them. I also don't think distancing yourself or cutting yourself off from them is good enough because I honestly think not enough people are clued into reality these days. OK so they choose not to work - good for them. But that doesn't mean its OK for them to just go around throwing comments out about having daycare raise working moms' children.

I don't mean you have to start a huge fight, but did you speak up and say that your daycare is wonderful but YOU are the one who raises your child? And did you tell them that you found their comments to be insensitive and down right rude?

If women are being petty bishes they need to be called out.

This is why I think the whole thing was bullshit.  Nobody just stands there if someone says that, mouth agape.  

I didn't push back when a friend repeatedly said how important it was to her to stay home because she didn't want anyone else raising her kids (this was before she had any). I guess I didn't feel I had anything to prove - 5th generation working mom here and I feel 100% confident in my decision to provide for my family. If she felt that sending her kid to daycare and preschool was outsourcing her parenting responsibilities, then she absolutely should stay home. So I didn't argue. It happens - not every one has a reason to engage with this comes up. I don't think it's BS that OP would let the comment slide. 

Turns out my friend, who now is a mom, does need to return to work after all. 

jess9802

I think it's been said before that living well is the best revenge. And I don't mean financially - I mean, being happy and healthy, having a family you enjoy, and having the confidence to enjoy the ups and downs and curveballs life throws at you. If you are happy to be a working mom and secure in that choice, you're much less likely to hear the bitchy, passive aggressive jabs from others. Those people are predators, sniffing out your weaknesses and trying to bring you down. You can't give them that power.

It can be really hard to not take personal offense when someone insinuates or states that doing X is the right way, but doing Y makes you a bad mother/person. A few months ago one of my cousins posted on FB that she was so happy to be a SAHM and to have a husband that valued her vocation and calling as a SAHM. She threw out the usual stuff about not wanting daycare or grandma to raise her child so she could go out in the working world. I was really, really bothered by it and was having a hard time following my own advice. I finally responded that I was glad to be able fulfill both of my callings as a mother and a lawyer, and that what matters most is that families make the choice that is right for them. It still really hit a nerve that mostly doesn't bother me. Needless to say I was really surprised when she announced a few weeks ago that she and her husband have separated and she and her youngest child had to move 2,000 miles to move in with my aunt.

Let your life speak for itself. If you are happy, if your children are well-loved and thriving, and you're taking care of your own business, you won't have time to worry about what others think of you, and you will be a positive example for the choices you've made. More importantly, you'll realize that life is too short to suffer people who are just absolutely unpleasant, unkind, and unlikeable bitches.

mae0111

I sort of stood there, mouth agape, when my friends made the comment about trading memories with my kids for money.  Especially since they'd both just finished telling me that their financial situations were downright scary to me. One was living with her ILs, whom she HATED, because they couldn't afford to move.  The other was sacrificing things like health insurance so that she could be a SAHM to her school-aged kids. 

I was dumbfounded.  I then explained why I work in practical terms - retirement.  College.  Ensuring that if our parents hit hard times, that we could help them in whatever way needed.  Things like "paying the mortgage" or "excellent health benefits" wouldn't resonate with them, so I didn't bother. I didn't bother lashing out, and my explanations pretty much fell on deaf ears. 

So, distancing myself seems to be the best option...

NextChapter24

amy052006 said:

beaubecca said:

Sometimes it just makes it more awkward to say something. In the situations I mentioned , I have said something occasionally. But am I going to call out my husband's senior managing partner's wife ? No. So yes I've let people make those comments and said nothing because it is far better for us in the long run to smile and ignore

That may be the case if its someone you don't know well, especially if they are technically your superiors or something. But friends need to be aware that they are hurting your feelings by making insensitive remarks. And I am a littke confused now. OP do you have kids already or not? I'm on mobile and dont see siggies. Regardless, if you dont have kids yet, you were obviously offended and I think you should ve honedt with your friend and tell her you were hurt amd just want her to understand that some people choose to have children in daycare and its not fair or right for her to judge - even in passing.

Exactly.

But I would also say that just because someone says what they would do, or when they have kids what works best for them, it's not about you.  There reasons are their reasons.  You will seriously make yourself nuts.

I work part time -- SAHMs make comments about how they could never do it, and wms make comments about how they could never cut back on their career or be pre-school room mom.   Seriously, opinions are like assholes.

Thanks ladies both of these are really true- I should have just told her it hurt my feelings.

beaubecca- no kids yet, but she knows our situation. My husband and I have no plans on either parent staying home (no judgement either way-its just not right for our family plans).

amy052006- you are right- everyone will have their own opinion, thoughts etc about  so it doesnt matter. I need to just let their opinions not matter.

 

2-Step

I was the first of my friends to have kids and I heard many comments like this. Now that many of my friends have kids and were faced with decisions about their time and resources, I have not heard one comment like this. Most of them work at least part time and many by choice, not necessity. Just know they are speaking about something they don't really know about until they are in it. They may change their tune and I don't think you need to call people out for saying these things. I remember feeling hurt too, but I think people just don't really understand the emotions involved in these decisions until they actually have children and see how hard it is to make it on one income, or be home alone with a baby all day, or how hard it is to have two working parents. It's all hard, so the decision isn't as simple or black and white as people like to think before they have kids. They will figure it out.

Speshul

I find there are certain types of people who make comments like this and want you to get defensive and explain yourself. If I do decide to respond, I say something to the extent of: "I'm happy because I know my child will have a great life no matter which way I decide to raise her." or "There is more than one way to raise a happy, healthy child." or I if I have to be more blunt "What's your problem? Seriously, there are so many different family dynamics in this world and children turn out perfectly fine. Your way isn't the only 'right' way."

Usually though, these people know they are being condescending and ignoring them while showing confidence seems to drive them batty. 

ETA: Also I agree that sometimes people catch you off guard and you just don't know what to say. 

MommyAtty

I have a hard time not smirking when people who don't have kids speak in absolutes. Especially pregnant women. Mainly because I was one of them. Prior to DD's birth, there were a few things I knew for sure. I would breastfeed. Oh, until it had to be put on blood pressure meds that weren't safe for baby in the doses I needed to prevent me from stroking out or having seizures. And I would absolutely make my own baby food. Until my super-skinny baby wouldn't eat it but would gobble down organic jarred food. And I would do crafts and cook with my toddler. Neither of which has happened bc there's just not time and DD isn't really that interested. (Though she loves to do football fumble drills with Daddy.) And it starts pre-birth with the birth plan. The single absolute on my birth plan was "no pitocin," until I needed to be induced, and that was the most reliable way to get labor started in a hurry. The women who go into labor KNOWING they will go natural in my experience generally end up with epidurals. The ones who go in acknowledging the pain may be too much generally preserver. So, moral of the story is, the people who are most certain are the ones who are most certainly wrong. About working, staying home, their choices, their partner's feelings about those choices, and a whole slew of other decisions.

Meery82

MommyAtty said:

I have a hard time not smirking when people who don't have kids speak in absolutes. Especially pregnant women. Mainly because I was one of them. Prior to DD's birth, there were a few things I knew for sure. I would breastfeed. Oh, until it had to be put on blood pressure meds that weren't safe for baby in the doses I needed to prevent me from stroking out or having seizures. And I would absolutely make my own baby food. Until my super-skinny baby wouldn't eat it but would gobble down organic jarred food. And I would do crafts and cook with my toddler. Neither of which has happened bc there's just not time and DD isn't really that interested. (Though she loves to do football fumble drills with Daddy.) And it starts pre-birth with the birth plan. The single absolute on my birth plan was "no pitocin," until I needed to be induced, and that was the most reliable way to get labor started in a hurry. The women who go into labor KNOWING they will go natural in my experience generally end up with epidurals. The ones who go in acknowledging the pain may be too much generally preserver. So, moral of the story is, the people who are most certain are the ones who are most certainly wrong. About working, staying home, their choices, their partner's feelings about those choices, and a whole slew of other decisions.

Totally this. When I was pregnant, I was totally on the breastfeeding exclusively high horse. Formula would never touch my baby's lips. Sure enough, I had to supplement from the beginning because I never made enough milk. Breastfeeding is a lot harder than I realized. So is motherhood. And most people don't realize this until they've BTDT.

Speshul

Meery82 said:

MommyAtty said:

I have a hard time not smirking when people who don't have kids speak in absolutes. Especially pregnant women. Mainly because I was one of them. Prior to DD's birth, there were a few things I knew for sure. I would breastfeed. Oh, until it had to be put on blood pressure meds that weren't safe for baby in the doses I needed to prevent me from stroking out or having seizures. And I would absolutely make my own baby food. Until my super-skinny baby wouldn't eat it but would gobble down organic jarred food. And I would do crafts and cook with my toddler. Neither of which has happened bc there's just not time and DD isn't really that interested. (Though she loves to do football fumble drills with Daddy.) And it starts pre-birth with the birth plan. The single absolute on my birth plan was "no pitocin," until I needed to be induced, and that was the most reliable way to get labor started in a hurry. The women who go into labor KNOWING they will go natural in my experience generally end up with epidurals. The ones who go in acknowledging the pain may be too much generally preserver. So, moral of the story is, the people who are most certain are the ones who are most certainly wrong. About working, staying home, their choices, their partner's feelings about those choices, and a whole slew of other decisions.

Totally this. When I was pregnant, I was totally on the breastfeeding exclusively high horse. Formula would never touch my baby's lips. Sure enough, I had to supplement from the beginning because I never made enough milk. Breastfeeding is a lot harder than I realized. So is motherhood. And most people don't realize this until they've BTDT.

The opposite of this is people with kids telling expecting couples horrors of parenthood or telling them they won't ever be able to do or buy anything for themselves again. I found a lot this very annoying and rather untrue.

sugarbear0524

Speshul said:

Meery82 said:

MommyAtty said:

I have a hard time not smirking when people who don't have kids speak in absolutes. Especially pregnant women. Mainly because I was one of them. Prior to DD's birth, there were a few things I knew for sure. I would breastfeed. Oh, until it had to be put on blood pressure meds that weren't safe for baby in the doses I needed to prevent me from stroking out or having seizures. And I would absolutely make my own baby food. Until my super-skinny baby wouldn't eat it but would gobble down organic jarred food. And I would do crafts and cook with my toddler. Neither of which has happened bc there's just not time and DD isn't really that interested. (Though she loves to do football fumble drills with Daddy.) And it starts pre-birth with the birth plan. The single absolute on my birth plan was "no pitocin," until I needed to be induced, and that was the most reliable way to get labor started in a hurry. The women who go into labor KNOWING they will go natural in my experience generally end up with epidurals. The ones who go in acknowledging the pain may be too much generally preserver. So, moral of the story is, the people who are most certain are the ones who are most certainly wrong. About working, staying home, their choices, their partner's feelings about those choices, and a whole slew of other decisions.

Totally this. When I was pregnant, I was totally on the breastfeeding exclusively high horse. Formula would never touch my baby's lips. Sure enough, I had to supplement from the beginning because I never made enough milk. Breastfeeding is a lot harder than I realized. So is motherhood. And most people don't realize this until they've BTDT.

The opposite of this is people with kids telling expecting couples horrors of parenthood or telling them they won't ever be able to do or buy anything for themselves again. I found a lot this very annoying and rather untrue.

^^This was my sister (a mother of 3 when I had my son). She called me one time while my DH and I were eating out when I was about 8 months pregnant. She told me to enjoy it because I wouldn't eat out/have a life/leave the house again. I used that for motivation to get well quickly after a c-section and to take my son to church and out to lunch when he was 10 days old. And I took him anywhere and everywhere I needed or wanted to go. Still do.

Meery82

mal922 said:

Meery82 said:

MommyAtty said:

I have a hard time not smirking when people who don't have kids speak in absolutes. Especially pregnant women. Mainly because I was one of them. Prior to DD's birth, there were a few things I knew for sure. I would breastfeed. Oh, until it had to be put on blood pressure meds that weren't safe for baby in the doses I needed to prevent me from stroking out or having seizures. And I would absolutely make my own baby food. Until my super-skinny baby wouldn't eat it but would gobble down organic jarred food. And I would do crafts and cook with my toddler. Neither of which has happened bc there's just not time and DD isn't really that interested. (Though she loves to do football fumble drills with Daddy.) And it starts pre-birth with the birth plan. The single absolute on my birth plan was "no pitocin," until I needed to be induced, and that was the most reliable way to get labor started in a hurry. The women who go into labor KNOWING they will go natural in my experience generally end up with epidurals. The ones who go in acknowledging the pain may be too much generally preserver. So, moral of the story is, the people who are most certain are the ones who are most certainly wrong. About working, staying home, their choices, their partner's feelings about those choices, and a whole slew of other decisions.

Totally this. When I was pregnant, I was totally on the breastfeeding exclusively high horse. Formula would never touch my baby's lips. Sure enough, I had to supplement from the beginning because I never made enough milk. Breastfeeding is a lot harder than I realized. So is motherhood. And most people don't realize this until they've BTDT.

The opposite of this is people with kids telling expecting couples horrors of parenthood or telling them they won't ever be able to do or buy anything for themselves again. I found a lot this very annoying and rather untrue.

We went to a party when I was pregnant and one of the other guests (someone we didn't know) spent the whole party telling us to get ready to give up our lives, friends, happiness, etc. His wife and kids were at the party. At first we kind of laughed, assuming he was kidding, but then he practically stalked us to continue these comments. So bizarre.

What a creep.

rodiesmum

At one point in our parenting lives we have to have friends like that. More to come.

Allison546

Yeah, I encountered the "I don't want daycare raising my kids" comment from a woman I just met and was casually talking to at a bridal shower recently. I politely said something like "please don't say that, as a working mom I don't consider myself not raising my son because I work outside the home." She was apologetic and embarrassed, but we both kinda laughed it off awkwardly and continued the convo, and I tried my best to get over it even though I was fuming inside. I think I'd handle it the same way again, as I think it's important to not let comments like that slide when people don't realize how hurtful and ignorant they can be.

SouthRNComfort

I find that when people offer up unsolicited declarations on how the way they are raising their kids is the best way (or whatever is the best blah blah blah) they are usually bragging to deflect and hide something else. Example: bad relationship with a partner, lack of career options so they hVe to stay at home, inability to afford quality childcare. Remember the grass isn't always greener...

GroverClover

I WAS that person...and now my child goes to daycare....and it is wonderful!!  I felt lots of guilt at first.  I could stay at home and we would be financially ok.  By going to daycare (part time) my child gets to interact with other kids his age and he is growing socially.  By going to work (part time) I get to interact with other adults and I keep my sanity.  I love my child and enjoy every moment with him, but working outside of the home makes me a better mom for a whole list of reasons.