baby shower postponed

JuliaLynnAbels

Hi, I'm new to the community but I've used this site before. My name is Julia and I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first. (baby girl)

I've had to postpone my baby shower 3 times now because of my mother-in-law. Every time we have a set date I feel like she intentionally goes out of her way to plan something else on that day, and my husband doesn't want to have the baby shower without her. I've tried to convince them many times but neither of them will budge. I feel like I'm running out of time. My due date is July 16 and that's coming up pretty soon. I would go behind my husbands back and just have it on the 31st which is the date we have planned now, but I don't want to upset him.

Usually my mother-in-law and I get along pretty well, so I don't understand  why she has to make this so difficult. We planned this date 3 weeks ago when she canceled on us then, and she said she was free and she wouldn't make any plans. Now she suddenly has plans. I just don't know what to do. I cannot, will not keep postponing for this woman. I just don't want a fight with my husband, and I know it will come to that.

Help?

JuliaLynnAbels

My mom is hosting it, it's at her house. I know I can't keep asking her to postpone so I think I will just keep the date. I'm just dreading the fight.

Allison7

What the others have said. If your mom is hosting then she picks the date. If your MIL says no, just explain that your mom already moved it twice, but you just couldn't move it again. Plus, are you talking May 31? I would assume invites are already out for that. Tell DH that if he wants his mom there, then he should tell her to rearrange her plans and be there.

JuliaLynnAbels

Hahaha best advice I've ever been given!

JuliaLynnAbels

Yeah my mom already sent out the invitations. I will tell husband to suck it up.

Nicolewinsbingo

Maybe your MIL doesn't want to go for some reason? "oh something came up....again."

JoyfulJuly

I agree - if your mother is hosting then she chooses the date and if your MIL declines than so be it.

atmaloney

Everything everyone else has said.

PrimRoseMama

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Pick a date, if she pulls this again tell her that you are sorry she can't make it and will miss her being there. Find your spine and use it, or she's going make your life miserable. 

And nutpunch your husband. If he's going to be mad at anyone, he needs to be mad at his mom for being a flake.

Dude this. All the way.

coffee89

You and the host have tried to accommodate her and she obviously doesn't seem to want to be there or to actually say that. I'd give your host the go ahead to hold the shower, tell MIL you are sorry she couldn't make it to any of the other dates but that it isn't fair on your host or the other guests to keep changing things around. 

You need to stand up for yourself against her. You also need to tell your husband how it is going to be. He can have his own gathering for her if he's so mad that you won't keep putting off other guests for her.

katekat8721

JuliaLynnAbels said:

Yeah my mom already sent out the invitations. I will tell husband to suck it up.

Invites already went out, this is a moot point. Would you rather potentially offend one person (MIL) or many people (all your guests)?

JuliaLynnAbels

katekat8721 said:

JuliaLynnAbels said:

Yeah my mom already sent out the invitations. I will tell husband to suck it up.

Invites already went out, this is a moot point. Would you rather potentially offend one person (MIL) or many people (all your guests)?

True. I guess I'm a little fried. Too much to do in such a short amount of time. Well I suggested my mother in law throw just a little get-together with hubby's side of the family, and she agreed. So I guess it's all good.

bewilderingstar

Your husband needs to suck it up. If your MIL is being a pain in the ass, he should recognize it and realize the world doesn't revolve around her. It revolves around you and the baby... DUH!

rkgold

My MIL is a huge pain in the ass, honestly, and just doesn't believe that she should have to RSVP. My shower is at a really nice restaurant/tea place with a plated lunch that I know is not cheap per person and she is totally trying to blow it off. She even told me that it doesn't really sound like fun and she doesn't want to have to carry conversation with others. This is typical of my MIL who I don't always see eye to eye with (though I obviously appreciate since she gave birth to an amazingly supportive son that I know I am blessed to have). I basically finally just told her that if she doesn't want to be there, I don't want her to have to sit through it. I told my husband the same about it and he understood how ridiculous his mom was being. I was letting this hurt and bother me SO much until I realized that it was really affecting my mood- I was stressing about it. And now I realize that I need to focus on this baby and my family and not on someone that isn't easygoing or supportive. 

Moral of the story (that I learned the hard way): The people that love you and support you will be there and that is who you will want by your side. 

sparklenshine_89

Well, OP, sounds like it worked out for you. It sounds like maybe your MIL just wanted to host her own thing.

I've learned that I can't work around everyone's schedules. My dad pulled this crap when I was getting married saying "oh idk if I can get the day off" which was complete bs... I told him "well that's the day and it's at your house". When his boss found out from MY boss (same company) that I was getting married he gave my dad a week off.

I don't know why outside people have to cause so much drama.