How do you work things out with your employer?

Austrogermokee

DH and I are very early in the process - we just had our initial consult on May 9. However, I've already had to take that day off, and now I'm taking the afternoon off next Wednesday for my HSG. And I understand that appointments will have to be organized around my cycle, so I may have to miss more and more time. So far I haven't said anything about the reason for these appointments.

DH and I moved to a new city in the fall, there just aren't many job opportunities here for me so I've been picking up temp gigs. Right now I'm a temp receptionist. My staffing agency does a lot of grousing if I come in even an hour late, let alone have to miss a day. They are not flexible at all.

And I realize I'm rambling a bit - so, basically, do you tell your employers you're missing work because of fertility treatments? If so, how did they take the news? Have you gotten any blowback at work?

TAT2MAMI

You don't owe your employer an explanation for YOUR time off. They must respect your privacy, especially since this is medical. You could share that it's "medical," but leave it at that. They don't need to know all the details.

Davie813

**pregnancy mentioned**

I had frequent doctor's visits while I was TTC and pregnant with DD, but I never gave my employer a reason until the first trimester was through.  I didn't want anyone to know I was trying/pregnant before then in case something went wrong.

Being a temp obviously complicates your position.  Ordinarily I would think telling your employer about fertility treatments would be a bad idea (because you don't know how well the process is going to go or how long it's going to take, and you probably don't want people asking you about it, etc.)  However, if you're new, or temp, you probably haven't built up the trust that makes it possible for you to miss work too often without a good, stated reason.  Is your position strictly temporary, or is there a possibility you'll be staying on full-time?  If you'll be moving on soon anyway, maybe it's not such a problem if your employer knows about your situation...

In any case, how flexible is your doctor?  I had decent luck scheduling my appointments for early morning/evening/lunch time.  Obviously some procedures do just require a full or half day off, but you may not actually need to miss work to go to many of your appointments.

Good luck!

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Austrogermokee

This job is going to go permanent because I don't want it to - I don't find it challenging and the office has drama. But the income is very useful to us, since treatments aren't covered by our insurance (just diagnostics). Basically, I work here to save up in case we need IVF.

Another challenge is that we only have one car, which DH needs to get to work. I usually take the bus or walk. But if I have to go to a clinic when DH has the car, I don't know if I have any physical way of getting there.

Maybe I'm weird - the idea of needles and tests and drugs doesn't intimidate me. But I'm freaking about explaining all of this to an employer and sorting out transportation.

CaraH

I don't think you need to say its fertility treatments. Just tell the you have ongoing medical treatment and are taking time off for dr appointments. That should be enough without having to divulge your private details. I'm at home/self-employed this time, but both when attempting to get pregnant the first time and when dealing with a flare up of a chronic disease I just referred to medical care and left it at that. Even in my close knit to the point of being nosy office no one I'd more than hint by asking if everything was ok. When I responded with 'it will be' and offered no details, they left it at that.

kjmitlyng

I would definitely go the route of saying you have a medical condition that requires time off for appointments.  Let them know you will do your best to schedule the appointments so they don't interfere with work, but that you need to attend these appointments.  I work in the mental health field and a lot of my patients/clients feel the same way about asking to have time off to go to the psychiatrist, therapist or having to be in the hospital or more intensive treatment.  I tell them the same thing, you have a medical condition that requires treatment, the rest is none of their business. They wouldn't tell someone with cancer they couldn't go get their chemo or radiation.  In my mind, there's no difference.  Best wishes!

LaireAndLia

I just flat out told my boss that I would need time off for IVF, but we've been friends for years, and she had trouble conceiving herself, so for me it wasn't a problem. But my partner is doing what others have suggested, she's simply told her boss that she will need time off for medical treatments, and they haven't batted an eye lid. You aren't obligated to tell them why you are having time off at all, so don't feel like you have to tell them anything, temporary or not. Good luck!

Austrogermokee

Thanks everybody! My staffing agency has to send a substitute to cover my desk when I'm gone (I'm a receptionist), so I think that they're getting really grouchy about that. I've asked to be transferred to an assignment with a little more flexibility, but so far I haven't had any luck. 

I think what I'll do is ask for appointment time individually, then if it comes up say, "I'm being treated for a medical issue, it's not life-threatening but it does require regular appointments." Because that's probably more professional than, "They're gonna shove dye up my ladybits!"

sidey1

***siggy warning**

Having worked on the staffing agency side, I can see this from both perspectives.I would be upfront and tell them what you stated above, you have a medical issue that requires regular appts and leave it at that. At least that way they know you're not just flaking on them and also they might realize that it really makes sense to place you somewhere with more flexilbility so they don't have to worry about explaining to the client and getting someone to fill in, ultimately less hassle on their part. If you do decide to undergo treatments, like PP mentioned, its hard to predict when you'll need time off so having flexibility is key.

 

Austrogermokee

I'm sympathetic to the staffing agency, I understand that it's not the best situation for them. But I've asked to be transferred, and they seem to be dragging their heels on that. I don't think this agency puts a premium on placing temps in good situations for them, instead it's about getting someone into a slot as quickly as possible, and grumping at them. If I were younger/less experienced, I'd probably be a lot more intimidated about asking for time off and I'd be postponing appointments.

Hpearl

I was completely honest with my employer,  in fact I told them I was changing jobs (I moved back to my old company)  based on the fact that I would have the flexibility to make my appointments and make time for a family eventually..... I already had a 6+ year relationship with the company, and was in good regard with them.     I also took a demotion to come back,  which was a calculated move on my part.

I work as a preschool director,  so I think there is more understanding based on my field.   I have been passed twice now for a promotion which is frustrating, but I keep telling myself thats OK because I will want to be a mom first. 

There are days where I wish I had said nothing.   My boss jokes now that I should start a twitter account for my uterus.... LOL

Everyone's situation is a bit different.  If this job is not your "forever" job,  I might consider just telling them you have medical issues that you are sorting out.