October 2014 Moms
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Step kids during pregnancy

kmgriff0709kmgriff0709 member
edited May 2014 in October 2014 Moms
Okay sooo... I have a stepson who is 6 years old. I have been raising him since he was a year old, and he has lived with me and his daddy full time since he was 2 years old. (His mom visits every so often)  Anyways... he has no brothers and sisters so this is his first... this is my issue, he is so excited one minute and the next he isn't and he will make comments to me like " you probably wont love me as much as you love her because im only your step kid" which I have never ever referred to him as my "Step kid" .To me he is my son.  sometimes I am un sure of what to do say or act, and it breaks my heart.  :( Does anyone else have step children and are going through anything with them and pregnancy?
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Re: Step kids during pregnancy

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    I don't have any step children, but I was a step child. My only advice is to hug and love him and tell him you love him as your child, the same with the new baby. Tell him that both kids are equal in your eyes.

    My step mom treated me like hers before she had kids. Afterwards, she would always refer to me as my dad's daughter. Whenever they would argue she would tell him to take "his daughter" and get out, or she would refer to me as his favorite and it always stung.

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    Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited May 2014
    I don't have any stepchildren. That is so heartbreaking to hear. ((Hugs)) He IS your son...You could get down on his level when he says that (crouch or kneel so that you can look him straight in the eye) and tell him that he IS yours, that you are his, and you will love him and his brother/sister equally, forever and ever.

    He may need some reminding that babies can't do anything for themselves, they are 100% dependent upon their moms and dads for everything, so you will have to spend lots and lots of time taking care of the new baby. But this doesn't mean you love baby any more than him, just that baby has lots of needs...and that he can help take care of his baby too!
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    Good ideas! I have been trying so hard to make him not feel like that. We actually decided this summer I wasn't going to work and instead of putting him in childcare everyday I am going to spend the summer with him one on one so we can get that time in before the baby. I also took him to the doctors with me yesterday for my check up apt and he got to hear the heartbeat and he got so excited about that. I am trying to include him in all of it that I possibly can.

    Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, and really doing all you can to help him prepare for the transition. His fears and concerns are totally legit, and it will make a HUGE difference that you are giving him so much love and care before his sibling arrives. :) Great job, mama!
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    You sound like a wonderful step-mom!  I'm sure it will be a huge adjustment but he will soon realize that your love for him has not changed.  Bringing him along to hear the heartbeat was a great idea.
    BabyFruit Ticker

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    rlyttlerlyttle member
    I don't have step children, but sometimes I can tell my DS gets jealous and/or worries about this DD coming along. 90% of the time he LOVES the idea of a new baby, the other 10% he says he doesn't like the baby or that he is the baby now. He is turning 4 soon, so I know it's a little different than a 6 year old. It has worked out that this LO is a girl and I always tell DS that he will always be my favorite boy & this DD will be my favorite girl (we are done after 2). I think that makes him feel special and his little 3.5 year old self can understand that he is still going to be very special to me. But if we ended up having another boy I would probably tell him that he is my favorite big boy. 

    I would just keep reassuring him that you are going to love him soooo much & that will never change.  Just understand that their little minds worry about things and need reassurance. But I don't get too deep about it. I just say "you are being silly, of course I'll always love you", then distract him with tickles or something. 
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    Emerald27 said:
    Good ideas! I have been trying so hard to make him not feel like that. We actually decided this summer I wasn't going to work and instead of putting him in childcare everyday I am going to spend the summer with him one on one so we can get that time in before the baby. I also took him to the doctors with me yesterday for my check up apt and he got to hear the heartbeat and he got so excited about that. I am trying to include him in all of it that I possibly can.
    Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, and really doing all you can to help him prepare for the transition. His fears and concerns are totally legit, and it will make a HUGE difference that you are giving him so much love and care before his sibling arrives. :) Great job, mama!
    Thanks :) I am really trying! I do love him as my own and don't want thoughts in that little head of his as if I don't!!
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    rlyttle said:
    I don't have step children, but sometimes I can tell my DS gets jealous and/or worries about this DD coming along. 90% of the time he LOVES the idea of a new baby, the other 10% he says he doesn't like the baby or that he is the baby now. He is turning 4 soon, so I know it's a little different than a 6 year old. It has worked out that this LO is a girl and I always tell DS that he will always be my favorite boy & this DD will be my favorite girl (we are done after 2). I think that makes him feel special and his little 3.5 year old self can understand that he is still going to be very special to me. But if we ended up having another boy I would probably tell him that he is my favorite big boy. 

    I would just keep reassuring him that you are going to love him soooo much & that will never change.  Just understand that their little minds worry about things and need reassurance. But I don't get too deep about it. I just say "you are being silly, of course I'll always love you", then distract him with tickles or something. 
    Love those ideas as well! I think maybe when she gets here he will feel differently about it. It might just be a scary thought right now, thinking he is going to be forgotten. Which it would never be that way. But I love the your my favorite boy and shes my favorite girl thing!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    We were in a similar boat with DD when DS was born.  She was living with DH for 6 years prior to me being in the picture- although DD's bio-mom was DH's ex, DH is not bio-dad, and neither parent is in the picture, so the whole situation is tricky.  I think it was more difficult to share her dad with me than it was for her to share us with DS.  

    She was 8 when DS was born, and we specifically never made a distinction between brother, step-brother, half-brother, or brother-through-adoption.  We offered to have her in the delivery room when DS was born, so she felt involved, but she chickened out at the last second.  We had her be involved in other ways: she helped change diapers, held the baby or 'babysat' while I showered, she got to feed him (I EP'd at first), she picked out his outfit for the day or his purees for dinner- anyway that we could think of to make her feel like the baby was hers, too.

    DD is 10 now and still occasionally throws out the, "You love Theo more than you love me" and "Do you even love me?" cards (mostly when she is in trouble) and acts out when she doesn't get enough one-on-one attention.  We try to nip that in the bud by having Mommy-Daughter/Daddy-Daughter dates every so often.  DD and DS have a great relationship, considering the age difference.  I can't get over how much they love each other.  

    Make sure that your son is involved with the baby (you are doing awesome!) and that you share a lot of one-on-one moments, especially after the baby is here.  You are doing so awesome with everything already!  You're a great mom!
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