Doulas and moms who have hired doulas, please come in...

Drgn30

Hi ladies:

I am interviewing a doula in a couple of weeks and I need some advice about what to ask her.  I will be delivering at a large hospital (with meds if all goes according to plan), and I'm looking for someone to coach and support me through labor/delivery.  It seems so straightforward to me, so I have no idea what to ask her about.  Any thoughts?

Here's a treat for your time:

ZAP12

I have never interviewed a doula, but maybe ask:

What are her views on different things you want (meds, food during labor, induction, etc)
Is there a time when she would go against your wishes and when would that be (in an emergency would she follow your birth plan and try to coach you through it or would she try to change your mind)

MAMAxB

Natural childbirth educator here -- so as a result, I often attend part or all of births as an unofficial doula!

1. How many births has she attended? I'm okay with a newer doula as long as she's been to at least 15-20++ births as an apprentice. I would rather have someone NOT certified but with more experience hands on than someone who went through DONA and has only been to her own births and 2 others.

2. Who is her back up? Does she have a "more experienced" doula she can call if she needs advice during labor?

3. Not a question -- but what does your husband think of her? Does he want to be hands on in labor and have her as another pair of hands? Or does he want to have her more of a leader and him as the "background" support? Either way he has to be confident in her

4. Do you like her? She could be the most experienced/recommended into world -- but do you CLICK?

5. Ask for reference and call couples who used her. You'll learn the most that way

Hope that helps!

jayellekay

I had a doula with my first. I have mixed feelings on the experience. For one, I was sort of cornered into hiring her (not really, but sort of...). She was the only practicing doula in our area at the time--I knew I wanted to go med-free, and my husband had no idea how to help me, so it was her or no one. Unfortunately, we didn't mesh well at all personality-wise...and when I ended up being induced, she was not supportive of the process at all. Now, when it came down to it and I was laboring without pain meds and needed the most support, she was awesome. But the other 99% of our interactions were awkward and forced. Because of that, I'm on the fence about hiring someone (not her) again. We have a few more doulas in our area now, so I'm confident I could find someone I could get along with...but I also know now what my body is capable of, so I don't know that I need to pay someone to remind me of that the second time around.

Drgn30

Thanks so much for the advice ladies.  I really appreciate it. 

Cheekers2010

MAMAxB said:

1. How many births has she attended? I'm okay with a newer doula as long as she's been to at least 15-20++ births as an apprentice. I would rather have someone NOT certified but with more experience hands on than someone who went through DONA and has only been to her own births and 2 others.

That is a tall order! Most doulas don't apprentice and if they do, it may only be 2-3 births. It can take YEARS for a doula to attend that many births depending on how often she takes on clients. While I agree, that experience is very valuable, I would not put an arbitrary number on it. I'm a DONA certified doula (certified since 2007. Doula since 2004). I think that the most important things are to look for someone you mesh with and feel connected to, and to find someone who's basic philosophy fits yours. It is the doula's job to support you in whatever decisions you make so you need to find someone who will not judge or try and guide you to do what she would do. It's about you and your DH, not her at all.

I would also definitely suggest getting references.

Cheekers2010

jayellekay said:

I had a doula with my first. I have mixed feelings on the experience. For one, I was sort of cornered into hiring her (not really, but sort of...). She was the only practicing doula in our area at the time--I knew I wanted to go med-free, and my husband had no idea how to help me, so it was her or no one. Unfortunately, we didn't mesh well at all personality-wise...and when I ended up being induced, she was not supportive of the process at all. Now, when it came down to it and I was laboring without pain meds and needed the most support, she was awesome. But the other 99% of our interactions were awkward and forced. Because of that, I'm on the fence about hiring someone (not her) again. We have a few more doulas in our area now, so I'm confident I could find someone I could get along with...but I also know now what my body is capable of, so I don't know that I need to pay someone to remind me of that the second time around.

And this definitely proves my point. A doula has no business being non supportive of your choices. Her job is to make you as comfortable as possible regardless of what she would choose for herself in similar circumstances. I think the most important thing is to mesh well and feel comfortable. If you don't, then forget it!

BankerBSN

I would also ask how many clients she takes on in a month or set period of time. I have had several patients left high and dry cause their doula was taking on way too many moms.

Cheekers2010

True that @BankerBSN‌ ! Good point

pjswife

I too have thought about hiring a doula for a medicated hospital birth. Part of me thinks it would put my husband and even mom more at ease. Sort if like hiring a wedding planner. But I live in a super hippie town-for lack of a better term (Eugene, or) so I'm
Worried it'll take me some time to find someone who id click with and support my wishes...I don't want to feel judged.

ColeyCannoli

I have the opposite problem to @pjswife‌ where I live in a very conservative area of SC and I've managed to find one doula so far who doesn't seem all that experienced. From this advicee I'm definitely more confident that I should broaden my search.

MAMAxB

BankerBSN said:

I would also ask how many clients she takes on in a month or set period of time. I have had several patients left high and dry cause their doula was taking on way too many moms.

--

Good addition - I think most should take two at the most...

MAMAxB

jayellekay said:

I had a doula with my first. I have mixed feelings on the experience. For one, I was sort of cornered into hiring her (not really, but sort of...). She was the only practicing doula in our area at the time--I knew I wanted to go med-free, and my husband had no idea how to help me, so it was her or no one. Unfortunately, we didn't mesh well at all personality-wise...and when I ended up being induced, she was not supportive of the process at all. Now, when it came down to it and I was laboring without pain meds and needed the most support, she was awesome. But the other 99% of our interactions were awkward and forced. Because of that, I'm on the fence about hiring someone (not her) again. We have a few more doulas in our area now, so I'm confident I could find someone I could get along with...but I also know now what my body is capable of, so I don't know that I need to pay someone to remind me of that the second time around.

Huge bummer. I'm sorry you had a so-so experience. I definitely agree --- you HAVE to click with them! I hope you find a better option this time!!

kimba1976

This is a great post. Thanks @Drgn30 for asking this. I hope you don't mind me adding a question of my own. I will be having another planned c-section. I didn't have a doula with my first and felt the whole birth process to be overwhelming, rushed, emotional, and stressful. I'm wondering if having one with my second would be worthwhile. Do any of you moms who've used a doula think a doula could help even when I know I will be having a c-section?

BankerBSN

kimba1976 said:

This is a great post. Thanks @Drgn30 for asking this. I hope you don't mind me adding a question of my own. I will be having another planned c-section. I didn't have a doula with my first and felt the whole birth process to be overwhelming, rushed, emotional, and stressful. I'm wondering if having one with my second would be worthwhile. Do any of you moms who've used a doula think a doula could help even when I know I will be having a c-section?

I would look into a post partum doula.  They are doula's that support you after birth.  They held with care of yourself and NB.  It would for sure help to have someone in the recovery room with you supporting skin to skin and early breast feeding.