My family is so damn rude! (Vent)

Tylynngrace

Last night my grandpa was at my house and he made a joke about my husbands weight to me. I know older people don't really see anything wrong with comments like that but I do. My husband is extremely self conscience and is constantly upset because of his weight. I don't know how to address this before they say something like that to his face, he doesn't deserve that. My father and brother have also made jokes of that content before as well. It just gets me so upset to know I was raised by such rude people. Most of them have never been overweight so they have no idea how it feels to have someone make a comment about their weight. Ugh I'm so frustrated. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I could say to my family to get them to stop? The good old fashioned "that's rude don't say that" phrase doesn't work anymore. Thanks for letting me vent! TIA for any suggestions!

xanadu94

My grandma was always like that, she would make comments about people and she thought she was speaking quietly enough so that only the person she was talking to would hear but with her hearing aid, it was always quite loud.  If it's only your grandpa that is the issue, I might let it slide.  If it is your whole family and you've already said something about it, that is really rude.  Maybe they don't believe you are as upset as you are about it?  Maybe you could further explain it when they say something... i.e. "you know it really upsets me when you make comments about my husband's weight because ..."  If they don't respect you after a heart-to-heart conversation, then they are just jerks.

peanutmuse

If it is really that much of an issue -- which it sounds like it is -- and your family is not listening to your requests to not make comments about his weight, I would actually take a stronger stance. I would let them know that you don't tolerate comments about your husband's weight, so if it happens again, you will either leave (if it's outside of your home) or you will ask the person making the comments to leave (if it's at your house). That way, your husband knows that you fully support him and your family knows that it needs to be taken seriously. But I wouldn't just kick people out without letting them know that that will be the consequence, I would let them know ahead of time how comments about his weight will be treated by you.

cnctf

peanutmuse said:

I would let them know that you don't tolerate comments about your husband's weight, so if it happens again, you will either leave (if it's outside of your home) or you will ask the person making the comments to leave (if it's at your house). That way, your husband knows that you fully support him and your family knows that it needs to be taken seriously. But I wouldn't just kick people out without letting them know that that will be the consequence, I would let them know ahead of time how comments about his weight will be treated by you.

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MiaMyPuggle

I agree with PPs...."I do not appreciate you speaking about my H and the father of my child like that." To my grandmother, I've said, "what are you trying to accomplish here? If you want me to feel like shit, you've accomplished that". We have that type of relationship....she's a nasty woman, so I give it back to her and she respects me more bc of that. Weird. If your grandfather is the same way, let him have it.

Tylynngrace

Thanks ladies for the suggestions! I'm trying to keep the peace with everyone and it's really hard because everyone's so hard headed.

NenaMarie84

My grandfather is constantly telling me I look like I have extra weight on. I saw him two weeks ago and he said this. My reply was "yes, I just had a baby 3 months ago!" But I'm back to pp weight. He's just always said this and it's hurtful even though I'm not overweight so I know what you mean. I agree with the other people though, stand up for it now or it will just continue. Good luck!

somewierd_person

Fight fire with fire if necessary, tell them that he can always lose weight but apparently they can't lean to have any manners. I agree about laying down the law ahead of time and following through.