December 2014 Moms
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Telling Family

Okay...so the big question... When should I tell my family?

I am 5 wks and 5 days pregnant. My first ob appointment isn't until June 3rd. (So far away) My husband is bound and determined to tell our families soon. Originally we were wanting to tell them on Mother's Day. I will be 7 weeks pregnant. After making my first appointment and realizing I can't get in for awhile, I don't think it's such a good idea to tell until after June 3.

I know it's basically a personal preference and I know the risks of telling and everything. My husband is SO excited to tell and I really don't know if I can hold it in until June 3. I work out with my sister in law at Planet Fitness and she has been asking questions about why I don't want to tan and why I don't want to do certain things when I work out. Because of this--I am ready to tell!!

Thoughts?!

Re: Telling Family

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    We told parents and siblings right away. I also told two of my best friends.
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    It really is a personal preference. Some like telling just family right away, some like telling everyone right away, some like waiting a bit, etc. Just depends on what you feel comfortable with. 

    I personally, only told individuals who I would want to "un-tell" and be there in case something happens. I'm still up in the air on when to tell anyone else besides husband and one close friend. I believe we're telling family at 12 weeks. Then go from there. 
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    pjswifepjswife member
    edited May 2014
    It's definitely up to you; I decided to think about who I'd want to know if a loss happened, God forbid.  So we told my parents and sister at about 5.5 weeks, on Easter.  I've told a few close friends and one wonderful coworker who is discreet.  We are telling DH's parents after we hear the HB and get that first U/S photo on May 14th, I'll be just hitting 9 weeks at that point :)
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    mkc1212mkc1212 member
    Yeah, I just don't think we can keep it in.

    BTW I love your signature pic!
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    My first pregnancy ended in m/c and I hadn't told anyone because of that whole "12 week" rule. But it didn't help me feel better. If anything it was more stressful to explain why I was so upset from the beginning. This time around, I've told our families and a few close friends immediately just so we can have their support and prayers. I still haven't made some huge facebook post or anything. But it's all personal preference and how open you are about your personal business with your family.
    In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14 <3
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    We told both of our parents the day of the BFP cause we were so excited and we would tell them if something bad happened so I believe they should share in the good news too. A week after missed period we told a handful of friends too. Last time we told everyone at 7 weeks and everything went fine with DD but I am just so nervous this time so we are keeping it quiet from the rest of the world till my appointment next Friday! Can't wait!!!
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    With my first we waited 12 weeks to even tell our parents.  This time around we are planning on telling parents/siblings soon....so at 7 weeks.  It is a personal preference and the reason I decided to tell early this time is that if anything were to happen I realize that I would need and welcome the family support.  
    IAmPregnant Ticker

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    (loss mentioned)

    I guess the rule is to wait until 12 weeks so you're "out of the water."  My first pregnancy ended in an early MC.  Truthfully, I ended up telling far more people than I expected about the MC.  At work, I knew I would be out on short notice, and that I was an emotional wreck.  So, I told people about it.  Now, I have told two friends who are also TTC and have been sharing updates along the way.  I also told my sister and cousin.  On Mother's Day (the day before my first US) we are going to tell our moms and immediate families. I'll be 7w3d then.  It's early, but.. I have been doing my hCG and progesterone levels, so as long as those are on point, I'm okay with telling the family.  They'll know if something goes wrong again anyway.

    It's a tough, personal decision.  After my MC, I hid for a day or two without telling anyone besides the hubs.  But my MC also lasted for an entire week of spotting and waiting... so.. it was drawn out and awful. 
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    mlee116mlee116 member
    I'm waiting until after my first appt when I see the HB.  Then we will probably tell our parents, siblings and close friends.  Then I like to wait until 12w to tell everyone else.  It's personal preference but I know that if I had a loss, I'd want the support of my family but I wouldn't want an acquaintance who didn't know abt the loss coming up to me months later asking me about the pregnancy.   

    Last time we told my parents really early (right after BFP) and my mom wouldn't quit asking me if she could just tell so-and-so.  Then she did tell someone and it was before DH's parents even knew so that's why we're waiting a little longer this time.
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    I told my parents at around 6 weeks because they were visiting and 1) it's my mom and 2) I didn't want to have to pretend I wasn't pg. I told my sister at 7.5 weeks because I was visiting her and 1) she's my sister and best friend and 2) I didn't want to have to pretend I wasn't pg. We told DH's parents at 8.5 weeks after our first u/s. We waited to tell them until we knew things looked ok because they were really devastated by our first loss, they have other family drama going on right now and don't need more bad news, and we knew they'd be super excited and become really invested right away. Also, we have waited to tell them in the past because we know they have a hard time keeping a secret. 
    So it's not like we told everyone all at the same time. There are different reasons why you tell people at different times. You have to do what works for you and your H. If my parents weren't visiting or I didn't visit my sister, I probably wouldn't have told them so soon.

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    bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!

    beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!

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    Mrw218Mrw218 member
    I'm not telling anyone until after first tri but it works out bc that will be at Father's Day and sister will be in town so I told her id give her her bday present then. I plan on getting dad a grandfathers day card and putting baby us in there and sis will get one in a things remembered frame that says I love my auntie or something like that. That way when LO is born she can insert pic with baby. This is the firs grandchild for my dad so I want to make it special/fun. They'll never expect bc they really don't know we r trying and based on my parents history of taking 6 yrs to get preggers and a condition I have they r probs thinking I may have fertility issues. I mean I started earlier than maybe we otherwise would have bc we just didn't know.
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    The only people I will tell/have told are people who I would want around godforbid something happened.  As other people have said, only people I wouldn't mind un-telling.
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    kath16kath16 member
    I told my immediate family and allowed my mother one phone call. I also told some close friends

    I literally just emailed my large extended family (aunts, uncles and cousins who I'm not that close to) and told them that they've been pretty good aunts and uncles but I was promoting them to GREAT aunts and uncles. 

    I was just feelin' it today after a good doctor's appointment yesterday


    BFP #1: 4/7/14, EDD: 12/16/14 -- Missed Miscarriage - D&C  on 5/13 at 9 weeks
    BFP #2: 10/24/14, EDD: 07/04/15 -- Chemical Pregnancy confirmed 10/27
    BFP #3: 11/28/14, EDD: 08/06/15 -- Strong heartbeat at 6 weeks, Missed Miscarriage - D&C on 1/9 at 10 weeks

    rainbows
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    I waited until almost 12 weeks with my first pregnancy. It was ok because most of my family lives out of state. With my 2nd pregnancy my close family had all moved here so we told them at 5 weeks. That pregnancy ended in m/c. It was not fun to have to tell my mom and sister about the m/c. My mom has no idea that she is not a supportive person, but she just isn't. She was completely devastated. And when I tried to reassure her (!!!) that m/c is common and happens to a lot of people, she informed me that well she (picture italics, i'm on mobile) had never had one. In general, I found it reasonably comforting to tell people after the fact. It didn't matter whether they had known I was pregnant or not. It was still cathartic to tell.

    Anyway, with this pregnancy...no, I will not be telling my family until at least 10 weeks after we have a 2nd u/s. If the worst happens, I will tell people after the fact.

    all that said, It is difficult to hide. I am having to sneak around a lot and endure some snide comments and misunderstandings about why I'm not doing some things but given my recent history I just can't tell right now.
    Lilypie - (vGZN)

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP2: 10/27/13(edd 7/10/14) "Speck" ~ M/C 12/5/13
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    We told our families at 7 weeks but we had an appointment a week before and saw the heartbeat so I felt ok sharing. It's absolutely a personal choice- you are pregnant, so share when you want!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    ajlmomajlmom member
    I told a few close friends so far. These girls have been there for me through my IF struggle so I shared with them right away. And I know if sth bad really happens (knock on wood) these will be the people that I'll go to for support.

    I plan on telling my parents the weekend before Father's Day, I'll be 12w5/6d going onto 13w.

    For DH's parents we'll spill the beans on Father's Day. I'll been almost 14w then.
    Pregnant with #2

    IVF cycle 1 (Nov 2013)- freeze all d/t OHSS
    FET #1-BFN
    FET #2-BFP baby girl born Dec 2014
    FET #3-Sept 2017 BFP but miscarried at 6 weeks

    IVF cycle 2 (Oct 2017)- freeze all again d/t OHSS
    FET #1 BPF, pregnant with a singleton due Sept 2018


    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    JCM285JCM285 member
    We told our parents after seeing the heartbeat at 7w6d. I am torn on when/whether to tell our extended family, because we were so happy to tell them a year ago about our first pregnancy and then I miscarried right after. This might sound dumb, but I am done with making a huge announcement over it. I will tell my parents to tell my aunt and my DHs parents can do the same and then I think Ill just announce over FB at or around 12w. Half of our family members are in FB anyway! I have a few announcement ideas in mind already.
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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    We just started telling our families this week after our first appointment. I've told a couple of friends too bc this is the hardest secret ever! It's just the people we would count on support from should anything bad happen.
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    D14 mama with an O14 baby.
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    I told my parents the day I went to the doctor and I was 7 weeks. We told my fiances parents and grandparents that same weekend. It's totally your preference. I was told not to tell anyone until after the first 3 months in case something went wrong. But it's so hard keeping the news in for so long. We haven't told the entire family yet just the ones mentioned. But totally your call. I'm new to this also at 9 weeks. Will be 10 tomorrow. To will be so excited to see your little peanut on the screen. At 7 I saw peanut and a heart beat it was tear jerking. Congrats!!!
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    Once we have our 1st appointment (this Monday), and hear everything's looking good, then we will feel okay telling people. Our close family and most of our close friends live far away, so we will likely tell them when we're next in town. I will be *fingers crossed* nearly 12 weeks at that point. 

    We've gotta be careful though, because my husband's sister is due with her second child any day now, and she will be SUPER angry at us "stealing her thunder." So we will try to tell my MIL and FIL quietly, and let them tell the diva later on. I don't need to see her scowl at our news.

    In other words, there's no one size fits all approach. You know your family dynamics. Some relatives can't help themselves and will blab to everyone, so you gotta be aware. I kind of enjoy my husband and I sharing this secret for now, but sometimes I do want to tell my two best friends! 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    EDD: December 8, 2014
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