Question about co-sleeping and separation from primary caregiver (XP-J13) — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Question about co-sleeping and separation from primary caregiver (XP-J13)

merc5411merc5411 member
edited May 2014 in Attachment Parenting
I was wondering if anybody knew of any legitimate studies done on the effects of babies being separated from their primary caregiver, over night, at this age?  Especially for babies that co-sleep?  Are there negative effects being away from "the familiar"?  I'm asking for a friend who had to delete her account recently.  If anyone has any information on this, or can point me in the right direction, I'd really appreciate it.

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Re: Question about co-sleeping and separation from primary caregiver (XP-J13)

  • How long will this be necessary? If this is a longterm thing, then the first several nights might be kind of rough, but the LO will adjust, like with any routine change. Disrupting the usual sleep routine isn't going to break them  :) 

    If it's just for a night or two, it might be rough for the LO to fall asleep or stay asleep, but they should have no problems falling back into routine once their mama gets back.

    Is a secondary or stand-in primary caregiver going to bedshare with the LO in the mama's absence, regardless of how long she'll be away? That would be the gentlest way to go about it, IMO.


  • merc5411merc5411 member
    edited May 2014
    @je+suis=fatiguee, thank you for the advice.  The concern is that lo would be away from her for multiple nights every week (a custody agreement).  She co-sleeps and still nurses multiple times during the night, and lo has some medical issues that cause her to have disrupted sleep.  The secondary caregiver would not be able to co-sleep due to his own sleep problems and drinking.  Thank you for your help!

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  • @ClaryPax,  Thank you for the advice.  She is still breastfeeding, so I hope that will work in her favor.

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  • ncbellencbelle member
    I would be more worried about breastfeeding vs. bed sharing and think that will be a stronger argument in her favor.  I would also be far more worried about drinking - only raising as you mentioned it - not sure if you mean drinking to excess or not but that would be a HUGE problem if so (even without bed sharing).
  • There are many of us who are away from our infants at times, e.g. docs on call may spend >30hrs at work up to every 4 days (I don't consider my children harmed by this though my DH isn't a fan of these nights),  so that argument may not be the strongest.  This drinking you elude to seems like a stronger objection.........
    5/08- blighted ovum, spont ab; 2/20/09- epi, VAVD, Girl! breastfed 24mo; 10/10- blighted ovum, spon ab; 12/10- no fetal pole, Cytotec; 11/20/11- unmedicated SVD, Girl! breastfed 18mo; 11/7/13- unmedicated SVD, breastfed 18mo; 2/11/16- unmedicated SVD, exclusively pumping to at least a year.

  • The other parent who is alone with the child should not be drinking any significant amount, regardless of sleeping arrangements. That, coupled with nursing, to me is a bigger argument against overnight custody away from the mother.

  • Thank you for all of the great advice.  Things are looking like they are going in my friend's favor, and I appreciate all the help you ladies have given!

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