Ex friend rant! Sorry! Need to get it off my chest!!

Pmmama

So, my BFF and I have drifted significantly in the last few years. It's kind of strange.. I feel like she wants to be involved in all the major things going on in my life (insisted on being front & center for all my wedding events.. literally hunted me down when i delivered my son) but is "too busy" to lend an ear to anything she considers unimportant.

We barely speak- so when I had my losses she didn't have a clue.. Until later when I spent an afternoon w her. There was very little follow up after I divulged what I'd gone through.

For that and a million other reasons, I've been distancing myself.. But- the last few times I've seen her (her kids bday parties) she makes a point to come up to me and assault me w an arsenal of preg questions! Are you preg yet??? Are you not going to tell me if you are? Why wont you just tell me?? I thought you'd be 8 months preg by now!! (Thx ahole, I should be.. Remember that m/c I told u about???) added:**this is in a completely public forum in front of people I would never discuss ^^^ with!!!

It's actually infuriating to me!! I would never harass someone about whether or not they're pregnant! Nevermind someone I know has had losses! She's had several losses herself so she really has no excuse other than being plain old thoughtless. My thought- if I'm only telling my inner circle why do I have to tell her? I find myself not only drifting but disliking her! Thanks for listening to my rant! Any advice will help!

megbmeg

Sorry your friend is being so insensitive, pmmama. It hurts to be assaulted with all those questions, and it sounds like she's more interested in being #1 in the know, best friend in pictures, but not truly supportive. I don't know what that means for your friendship long term, or if she's even the kind of person who would listen if you told her about your frustrated/hurt feelings, but if you don't want to tell her about your current news, definitely don't. That kind of trust is earned. Good luck! Hope ranting felt good  

heatherfaith

Im sorry. Some people are so thoughtless.  I think most of us have friends like this.  Some times you just need to cut your losses and not have that kind of person in your life. Ive been there.

ToriGirl2014

I'm sorry you're going through this and hope the vent helped.

I went through something similar with a friend after my mom passed .... It's hard to feel like that person only wants to be there for your good moments and won't acknowledge the rest.

Hope you find some peace with the situation soon.

katiebartton

I'm very sorry! I have a friend who acts in a very similar way. I knew it was bad when I would dread meeting up with her for lunch. DH would always ask why have a friend you are upset even meeting for a quick bite? He had a point... Friends are suppose to bring you joy... I don't really have any advice. I ended up just distancing myself from the situation and accepting that we were just different now and that it's ok to move on.

carlsonbaby2014

Birch113 said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Some people like to be there for all of the good stuff, and then completely bail for the hard stuff. Sounds like she falls into that camp. Her questions are completely insensitive, and even worse in public. You are not obligated to tell anyone you are pregnant. Share the news with whom you feel comfortable. This time is not about making her feel good. You need to be happy and to get the support you need. (((Hugs)))

This times a thousand.

It seems to me that she is more toxic than enjoyable, and if it were me, I would continue to distance myself from her.  In response to her barrage of "are you going to tell me? why won't you tell me?" questions regarding your pregnancy, you do not have to appease her by giving her any information.  If she continues to be rude, I would be more direct and say that you don't appreciate her bombarding you with questions and that how she is doing it (and where she is doing it) is making you really uncomfortable.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I hope your future interactions with her are much more pleasant.  Lots of (((hugs))).

Pmmama

Thanks all for understanding!!!! I thought I was the only one dealing w such a pain in my a$$! I'm def telling her when I tell the rest of the outer circle. I'm sure she will be very angry so maybe I'll give her a piece of my mind at that point. Till then, I'm staying away!