September 2014 Moms

Hubby not so excited about gender reveal !

So today we had our anatomy ultrasound and found out we are having another girl. Our daughter is 5 yrs old and very excited about a baby sister. I would have been happy either way but hubby looked devastated. He later on said that he is happy as our daughter is such a sweet girl etc. But then when I got home from work tonight he goes into telling me that we can just try again for a boy after this one. I have no intentions of having a third child and I told him this. He then tried to guilt trip me that he wont have anyone to carry on his name etc and said I wouldnt understand. This is so nerve wracking ... I want to be excited and I want him to be excited as well. Maybe I dont understand but I dont want to feel guilty for having a girl. I dont think he means to make me feel this way but its how I am feeling at the moment.

Re: Hubby not so excited about gender reveal !

  • Thanks and I am sure your right. I think its just hormones in overdrive. He will be smitten once he sees her but I hope he isnt upset in the long run when I dont want to try for number three.
  • I wouldn't be concerned, give him some time. I'm at FTM so I don't have direct experience but I'm one of three girls and my dad came from a family of 4 boys. He had a huge adjustment in dealing with three girls but I bet he couldn't imagine it any other way :)
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  • It really isn't personal against you or your new little one. Give him some time and space to wrap his head around having an other girl.  

    I know that my husband is already hoping that number 2 will be a boy. However, we have already had the "how many babies are we having talk" and the next time around we're done. We are done at two. Whether that little one is a boy or a girl we won't have a third. 

    I can respect your stance of not wanting a 3rd, but I can also understand your husbands disappointment in not ever having a boy. Don't try to force him to be excited as that will just cause you both stress. Hopefully he will come around soon! 
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  • Thanks guys your really making me feel better. I guess it is something to wrap your head around. If it had of been a boy I guess I would have had to get used to the idea too.
  • Don't feel guilty. There are ways she can still carry on the family name if he's that concerned about it. Hopefully in time he snaps out of it and realizes he was being super ridiculous, and I agree with you he will be smitten with her when she arrives!
                                                                                      
  • JD83JD83 member
    edited April 2014
    Edit: never mind. Everyone else was far more helpful and I didn't need to add any negativity. Sorry about that and I'm sure these other more calm ladies are right.
  • I'm sure it'll click with your husband. If nothing else, once he holds her for the first time, he'll still be elated. Let him process all the estrogen that will soon be surrounding him. :-)
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  • Fwiw, when we found out dd was a girl, dh was so worried that he wouldn't know how to raise a girl and would suck at it. Well, he's the sweetest dad ever and she's the biggest daddy's girl on the planet. Give him time.
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  • My DH would've loved a boy too, and we had a conversation the night after our A/S to process feelings about our baby being a girl. While I couldn't be more overjoyed, I knew he felt more comfortable with the idea of a boy (this is our first), so I wanted that for him in a way. But already, a couple of days later, we are in a place of joy and contentment about it, and I hope your DH adjusts quickly too and feels content to watch your family grow with this little girl...and then see what the future may hold, whether or not a third baby is in it! ;)
  • I am sure he will be fine. I assume that every man wants a son just like every woman wants a daughter. Sometimes its hard to process it from the other persons perspective.
  • I think a lot of men look forward to having a son to carry on their name and to share things with like they shared with their own fathers... much like how a lot of us value our mother/daughter relationships. He's probably just having a bit of a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that this scenario he saw in his head might not actually happen. Just give it a little time. He probably needs to adjust to the idea of another girl, but I'm sure he'll be just as excited soon enough!

    As for trying again for a boy, well, I'd honestly just push it off again and say "let's get through this one first and talk about it later" or something similar. 

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  • DH felt like this when we had our first but when she came he didn't miss a beat. This time around he said he didn't care because he knows how awesome our DD is. We had already said if it was another girl we'd try again.  I was really upset when my husband felt like that the first time around but when I saw his face when he found out he was going to have a son I kind of got it- I think I would have felt the same way if I didn't have a daughter. Give it time and give him time. 
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  • I know that my husband would have been the same way if we were in the situation of having two girls.  Sex of the child matters A LOT to some people, and it isn't something I personally can relate to, but obviously in the end they come around and love their child whether it is a boy or girl.  I know women who feel this way too -- that they are just heartbroken (like, crying in the anatomy scan) about not having a girl.  In the long run, they've all been 10000% happy with their healthy wonderful children, but they had to wrap their brains around it.  Give him a little time.
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  • Two Daddy's Little Girls!! He will love it! Give him some time & don't bring it up. 
  • JD83 said:
    Edit: never mind. Everyone else was far more helpful and I didn't need to add any negativity. Sorry about that and I'm sure these other more calm ladies are right.
    I probably would have love titted whatever you said, cause my only thoughts about this thread are negative too.

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  • I will likely get flamed for this.. but...!  I agree with others in saying to just give him some time.. When I had my A/S for my second son, and they said "it's a boy".. I remember feeling this huge wave of sadness, too.  I thought for sure I was having a girl!! My husband was elated, but, I remember crying on my way home.. not because I "didn't want" another son, but because I felt sad that I wasn't going to have a daughter.  It's really hard to explain.  For me, my relationship with my Mom is very important.. and very strong.. she is my best friend.. I kept thinking about how when boys grow up and marry, their wives may tend to pull them towards their families, and eventually both my boys will be busy with that.. to which I'd completely understand, as I know how strong the mother-daughter bond is.. anyway.. it was very short lived.. and can I just tell you there is nothing I love more now than looking at my two boys together!  This time we are having a baby girl.. and, ironically, I was caught by such surprise about it!! I "felt" like it was another boy.. and I was extremely content and happy with that.. so when she said girl, while I'm elated (because a daughter will be so wonderful, too), I'm still a little shocked at how this will change our current dynamic :)  I think it's only natural to need a few days to adjust.. especially if you "envisioned" things a certain way!  I'm absolutely positive he will come around :)  Hang in there!
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  • I have a question about the 2 and done, was that something you both agreed on before and now he is changing his mind?  I am sure he will love the little girl just the same but maybe he is upset that you are saying that is it and he has no say in it.

    My DH had two children already and he wanted to be done after we had one. But I felt bad DS was not with a brother or sister full time, so I wanted to have more we talked about it and we decided to go for another. 

     

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  • we find out the sex next week and my husband is dead set that baby is a boy but he said he will be happy either way but we shall see. As for the whole carrying on the last name with a girl she can still have her last name forever. I still havent changed mine cause i dont see the need to. but a coworker of mine that didnt want to lose her last name made it her daughters middle name before she took her husbands name.
  • cmumamacmumama member
    edited May 2014
    I agree.  Give him some time.  As a mom of boys, I was sad when I found DS2 was another boy.  I got over it and he is the most awesome little guy ever and I can't imagine my life without him.
    ETA - I just found out we're having a 3rd boy. I was a little sad, but I'm getting over it. By the time he arrives, I will be over the moon!
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  • A coworker was actually telling me out of the blue about how she had a friend who had two planned pregnancy and got boys both time. Now she's pregnant with a third and just found out that she's having a boy, again. Apparently she's so upset about it, in spite of the fact that he's healthy as far as they can tell.

    The way I see it, it's not worth trying for another just to try for the opposite sex, it's still such a risk! I hope your DH will eventually see that there's still a chance it will be a girl again.


  • pshaortao said:
    A coworker was actually telling me out of the blue about how she had a friend who had two planned pregnancy and got boys both time. Now she's pregnant with a third and just found out that she's having a boy, again. Apparently she's so upset about it, in spite of the fact that he's healthy as far as they can tell.

    The way I see it, it's not worth trying for another just to try for the opposite sex, it's still such a risk! I hope your DH will eventually see that there's still a chance it will be a girl again.
    That's how I would feel too -- like if I was THAT set on having one or the other, and was trying solely for that purpose, it would make more sense to adopt so we were guaranteed.  Luckily I didn't care one way or another with either of our pregnancies, but I know DH would have been sad if he didn't get to experience a father-son relationship.  He's so close to HIS awesome dad that I know he wants to give that back. 
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  • JD83JD83 member
    My niece was one of those. She just came right out and said that she wasn't going to stop until she had a boy. Ended up with five kids. We have nothing in common and don't talk at all ever, so I have no idea what her kids are like, but I couldn't imagine how that must make the kid feel. "I wasn't good enough for my parents so they had to have another kid" or worse "my parents didn't really want me so they kept having kids until they got the one they did want." At least that's how I'd feel as a child. I told DH that he can have two kids and what we get is what we get. I get being a little disappointed, but to continue having kids until you get the "right one" is just terrible IMO.
  • Agree with the other ladies. Give him some time to adjust. I know if one of the twins wasn't a girl, I would have needed time to adjust because at the time, we were 2 and done. I was elated when both were girls. DH is so in love with our daughters. This time, I don't care either way. It will be nice to have another girl because of all the clothes we have x2 but it would be nice to have a boy for DH. He says he doesn't care either way but I'm sure he will be a little sad if this one is a girl.

    BTW we were 2 and done as well and we both decided that we wanted 1 more so anything is possible ;)

                              

  • Thanks for the advise and encouragement ladies. He has come around and is talking about names etc. He commented tonight that he already has two boys (his nephews) and that would work just fine. He isn't really pushing the having another one in hopes of a boy anymore. Luckily it didnt take him long to realize that two girls is great too.
  • Thanks for the advise and encouragement ladies. He has come around and is talking about names etc. He commented tonight that he already has two boys (his nephews) and that would work just fine. He isn't really pushing the having another one in hopes of a boy anymore. Luckily it didnt take him long to realize that two girls is great too.
    Thats good hes already coming around! I think most parents would like to experience what it would be like to have the Father/Son Father/Daughter Mother/Son Mother/Daughter relationships. It probably takes some adjusting when you find out you are not going to experience a certain one, but Im sure most wouldnt change what they end up with for the world. 
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  • Thanks for the advise and encouragement ladies. He has come around and is talking about names etc. He commented tonight that he already has two boys (his nephews) and that would work just fine. He isn't really pushing the having another one in hopes of a boy anymore. Luckily it didnt take him long to realize that two girls is great too.

    Glad he came around! That's such a nice way to look at it as well!


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