Apartment/Condo/Townhouse dwellers come in

wifeofadam

We'll be moving to a townhouse in the coming weeks and I've never shared a wall with a neighbor while having small children.  This is really really stressing me out.

This morning, for example, our kids woke at 7:00 and were running around the house before DH and I even woke up.  I could hear the toddler stomping and then fighting with one of her brothers.  My kids can be REALLY loud sometimes.  And then sometimes I have to get REALLY loud in order to get them to stop.

I just don't know how to handle this.  What is acceptable neighbor behavior?  What is a normal time on the weekends for noise to begin (all of our neighbors are old and childless)?  What about sleep training?  I know DD2 is going to be dealing with some regression when we move and put her in a room with her older sister.  I imagine a lot of crying, but it's probably not polite to let her cry during the night, so what do I do?

In another thread about this before someone mentioned bringing a gift to the neighbors to introduce ourselves and explain that we have four small children who can get noisy.  Anything else I can do?

The good thing is that I think they all work full-time, so I won't have to worry about my feral homeschooled gaggle bothering people all day every day, since they're home with me during the day.

jesuisfatiguee

I live in complex with a lot of families. Sometimes you hear young kids screaming or yelling or crying, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you hear couples hollering (usually briefly), but most of the time you don't. I'm more irritated by the obnoxious engines revving in the parking lot some evenings, but it's really not that bad. 

Being that it's a townhouse, I imagine your walls will be a bit thicker than those of a cheapo studio apartment. Bringing a gift with a notice/warning about having littles is a kind idea, but I really don't think it'll be that big of a deal. I have never expected ultimate peace and quiet in all the years I've lived in apartments, and the only time I've truly been annoyed with a neighbor is when it's music or something that they can clearly control. I'm sure you'll be fine!

DublinMama

lol Define "old." Because when I read that I figured that they would likely be up by 7 or much earlier, so that's one less thing to worry about. My Nana is almost 90. In her hayday retirement of 60-80 years old, she was up at 6. It was only after two strokes and lung cancer that she has started sleeping "in." And by that I mean 8 at the latest.

Given all I've read from you in the last almost 24 months (whoa!), I doubt any baby of yours is going to be crying in the MOTN for long enough to make any neighbors irritable. I think there is an reasonable expectation that anyone with small children is going to make some noise at odd hours. If they can't handle that, it's their hurdle to get over, not yours.

I live in a 2 bedroom house right now. It's the first place I've lived with some sense of privacy and not having to worry about those around me. But I have certainly lived with many a wall-mate. When there are small children involved, there has to be some lee way.

Edited because I typed some version of "there, their, and they're" so many times I confuzzled them. Second grade teacher for the win.

wifeofadam

You guys are making me feel so much better.  I'm sure, as with any transition, it always sounds worse than it really is.  I'm sure that once we get moved in and I train the kids to be considerate of the neighbors (and train myself not to yell at the kids) and I adjust our routine so that we aren't noisy in the mornings, it will all be fine.

By old I mean late fifties to 60ish.  They are all still working, from what I understand.

Luckily we're on the end of the complex, so we only have to worry about sharing a wall on one side.  And we're setting the place up so that the kids' noisy activities should take place in the rooms that don't have shared walls.

TarheelMama202

Okay, I am cracking up at you calling them your "feral homeschooled gaggle."  ) ) )

So I think it would be really helpful to introduce yourself and bring over a gift to your new neighbors, preferably wine. It's much more difficult for someone to get frustrated with you when they have a face to match you with, KWIM? 

We lived in a townhouse for 13 months with DS before moving to our place. Like Frenchie said, those walls will probably be much thicker and do a better job insulating against noise than a typical apartment wall would. As far as I know we never bothered our neighbors and they never bothered us. One of our neighbors was an older lady who had grown children and a granddaughter that was a week younger than DS. She loved DS because she had her own grandbaby of a similar age. 

I think a typical time for noise to start is around 6:30 or 7:00. Maybe I'm generalizing, but I don't know many older people who sleep later than that anyways.

Rynleigh

Our complex is full of kids, too... and while the two "touching" neighbors have no kids at all, they are often louder than we are! One has three dogs who bark constantly, the other was full of college kids who bang around in the showers all night LOL (edit to add, I say "was" because a moving truck just came and picked up their things this weekend, so who knows what we're in for, next)

Introducing everyone is great, if you have the option of putting the kids rooms on a non-connecting wall it helps a lot, and really, most people are just used to it when they live in places like this - assuming they're just normal kids and not busting holes in the walls or throwing things out the windows  

Rynleigh

DC2London said:

Rynleigh said:

Our complex is full of kids, too... and while the two "touching" neighbors have no kids at all, they are often louder than we are! One has three dogs who bark constantly, the other was full of college kids who bang around in the showers all night LOL 

Introducing everyone is great, if you have the option of putting the kids rooms on a non-connecting wall it helps a lot, and really, most people are just used to it when they live in places like this - assuming they're just normal kids and not busting holes in the walls or throwing things out the windows  

My kid busts holes in the walls  I should probably take wine next door....

O no!! lol 

Even if they don't ever hear that sort of thing going on, I'm sure they'd appreciate the wine lmao

wifeofadam

Rynleigh said:

assuming they're just normal kids and not busting holes in the walls or throwing things out the windows  

Well, you never know with this bunch

To be honest, I never thought much about the other way around.  I'm spoiled having lived in a house without sharing walls for so long, which is why I'm probably overly worried about my kids making noise.  But maybe I should be more worried about how loud the neighbors could be. :-S

It's only a year, so this will be good for me.  If anything, it will teach me to discipline the kids with a kind voice, because I don't want the neighbors hearing me yell like a crazy woman when the kids are misbehaving.  lol

Rynleigh

You would be my favourite new neighbor.

Rynleigh

<<< votes wine. 

Rynleigh

Hey, you're not moving to Portland, are you? You can be my new neighbor in the college house. Bring wine. 

DublinMama

Rynleigh said:

Hey, you're not moving to Portland, are you? You can be my new neighbor in the college house. Bring wine. 

Come to Bumpapalooza. Wine for all!

Rynleigh

I also tend not to travel further than my 1995 minivan can take me lmao

wifeofadam

Rynleigh said:

Hey, you're not moving to Portland, are you? You can be my new neighbor in the college house. Bring wine. 

I wish.  Portland sounds fun.  I bet the two of us could have some fun conversation over that wine!!

Rynleigh

I'm shamelessly working to assimilate my friends to the local area and convince them to buy a housing development so we can have a commune LOL it is still in the fantasy stages, but I will make it happen :: shifty eyes :: 

downtown80

Our town home has firewalls between units. It makes it nearly impossible to hear neighbors. Kids are awake by 6am (work days) or 7am (weekends), and I don't think either is unreasonable. My kids (and I) have had our fair share of crying, tantrums, night wakings, and what not. No one has ever said anything, and I've never said anything to my neighbors either.

I will admit that I am much more aware of our noise level if the windows are open. That is the one time that I try to be more respectful of the neighbors; orherwise, they'd pretty much hear everything.

kelly321

We just moved into a duplex from years in an apartment. I guess even though we technically still share walls, I don't even think of it that way in comparison to apartment living since the wall we share is a full house wall on both sides. The other couple is a retired, late-60s couple and have never said a word about hearing the girls.

But back in our apartment days, that was where we had both DD1 and DD2. The room we eventually put DD2 in when she was waking up 6+ times / night shared a wall with our neighbor's bedroom (also late 60s with a grandson the same age as DD1). I apologized several times, but honestly, they didn't complain once and claimed they couldn't even hear her. I don't entirely believe that, or maybe they are just sound sleepers, because the walls were thick but not *that* thick.

As others have said, no neighbor ever complained about our daughters crying (even though they did an awful lot of it, especially DD1), but the noise some of them made really did bother us and woke the girls up many, many times. That was really frustrating and a HUGE thing that I was looking forward to in moving into our own house.

I'm sure you'll be fine, and the introduction plus explanation/apology is a good way to go about it, I think!

Dannysmama

FWIW, we live in a townhouse and our neighbors have 4 kids - I'm pretty sure they are 4 under 5.  And our walls aren't that thick either.  Honestly, I've never heard one of their children crying through a wall in the middle of the night, or well, ever.  On occasion, I can hear them running, but only downstairs when I'm sitting on the couch next to the shared wall.  And on the rarest of occasions, if I am in the shower, I can hear the dad yelling at one of the kids - they are good kids, but definitely not church mouse-quiet.

I think you'll be just fine!  

ETA: Re-reading - 99.9% of the time, we don't hear anything next door.  Just in case it comes off like we hear the running a lot.

wells2010

I wouldn't stress too much about it. We live in a townhouse next to a family that has four BOYS. They moved in about 4 years ago and they ranged in ages from about 4 to 12 at the time. The only time I really hear them is when I am in the bathroom on the first floor. I can hear them running up and down the stairs. I think noise is more of a problem when you live above someone and they can hear your feet on the floor above them. As for your kids running around outside, I'm guessing they won't be doing it too late at night, so it's probably a non-issue. We can hear stuff outside pretty well, so I'd worry about that if your neighbors were childless or had older teenagers. One night some teenagers were hanging out on their front steps and it sounded like they were in our bedroom.