October 2014 Moms

2nd Baby..Another Shower?

Is it really that bad?

I come from a family where all babies are celebrated and showered. Never knew how awful this concept was until I stepped on this message board..

(:|

Re: 2nd Baby..Another Shower?

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  • It really depends on what the norm is for your circle. I'm in the military community where babies are celebrated all the time in droves. There's always a baby boom, lol. My circle would probably get their feelings hurt if I declined a shower the second or third time. It's just what we do for each other. I should also note after the first time the 'shower' is very low key. No invites, no games or favors, etc. just close friends having brunch together and the guest of honor opening gifts. I've been stationed at multiple places and it's always done this way. Follow the lead of what your friends do. Have you been to second showers? If it's not the norm, don't do it.
  • I would feel awkward about it, but that's why I'm not having one. Ultimately, it's all about how you feel about it. If you think it's appropriate, go for it (assuming someone offers to throw you one)!
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  • With my second, a friend wanted to do a "sprinkle" for her.  It was just a couple friends, and we went out for tea one afternoon.  I don't think it's appropriate to ask for or expect a second shower, but if someone wants to do something for you, I think it's okay to accept, but you can say that you just want to keep it small. 
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  • Don't post about this on the baby shower board if you don't want to get flamed. I personally dislike showers in general as I hate being center of attention (I had a mini breakdown at my bridal shower bc everyone was asking me questions and I felt I couldn't get a minute to breathe. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful, just very very overwhelmed), and I would probably turn down a second shower, but I agree with PPs. If it's what your family does, then go for it, just don't be offended if some friends don't go or think it's tacky. It's technically a breach of etiquette to have a second baby shower.
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  • To me it just depends- I've known people - for example with the military- that move around, meet new friends, and the new friends want to throw them a little something since they didn't know them.
    In our family and area sprinkles for second time moms are pretty normal things. Sometimes showers for moms where it's a big age gap. I don't think I would feel comfortable having another shower personally and would decline, although if someone offered a little sprinkle id be ok with it.
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  • I agree, I don't think you should allow others opinions to cloud your decision. Everyone has different views, what they believe is proper etiquette or tacky. If you don't want the second shower to be as grandiose as the first one...maybe have something more small and intimate. At the end of the day, if people want to buy for the baby they will do it shower or not!
  • There are plenty of ways to celebrate the birth of subsequent children without having family and friends spend their money.
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  • What if u have a 15 year old and now having a newborn ?
  • I think it's much area based.  2nd showers just aren't really done in my area.  
    That said, my work does a small shower/party for all babies and weddings.  
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  • I never thought they were done until my sister-in-law had one for her 2nd daughter (only two years apart). It was clearly a "gift-grab" (two HUGE registries). 

    I went along with it to keep the peace but I will personally not be doing that myself.
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  • Go for it! I had a shower with my second and my friend says she is going to throw me a shower for my third. We just like to celebrate and get together. I personally don't think it's tacky. What I do think is tacky that I actually just saw from one of my friends on Facebook is posting a link to your registry on your Facebook page. I think if people don't think you deserve a second shower they just won't come.
  • roundabout2roundabout2 member
    edited April 2014
    If someone wants to throw you a 2nd shower, I say go for it. But I'm the type of person who doesn't judge everything and everyone. Who is anyone harming by having a 2nd baby shower? It's not like the people you invite are obligated to show or to bring gifts. Me, I will show at a 2nd baby shower gladly :)
  • A shower is to welcome the mother into MOTHERHOOD.  If you have a kid, you're already a mom, end of story.  (Possible exception -- if your child is a step child or adopted and this is your first baby of your own).

    You can't be welcomed into motherhood more than once.  Sorry.
    Whoa, WHAT?! It sounds like you're saying that an adopted child isn't officially a woman's own child. My mind is blown. Since nobody else jumped on this, I'm hoping there's something about your comment that I just don't understand...
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  • Whatever makes you and your family happy! People are going to have an opinion about everything and this should be a time for you to enjoy and celebrate. Don't worry or stress about it...worse case, if someone disapproves, they don't show up. For me, I don't like being the center of attention or baby shower games anyways so the thought of of being "showered" with attention or gifts makes me so uncomfortable (I think my friends are more excited to throw me a shower than I am haha). I'd rather just get everything myself and be done...plus, the thought of waiting until a baby shower to see what I get stresses me out and leaves me feeling unprepared haha.
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  • I didn't have one, but I don't see what the big deal is. We are going to a friend's second baby shower tonight.


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  • I think it depends on your social circle/family. I have been to a bunch of second and third showers and have hosted them too. My friends and I love babies and getting gifts for each other's kids so we wouldn't miss it! I have already had 2 people offer to throw one for me!
  • I don't view baby showers as welcome to motherhood but as showering for a new baby (all about the baby).

    It makes no difference to me if people have 1, 10 or 20. I'd attend them and I'd have one if it was offered. I don't expect people to buy gifts for any shower. I think every baby deserves a celebration before or after they arrive.

    To not have one seems like celebrating only one child's birthday and not another bc the first got one. At least mentally it feels that way but like I said I don't care if I personally have a shower.

  • To not have one seems like celebrating only one child's birthday and not another bc the first got one. At least mentally it feels that way but like I said I don't care if I personally have a shower.

    What?!?!?! This is the most ridiculous reason to have a second shower. Lol. I was a second child and my mom didn't have a shower when I was born, and I promise I don't feel like my life was any less celebrated (not to mention I wouldn't remember either way).


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  • Is it really that bad?

    I come from a family where all babies are celebrated and showered. Never knew how awful this concept was until I stepped on this message board..

    (:|

    Honestly, if the people throwing it and the people invited don't see an issue with it and it is 'norm' for them then I would not worry. And I wouldn't deny having your family do something to celebrate the baby because you're worried what people will think (on or off the message boards).
    We have thrown a couple 'baby sprinkles' for friends that have had a different gender than their first baby since they wouldn't have some cute novelty boy or girl clothes. Didn't feel obligated at all, just happy to be getting together.
  • To not have one seems like celebrating only one child's birthday and not another bc the first got one. At least mentally it feels that way but like I said I don't care if I personally have a shower.
    What?!?!?! This is the most ridiculous reason to have a second shower. Lol. I was a second child and my mom didn't have a shower when I was born, and I promise I don't feel like my life was any less celebrated (not to mention I wouldn't remember either way).
    oh no I get that it sounds ridiculous and a baby doesn't know one way or the other. I think that is just the way my mind processes the event. When I think of baby showers I think of them as their pre-first birthday party not as a shower to for motherhood is what I was trying to say.
  • ladybug0088ladybug0088 member
    edited April 2014
    My family is very old school and big into etiquette. Having a shower for a second baby has always been a big no no. My family sees it as asking people for another gift... And even if you firmly stated no gifts I would feel obligated to bring one if I was invited and went to the shower.

    My family usually will get some nice presents from family members for additional children. A sterling silver baby cup with their name on it or a silver rattle, etc. Nice keepsakes for them to use for their own babies one day.

    These gifts usually come after the baby is born and the baby announcement is mailed out.



  • lct2008 said:
    To me it just depends- I've known people - for example with the military- that move around, meet new friends, and the new friends want to throw them a little something since they didn't know them. In our family and area sprinkles for second time moms are pretty normal things. Sometimes showers for moms where it's a big age gap. I don't think I would feel comfortable having another shower personally and would decline, although if someone offered a little sprinkle id be ok with it.

    This is our situation. I just told my friends that we will not be doing a registry and don't want a traditional shower where gifts are given. Just a get together to celebrate a new life. 
    I'm sure knowing the women in my church I'll still be given gifts, but i'm not expecting any. 
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  • Thank you for the input. A lot of good points from each end.
  • C_mo said:
    I don't see what people get so upset about. In certain circles it isn't so much about the mother, but the baby. In my circle, the shower is always after baby has arrived, so instead of family and friends all coming out at different times, they come to the shower. It's like a welcome party for the baby. 

    I think all of the judging and fuss over when it's appropriate to have a party, and for what you should throw one is absurd. 
    I love this idea.  In my family we don't do second showers, just never have.  But I like the idea of a "Meet the Baby" party rather than having random guests for a month!  Stealing this...

    My two cents on the topic, I think showers for second, third, fourth...babies have their place.  I wouldn't expect one because my daughter is only 2.5 so I still have everything.  But I threw one for my sister because her kids were born like 7 years apart.  I have no hard and fast rules on when it is "ok" but I've never been invited to a shower for a second child.  So def not the norm here, but I don't know what the norm is where you are.

    Celebrate the baby in your own way.
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  • I went to my cousin's second shower in January.  Her kids are two years apart but different sexes. Her MIL threw it.  I wnet to this one but missed the first one so it wasn't too big of a deal for me.

    I think the big reason behind them doing one for her second is she was on bedrest for the majority of her 2nd pregnancy and her income had been majorly reduced.

    It was the only time someone in my circle of friends or family had a 2nd shower for children born that close together.

    Another friend of mine had a 2nd shower because there were 10 years in between the birth of her two sons.  I only had a problem with it when she was selling the gifts everyone bought her on fb.  That kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

  • lrobi13 said:

    I went to my cousin's second shower in January.  Her kids are two years apart but different sexes. Her MIL threw it.  I wnet to this one but missed the first one so it wasn't too big of a deal for me.

    I think the big reason behind them doing one for her second is she was on bedrest for the majority of her 2nd pregnancy and her income had been majorly reduced.

    It was the only time someone in my circle of friends or family had a 2nd shower for children born that close together.

    Another friend of mine had a 2nd shower because there were 10 years in between the birth of her two sons.  I only had a problem with it when she was selling the gifts everyone bought her on fb.  That kinda rubbed me the wrong way.


    Holy crap, she sold her shower gifts on Facebook? Gross.

    I'm not a strict etiquette purist in these kinds of situations, because showers in my circle are to help parents get things for the baby... TB was the first time I'd heard someone say they're a welcome to motherhood (though I sometimes think about them that way now).

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  • lrobi13 said:

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    Another friend of mine had a 2nd shower because there were 10 years in between the birth of her two sons.  I only had a problem with it when she was selling the gifts everyone bought her on fb.  That kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

    That would be the last time I ever purchased anything for her or her family.
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  • Sell her gifts? Wow.
  • After her son had outgrown the items. She is not a total aashat. She just makes terrible choices which leave her broke.

    This was about 9 months ago and had I known I would be ku now I would have asked for that bumbo seat! But yes I think it would have been better not posting that on FB and going to a consignment shop so it didn't have to be known to the gift givers.

    I did by her son a present for his 1st birthday but it was under $15.
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