Need advice how to turn down shower....

boymomstrong

So this is my second baby, and everytime i turn around people want to throw me a shower. I am very happy to have the support but my first shower was a crazy mess wth lots of drama even though the day was amazing in the end, but i dont want a repeat. Never mind the fact this is my second baby in 2 years!!!

Any way, i have been saying no in every way i can think and i am starting to get annoyed, and the husband has mentioned i may be a a little snappy now in my refusals... I did mention that i really just want help with cooking and cleaning, a maid service would be wonderful! Lol right?

Any way, suggestions how to handle this situation? Am i missing something? Also what if someone does a surprise shower? (Where i know nothing about it even though ihave said no)

Or am i over thinking all of this, and i should just give in and go with the flow? (Btw i live 2 states way from family and friends, we are military)

Thanks ladies!

Mimaloo

I would just politely thank them and say that since you already had a wonderful shower less than two years ago you really don't need anything for the baby. Other than that, I wouldn't think about it anymore. 

boymomstrong

I have been trying that, but it seems to come up weekley... But i guess i just keep saying no and see what happens...

boymomstrong

Mostly the same people, my step mom, sisters, and a few friends...

graciesmurf

Just keep saying no thank you.  It is annoying, but eventually you'll have the baby and no one will talk about a shower.

If they surprise you, smile and be as pleasant as possible.  Everyone at the party will know it's a surprise, so no one will think you're "tacky" or "gift-grabby".

boymomstrong

Thanks ladies! Guess i will jusy work on my "no thank yous" and go from there...

Btw the newest suggestion is a shower after baby is born when we find out what we are having, bc if its a girl i will "want" all new stuff!
I dont want new stuff my stuff is all pretty neutral! Lol

Guess i just keep putting it out there and hope i dont get a surprise on the 2 trips to see family i have planned before baby is here!

Disneygeek77

I like what Darbie said.  It seems that being polite isn't working so you might have to be more blunt because they might be hearing " blah blah blah,  I already have everything I need, blah blah blah.""  If they are focusing on the " I have everything I need " part, they might be thinking " No, she doesn't, she will need this and this and that and that."  

Start saying that second showers make you uncomfortable and  to please stop asking you about one.  

Is there also someone like a sister, friend or cousin  or even your husband that can give you a heads up if they try to surprise you with one ?

boymomstrong

Disneygeek77 said:

I like what Darbie said.  It seems that being polite isn't working so you might have to be more blunt because they might be hearing " blah blah blah,  I already have everything I need, blah blah blah.""  If they are focusing on the " I have everything I need " part, they might be thinking " No, she doesn't, she will need this and this and that and that."  

Start saying that second showers make you uncomfortable and  to please stop asking you about one.  

Is there also someone like a sister, friend or cousin  or even your husband that can give you a heads up if they try to surprise you with one ?

I wish butmysister is active in wanting to throw me another showe. I think the issue is that they all want us to have a girl, and we chose not to find out the sex of our baby before the Birthday. So they all want to buy girl stuff, that fine I dont want to stop any one from being exciting and doing what they want to show it, but I dont need a shower, and if they want to do things, I feel like they will no matter what...

My husband thinks if its that important to them to just give in, but he cant keep a secret from me to save his life so they would NEVER tell him it was a possibility, they would just do it....

My mom is the only one who agrees, she was ambushed with a second shower, and she was embarrassed by it, so she understands my pain, but that wont stop my sister or step mom or other friends... 

I know they mean well but your all right I need to be more firm, and if it happens it happens, but they all know my feelings...

Disneygeek77

would they invite your mom or a cousin or a best friend ?  If so then have that person give you a heads up about a surprise shower.

Again, be blunt.  Tell them that a second shower makes you uncomfortable and don't want one and to please don't do a surprise shower. 

Let's pray that some of the possible invitees talk some sense into them about a girl shower for someone that doesn't know the sex.   

I would tell them that it hurts your feelings that they are so insistent about girl stuff because what are you going to do if you have another boy ?  

boymomstrong

Darbie914 said:

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

kfdecarie said:

Disneygeek77 said:

I like what Darbie said.  It seems that being polite isn't working so you might have to be more blunt because they might be hearing " blah blah blah,  I already have everything I need, blah blah blah.""  If they are focusing on the " I have everything I need " part, they might be thinking " No, she doesn't, she will need this and this and that and that."  

Start saying that second showers make you uncomfortable and  to please stop asking you about one.  

Is there also someone like a sister, friend or cousin  or even your husband that can give you a heads up if they try to surprise you with one ?

I wish butmysister is active in wanting to throw me another showe. I think the issue is that they all want us to have a girl, and we chose not to find out the sex of our baby before the Birthday. So they all want to buy girl stuff, that fine I dont want to stop any one from being exciting and doing what they want to show it, but I dont need a shower, and if they want to do things, I feel like they will no matter what...

My husband thinks if its that important to them to just give in, but he cant keep a secret from me to save his life so they would NEVER tell him it was a possibility, they would just do it....

My mom is the only one who agrees, she was ambushed with a second shower, and she was embarrassed by it, so she understands my pain, but that wont stop my sister or step mom or other friends... 

I know they mean well but your all right I need to be more firm, and if it happens it happens, but they all know my feelings...

This is one of the most ludicrous things I've seen on here in a while.  I mean, what the actual hell?  Are they going to load you you on girly stuff and then get all pissed off if you <gasp!> have another boy? 

Agree with this.  Do they not understand how stupid it would be to spend their money on sex specific gifts when they don't even know what the sex is?  This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

Yes, you do need to be more firm.  But also know that they can't throw you a party if you aren't there.  If they ask you to hang out, run an errand with them, go out for XYZ, just be busy or say no.  I don't see why you should have to give in to any of their demands at all.  

Its CRAZY I agree, but because this is such a different pregnancy it mean "Girl", right???? lol

I am actually very worried if I have a boy they will feel disappointment, and not be as happy or excited... Maybe that crazy? I dont know...

So my sister finally relented and has agreed to respect my wishes, and she is putting the kibosh on the shower they WERE planning for my visit in June.... She said she make sure it wont happen, and my husband and I have also shortened our visit a few days to help avoid the issue, we cut the weekend out of our trip saying my husband has to work, and we will be delayed...

I am hoping this is the end of it all! 

Thank you for helping me ladies, and reassuring me that I am not in the wrong! )