Uneven baby fever — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Uneven baby fever

Good morning everyone, hope all had a good Easter!!

I am super-amped about being a mom and having a little one. Its just about all I can think about. My wife is excited at the prospect of a baby as well, but she is a lot more laid back than I am. She's made the decision to be a mom and now she is just content to wait. She's a go-with-the-flow kinda girl...and I am totally not!! Once I have decided on something, I really want that something to happen immediately. Has anyone else been in this situation? I think that I am overwhelming her with the amount of baby-mania I have and I don't want to do that. Im in the military and we are stationed away from family, so I don't have anyone other than her to voice my thoughts, excitement, and questions with. I feel like its gonna be here before we know it and that there is soo much prep work to be done before then but its mostly stuff I need to do (temping, tracking, taking vitamins). I guess I am just venting...but has anyone dealt with this? How has it played out for you guys??

Re: Uneven baby fever

  • JGYJGY member

    Been there, still there, totally understand what you're going through.

    We run into this issue all the time.  I just tend to "Get really into" stuff once we decide to do it.  This happened with our wedding too.  Something that we found helpful, was to sit down and have a scheduled high-level discussion about things.  Like set the framework for who/what/when/how, and then set you loose on researching the details.  It will likely help you quite a bit to write everything down, or blog about what you learn.  Then you won't always feel the need to drown your partner in details.

    And then set regular (but not too often) "Planning sessions" where you can give her the low-down on what you've been learning.  That way you don't feel like you're in this by yourself, but she doesn't feel like it's all you ever talk about.

    Also, when it comes to making big decisions, we work best if I narrow the options down to 3 or 4 things all of which I am comfortable with.  She can choose from there.  And if she doesn't like any of those options, then it's on her to go out and research more.  But 99% of the time she's happy to choose from the things I've brought forward and she doesn't feel like she needs to weigh through every possible thing in the universe hoping to find one thing we agree on.

    Reading this back to myself, I need to remember to follow my own advice. ;)

    Hopefully some of this is helpful to you!

     

    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!

     

    image

    ticktock0903
  • It really helps to come on this site and ask you guys tons of questions and vent some. Its still hard because she is like my best friend and so naturally she is the immediate person I want to share this wealth of knowledge that I am gaining with.

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  • JGYJGY member

    Well, and also this is something that you'll be doing together.  So you want every part of that to be done together.  And sometimes it just doesn't work that way.

    I will admit that I often have pangs of jealousy when I read about the many couples on this board who are in lock step on this journey.  S and I are just so not there.  She was totally not into the pregnancy; she had no interest in feeling my belly (let alone photographing it), reading about what was going on in there, or even really talking about the future including the baby.  I know that's not your situation, but what I'm trying to say is that there are other parts of our relationship that are unique and wonderful.  And I wouldn't trade it.  And I bet you feel the same way.

    You'll get the best and the most out of her when you meet her on her terms with this stuff.  The more overwhelmed she feels, the less likely she'll respond the way you want her to.  I totally understand that you want to share everything with your best friend, but sometimes another friend is a better choice.

    And as you said, this board is a great resource.  It was so helpful for me when I was wanting to share at home, but wasn't receiving the responses that I wanted/needed.

    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!

     

    image

    ticktock0903
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