Parenting after a Loss

Need advice re: literally the stupidest thing ever

OK so a) I am very pregnant, b) I am not on my anti-anxiety meds, and c) I am pretty freaking OCD anyway.  That is my preface for this ridiculousness.

We are a no shoes household.  Which I think is completely normal, especially when you have little kids, right?  So last year at DS's birthday party, we put a sign on the front door (in case I couldn't be there to greet everyone as they came in), that said, "Welcome!  Please come in and remove your shoes and place them on the mat."  And 99.9% of the guests had no issue with this, because really, most people take their shoes off when entering someone's home anyway, or they at least ask, "Should I take my shoes off?"

Well my grandma's husband had a huge fit.  And before you ask, no he does not have a medical condition or anything that requires him to wear shoes.  My mom overheard him and my grandma arguing, and he was just saying, "But I don't WANT to take off my shoes!"  "Please just take them off, dear!"  "NO, that's RIDICULOUS!  I have every right to wear my shoes!"  And it was like a big episode.  Ultimately my grandma made him take them off, but my mom said she was so glad I wasn't there, because it was a big scene. 

This year, we are making the same request.  My question is, do you think I should talk to my grandma beforehand and give her the heads up...like, hey, I know last year there was some concern about shoe removal, and I just wanted to warn you that we are still asking people to do that, so you can prepare your husband (I would refer to him by his name, but didn't want to share personal info online) in advance so he isn't upset when he gets here?"  Something like that.  My concern is a) I will have a complete meltdown if I witness anything like what happened last year happening this year, and b) I got the impression from my mom that he made kind of a scene right at the front door and I don't want other guests to be made uncomfortable by a big argument right when they walk in.  Should I just leave it, given that my grandma reigned him in last year?  Yes, this is a stupid thing to worry about.  Please forgive me.

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Re: Need advice re: literally the stupidest thing ever

  • I don't think it's a stupid thing to worry about.  I would be concerned too.  I think you have the right idea to talk to your grandmother first.  It doesn't need to be a big discussion, just like you said mention you know he was uncomfortable last year, and you wanted to give her a heads up.

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    4legsRbestMickeyM04KJsbabe
  • Not stupid, it is your wishes.  I would talk to your grandma ahead of time so he can be prepared and throw his hissy fit at home. 
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  • Mmm79Mmm79 member
    Considering what happened last year, I'd give her a heads up along with your reasoning. 

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    MickeyM04
  • I don't think it is a stupid question, nor do I think it is a stupid request. It's your house and your rules, end of discussion! I think giving your grandmother the heads ups is fair so that she first have to deal with the childish tantrum in front of other people. At least she seems to be able to manage him.

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  • I agree with the PP. GL!

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    MickeyM04
  • Growing up in Canada, we ALWAYS took our shoes off, but since I have been in TX, people sometimes seem surprised when I ask. Maybe because the conditions are dry? Still dirty to me! I agree, if that is your preference, you have every right because I cringe when someone slips by with their shoes on because I have carpets. I do however let it slide when it happens because to me it is not worth making a fuss over. My BIL brings a pair of indoor shoes. They are sneakers he has never worn outside because he has some adversion to socks or bare feet. What about slippers? Can he compromise? Is he not mobile enough to change his footwear easily? It is uncomfortable when people get their knickers in a twist over a simple request. I'd let the old guy have his way as long as it is dry out. 8-|

     

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    MickeyM04KJsbabe
  • We had a family member who did the same thing.  So we bought a box of those bright blue shoe covers at Home Depot, and invited him to wear those if he wanted to keep his shoes on.  He did so but felt like quite the weirdo walking around with them on...so he just got with the program and took his shoes off. Now we have the covers and they actually come in handy, i.e., for repairmen, etc. who come to the house. 

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    MickeyM04[Deleted User]weaslewam
  • Thanks so much ladies; I'm glad you don't think I'm being stupid.  And those shoe covers are a great idea @martinimomma!  Where do you get them?  I just never understand why people get so weird about things like that.  I mean he is elderly but he's completely functional (drives everywhere, vacations frequently with my grandma, goes to the gym every morning, etc.) so it's definitely not a health related issue or anything like that.  I just think it is so vile to wear shoes inside someone's home...I mean would you lay down in the street or in the sidewalk or in the middle of someone's driveway?  No, because it's dirty and disgusting!  So then why would you wear your footwear that traverses the streets, sidewalks, driveways, etc. on someone's floors/carpet??  I'm glad I'm not alone...the way he reacted made me think that I was some crazy lady or something.  Also @martinimomma, who is your DD 7 freaking months old already!??!?!
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  • Your house, your rules. But I do find that sometimes, when you're dealing with stubborn old folks, it's nice to offer them some sort of alternative.

    How about going to Walmart or something, getting some cheap house slippers, then call grandma and say "hi grandma, I know your H doesn't like being barefoot in the house, so in order to make him more comfortable and keep our house shoe free, I bought him these slippers"
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  • I don't think it's unreasonable at all. A lot of my friends growing up had moms from Japan and you would never walk into their houses with your shoes on.

    I'm the same way with hand washing....I make people wash their hands when they come over.
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  • You're not overreacting here - your Gma's husband was last year. I think it would behoove you to send the email to your grandma so her husband knows this is the deal. 
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  • So I did take the majority's advice and contacted my grandma beforehand, and she talked to him about it and he took his shoes off without any drama (as did everyone else).  We have carpeting so there is nothing that grosses me out quite as much as shoes on carpeting.  I mean carpeting in general kind of grosses me out because you never know what the F is living in there, and it's not like you can just sweep or mop it up or whatever, but at least we put in the carpet ourselves last year so it's semi-new.  I am glad I contacted my grandma beforehand so she could talk to him and they could work it out beforehand.

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    ravenclaw1[Deleted User]
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