Need advice, MIL related

LucilleAustero

Hi ladies.

I 17 weeks pregnant with #2, I have a 2.5 year old. I am kind of old-school and have pretty strong feelings about second showers. I know that they are bcoming more common, but I was already welcomed into motherhood. Fortunately, in my circle, a second shower is never an option, so I thought it would not be brought up.

My MIL started talking about a second shower a few weeks back. Both my husband and myself told her that we do not feel comfortable with a second shower. She has gotten really offended by this. She is from the Middle East and says that this is how her culture does it. I am trying to find a balance here. I do not want to create bad blood between us, but I really am uncomfortable with a second shower. I would be mortified if my friends and family were invited to a second shower.

I think we have found a middle ground and I want your take on it. MIL is going to have a small get together, the only people invited are some close family members from her side and there is to be no mention of gifts on the invitations. I am still not crazy about this idea, but MIL and I always had a pretty poor relationship because my husband married outside his culture and I am really trying here to be understanding. Is this an acceptable middle ground?

Helenahhandbasket

I think it's totally fine.  This should not be a hill to die on for you.

Also, since it's her family only, they will know this is her culture's tradition and not your request.  try to enjoy.

VOR

Yes, that's a good middle ground.

LucilleAustero

Thanks ladies, I was hoping this would be acceptable. Great idea @jennish11

MMason12

Helenahhandbasket said:

I think it's totally fine.  This should not be a hill to die on for you.

Also, since it's her family only, they will know this is her culture's tradition and not your request.  try to enjoy.

This!!! 

SingleMom31

I'm with you on second showers, but I think you have to give her something. That sounds like a good compromise.

ArgyleBride

Sidetrack a little--why doesn't your culture matter?  The guest of honor's opinion should be given priority.  Anyway, I think you are handling it well.

LucilleAustero

ArgyleBride said:

Sidetrack a little--why doesn't your culture matter?  The guest of honor's opinion should be given priority.  Anyway, I think you are handling it well.

Haha, you want the answer? Because I am not an elder. In their culture, the elders make all the calls. Some of my husband's cousin are in their 50s and they still get no say in anything.

There are many beautiful things about their culture and I love that my daughter is growing up in two different worlds, but I just don't get this part of it.

darkangel42

It sounds like a pretty reasonable middle ground and seems to be a very tactful way of handling it given that you and the MiL are not as close as you could be.

Like a PP said, if it's only their side of the family then they'll understand the tradition and be fine with it and you don't have to involve your family or friends if you don't want to.