This bugged me but I don't know why.

kelle017

Just a little vent.

H is turning 30 next month.  The day after his 30th is Mother's day and will be my first.  His sister wanted to have a party, and mentioned this to me yesterday.  I said as long as it's earlier in the day because of mothers day (didn't want a late night) and the fact that we have friends with kids and an earlier time works better.

I get an fb invite to it today.  It's already planned for 4 pm and she'll be having a keg and is telling everyone to bring him beer for a gift.

So I sent her a text as soon as she sent the invite, so she could change the time.  She didn't.

I'm glad she's planning and taking care of it all, but I'm annoyed still.  Why am I annoyed?  

I want him to have a great 30th birthday, but I don't want it to ruin my first mothers day (even though it's not like I really get a day off).  What is my deal?

Also on a happier note, today my sweet girl is 6 months!

Mysterious_wife

Sorry but I agree with Nicb. I thought 4 was early.

kelle017

I totally agree I'm being selfish and making it about me because if it were any other weekend I wouldn't care at all. 

I haven't and don't plan on saying anything to H because I know that it is a big birthday (and mine is coming up next year).  I'm just going to suck it up.  

She hasn't said anything to H because it's a surprise party.  I didn't even know she was even thinking about it until yesterday, and even then she only briefly mentioned planning something.  I was actually going to work on planning a party this week so I'm glad she did say something. 

The time thing was partially because of the next day but also because friends who would be coming with young kids (as well as dd) have earlier bedtimes so an earlier party start would be easier and mean they could hang out longer.  But one late night isn't the end of the world and that's what pack n play's are for I guess.

Thanks for being a sounding board ladies. 

jnnfrrose6

4 is still early if you have kids. Honestly, that'd be a great time for us to hit up a party. It's after DS's nap, so less concerns of a meltdown, yet we could still come for several hours, socialize and have fun, and get DS home in time for bed or just a little bit late. Seems like SIL did take your concerns into consideration, but then again I don't know how you guys usually party.

Mysterious_wife

Adults fucking drink. A keg isn't shit. Most places only sell pony kegs to average joes. There isn't a problem with drinking and being responsible

Wine&Cupcakes

For a non-parent perspective: I wouldn't bring my kid (provided I had daycare). Screw pack n plays...if there is a keg, I'm on it. DH too. I'm guess I just don't understand people who bring their children to every.single.event.ever (again, provided daycare is available..which in my particular circle, it is for many).

Additionally, I don't party on Sunday. Bad form. My 30th b-day dinner began at 9pm...4 is still early bird special - even if you were 103.

kelle017

@kimbus22 The party is the day before Mother's day so I really am just way over thinking it and overreacting. I intended to plan something this week (I have the week off), but she beat me to it (and that's fine-mostly; I just wish she would have talked to me in more than a passing comment).

I know out dd will be there because she is still nursing and doesn't take bottles very well (plus all our families will be there and all my babysitters).  I'm not a drinker though so it's fine. 

And the more you tell me that 4 pm isn't that late the more I agree.  

@mysterious_wife your right about the keg, it's probably not even a full keg esp since it's not a cheapy beer like bud light or something similar.

So now my question is what do I get him for a gift?  

Mysterious_wife

I feel the stigma is drinking causes teens to overindulge. They don't have a way to judge responsible drinking vs excessive drinking. Maybe I'm wrong.

Mysterious_wife

What kind of family parties are you going to where you can't bring kids? My H's 30th had lots of drinking. Allie was front and center. She had a blast hanging out. She was the only kid. She and H got in a cupcake fight. Our friends flew in from all over. Not one time did I feel my child couldn't be there. Drinking should be done responsibly. I have a drink or two with my daughter around.

jnnfrrose6

Mysterious_wife said:

I feel the stigma is drinking causes teens to overindulge. They don't have a way to judge responsible drinking vs excessive drinking. Maybe I'm wrong.

Agree!  My father got a keg for my high school graduation party.  It wasn't for the teenagers at the party, it was for the adults.  They never hid their drinking from us.  It was part of our "norm" and wasn't done irresponsibly.  I see nothing wrong with having alcohol at an event that kids will be at either.

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bugandbibs

MandJS said:

My kids see us drink all the time. As in, the 4 year old OFTEN tells us to "have more wine" or "drink wine" when we complain to each other. 

Alcohol at a party is completely fine. Bringing kids to a family party is completely fine. People need to chill the fuck out.

This is what happens when you put your wine cellar next to your playroom :P @kelle017 try not to stress. Your first Mother's Day is a big deal and it's been a long time coming for you. Perhaps you should talk with your husband about your expectations and plans ahead of time. This way it gives him time to plan ahead and you're not disappointed. Something like "I've always pictured getting breakfast in bed" or "I'd like to spend the day just the three of us at the park". Whatever it is, just don't dictate the gift.

Mysterious_wife

Just for the record, your life doesn't stop after kids.

PuppyLove84

I certainly hope my life won't stop after kids!  I expect my priorities might shift, though....

Most of the daytime parties I go to, people definitely bring their kids - especially if it's a family gathering and everyone wants to see the kids.  If it's a party on a Saturday night (like after 9pm), it would be kind of weird if someone brought their kids, at least in my friend group; generally they'll just get a babysitter.  I feel like that's just as much for their benefit as for us "childless" friends; they want to be able to drink and socialize without worrying about entertaining the kids or waking them up!  Anyways, in my opinion, a 4pm party is plenty early enough to bring the kiddos, and having a few beers won't hurt anyone!

I also agree that you need to give your husband some idea of what you're expecting on Mother's Day... if he's like my husband, he'll have good intentions but maybe not the best planning skills, so if you just give him an idea, you won't be disappointed!

And as for a birthday present... you probably know what he likes more than we do!  A new techy gadget, something cool related to his favorite sports team, a fun trip for just the 2 of you - I'm sure you can come up with something good!

theholmanherd

My family rarely drinks, but when they did, I was usually there. My mom had wine or champagne maybe twice a year and a 6 pack of corona lasted her all summer. My dad couldn't drink alcohol with his medications, but still enjoyed N/A beers. My other family had wine here and there. I learned that drinking was for special occasions and not for getting wasted. I would want my kids to see people drink responsibly, too. My MIL is a drunk, so I would be careful about them being around her, but other than that, I would worry more about my kids never seeing or understanding the role of alcohol.

ArgyleBride

So, to derail this back to the original topic for a sec--am I the only one who thinks it's outrageously rude to plan a surprise party without coordinating the time with honoree's spouse?  I mean, I think the time is the absolute minimum of what needs to be confirmed with the spouse.  Her reasons for wanting the time she did is moot.

kelle017

Kimbus22 said:

ArgyleBride said:

So, to derail this back to the original topic for a sec--am I the only one who thinks it's outrageously rude to plan a surprise party without coordinating the time with honoree's spouse?  I mean, I think the time is the absolute minimum of what needs to be confirmed with the spouse.  Her reasons for wanting the time she did is moot.

But it sounds like she did ask and OP just said, "Okay but not too late."  So the host picked 4pm, which is not too late according to most everyone here except OP.  OP could have said, "Sure.  But could you do 1 or 2pm so we can get home for dinner?"  But she didn't.  The problem here isn't that the host didn't ask but that OP wasn't specific and she and host had different definitions of "late".

My SIL did mention wanting to do something, and I did ask for an earlier time (after reading the responses the time isn't a big deal anymore though).  But after she gave me details it was enough to make me think she already had things in place when she first mentioned it. The food, keg, location etc..were all taken care of.  

I would have liked to have been involved a little more and would have planned something a little different, but at the same time it's nice that I don't have to do it.  I was obviously initially annoyed that she did it though.

Next time I'll start planning earlier or communicate better my ideas.

Meery82

I turned 30 two weeks after DS was born. I went out with friends and partied. It wasn't a go all out, wild ass party that I would've had if I hadn't just given birth, but we definitely celebrated.

Mysterious_wife

We do kegs for a lot of our gatherings. Pony kegs only serves 80-12oz beers. That's roughly 2.5 beers for 30 people. Kegs are cheap and practical. Bottles/cans get messy and expensive.

A lot of states only allow pony kegs for purchase if you don't have an ABC card.

Mysterious_wife

Keg parties are what teens do. A keg at a party is what cheap adults di

Ardmhs83

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Kimbus22 said:

wife07mom09 said:

Having a keg party for a 30 year old with a family seems very odd to me. Keg parties seem like a thing to do for a college age kid who can't handle themselves and wants to get drunk. Drinking responsibly and kegs don't really go hand in hand and kegs and children don't either. A beer and a child in the same room is also a different story. Have fun at the 30th party and enjoy your Mother's Day the next day, there is no reason that starting at 4 you won't be home in plenty of time to put your baby down to bed on time.

Gee.  This is such a shocking opinion from you.

Don't you people realize you get more drunk depending on what the beer is dispensed from?  Plus also a kid would never take your bottled beer off the table when you're not paying attention but they'd totes tap the keg when you're in the bathroom.

FML

I could tap a keg well before my 10th birthday. Someone sober had to do the second one once the first one was drained.

Happy family reunion!

Most parties that DH and I go to have kegs.  It is way easier and cheaper to do kegs.  We have alcohol at all family gatherings!  I grew up around it, my parents didn't hide it.  You can drink a few in front of your kid and not be shitfaced...you know how many it would take me to be shitfaced?! 

Oh and I celebrated my 30th with a bang!  Went to several clubs and danced the night away with friends!  Your 30th is a big deal!