Who trumps who? (Kid bdays)

ASmallWonder

People I know/am related to really needed to spread out their baby making  Basically everyone I know has a kid with a birthday from the end of March through to July and I'm having trouble figuring out how to decide what parties to attend (FWP, I know).  Does BIL's kid always come ahead of other people?  What about if it's my best friend's child who my child likes but we don't see often and it conflicts with parties for friends of his?  I just got an invite for a party for a friend who I would love to see and all my former work colleagues will be there but it's the same day as a party for one of my son's very best friends so we'll have to decline the one for my friend.  

ASmallWonder

Regal Mama said:

Can you divide and conquer? You go to one with the baby and DH takes the other one to his friends party?

Well, I COULD but all the parties are for children that are my older son's age so he's actually the one being invited.  When I was pregnant with him, 5 colleagues were pregnant at the same time so we naturally came together and became closer and a little group and we try to go to all those parties.

For right now the nephew/best friend part issue isn't happening but since the bdays are so close, I see it happening (we ARE facing the issue of daycare friends vs "my friends").

MrsCodeMonkey

Who invited you first? Or can you take turns every year? Another option is to go to both and be late for the second party.

theseaword

Family gets priority in our house, but your family dynamics may be different.

LaurelBee

I do think nieces and nephews trump every one else. But I would be diplomatic with every one else and RSVP to the invite that arrived in the mail first. Then your excuse can be that you already RSVPd and no one gets butt hurt.

ASmallWonder

Thanks all.  I think I'm going to have to do a "first come, first served" thing for all the friends.  Unfortunately, we live far from all but the daycare group (an hour to an hour and a half from all others) so if the parties are even within a few hours of each other it would be insanity trying to do more than one.  

LaurelBee

I know what you mean though. I know over 15 people with birthdays in May and almost all are close family members. (I'm one of them!)
Eta words are hard

NotSharknado

Family and close friends trump kid friend parties.

randomsalpal

Family and close friends trump. I also agree with who sent the invite first. I have a very small family and most of my close friends do only family parties or not into big shindigs. My older 2 DC are old enough to attend without me or are in activities on the weekends, so honestly, it's kinda nice that I don't have to attend a lot of bday parties.

fancynewbeesly

RVASC811 said:

Family and close friends trump kid friend parties.

I think this with the exception of your child's really close friends, which kids can't really define until...three? Four? Not there yet, so not sure.

By 2.5 Reese DEFINITELY had 3 close friends--she talk about all the time and want to play with. Close friends start sooner than you think. But I definitely would do the order of: family, close friends, or best friend birthdays, then whoever invited first. 

ASmallWonder

Starearedkid said:

RVASC811 said:

Family and close friends trump kid friend parties.

I think this with the exception of your child's really close friends, which kids can't really define until...three? Four? Not there yet, so not sure.

By 2.5 Reese DEFINITELY had 3 close friends--she talk about all the time and want to play with. Close friends start sooner than you think. But I definitely would do the order of: family, close friends, or best friend birthdays, then whoever invited first. 

This is what I'm kind of getting at.  When it's a KIDS' party, is his HIS close friends or MINE?  So if his very best friend's party and my best friend's son's party are overlapping he, at 4 years old would be so upset to know he couldn't go to his friend's party.  I love my friends but he doesn't love my friends, kwim?

WasNotWas

@elmoali I'd say his friends trump your friends, only because you can reschedule with your friends without the kid really caring. I'm pretty sure a niece or nephew will accept a gift any day, but Q&A will only have the one special day that their friends parents got everyone together (until the next kid's special day).

But this is coming from a mother of a kid who has a solid group of 4 best friends who talk about their birthdays constantly...

fancynewbeesly

I would consider HIS best friend over your best friends. At least once they are at that age. For Reese's birthday--we are doing a joint family party with my niece who turns one. On her birthday weekend (her birthday is a Monday) we are going to have her 3 three best friends over (the 3 girls she talks about ALL the time) for pizza and cake. One of them is our good friend's daughter, the other two I am friendly with--just not good friends. But I know DD would rather have her good friend's there than my good friend's kids.  

fancynewbeesly

@tyrannosauruslex

I may be the anomaly but I am still VERY close with two of my preschool friends. Our friendship has lasted 31 years! (There were definitely fights, not talking to you for years--etc) but we are still close!

fancynewbeesly

TyrannosaurusLex said:

@tyrannosauruslex

I may be the anomaly but I am still VERY close with two of my preschool friends. Our friendship has lasted 31 years! (There were definitely fights, not talking to you for years--etc) but we are still close!

That's so sweet! I see so many kids part ways when they go on to different school and I always wonder what could have been...

Not to completely derail the post--but this picture was taken on my 4th birthday. (I am the one with the silver crown)-the two boys are still my friends to this day. One of them was my neighbor, the other went to a different elementary school/middle/high school--we were in the same Hebrew School Class. 

ToastieSimons

1st birthdays of family always trumps.  I try to always make it to the first birthday because that's less about the kid and more about the parents.

After that, it's about who invited who first.  If DS1's BFF's party is Saturday and were invited a month ago, I will not cancel because you decided 3 days before to have a party for niece/nephew.  I just presumed you weren't doing anything.  

It also depends on how big your family is.  I have 3 nieces/nephews.  so I know everyone's birthday and I usually know if people are planning on doing parties.