A whole new degree of worries I never thought possible

acrader

This is kind of an update and moving on from a post I made last year....

 A quick recap: last year I was stressed and upset over an RE who wanted to blame and focus only on my weight as the cause for my infertility.  I'm 5'6" was 200 lbs (now down to 185 lbs. Who hoo!) And 31 years old.

 Since that post my husband has deployed (September 2013) and I FINALLY have a new RE. YAY!!!!! I went to my PCM in October a big bawling mess crying over my weight and what my previous RE was saying to me. Since I have a history of depression she put me on Effexor XR.  (Which,  for those who don't know, is a pretty serious anti depressant. But it's known for helping with weight loss) She also told me that I'm not the first to complain about this RE's methods and that they have a new partnership with an RE at Scott & White hospital. I was a little skeptical,  but I made the appointment anyway. Let me tell you that Dr is a GOD SEND!!! In just one visit I felt listened to and like I had an actual partner to get to the bottom of this mystery. (I've been off of ALL bc since 2004, but only serious about ttc for the last 4 years) Needless to say I was grinning from ear to ear when I left his office!!!!!

Well last month my new RE decided that most everything had been done and tested for, and as far as he could see there was almost no physical reason why I was not conceiving. After reviewing my HSG results (which my previous RE said was fine and all tubes clear) my RE said my left tube was quite obviously damaged as the dyed area was fat and looked like it spirals up;  there was no spillage over to the ovary.  So laproscopy it was.

Well....... *sigh* when he got in there my right tube was swollen twice the size of normal and my left was 3-4 times larger than that. So he removed them both. I no longer have any chance of conceiving naturally. Which,  don't get me wrong I'm happy to FINALLY have an answer but....... I can't help but sort of feel like less of a woman. And my husband is no help. While crying to him about it and expressing how I felt he responds with "its not like you don't have other options, so it's not a big deal."  Well he's right to a degree,  but come on ladies we all know this is NOT the thing to say in this moment. (He's only 24 and still deployed so I'll cut him some slack) Don't worry I got him back..... "Not a big deal? Go cut your balls off and then tell me it's not a big deal!!!" 

 So when I go in for my post op apt next week we, obviously will be discussing IVF. Now, before all this my thoughts were one and I'm done. But knowing that this may actually be the only time I will have to conceive I'm deeply disheartened that I may only have one child if the IVF is successful. And I know that the likely hood of multiples is greater with IVF,  but I'm struggling with that too!! A whole different fear creeps up at the thought of having more than one at a time. I think I'm mostly freaked out that I would end up the next octo-mom! Now I know the odds of that happening are rare but it's still a fear. And we have two boys and two girls names picked out. I kind of want all four!  But when I think of me with four kids I kind of bury my face,  shake my head and think no no no, one is good!!! Has anyone else gone through these fears? And if so what helped you decide on the number of eggs to transfer?  

Milagros315

I'm so sorry thay you're going through this, but I'm glad that you found a doctor that you are comfortable with. It's so important to feel like you can trust your doctor and that they actually care about you.

The chance of multiples is actually NOT higher with IVF. There is much more control with IVF than with medicated TI or IUI cycles which do have a higher risk of multiples. More and more doctors are recommending that women (especially those under 35 on their first IVF cycle) only transfer one embryo. It appears that transferring more than one embryo doesn't improve your chance of success, it only raises your chance of having multiples.

I'm sure your doctor will explain all of that at your consult. I hope that you have a great meeting. Good luck moving forward!

SKLH

First of all, I'm sorry you're over stressed about all of this. It's A LOT to factor in at first... Second: Sorry to sound blunt about this but you're 100% wrong about your ocotomom statement. Maybe you need do some more research on IVF online. The ocotomom incident was a very isolated event done but a irresponsible doctor who was charged with gross negligence and was stripped of his license to practice medicine. A REPUTABLE doctor would rarely even transfer more than 2 embryos at a time (and 3 or 4 is in VERY rare circumstances). I have been to 3 different RE's and my current RE will ONLY transfer 1 if you're under 30 years old so that is a worry you do not need to be concered with unless you are seeing a doctor who is acting irresponsibly.

With that said, we have a lot  in common and hope I can make you feel not so alone in all of this...

My husband is also in the military and we have had to navigate A LOT of our infertility treatment around his deployments. I also found out very early on htat I had blocked tubes (dialated and damaged due to endometriosis)... I had 1 laparscopy and refused to give the RE permission to remove my tubes even if they were damaged. When Iwoke up from the surgery they told me they WERE damaged but she didn't remove them per my request. I did 1 fresh IVF cycle that failed and was later informed that it was probably due to the fluid training from my tubes b/c they needed ot be removed. SO, I immediatley removed them (Aren't you glad you didn't go through a failed cycle only to have to go back and do antoher surgery and remove the tubes!? lol) It was VERY hard to me to accept having them removed but honestly I can to the realization that they were doing me NO good in fact they were actually HARMING my chances of ever concieving. Now is IVF my only hope at getting pregnant? Yes. But I am now 100% okay with that. Although for some couples this effect their marraige, for us it hasn't. Sex is for US and IVF is for babies! lol Easy! I am a odd case but statiscally women with tubal infertility have the highest success rates during iVF b/c everyting else "works" besides their tubes so feel good that you have a very good chance at IVF working for you. Hang in there. Take a deep breath and feel confident that you are doing your VERY best to acheive your final goal of having a family.

ksgsmu

I am sorry you are going through this.  I understand about the fears, but you need to just breathe and take one step at a time.    I know it is all so hard and your mind is spinning, talk to your RE about your concerns.  IVF is a good option for you.

Lindsey7348

I am sorry about all you're going through. IF is a horrible thing. I might use your line about cutting your balls off and imagine how you would feel toy DH lol.

As far as the Effexor, be careful. I am not sure it helps with weight loss. As a matter of fact I gained a significant amount of weight on it years ago, and i hadn't changed my diet or lifestyle so attributed it to the meds.
GL to you!