Question about stress/grief

Lizarella82

Hi Everyone.

March really sucked for me and everyone I know. My best friend's grandma died, my bosses daughter (who is my age, and who everyone knew since we're a small office of 10) died suddenly, and then yesterday my 7 year old kitty died. He had been a little sick (pukey) off and on for a few weeks, but we took him to the vet and she said it was likely a food allergy that could be managed. Last week he got much worse very fast, and we took him to the ER on Thursday night. He stayed there until Sunday, when he came home for a few hours, but by midnight he started seizing and I knew it was the beginning of the end. I have been very stressed since he started to get sick but as you can imagine it has gotten much worse over the last few days and now I'm just heartbroken. DH is too. My question is that my mom and I are both worried about what effects prolonged stress and grief might have on the baby. I know that in most research harm is only seen in women who have to deal with constant, long-term stress like that of abusive relationships, war etc....but I still worry. Can I grieve fully for my lost furry friend or do I need to suck it up and force myself to be positive for the sake of LO? Any thoughts/experiences would be much appreciated.

sunflowermama42212

i'm so sorry for all your losses. I think its healthier to get your emotions out. If you try to suppress them then it will only prolong the grieving process. Feel however you want to feel so you can move on and by happy for real. With my pregnancy depression I cried uncontrollably everyday and had really bad stress/anxiety and my little man is fine. I think people don't want pregnant woman to stress or deal with hard emotions because those things usually lead to not eating or not sleeping and both of those are very important so just make sure your still taking care of yourself. I hope you can find peace with your losses soon. 

lincoln79

I say let it out! I agree that repressing it is actually more likely to be harmful.

(((big squishy hugs)))

MJC1116

I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much during this time. Hugs for you. I agree with the ladies above. I would let the grief come to you so you can work through it, but I wouldn't suppress it. Take as much time as you need to feel sad and let the emotions come out. I can imagine holding it in would not be good.

tryingyetagain

I agree with all the PPs.  Let it out.  Crying/grieving won't affect your baby, as long as you are making sure you are staying hydrated and eating enough.  Letting your grief out is far more healthy in the long run than internalizing it.

And I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much loss at once.  I have found that, at least for me, having pets pass away has been even more stressful than losing most people in my life.  Pets are immediate family and are in our lives every day, whereas most people you don't see or interact with on a daily basis.  It's terrible to lose a pet.  Hugs to you, and take care of yourself however you need to.

Lizarella82

Thank you ladies for all your kind words- they really mean the world to me. Today has been especially hard.

@tryingyetagain- I feel almost guilty at how devastated I am over my kitty versus anyone else in my life I've lost (though I will say that I've been lucky not to have lost any immediate family or very close friends). This is the first pet I've been with through illness and death- the others were Mom or Dad's that I loved but wasn't with every day for the last 7 years. I just wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt, and it feels so unfair that he was taken from me so soon.

Siona1976

I'm sorry that March has been so rough for you. I'm so sorry for the lost of your kitty cat. I just want to echo what PP have said and I would naturally grieve and not repress it.

Additionally, I wanted to add a little because I did some basic research on maternal stress as a post-doc. Most studies focus on long term/chronic stress because those are the instances where we see the most correlation with issues in development at a later point in life (childhood, teenager, young adult, etc.). Most studies do not focus on acute maternal stress because it is part of living - all animals (humans included) experience stress naturally & have natural coping mechanisms. It really is when stress becomes chronic that biological changes start to happen. Hoping this scientific input helps.  

Lizarella82

It is a tremendous help, thank you!

FutureMrsW9

First of all, I'm so sorry your all of the losses in your life, it can't be easy.  March is my least favorite month, I feel like bad things always happen in March and to add a cherry on top the weather is always crap.  Second, IMO, grief is a normal part of life that we all deal with from time to time, including our future LOs.  As PPs have mentioned, as long as you're not chronically stressed and depressed, I wouldn't worry about how it's affecting LO.  S/he will have to learn how to deal with grief and stress once s/he is here, so it's a completely normal and natural part of life.

tryingyetagain

Lizarella82 said:

Thank you ladies for all your kind words- they really mean the world to me. Today has been especially hard.

@tryingyetagain- I feel almost guilty at how devastated I am over my kitty versus anyone else in my life I've lost (though I will say that I've been lucky not to have lost any immediate family or very close friends). This is the first pet I've been with through illness and death- the others were Mom or Dad's that I loved but wasn't with every day for the last 7 years. I just wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt, and it feels so unfair that he was taken from me so soon.

I felt the same way when my cat died of cancer. She was only 8, and I took it harder than when my own grandmother died. Sounds terrible, but the truth. You just take care of yourself and let it out however you need to.

Lizarella82

Thank you so much everyone, you've been so kind and it means so much to be reassured that I can grieve without guilt.