Baby Showers

To include MIL and husband's family?

My sisters are planning me a shower back home in NC. (We currently live in Kansas.) They have asked for my guest list. My husband's immediate family all live in the same city, and his extended family live in the same state, in various cities, some closer than others. I get along well with my husband's extended family and his sister, but his mother has said some hurtful things to me and about me and my family in the past. We are currently on okay terms because we have to be, but she is not in contact with my family as a result. 

When I was last in town, my sister in law mentioned that she had already bought something for my baby shower. No one from his family has offered to host me a shower, and my sister's shower invitations have not gone out yet, so I wasn't sure to which shower she is referring. I am guessing she assumes someone will give me one and she will be invited. I am not sure if it is expected that I include her and my mother in law in the shower my sisters are hosting.

I know my sister in law wouldn't be able to attend anyway, because she mentioned a trip the weekend I know they are planning it for. That would leave just his mom with my family. As I said, his mother has said hurtful things about my family in the past, and although I know my family would be polite, it could make them uncomfortable to have her there. I know they will go along with whatever I say without comment, and probably wouldn't tell me if it did make them uncomfortable though, because that's how they are. On the other hand, I don't want to not include my mother in law and insult her because we are at an okay place right now. 

I am debating if I should include her on the list, and if so, if I should also include his extended family (aunts and cousins). I am debating if having them there would make it less awkward since I am on better terms with them. Help!
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Re: To include MIL and husband's family?

  • If you invite your SIL and extended family, you have to invite your MIL.  I would just ask your sisters if they are okay with your MIL being there.

    I kind of feel like if I volunteer to host a shower, I have to be prepared to have the guest of honor's mom, MIL, sisters, and SILs at a minimum, especially if I'm doing the only shower.  Even if some of these people aren't my favorite folks to hang out with, I can suck it up and deal with them for a few hours.  If I truly couldn't deal with one of the people in the MTB/BTB's inner circle, I would not put myself forward as the hostess.

    I'm guessing your sisters can handle it, but check with them just to make sure.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • shutaffshutaff member
    edited March 2014
    Just to clarify: If I invited anyone from my husband's side, I would invite my mother in law. My decision is between no one from husband's side, just MIL and SIL (who I know won't be able to attend), or all of his side.
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  • My sisters are hosting at a large venue and doing simple food, so they are super laid back. They told me the number is totally up to me. If I had a limit, that might make this decision easier :/
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  • Stina2012 said:
    For the sake of not making it worse I'd invite MIL and SIL. Invite the extended family if your sisters can handle the numbers. I think it's a big deal if yourIL isn't invited and you may not hear the end if it. My MIL says hurtful things too, but the things she says just make her look like an ass.
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  • I would invite your MIL and SIL at least.  Do you really want to be the bigger person in the situation or stoop down to her level of pettiness. Yes, she may have said some said harsh things, but isn't as though she will be the only guest you have to talk at the shower. 
    Me: 30 Him: 33
    Married: August 2012
    BFP #1 9/2013 -- MC 10/2013
    DD: 9/22/2014
           
  • @MMason12, While I agree and that's probably what I will do, I just wanted to note that my concern was not out of my discomfort at having her there (as I mentioned, we are on okay terms) but out of concern for the discomfort of my hosts and other guests. 
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  • shutaff said:
    @MMason12, While I agree and that's probably what I will do, I just wanted to note that my concern was not out of my discomfort at having her there (as I mentioned, we are on okay terms) but out of concern for the discomfort of my hosts and other guests. 
    I can understand that. It's not an easy situtation that's for sure. Hopefully everyone can play nice for 2-3 hours during your shower though for your sake. 
    Me: 30 Him: 33
    Married: August 2012
    BFP #1 9/2013 -- MC 10/2013
    DD: 9/22/2014
           
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  • You should invite whomever you're close with, plus MIL and SIL if you don't want bad blood.
  • My MIL and SIL threw a shower for me.  They didn't invite any of my friends or family.  The shower was solely for their family.  The only things I was asked about was food and what we wanted/needed for the baby because I never registered.  
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