Baby Showers

Dueling Baby Showers?

rhettsbriderhettsbride member
edited March 2014 in Baby Showers
Hi ladies. You give some great advice on here, so I'd like your advice on a tough situation I'm in. Sorry if this is long, but I want to make sure I give all the facts.

I belong to an organization of women. Another younger woman in the group, let's call her Dana, is currently pregnant as well, due one week before me. My best friend in the group, let's call her Erin (and another woman outside of the group) offered to host me a baby shower on a particular Saturday this summer. After their offer, Dana asked if she could host me a shower. We are not as close and the guests would have been the same for both showers, so I thanked her but declined and said she could get in touch with Erin if she liked to see if she needed any help. Erin said she told her what weekend it was, but said that she thought they had everything covered. 

A couple weeks later, I conversationally asked Dana if she had a shower planned (so I could mark the weekend in my calendar.) I did not ask to host or help host. She responded by saying another woman in our group, let's call her Susan, had just offered to host her a shower. That was pretty much the end of the conversation. My friend Erin was at an event with Dana and Susan where I was not present right after this conversation. Dana and Susan again asked Erin when my shower was planned for. She told them the date, and Dana responded by telling Susan her shower must be before that, since she was due first. She then asked Susan to host her shower the weekend directly before mine. Susan asked Erin why my shower was so early (two months before my due date.) Erin responded that our other friend who is co-hosting is getting married and going on her honeymoon and that was the only weekend she was available, in addition to mentioning that it was best to have showers a little on the early side just in case. I was upset when I heard about Dana's insistence that her shower be the weekend directly before mine (especially since our guest lists will include most of the same women and it was mentioned that my shower was "too early" - remember that Dana is due only a week before me) but decided to let it go.

At an event last night, Dana stopped me and said, "Susan needs help with my shower. She said she can't do the cake and food. You can do the food. Get with her." I was shocked. First of all, I never asked to host or help host her shower. Secondly, I was still upset that she had insisted her shower be the weekend before mine. I didn't know what to say, so I asked when the shower was, and she told me it was the weekend before mine. I mentioned that I had already committed to another event that morning, so I hoped I could still make the shower. I didn't respond to the comment about making the food. I stewed over it last night, and then today sent a text to Susan and Dana: "Hey girls, I was thinking about something and just wanted to ask you: Since our guest lists will essentially be the same, do you think it may be a little inconvenient for our guests to have our showers two Saturdays in a row?" Neither woman has responded.

What would you do?

Edited: typo

Re: Dueling Baby Showers?

  • I just wanted to add: I see where y'all are coming from with letting it go (that was my original intention) and I kind of wish I wouldn't have sent the text. I am mostly upset not because that weekend was chosen but because of the way it was chosen. It was a purposeful choice to "have it the weekend before mine" not a choice made because of convenience for the host, etc. And the addition of the insistence that I co-host hers just pushed me over the top.
  • Honestly, if I got that text from you, my only response would have been, "No one is stopping you from moving yours to a different day." 

    So, I'd personally let it go. I can't imagine even being worried about it in the first place. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you during your entire pregnancy, I'd consider yourself pretty blessed. 
  • Loading the player...
  • rhettsbriderhettsbride member
    edited March 2014
    Actually, mine can't be moved because of the reasons mentioned above: One of my hosts is only available that weekend, and it was planned over a month ago, so invitations are already ordered. These are both things that were mentioned to these two ladies before they decided on a shower date. 


  • Actually, mine can't be moved because of the reasons mentioned above: One of my hosts is only available that weekend, and it was planned over a month ago, so invitations are already ordered. These are both things that were mentioned to these two ladies before they decided on a shower date. 


    Then don't you think it's a little presumptuous to basically ask them to move theirs? For all you know, they've already ordered their invitations or blah, blah, blah.

    You don't HAVE to take the date of someone else's baby shower so personally, you know. You are are making the choice to get bent out of shape over a non issue. 

    Just do your thing and allow this woman to do hers. 


  • Fair enough ladies. I appreciate your input. I think it is possible I over-reacted to the timing issue, mostly because I was insulted at being asked to provide food for her shower and had reached my limit with this particular person.

    FYI, I will be deleting this thread at the end of the day. (In retrospect, it may not have been the wisest decision to post here, since I don't know if this woman uses this site. I don't want her to see this thread and it cause any more drama.) 

    In the meantime, I appreciate any more advice you can give on how to respond if the issue of her shower's food comes up again. 
  • VORVOR member
    While their insistence that her shower be first is silly, it's also silly to be upset that the shower is a week apart from yours.  I've been to two showers in ONE WEEKEND for two close friends where the guest lists were almost indentical.  I will say that 2in a weekend were a bit much, but it also just didn't matter. 
  • Don't worry about the showers being close together.  The women who are on both invite lists will understand that if they know two women who are both pregnant and due around the same time, they may wind up going to two showers close to the same time.  It happens.  Some people will happily attend both.  Some people will be unable to go to both because they have other plans.  Some people will think two showers in two weekends is a big pain, and they will choose which they'd rather go to.  When it's all said and done, you can't control any of this, so don't worry about it.

    Don't respond at all to her insistence that you help with the food for her shower.  If you are asked by her hostess if you want to help out, you can decide whether or not you want to.

    She has a hostess; she needs to let her hostess handle these details.  If she approaches you again, just say, "Your hostess will let others know if she needs help."
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • It looks like you got good advice, OP.

    A word about deleting, though, you can't delete the thread. You can delete the title, and you can delete your responses, but if they were quoted (in a blue box in someone else's response to you) then whatever you said will stay. Since you've already been quoted, it's probably best to leave it and hope it gets buried.

    If you delete and replace the title with something like 'Delete/d" or "." it's going to drive twice the amount of traffic to the thread because people are going to think something major went down. It's called a Dirty Delete, and people really don't like it.
    I was just going to say this...
    Anniversary

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • shutaffshutaff member
    edited March 2014
  • Well, the host responded to my text (which I wish I wouldn't have sent, but what's done is done) by saying:

    A) She didn't offer to host the shower, but was asked to host it by the MTB (Hence the need for the MTB to find her own food provider - She is essentially planning her own shower.)
    and 
    B) She told her off the bat that it would be odd and inconsiderate to have it the weekend directly before mine when all other weekends for the next 4 months were free for both of them, but the MTB insisted. This speaks to her thought process when choosing that date.

    I think there are a lot of larger issues here than my original post conveyed, but as some of you mentioned, despite being told to provide food, I am not hosting this shower, so I have nothing else to say about it and will say nothing else about it.
  • I think there are a lot of larger issues here than my original post conveyed, but as some of you mentioned, despite being told to provide food, I am not hosting this shower, so I have nothing else to say about it and will say nothing else about it.
    Bravo.  I think this is your best bet.  Let the hostess of this other woman's shower handle it.  Don't take the bait if this other MTB tries to talk to you about it.  It appears people who know you both have her number.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • This content has been removed.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"