Tis time for a MIL thread

MegStark

It's been a while, and I want to vent. Feel free to add positive things as well. 

Long story short - My in-laws live just over an hour away. Not that far. That means a day trip should be fine, right?? They spend the night EVERY SINGLE TIME they come to town. I usually get along with them fine, but since LO's been here they want to come more often. And when I say more often I mean they're planning on coming this weekend which will be 3 out of the last 4!! I can't effing handle it anymore. I could go on and on... but my anxiety is already high and I need to calm down.

 

csspencer

My in laws live 3 hours away, and my MIL expects us to visit at least one weekend a month, it would be semi ok, but she thinks she can dictate the weekend. DH called her and mentioned that we probably won't visit in April because we are al (including my in laws) spending Easter weekend with DH's grandmother 8+ hours a way. She flipped out. Something about she won't get DS during Easter since all DH's aunts, uncles and cousins will be meeting him for the first time. Can't wait till she finds out most of the weekends this summer are already booked.

MegStark

csspencer said:

My in laws live 3 hours away, and my MIL expects us to visit at least one weekend a month, it would be semi ok, but she thinks she can dictate the weekend. DH called her and mentioned that we probably won't visit in April because we are al (including my in laws) spending Easter weekend with DH's grandmother 8+ hours a way. She flipped out. Something about she won't get DS during Easter since all DH's aunts, uncles and cousins will be meeting him for the first time. Can't wait till she finds out most of the weekends this summer are already booked.

I feel like one weekend a month would be a little better. My MIL just says "I MISS HER" and then all of the sudden I'm entertaining them for the weekend. Not just day, but weekend.  Anyways 3+ hours would be nice. Good luck with telling them your summer is booked! I need to start making weekend plans further out so I can tell DH, "nope - sorry, we have plans so they can't come". 

I have to add that I think it also makes me mad my parents can't see her as much since they live further. Obviously I'd much rather be with my parents more often than DHs. 

MegStark

@starscream - I'm jealous you're going to Vegas

@CurlingRocks - what's with people inviting themselves? This is how it usually goes at our house:

DH on the phone with one of his parents (usually mom):

MIL - I miss Sutton!

DH - yeah, she's growing (or something like that)

MIL - we're thinking of coming down this weekend

DH - okay, cool. 

and that's that. 

So... really this is an issue between me and DH, and I need to set boundaries. It just sucks because whenever I try to talk about it, it sounds like I'm attacking his parents. Which, sometimes I am. I just get high anxiety usually when they come around. For several reasons I probably shouldn't list. Thing is, I loved hanging with them before LO so this is weird for me. 

TKtravels

Adrd47 said:

My ILs live 9 hours away. MIL texted me yesterday morning to tell me she was flying in yesterday night and would be here until Sunday. I love my ILs, but with a super sick baby, I could've really used a little more notice.

Less than 24 hours notice!? 

I would have "plans" already.  Who books flights and assumes they are staying with you, without even running it by you first?  I would be SO pissed. 

EllaBelle2010

Mine are overall personality differences that drive me crazy. So based on that I'm overly sensitive to everything she says and does. 

I'm sure I've shared with you all that DH's brothers kids are her favorite. So when she sees DS she only holds him for a little while and then hands him back and loudly announces that she's so tired because she's had kids all day. That's annoying.

She won't call me to ask me anything about DS, she will only call DH. That's annoying.

She will sometimes makes comments about things she wants to take DS to do, and I just think to myself... um, no... you didn't do that with DS1 and you've known him since he was 3. You treat my boys the same or not at all. Thats annoying.

I'm sure I've got more...

LelaDenney

Sorta jealous of these over involved MILs. Mine barely even returns a phone call. I'm lucky to even hear back. She has seen P maybe 10 times since she's been alive and lives 30 min-1 hour away. All but maybe 3 times were me taking P to her. I try to make dates with her and she just won't pick up the phone on the day of. I wish she seemed interested in our lives. My husband said it's because she's busy but you know time flies. I can't imagine not making an effort to see my grandchildren.

Bamgal25

I almost started a MIL thread earlier.  So, I only go into the office for work one day a week and my MIL watches DD on those days.  Which overall is a good arrangement, but of course we've had a few things to iron out along the way.  Well yesterday DD rolled from back to tummy for the first time.  She's been rolling tummy to back for a while, and I assume MIL didn't realize she hadn't done back to tummy yet.  Well, she always takes videos and TONS of pictures of DD while she is babysitting, which is fine with me.  Luckily she did get a video of DD rolling yesterday and showed me when I got home.
So this morning, I was thinking about it more and was kinda sad that I missed seeing her do that for the first time.  So I texted MIL and told her I hated I missed that and asked her to send me the videos.  Well, she can't just text back and say Ok.  She has to call and leave me this message calling me "sweetheart" and "darling" and asked me to call her back.  Then calls me and DH again before I take the time to call her back.  She goes ON and ON about how she knows how I must feel and she is sorry I missed that moment, etc. etc but I am a good mom.  Then suggests that in the future if she takes videos of her she just won't show them to me in case DD is doing something new.  How about NO?  That is not a good solution.  I told her that I wasn't really THAT upset, but since she happened to have videos of her rolling I wanted to have them too.  She always blows things out of proportion and makes it into a big deal.  I guess it's really my fault anyway for mentioning I was a tiny bit sad.  MIL means well most of the time, but she is just overboard!  (wow, didn't realize I needed to write a whole novel)

HBirdie

My MIL wanted to come over today, which was fine, but then she was 45 minutes late (without texting/calling to let me know that was happening) and she didn't apologize for it, and was huffy that Caleb was tired (uh, because he was late for his nap, because YOU were late) and that she couldn't stay longer to see him do stuff. She kept trying to make him crawl or sit up, but he was not having it and just laid his face on the carpet and screamed. I was nudging her out the door from the time she got here, pretty much.

And I feel a storm brewing with my SMIL because she JUST texted me today about her birthday dinner, which is set for this Sunday, apparently. DH and I have had plans on our calendar for Sunday that are out of town... since January. I'm not missing it (it's actually a meetup with some other local moms from this board!), and I think it's her problem for not letting us know about a big family dinner more than two days beforehand. I texted her over an hour ago and even though I can see that she's read the text, she hasn't responded yet... and she always responds right away. She's probably pissed and she'll probably complain to FIL who will call DH, but too bad. I already talked to him about it and he agreed that we already have plans and we aren't changing them.

LelaDenney

lindszachary said:

LelaDenney said:

Sorta jealous of these over involved MILs. Mine barely even returns a phone call. I'm lucky to even hear back. She has seen P maybe 10 times since she's been alive and lives 30 min-1 hour away. All but maybe 3 times were me taking P to her. I try to make dates with her and she just won't pick up the phone on the day of. I wish she seemed interested in our lives. My husband said it's because she's busy but you know time flies. I can't imagine not making an effort to see my grandchildren.

this is the problem with mine. She doesn't care about LO. She comes over every other Wednesday while H is off work (and I am not) to see him. During this visit she stays six hours but holds my LO maybe ten minutes. When I get home, she is so up DH's ass im surprised she isn't covered in shit. But if  I try to schedule a family activity, she ignores me or is rude to me.

I told DH about the ignoring me and rude comments to prove to him she doesn't give a shit about LO and she lied to him and said I never talk to her and ignore HER. This was a big fat mistake on her part. H doesn't believe a thing she says now and told her off.

She has seen LO maybe six times and she lives fifteen minutes away. She has two other grandchildren and does things with them every day. 

I just don't get it.  When LO is older, she isn't going to understand it either.

So fuck you MIL!

I think we have the same MIL. My husband is the only boy out of 6 kids. I understand girls typically are closer to their families than boys but damn. Show a little interest. My SIL has 2 kids she sees on a daily basis. I have wanted to throw in the towel on trying many times but I just can't give up for my baby. If it weren't for me we really would have barely any contact with DH family because he works all the time and is horrible at picking up the phone.

csspencer

MegStark said:

DH on the phone with one of his parents (usually mom):

MIL - I miss Sutton!

DH - yeah, she's growing (or something like that)

MIL - we're thinking of coming down this weekend

DH - okay, cool. 

and that's that. 

So... really this is an issue between me and DH, and I need to set boundaries. It just sucks because whenever I try to talk about it, it sounds like I'm attacking his parents. Which, sometimes I am. I just get high anxiety usually when they come around. For several reasons I probably shouldn't list. Thing is, I loved hanging with them before LO so this is weird for me. 

That's usually the conversation DH has with his mom. And then when I tell him he really needs to start discussing it with me before he just says yes, he says he'll call them back and say they can't come. Which they will then know it's because I said no...so I get stuck entertaining them for a weekend.

HisChamaoleGirl

My mil is across the world but hasn't reached out to us about LO at all . Any pictures she has are bc DH has sent them without her asking . I hate that she is involved with her other grand kids but not mine. It doesn't help that DH has a child who lives the same place who she gives all of her attention to bc she feels he's missing out on having two parents and we shouldn't have had LO until he was an adult ...

Bamgal25

@MegStark‌ that sucks about your ILs always spending the night. I couldn't handle mine for that long. They try to be nice but they are just overboard with everything. And... MIL is always talking- she doesnt know what it means to just relax and be quiet for a bit. The second they walk in the door its nonstop questions. They live about 30 minutes away so they never spend the night.

Sorry you are having to entertain so often. Just tell them you need a weekend to yourselves to catch up on things (ie anything without them).

MegStark

@Bamgal25 - my MIL is always talking too!! I can't stand it! Silence is golden, right? They've never heard that. And mine drinks (a lot) when they come, hence the main reason they stay the night. So... that's just building my case as to why LO will not be allowed to stay with them overnight. MIL has already asked why my parents are coming from 4 hours away to watch her while we go to the Bahamas in May... ummm, partly because they don't see her every effing weekend and mostly because we trust them. Shit, we have never even left our dog with DH's parents. Okay, we did once and she admitted she almost lost him. FML. 

UPDATE - DH apologized tonight and told me he's going to do a better job of communicating. He understands why I'm so annoyed. He almost uninvited them, but I said we'd figure it out this time around. We actually might just go meet them for lunch instead of them coming and staying. We'll see what happens.  

MegStark

@AbbyMMM, glad your DH can stall now. How does that work out though? My husband says he'll do a better job now, and I know he doesn't want to upset me, but I know he still wants his parents to come often. He just likes hanging out with them which I don't mind, but at least now I've told him their actions bother me to the point of needing to talk to my doctor about anxiety. 

MegStark

HisChamaoleGirl said:

My mil is across the world but hasn't reached out to us about LO at all . Any pictures she has are bc DH has sent them without her asking . I hate that she is involved with her other grand kids but not mine. It doesn't help that DH has a child who lives the same place who she gives all of her attention to bc she feels he's missing out on having two parents and we shouldn't have had LO until he was an adult ...

This makes me sad. I'm sorry. 

HBirdie

csspencer said:

MegStark said:

DH on the phone with one of his parents (usually mom):

MIL - I miss Sutton!

DH - yeah, she's growing (or something like that)

MIL - we're thinking of coming down this weekend

DH - okay, cool. 

and that's that. 

So... really this is an issue between me and DH, and I need to set boundaries. It just sucks because whenever I try to talk about it, it sounds like I'm attacking his parents. Which, sometimes I am. I just get high anxiety usually when they come around. For several reasons I probably shouldn't list. Thing is, I loved hanging with them before LO so this is weird for me. 

That's usually the conversation DH has with his mom. And then when I tell him he really needs to start discussing it with me before he just says yes, he says he'll call them back and say they can't come. Which they will then know it's because I said no...so I get stuck entertaining them for a weekend.

We actually talked about this issue in premarital counseling. DH always says yes, to everything in his life, even when he shouldn't because he doesn't actually have the time/energy to commit. He's just super easygoing and wants everyone to be happy. We were having issues because BOTH of his sets of parents were expecting us to have dinner with them once a week (separately, obviously) and while he didn't really mind, I definitely did, and still do. That's too much family time for me- we're trying to build our own relationship and life here! Plus it took away from the little bits of free time we had together when we were both working and I was in school.

Anyway. I was feeling frustrated that he would say yes to stuff without asking me, OR he'd say, "Sounds good to me, but let me ask HBirdie." Then if I said no, they'd know it was my fault and they'd assume I was trying to avoid them or something. I hated them viewing me as the reason they weren't seeing their precious son as much (MIL seriously thought I was controlling DH a lot- she flat out told me a few months into our dating relationship that she saw me as the very manipulative, overbearing type who would take advantage of her dear son's good nature). Our counselor had to talk to DH about using more neutral language like, "I'm not sure what we have going on this weekend. I'll have to get back to you." That way, we could talk it out and decide together if we wanted to do whatever it was. It's still a struggle sometimes because it's sooo natural for him to say yes to stuff without thinking and make me look like the bad guy.

It frustrates me that my in-laws have such crazy expectations! I don't know, I love my family and I see my parents and brothers pretty regularly, but trying to have a weekly gathering with a long drawn out dinner, and coffee and dessert and games and chatting... it's just too much for me. Maybe that's a UO but I'm an adult now and I don't want to spend 1/3 of our free time at our parents' houses.

mrsmoxie

This is my FIL. just minutes after he comes into my home, gets food, and plops his dirty, greasy butt on my couch. This is what I put up with. One would make the assumption that he and I are close, considering this is how comfortable he is in my home. Nope, not at all. He has spoken maybe one sentence to me during mine and DH's 8 year relationship. He has no shame.

Disclaimer: that is not FIL's face. I am protecting his identity.

jlp0528

Ew, ew, ew. @FutureMrs07282012‌

MegStark

FutureMrs07282012 - that made my morning. Sorry you have to deal with it, but it's hysterical that you took a pic. 

mrsmoxie

MegStark said:

FutureMrs07282012 - that made my morning. Sorry you have to deal with it, but it's hysterical that you took a pic. 

Lol, I had to take a picture and send it to my mom. I needed proof! It is funny now, and I'm glad I can make you ladies laugh! But at the time, when he's sitting like that, mindlessly watching tv, chewing with his mouth full of food, I can't stop staring in disbelief.

jlp0528

FutureMrs07282012 said:

MegStark said:

FutureMrs07282012 - that made my morning. Sorry you have to deal with it, but it's hysterical that you took a pic. 

Lol, I had to take a picture and send it to my mom. I needed proof! It is funny now, and I'm glad I can make you ladies laugh! But at the time, when he's sitting like that, mindlessly watching tv, chewing with his mouth full of food, I can't stop staring in disbelief.

@FutureMrs07282012‌ I don't know how you hold your tongue. I would be like,

Do you not know how repulsive you are?

amelbug

I could write a book. When we told my MIL that I was pregnant, she acted really shocked. We had been married for 4 years and were talking of kids for awhile - why are you surprised?? She said "I thought Jemma wanted a career!".
Next up, around 8/9 months pregnant, I was working 12-13 hour days 6 days a week to finish up before my due date - I happened to say that it was hard to my MIL and she said "you only have yourself to blame". I will never forgive her for that.
My MIL lives 3000 miles away, has met my baby once, but when I offer to send pictures of her sitting up or holding a toy for the first time etc, she says " oh, I don't need to see that." FU!! My mum on the other hand, often asks me to send more pics.
Finally, she is not speaking to me because I am unorganized and lazy (whatever), but uses the time she speaks to my husband on FaceTime to make passive aggressive comments like "oh, your wearing a short sleeved onesie (we were indoors), is it summer in Chicago already?". And when my husband is like "oh she is sitting up now", she will say"Jemma is sitting up, good for her". It has happened too many times for it to be even remotely funny. ARGHHH!!!

LelaDenney

amelbug said:

I could write a book. When we told my MIL that I was pregnant, she acted really shocked. We had been married for 4 years and were talking of kids for awhile - why are you surprised?? She said "I thought Jemma wanted a career!".
Next up, around 8/9 months pregnant, I was working 12-13 hour days 6 days a week to finish up before my due date - I happened to say that it was hard to my MIL and she said "you only have yourself to blame". I will never forgive her for that.
My MIL lives 3000 miles away, has met my baby once, but when I offer to send pictures of her sitting up or holding a toy for the first time etc, she says " oh, I don't need to see that." FU!! My mum on the other hand, often asks me to send more pics.
Finally, she is not speaking to me because I am unorganized and lazy (whatever), but uses the time she speaks to my husband on FaceTime to make passive aggressive comments like "oh, your wearing a short sleeved onesie (we were indoors), is it summer in Chicago already?". And when my husband is like "oh she is sitting up now", she will say"Jemma is sitting up, good for her". It has happened too many times for it to be even remotely funny. ARGHHH!!!

I think you take the cake on this MIL thread. My gosh! I would not be okay with any of that. More power to you!

MegStark

amelbug said:

I could write a book. When we told my MIL that I was pregnant, she acted really shocked. We had been married for 4 years and were talking of kids for awhile - why are you surprised?? She said "I thought Jemma wanted a career!". Next up, around 8/9 months pregnant, I was working 12-13 hour days 6 days a week to finish up before my due date - I happened to say that it was hard to my MIL and she said "you only have yourself to blame". I will never forgive her for that. My MIL lives 3000 miles away, has met my baby once, but when I offer to send pictures of her sitting up or holding a toy for the first time etc, she says " oh, I don't need to see that." FU!! My mum on the other hand, often asks me to send more pics. Finally, she is not speaking to me because I am unorganized and lazy (whatever), but uses the time she speaks to my husband on FaceTime to make passive aggressive comments like "oh, your wearing a short sleeved onesie (we were indoors), is it summer in Chicago already?". And when my husband is like "oh she is sitting up now", she will say"Jemma is sitting up, good for her". It has happened too many times for it to be even remotely funny. ARGHHH!!!

Oh my gosh. What a B. Seriously. 

hilalk

I lived for 4 years with my MIL 30 mins apart. She had very little interest in my DS and never wanted to spent time together. She did not know what was going on with our lives but whenever we came together she used to comment about DS like 'he is sleeping too much'. Everytime I used to put him in his car seat she said that it is unnecessary and blamed me for being 'over-protective'! She even once fought with a 3-year old and did not talk to him for a while. She said once that every kid takes 11 years away from a mother's life. Yeah, and my DH was there. She admired people that don't have kids because they can travel and stuff. She never wanted us to have another kid. She always made passive aggressive comments because 'I cook' and DH eats. I think she wanted me to starve my family to death. I never could understand her. Shortly, she was fucking nuts. 5 years ago we moved 8000 miles away. Sorry for no paragraphs, Ipad

TKtravels

I'm trying *really* hard to find something positive to say, but right now, I've got nothing.. unless bouts of crying or being so angry I want to throw things count.

On Sunday, MIL told me that she is having a luncheon so her friends can meet LO.  There are going to be OVER 50 PEOPLE there.  I told her that I'm not comfortable with that, and she told me "in life, sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do."  

Part of the reason I'm not okay with this is that any time there is a family event (anything from a wedding, to a funeral, to a child's birthday party, to a backyard BBQ), she feels the need to tell me how to dress (and often provides the garments, since for all family events, women are expected to dress like extras in a Bollywood movie), how to do my hair, what jewelry to wear, and how to do my makeup.  I find this to be incredibly insulting, and after talking with MIL time and time again about why she feels the need to dictate the terms of my appearance, she admitted that it's because she's afraid I'm going to make her look bad.    

I'm also NOT okay with the expectation that I show up at this luncheon with LO and then just hand her off to person after person to hold, kiss, feed, etc. LO.  I don't want anyone but H or I holding her.  I have tried to talk with H about this, and he told me I'm "being crazy."  H does agree that being told how to dress, etc, is bullshit though, and for now, MIL has agreed to stop telling me (or handing me a package containing what I am to wear) what to wear as long as I dress "sober" (which I think she meant as "modestly) and not in my usual street walker attire.  

I told MIL that if I go, no one else is holding LO, and she then told me that 1) it's rude to tell her/her friends that her friends may not hold LO, and 2) she, FIL, and SIL will be holding LO too.  I was also told that I must go, otherwise she looks bad in front of her friends. 

Since Sunday, MIL has called H four times to discuss alternate dates because the first date we (she) picked was only a month away and she needs more time to plan and not enough of her friends will be able to attend that date.. now we're looking at dates in June. 

It's nice to know that I'm not allowed to make decisions for my child, and that basically, whatever MIL wants, she is going to get.  I'm so angry about all of this that I want to throw up *and* punch a wall.   

lilqt3929

MIL always says she wants to watch LO while we get some time away. Problem is LO barely knows who she is because she's too busy skiing, going out with friends, going on trips, etc. to be around LO more so LO is comfortable with her. I am not comfortable with letting her babysit either because when she does come to visit she gets all in LO's face being obnoxious and loud, resulting in her cyring hysterically. It makes me so mad and you'd think the few times she's seen LO and this happens that she'd realize LO doesn't like that! MIL, why can't you just come in calmly and let LO warm up to you?

MIL also likes to play "know it all" when LO cries. Yes, I know that she's crying, she's tired and over stimulated! She didn't mysteriously hurt herself on a teether, she's not too cold or not sick. I spend ALL DAY, EVERYDAY with her...I know my baby!!

lilqt3929

@TKtravels‌ um, NO! That's not ok, one bit!

jlp0528

@TKtravels‌ I am irate for you. That's just incredibly ridiculous.

redfallon

Any time I read these posts, I'm so glad that a) my husband is not a pushover; b) he loves his mother and talks to her almost every day, but she is not overbearing or bitchy; c) both our sets of parents respect us and the decisions we make as a family.

GermanShredders

@TKtravels‌... I saw a great response on A13. I think it went something like:

You misunderstood , "No" was actually a complete sentence, not the opening of a debate.

BriR924

My ILs used to have this weird habit of ALL using our bathroom every time they would visit. I swear they used a whole roll of TP each time they came and they would only visit for a few hours. So one day SIL actually got upset and complained because I replaced the padded toilet seat with a "hard, uncomfortable one that nobody likes" and told me I should get a padded one again. My house. My toilet. My choice. Deal with it!

jlp0528

@FutureMrs07282012‌ omg I just realized it looks like his feet are on your LO's toy. Please for the love of God say it ain't so!!

And because I couldn't decide which Emma Stone face expresses my disgust better...

Jenly117

@TKtravels‌ I think your MIL is my MIL. She's constantly asks me if me and LO have dresses for "x" events. It's all a ploy to make sure we're dressed appropriately ...when in reality, I can out 'class' her ass on any given day.

My MIL texts me to tell me that she misses LO (she lives 3 mins up the rd) and so I always respond with "you know where to find her!" To which she responds- "no, she needs to come to my house" UMM...mil, do you know how much shit I have to haul with me every time I leave the house?!? It's like packing for a vacation FFS! So in attempts to be a good DIL, I ask her for a date/time when we can come visit and she has yet to set anything up. This has been going on for 3 wks and it's all a game to her. She can play martyr and act like she doesn't get to see LO when in reality she just refuses to communicate with me.

llybeck

It's not a secret that I dislike my future SIL & MIL. Well actually, I think it might be a secret to them, especially SIL who thinks we should hang out regularly. Not going to happen...

SIL is rude, terribly stuck up, and I've never met anyone that was more of a know it all. Problem is, she knows a lot less than she thinks. She believes every idiotic thing she hears without questioning it but argues and tries to disprove everything I say. She's also rigidly "by the book" about her kids and criticizes everything we do because we aren't like that. She acts like we know nothing about children and lectures us on every little thing because she didn't know anything with her first kid, at all, and thinks we don't either. It was literally frightening how little she knew and now she thinks she's an expert. She even checks the straps after every time I buckle DD in her carseat. Every. Single. Time. It's insulting. She also let her youngest scratch and hit DD until she had a black eye and didn't interven because her daughter "didn't know any better." No shit but you still shouldn't let her do that.

MIL I could write about for hours; she's lie SIL amplified by 100 and whiney as all hell on top of it. I'll just say the latest crap. She owns a floral shop so she'll be doing our wedding flowers and it's been a nightmare. She keeps whining to SO that I haven't told her what I want so she thinks I must be upset. On two separate occasions I have spent over four hours each with her talking about almost nothing but our wedding; how much more do we need to talk about??? Not to mention all the other times we talk about it in normal conversation. I've been very clear with her and my brain is going to explode if I have to do this much more. She's asked me more than ten times about booking a suite for our wedding (she won't stay in anything less) and has asked SO more than that. I keep telling her to just call the hotel, how hard is that?!? I have no idea how many suites they have and I shouldn't have to book her room. She was also supposed to do the flowers for my BFF's wedding but my BFF can only meet with her on Saturdays which MIL knew from the start. Now all of a sudden she can't meet with her anytime, no Saturdays and not after 2pm on weekdays. She's mad at me for some reason and won't talk to me and now apparently she's taking that out on my BFF. So childish and now I feel terrible for suggesting MIL because now BFF has to find another florist and her wedding is less than 4 months away.

They've both done much worse things but this is the latest. Felt good to vent

HBirdie

JWeber1110 said: @TKtravels‌ I think your MIL is my MIL. She's constantly asks me if me and LO have dresses for "x" events. It's all a ploy to make sure we're dressed appropriately ...when in reality, I can out 'class' her ass on any given day. My MIL texts me to tell me that she misses LO (she lives 3 mins up the rd) and so I always respond with "you know where to find her!" To which she responds- "no, she needs to come to my house" UMM...mil, do you know how much shit I have to haul with me every time I leave the house?!? It's like packing for a vacation FFS! So in attempts to be a good DIL, I ask her for a date/time when we can come visit and she has yet to set anything up. This has been going on for 3 wks and it's all a game to her. She can play martyr and act like she doesn't get to see LO when in reality she just refuses to communicate with me.
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Hbirdie: That is soooo my SMIL. They live about a five minute drive from here, and they see C maybe once a month. Every time, they act shocked that he's grown bigger and make really pointed comments about how long it'll be until the next time they see him ("Next time we see you, you'll probably be in the fourth grade!" hardy har har). Hey, guess what? I don't like you guys and I'm not going to go out of my way to invite you over or invite myself over. But don't complain that you don't reach out to us. I often decline invitations to their house, but I never say no when they ask to come to mine and see the baby (unless it really doesn't work for us). So I feel like it's their own fault they don't see him very often. I also really feel like seeing him is just a way to get pictures and videos so that they can show him off. They don't care about actually seeing him and getting to know him, he's just like a little trophy to them. When I post something about him on FB, she shares it or saves it to her own computer and then uploads it and writes her own captions, implying that she was the one to take the pic/video or making it sound like she was there. Super annoying.

Jenly117

HBirdie said:

JWeber1110 said:

... I also really feel like seeing him is just a way to get pictures and videos so that they can show him off. They don't care about actually seeing him and getting to know him, he's just like a little trophy to them. When I post something about him on FB, she shares it or saves it to her own computer and then uploads it and writes her own captions, implying that she was the one to take the pic/video or making it sound like she was there. Super annoying.

Mine does this too @HBirdie‌! She asks my H for a pic of LO every day (and he obliges) so that she can show her coworkers. If H is out of town for business, she'll text me and say "what's LO doing? I didn't get a pic...everyone at work is worried". Seriously?! No one is worried! She just want to show her off so that she can talk about her grandchild that she "never" sees. So now when she asks me for pics, I tell her I have no more storage on my phone....whoooopsss! Sorry, not sorry

thedash

lilqt3929 said:

MIL always says she wants to watch LO while we get some time away. Problem is LO barely knows who she is because she's too busy skiing, going out with friends, going on trips, etc. to be around LO more so LO is comfortable with her. I am not comfortable with letting her babysit either because when she does come to visit she gets all in LO's face being obnoxious and loud, resulting in her cyring hysterically. It makes me so mad and you'd think the few times she's seen LO and this happens that she'd realize LO doesn't like that! MIL, why can't you just come in calmly and let LO warm up to you? MIL also likes to play "know it all" when LO cries. Yes, I know that she's crying, she's tired and over stimulated! She didn't mysteriously hurt herself on a teether, she's not too cold or not sick. I spend ALL DAY, EVERYDAY with her...I know my baby!!

My IL's are actually pretty good but this reminds me so much of them. None of them can comprehend that babies get tired. I swear their children must have never, ever slept the way they act. If one of my kids gets tired and cranky they are convinced it's teething, cold, hungry, uncomfortable clothes, a wet diaper (that was just changed), not enough toys, scratchy socks, etc, etc. If I say "She's just really tired" they look at me like that makes no sense at all!