Seeking advice! 28 mo. old's behavior

gigglesb

Hi ladies. Our "usually" sweet boy has been turning into a bully when in social settings. Maybe I didn't introduce him to play dates early enough. Maybe he just needs more social interaction. I've become THAT Mom. The Mom other Moms look at and dont undersand unless they've been there too. I'm having a really hard day. (

I found an all Womens Workout center and this was going to be my first workout in over a year (since having our 4 month old). I need this for my health, sanity and more energy (for my boys and I).

We've had issues of our son hitting and pushing before at play dates and in the nursery at church. We thought he was through this stage, now he's doing it again. He's in a small room with 10 other Lil ones at the gym. How is he the ONLY one acting this way? After 5 mins I checked on him today and he was in a time out after hitting already. 5 minutes later he'd pushed a girl to her bottom. That o was the second time this week he's done this. I loaded the boys up and we came home.....in tears today. I have to be missing something? I have no idea where this is coming from and can't break him of it. Last time i tried to go the daycare lady had to come get me because it was so bad. He'd been in time out for 30 mins off and on because he was hitting, pushing and kicking!

Has anyone experienced this? Do you have any tips that worked? I won't chalk it up to "he's just a boy" or "it's just a phase". Hitting and pushing is not okay. Thanks for hearing my dilemma.

(Ps, it took me an hour to type this to you between both babies)!

ncbelle

There are some articles here that you may find helpful:  https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers

It's totally normal for toddlers to have these sorts of behaviors because they don't know they aren't appropriate.  It's our job to guide them in positive interactions with peers.  I'm personally anti-time outs because they don't do anything to really teach the "right" behavior and end up just becoming a power struggle and exercise in frustration.

I do think it would help if you were able to be in more situations with other kids - preferably some where you are around to supervise and intervene as needed.

gigglesb

Thank you! I'll look at the links also. I was just asked to take over as the Lead in our toddler room at church. This is a blessing because I'll be able to be present with our son and the other kids.

TiffanyBerry

Definitely read through the link @ncbelle posted.  It's a good one.

This is normal behavior.  This is normal HUMAN behavior.  This is APPROPRIATE normal human behavior to have to get through.  It's not that you need to "break him" of something.  He needs to learn: 

1) the self-awareness to KNOW that this impulse to push/hit is forming, 

2) the self-regulation to stop himself from acting on his impulse, 

3) the executive function to plan what to do instead, 

4) the self-regulation to follow through on that plan.

This is hard for adults, let alone children.  And it's something that will not happen overnight - or even over a week.  It may take a long time for him to fully grow out of this behavior.

It is NOT your fault, you CAN help him grow out of it, but you'll need patience. 

Hang in there!

yeah.

Listen to ncbelle.

While it's normal for toddlers to hit, it's not ok and he needs to hear that every,single.time he's aggressive. He'll grow out of it, but not without practice and reminders and time. You have to teach him.

I wouldn't put him in a large group for a little while. SChedule some playdates with 1-2 other kids, and grab him into timeout every time he's aggressive (be prepared to lose a few friends...no one wants their kid to be the practice dummy) but keep trying. He has to learn.

gigglesb

Thanks for chiming in ladies. I was thinking the same thing, to ask a friend to bring her daughter over for a play date. She's been our practice dummy before. They usually play well together but he's had his moments with her also. They've been so understanding which I'm grateful for. Patience patience patience. Thanks again all!

janinekrause

 I don't think you are going to lose friends over that- if you do, wow, sucky friends seriously. The only parents/kids I stopped hanging out with were the ones with parents who didn't step in with inappropriate behavior. If a parent is trying, that's all I care about. My kids have been pushed/shoved/bit, and vice versa over the years. Just keep teaching him appropriate behavior and he will learn.  Take a deep breath too.

I remember the first call I got when my daughter at 2 bit her best friend on the face and left teeth marks I am friends with the parents, apologized profusely, and we are still very good friends.

yeah. said:

Listen to ncbelle.

While it's normal for toddlers to hit, it's not ok and he needs to hear that every,single.time he's aggressive. He'll grow out of it, but not without practice and reminders and time. You have to teach him.

I wouldn't put him in a large group for a little while. SChedule some playdates with 1-2 other kids, and grab him into timeout every time he's aggressive (be prepared to lose a few friends...no one wants their kid to be the practice dummy) but keep trying. He has to learn.