Baby Showers

Church Ladies Taking Over Shower I'm Hosting!

A somewhat new couple at church (with a very shy/sensitive MTB) is expecting, and I got the okay from MTB and MIL to host her shower in June. I am really excited to do this, as we are close in age, and I know I will be sensitive to her wishes and preferences.

The last few Sundays, I've been accosted by 2 ladies who apparently have decided the date, time, place, colors, theme, food, decor...and it sounds exactly like those awful showers I went to as a kid in the 1980s. I reply to each statement that I am making those choices in conjunction with the MTB, and will let them know. 

I want to be a good team player and find ways for anyone interested to contribute to the decisions/preparation, but at the same time it is clear that these ladies don't see me as the host. I'm concerned that if I don't complete every item on the list way ahead of time, then they will absolutely take over (which stresses me out because I was planning to do these preparations after a busy few weeks at work). And I'm pretty sure they will try and take over on the day of the shower anyways.

Anyone experienced this with family members, friends, or church sisters? It is important to me to be Christ-like in my interactions with them. At the same time, I am feeling hurt that these ladies don't see me as capable/worthy of planning an event, or at least are not willing to let me have this special experience with the MTB.
January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
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Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
Planning to start IVF in March!
***All Welcome***

Re: Church Ladies Taking Over Shower I'm Hosting!

  • Thanks for your idea! As soon as I thanked her for her favors idea (knitted plastic boxes with mints in them...), the next week she had decided the decor was purple butterflies and jungle.

    Maybe just assertively say, I appreciate your favors you are making, and I will be making the other arrangements, so everyone has a chance to contribute??
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
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    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
  • Delegating is smart...once someone else is helping with a job (I'll have to quickly assign my sis to the "helping set up" part), it will be easy to say No, thanks!

    You are right that getting it organized/planned immediately is the only way around this now. I just feel bummed, like it's unfair I have to give myself a bunch of stress instead of organizing my time in a healthier way just to get them off my back...but, this is life. :)

    Thank you for the suggestions!
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
    imageimage

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
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  • Happy_yahoo_personaler - sorry, I saw the quotes in your comment and thought it was quoting the original post, but just read those suggestions! (new here - sorry)

    I LOVE the statement about being happy to host the event. I will definitely repeat that as often as needed.
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
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    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
  • Do these ladies usually host the showers for church members? I think an honest conversation where you tell them you would really like to take the lead on hosting this shower as a special act of friendship to this girl would be understood. I've had to do this before with other church ladies getting carried away with details I'm supposed to be planning. I say something like "I would like to do this for her because she's always done so much for me (or whatever reason best fits). Do you mind if I take the lead on planning this for her?" After they say yes, then I say something like "I would love if you wanted to help with x (games, invites, whatever)!" This has worked well for me.
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  • Nicolewinsbingo, that must be exactly it! I And good luck with your upcoming birth! :)
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
    imageimage

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
  • I think you're doing beautifully now. PP's suggestions of delegating a few things you're willing to let go of is a great one.  I would not ask if it's "okay" if you host it--you are hosting it, and don't want rude people to use this line as an opening to encrouch on your territory. 
  • ArgyleBride, good point. Thanks!
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
    imageimage

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
  • I would just respond with "Thanks for the suggestion, but I already purchased favors/ ordered a cake/ etc."
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  • I agree with the others. Simply say that you already have whatever items or you're in the process of making/ordering them, but give them jobs to do to feel helpful.
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