Vent - SIL pregnancy & living child mention — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Vent - SIL pregnancy & living child mention

DAMNIT. TB ate my vent post. Ugh!

In sum - I had a checkup with my OB today. Everything was normal - including my stanky night sweats, chills, feeling flu like and having a horrid headache. Great... They should go away and there's nothing I can do about it until then.

I'm annoyed because I didn't feel comfortable asking all the questions I had, and I'm looking for another OB to consult with.

I'm off the bench from vaginal and pelvic rest as soon as I stop bleeding.

She doesn't seem to grasp that my cervix looked odd because my uterus is pulling it back. She also thinks that my back pain was in no way shape or form related to the pregnancy. At. All.

FFS. Look at this graphic. Tell me that a uterus pulled severely in this direction couldn't compress disks. I know it happened at 6 weeks pregnant. I know my uterus was still small then. But I was bloated like no tomorrow, and you think it couldn't cause any compression? Really?!

image

Maybe she's right. I don't think so because I've dealt with this long enough to know a little about it (the back pain, not uterus) ... So I'm looking for another OBGYN to consult with.

Also I find it a cruel trick of the universe that as I was walking out from discussing my failed pregnancy, my SIL walked in for a perfectly normal 37 week check up. Everything is just puppies and rainbows for her... Little frilly pink ruffled outfits and nursery decor... Preparing her DS to be a big brother... So bloated and tired that she can't wait to have her healthy little bundle of joy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for her, but it seems seriously fucked up at the moment. I can't see her right now. I'm so anxious for how in the face she will be and how much positive attention she will get in a few weeks when I feel like I'm broken and in the background... Now I know it's her birth and baby. It's not about me. But it hurts.

I want to be a good aunt to my little niece, but the thought of being supportive through it makes me ache.


image

PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

All Welcome

Chart

Re: Vent - SIL pregnancy & living child mention

  • Getting a second opinion is absolutely the right move. I hope you're able to find a knowledgeable doctor soon.

    As for you SIL, I'm sorry. I hope things get easier to deal with soon or that your SIL is at least understanding of you.
    image image
    stephy1221
  • SIL is very supportive and understanding. It's really just my poor attitude. She has done nothing to deserve the chip on my shoulder. In my heart, I am happy that she is 2/2 with completely normal pregnancies. I don't want any woman to go through a loss. I'm just not ready to fully accept or participate in the grandiosity that will come in the next few weeks (she is having the first girl in a LONG line of boys, so it is very special for her family particularly). I guess that distance will continue to be the key.


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

  • Loading the player...
  • Hi, I definitely agree about getting a second opinion. You should find someone you're totally comfortable with. Maybe see a chiropractor/orthopedic dr to see what their thoughts are? As for your SIL, I'm glad that she's supportive but I think you have to do whatever is going to be best for you at this time. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs.

    Married: 9/25/10
    TTC # 1 since 5/2013
    BFP # 1: 2/7/14, mmc 3/12/14, D&C 3/19/14
    Boy, Trisomy 13, Karyotyping and Genetic Testing all normal
    Hysteroscopy and D&C 6/2/14, retained tissue
    Off the bench 7/14
    BFP # 2: 10/3/14, Blighted ovum, D&C 11/12/14
    Girl, no chromosomal abnormalities detected
    RPL Testing: Pre-diabetic, ANA+
    "I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it." - e.e. cummings

  • Agree with @ellyd14 get a second opinion, you absolutely have to be an advocate for your health.

    I am sorry it was such poor timing to see SIL. I know it is hard for you right now and I know you will be a proud aunty when the time is right.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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  • AggieBeth06AggieBeth06 member
    edited March 2014
    ****living child mentioned, possibly very sensitive***

    Days like today can be so odd. I felt really crappy and the bit about my SIL's pregnancy was eating on me. Then tonight my 3 year old DS told me he wanted to pray for the baby that wasn't in my tummy anymore, for aunt Brittany and baby Lorali (my niece). This was completely out of the blue. Sometimes having someone you love shock you about little things can knock you right out of it. Wow.

    I hope no one is offended by me posting that. I just couldn't actually believe he said that unprompted... And it's not like I have prayed with him much about it.

    ETA: I really hate saying that - I don't want to hurt any of you kind women by mentioning my son. (((Hugs))) to you all.


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

    stephy1221
  • *ticker warning*

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I would definitely look for another opinion, too. I'm looking for a new ob because of the crappy experience I had with this.

    As for the sil, it's just hard. And some part of her hopefully understands. I feel like every time I look at fb or talk to friends, I hear about another pregnancy or baby. It just sucks when you've gone through something so physically and emotionally painful.

    ((Hugs)) hoping you get some answers and that your sil is understanding when the baby arrives.

    BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12

    BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



  • What a sweet son you have! I agree with everyone that said to get a second opinion. And I completely understand how you are feeling with your sister in law. I am planning my sister in laws baby shower right now. I hope she is understanding about your feelings and I hope you can heal and it won't be to hard for you when baby is born.

    image

    BFP #1 Chemical Pregnancy

    BFP #2 DS Bennett

    BFP #3 Missed Miscarriage 8wks

    BFP #4 Miscarriage 6 wks

    BFP #5 Due August 10, 2015


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

  • I think it's great that you are looking for a new OB. I have said many times in this board switching OBs has been night and day with my experiences.

    As far as your SIL, I swear sometimes the universe is just against us. Like really!? Why in that very moment at that very time did you have to see her? It's just cruel. I have had COUNTLESS moments like that both throughout this miscarriage and the last one. I've even laughed out loud (annoyingly of course) because I can't escape the irony. Even DH thinks it's crazy sometimes the things that have happened. Just to name a few, I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia after the D&C and couldn't move a MUSCLE for 2 days. DH kept buying take out because he doesn't cook. Wellllll the whole family, including poor DS got food poisoning. And that was just the week of my D&C.

    It's seems as though this dark cloud has been following me around for quite a while, well for the last 9 months to be exact (my 1st MC was 9 months ago in April).

    In order to stay sane I keep telling myself shitty things can only happen for so long. One of these days something absolutely amazing is going to stop me in my tracks and remind me how beautiful life is. For now, I wait.

    I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. I feel it all too well with you, the coming weeks will surely be hard with the arrival of your niece. You and your "amazing" will be in my prayers.
  • AggieBeth06AggieBeth06 member
    edited March 2014
    Thanks y'all. I shared what happened with my SIL - even how I felt earlier today and she understood. It's not always easy but I'm finding that I works best to be honest and open when I feel like I can handle it.

    I took the leap and have an appointment for a consultation with another OB. The issue I have to get over is that my current practice has access to some things more easily than other practices. I'm going to possibly consult with one to two additional doctors and make a decision.

    Also, I reached out to some alternative medicine type options for addressing my uterus even though I've never been much into that kind of stuff, but I feel like it's one of the only options I have... I may try it and it won't work, but at least I can say I tried.

    This board has been such a blessing for me since I found out... Thank you all for answering my silly questions and for letting me vent.

    (((Hugs)))


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

    KingLEDstephy1221
  • Actually @aggiebeth6 what your son said warmed my heart. I think that was a very sweet thing to say.
    BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
    BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
    BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
    *everyone always welcome*
     image
    image    image   image
    AggieBeth06
  • The uterus and the colon behind it are really soft compared to the spinal column which is very hard and well protected--so from an anatomical sense I don't think that makes sense in an academic way.

    The thing that is known is that retroverted uterus can cause dyspareunia (pain with sex particularly on deep penetration).

    I am afraid, however, that you can ask 5 doctors about this and get 5 opinions. I mean, can anyone ever tell you with 100% certainty that something did or did not cause your pain?

    Also: I certainly would be careful about submitting to imaging studies, etc without understanding how they would change your medical management. Would you see a surgeon? Have an operation? What if the surgeon wanted different imaging? Would your insurance cover that? How much radiation are we talking? Etc.
    BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
    BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
    BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
    *everyone always welcome*
     image
    image    image   image
  • I am not a doctor, but I had preexisting issues in my spine (severely bulging disks at L3-L4 & L4-L5). I had a pretty painful go of it back in September, although I have dealt with the issues in and off for years.

    My question was mainly rhetorical because I disagree that the bloating and severely retroflexed uterus changing during pregnancy couldn't affect back pain. Some women who have a retroflexed uterus are asymptomatic, but some are. Unfortunately I am in the "some are" class.

    It can cause bladder/bowel issues and pain during/before menstruation as well as dyspareunia.

    Since I made this post. I have come to the realization that modern medical doesn't have long term solutions for it. Also it is possible that my uterine position doesn't adversely affect me as much as I think it does.

    The solutions offered (if at all) are either a hysterectomy or the UPLIFT procedure (manipulating the ligaments, which are on the side of the uterus).

    I have done some research into physical therapy and some other less invasive options (similar to visceral manipulations if you're familiar). I'm skeptical but I feel like I need to pursue it (nothing without a lot of research first). I feel like if I don't, I'll always ask myself if it could help me. I'm accepting that it might not.

    It affects our decisions on TTC. We may opt not to. My doctor has told me that doing another d&c would be too risky because of the possibilities of perforating my uterus. This makes me nervous. Less from needing to miscarry naturally but more from the side of what happens if I hemmorage (as my mom did) and I have to choose between losing my uterus (and ability to procreate) and my life. My doctor also told me that because of the risks, I would have to miscarry in a hospital and have more frequent ultrasounds.

    As far as second opinions go, I'm still going to address my uterine position with them, but I had some major complications in my first pregnancy. I have been wanting to find someone with high risk training. I'm also looking for a doctor who will answer my questions.


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

  • Good luck to you!
    BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
    BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
    BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
    *everyone always welcome*
     image
    image    image   image
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