Having a hard time - vent

fivesecondrule

This is just a vent, but I'm having a very hard time lately. My H had to have unexpected surgery about 6 weeks ago and I've essentially been single parenting since. I was muddling through for awhile, but it is really coming to a head. I have zero energy and am super grouchy all of the time. Thankfully I work PT, so that get's me out of the mundane for a few days a week. My kids are still super young, so it seriously takes 2 hours to get out of the house, so I don't leave too often (maybe once a week on my days off). I haven't been out of the house without the kids in probably 10 weeks, so I guess the first thing I need to do is find a sitter and go out with some friends. Well, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. I guess if you have some super super super easy recipes, send them my way. Looking to simplify in any way I possibly can!! Thanks for reading. 

rosesandpetals

What kind of surgery did he have? How long is he going to be out of commission? Sorry you are having such a rough time, that sounds really stressful. I would just be in survival.mode Do you have family nearby who can help? For dinner, I would do the easiest thing possible, spaghetti night with store bought sauce, frozen lasagna, stuff like that. Good luck! Try to take so E time.for.yourself and get out of the house (I know, easier said than done).

fivesecondrule

Spinal fusion surgery. He had it 2 years ago and he was out of commission for 5 months. Hopefully it isn't as bad this time around. My parents are in town, but they aren't very helpful. They think they are, but they aren't. Like my mom will say "oh i will take one of your kids but you need to drop them off and pick them up 2 hours later." Yeah, that doesn't help me. Sorry if that sounds bitchy.  

AimeeL85

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I remember having similar feelings when DD was younger, though I only have two kids, for awhile I felt like I was drowning.

For getting out the door, the best tip I've discovered is to get the kids dressed and ready right away in the morning. I used to bring them downstairs in their PJs and feed breakfast, and then I'd be chasing them all over trying to get them dressed and get shoes on, brush teeth etc. Now, if I know we're going out, I get them (and me) dressed from head to toe before we even come downstairs for breakfast - I'll even bring their shoes upstairs at night so I can put them on. It makes it a lot easier for us to head out when breakfast is over. I also keep as many things as possible, including snacks, in a plastic bin in the car. Then I don't have to worry about making sure I have a stocked diaper bag before I leave the house.

My friends and I recently instituted a girls' night out once a month - we do dinner and drinks. If you can get out even more than that, that's great - but even once a month is so much better than nothing! It helps me recharge.

Your mom's idea of helping definitely does not seem helpful!

barnwife

LalaMama81 said

I certainly wouldn't worry about cooking fancy stuff - I'd be very basic pasta dishes, stir fries, breakfast for dinner and crock pot stuff. 

I know I don't have 3 kids yet, so who knows how I'll feel, but 2 hours seems like a long time to get out the door. Maybe work on simplifying your morning routines? Pack up bags, snacks the night before along w/ picking out clothes? Will the 4 year old be in school or something soon?

Ditto the cooking thing...and hahahahahahaha to the rest. To be fair, some of it depends on the ages of your LOs.  OP has 3 similar in age to mine. And yes, there are times it takes 2 hours. 
Even when I do as much as possible the night before.

Because in the morning A. will decide she wants pants without a zipper and take off the ones we picked out the night before while I change S.'s diaper and get him dressed. Then undoubtedly someone needs one last potty break. And the list goes on.

Can it be done more quickly? Absolutely. But no matter what it's a ton of work. And exhausting. 

So what I am saying is I totally get where OP is coming from. 

OP, definitely get a sitter. If I don't get out of the house without the kiddos on a regular basis, it's not a pretty sight around here. If mama ain't happy and all. Don't discount the couple hours your mom could have them. 

Do you get a break mid-day? (A. still takes a nap. J., at 3.5 doesn't usually, but he knows he must do "quiet time" while A. naps. And that leaves me with just S., who I can usually get to play happily on a blanket for at least a few minutes or naps while I recharge.) 

OP, I hope your husband recovery goes well and quickly!

fivesecondrule

No offense on the two hour thing. Maybe it could be quicker. First, I'm not a morning person. Then they are just so pokey getting ready in the morning. Getting in the van and buckled also takes forever. I bribe them with gummies to get in without a fight. My middle is also potty training, which takes up a big chunk of time. I also pump first thing, wash pump parts, pack bottles, pack everything in the morning. I could do it the night before, but I'm not done getting the kids in bed and everything picked up and somewhat clean until 9 pm, so i usually want a little down time. 

dizzycooks

I agree with lala, two hours to get out of the house should be the exception, not the rule. I leave at 615am for work and heaven help me, it will not take two hours to be ready to go. It just won't, it can't. Prep the night before, leave things in the car, and teach the kiddos that last minute changes are not ok. As far as your moms "help " goes, mine does the same thing, happy to help at her house for an hour. Not helpful. Honestly I've started turning it down or being very specific about what I need. For example, I need to grocery shop, go to target pick up some dry cleaning it will take two hours, can you watch the kids while I do that? Have you considered grocery delivery or signing any of the kids up for preschool or part time daycare?

fivesecondrule

I work 3 days a week. 2 days they go to daycare/preschool and one day a sitter comes. 

Disneygeek77

Man, that sucks.  I would be having a hard time too.

jillyjill1026sr

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Easy meals: throw chicken and canned enchilada sauce in the crockpot. Cook on low 6 hours or until the chicken shreds easily. Use for burritos, tacos or rice bowls (you can do the same thing with a chunk of beef and taco seasoning). Stick a whole chicken in the crockpot with salt for 3 hours on high and then stick it in a 450* oven for 30 mins to crisp up the skin. Serve with steamed veggies and a salad. Boil pasta and heat up frozen meatballs in jarred sauce. Serve with a salad or a veggie on the side. Breakfast for dinner in always easy- pancakes or waffles with eggs and fruit.

Louiej

I feel you OP! I got a divorce 6 weeks ago or so, and except for every other weekend....it's all me. What I've found helps me: lower your expectations. Mac and cheese is ok, as is pb &js and any restaurant that delivers. Write down moments in your day where you are happy/peaceful/not on a murderous rampage and look to those moments when you're stressed. Take the bigger ones to a McDonald's play place and sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with the baby. As hard as it may seem, there's joy to be found too. Promise.

my ticker disappeared, but my kids are 4, 3, and 18 months. (((Hugs)))

dmartin726

I agree with louieJ in the "as hard as it seems there's joy to be found too". I have made a similar statement my mantra this past year. Sometimes DD and I will just go to the library and hang for the afternoon. She picks books to read, plays with puzzles etc. I use the wifi to work and blog. I try to make the most out of nothing.
Hang in there. All the previous posters gave good advice. Hope your DH gets well soon and your life goes back to normal

Spin313

ChristiniBellini said:

I work 3 days a week. 2 days they go to daycare/preschool and one day a sitter comes. 

Can you talk to your sitter about staying an extra hour for the next month or so...? Then at least you could grocery shop after work, or run errands by yourself.

laurakaz13

I work full-time and only have one child.  However, my DH travels quite a bit for work (military pilot), including long deployments.  He was gone for 10 months last year, so I know how it feels to do the parenting thing alone.  It is hard!

I will ditto the idea of a mother's helper.  While DH was gone last year and the year before, I hired two mother's helpers who came from 5-7:30 p.m. three nights per week and also babysat on weekends if I needed them.  It made all the difference in the world. 

They actually both still babysit for us and are like family now.  Also, ditto the simple meals.  Don't work too hard.  It takes no time at all to make simple, healthy meals.  Bake some chicken breast, steam veggies and rice and done! 

Also, can you hire a cleaning service? 

barnwife

@LalaMama81
Oh, I didn't think you meant to offend, it just struck me as one of "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" type of things. If you haven't been there, 2 hours would seem outrageous. But I am there, so I know it's not. 

And for me at least, the two hour thing has become less and less frequent as we find our groove. Also, maybe I should have clarified that it includes everything getting done in the morning. Eating/cleaning up breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc...

As for "last minute changes are not okay", I'd love for that to work in our house. But I've yet to find a way to get A. to keep clothes she doesn't want to wear on. Therefore, unless I dress her and put her straight into the car (which usually doesn't happen because I like to nurse S. right before leaving), there very well may be clothing changes/getting dressed multiple times. I'll celebrate the day I find a consequence that works to make it a thing of the past!

Again, OP, I hope things get better quickly. 

NHbride129

I try to simplify things as much as I can (I'm about to have my 3rd and I have a 2 yr old that throws massive tantrums everywhere I go). Some weeks I get grocery delivery and I have seriously lowered my expectations when it comes to cooking. Things like veggie burgers only require a microwave to make and grilled cheese and soup is not a bad dinner. Plus I use amazon to order diapers and all sorts of other things. Oh and I belong to a gym and bring the kids to the childcare room in the afternoons whenever I need a sanity break.

MesmrEwe

You're still in the year of getting a routine established so the mere fact that you're getting out to work is an accomplishment, let alone out the door within two hours (insert - LUCKY! - here!)!  For the most part DH has a work schedule that basically has me in the single parent role.  I'd love to say "get an extra day of daycare" for the time being until YH is back up, or "hire a sitter", but I realize that life doesn't always work that way. 

My MIL is a little less helpful - she'll watch ONLY DD for a couple hours at her house, and only when she wants to (once every other month if I'm lucky), and then be ecstatic that she helped me out SO much...  It doesn't help that DH can't figure out too that it's not necessarily the eldest that I need the babysitting for...  I was just commenting to my Ma that DD & DS see their cousins that are 250 miles away more frequently than they ever get to see their cousins up here! 

At some point you have to find a way to take time for yourself.  Even if it's getting out of the house the second you put the kids down for the night.  Instead of pumping, use formula for those feedings if you have to..  It's rough, but it's about survival at some point.  You aren't super woman even if everyone else in the house thinks you wear a cape.  I also agree with the PP, lower your expectations.  As long as they have two shoes on their feet, with a full tummy, doesn't matter if they match, you're doing just fine!  Take care of you!