Update to friend's H's immigration situation (re:gofundme)

Helenahhandbasket

Maybe a week or two ago, I posted about feeling queasy when I thought about my friend setting up a gofundme account.  If you missed it-- her H is trying to move to the US from a European country, but there is an issue and his visa was denied.  She set up the account to help pay for legal fees and for a plane ticket to see the H (since they haven't seen each other in a year).

Annnnyway-- friend found out from her lawyer that one thing she can do to help get the decision appealed is to have family and friends write letters of reccomendation on behalf of the H (saying what a great upstanding guy he is-- bla bla bla).  She asked me to write one-- and I am a bit torn.  I don't know the H well-- we have maybe met 3 or 4 times in the 7 years I have known friend. 

Would you write the letter?  Am I being a brat?  I admit to my opinion being colored because from what I do know-- I am not the hugest fan (friend does not know I feel this way.)

BTW-- her gofundme account now has over 2300.00 in it.  She's still texting me to tell me when she gets a big donation.

hopefulmom81

This "friend" sounds like someone who needs the ole "snip, snip" from your friend list, imo.

I would just write the letter and be done with the whole situation.

Helenahhandbasket

hopefulmom81 said:

This "friend" sounds like someone who needs the ole "snip, snip" from your friend list, imo.

I would just write the letter and be done with the whole situation.

I think if we didn't work together, that would be the case.

 

eyenigh

I kind of agree with @hopefulmom81. Your friend is getting really pesty about this, especially knowing that you weren't comfortable with the gofundme business. Is she getting very pressuring about it or was she more like "I'd really appreciate it...?" She's got to understand that you hardly know him. If you do write the letter, I would be honest about the fact that you've only met him a few times and just say whatever bare minimum that you can get away with. If it were me, I'd probably start getting really snarky in the letter "I am mostly sure that he would never molest an animal or rob the elderly. Mostly..." This will prevent further requests.

hopefulmom81

Helenahhandbasket said:

hopefulmom81 said:

This "friend" sounds like someone who needs the ole "snip, snip" from your friend list, imo.

I would just write the letter and be done with the whole situation.

I think if we didn't work together, that would be the case.

 

Ahhh, that's right.  I forgot that detail!  I am still FLOORED by the gofundme situation.  

Helenahhandbasket

eyenigh said:

I kind of agree with @hopefulmom81. Your friend is getting really pesty about this, especially knowing that you weren't comfortable with the gofundme business. Is she getting very pressuring about it or was she more like "I'd really appreciate it..." She's got to understand that you hardly know him. If you do write the letter, I would be honest about the fact that you've only met him a few times and just say whatever bare minimum that you can get away with. If it were me, I'd probably start getting really snarky in the letter "I am mostly sure that he would never molest an animal or rob the elderly. Mostly..." This will prevent further requests.

She's actually only mentioned it once so far (the letter), but there's just a lot of general ickyness going on in the situation. 

 I like my friend a lot-- I actually got her the job here, with me when she moved back to the US from overseas-- so it's not that I don't want to help her.  I just don't want to help her with this part of her life.  Terrible?

hopefulmom81

Helenahhandbasket said:

eyenigh said:

I kind of agree with @hopefulmom81. Your friend is getting really pesty about this, especially knowing that you weren't comfortable with the gofundme business. Is she getting very pressuring about it or was she more like "I'd really appreciate it..." She's got to understand that you hardly know him. If you do write the letter, I would be honest about the fact that you've only met him a few times and just say whatever bare minimum that you can get away with. If it were me, I'd probably start getting really snarky in the letter "I am mostly sure that he would never molest an animal or rob the elderly. Mostly..." This will prevent further requests.

She's actually only mentioned it once so far (the letter), but there's just a lot of general ickyness going on in the situation. 

 I like my friend a lot-- I actually got her the job here, with me when she moved back to the US from overseas-- so it's not that I don't want to help her.  I just don't want to help her with this part of her life.  Terrible?

Not terrible, just kind of confusing.  Is it that you have a bad feeling about the dude?

JackoftheBox

I would just write a vague letter and be done with it.

JackoftheBox

Can we start a gofuckyourself account? It could pay for drinks and food while others commiserate with how much their "friends" irritate the shit out of them as well.  

Just a thought.

Helenahhandbasket

@hopefulmom81 - He's a nice enough guy, I guess.  I don't think he's a criminal or anything. I just don't want to be involved.

I will probably end up writing something, because I do genuinely feel bad (for her).  I guess this post is mostly just me whining a bit!

Helenahhandbasket

JackoftheBox said:

Can we start a gofuckyourself account? It could pay for drinks and food while others commiserate with how much their "friends" irritate the shit out of them as well.  

Just a thought.

I like it.  JOTB-- you are a real idea person, you know that?

tifdaski84

JackoftheBox said:

I would just write a vague letter and be done with it.

This is what I would do, too.  Or can you just be honest and write something along the lines of "I don't know him well but he seems to be nice, blah, blah, blah"?  Your friend probably wouldn't end up using it and may get the point that you don't want to be involved in this.

mbyellowbike

I don't usually contribute to the boards, mostly a lurker. But I work with immigration applications. 

Don't feel obligated to write a letter. If you decide that you do want to, you can do the letter focusing on her, her being a good, moral person, and the relationship as a side item, explaining you've only met him 3 or 4 times. The attorney will read the letter and might even decide not to put it in with the application. You'll have to be ready to expand on it if the attorney asks you to and if you don't feel comfortable, you can always say no. I've had clients with friends that have told them no. Yes, they are disappointed, but it's their friend's name being put out there on legal documents and you just can't pressure someone to do it. 

Helenahhandbasket

mbyellowbike said:

I don't usually contribute to the boards, mostly a lurker. But I work with immigration applications. 

Don't feel obligated to write a letter. If you decide that you do want to, you can do the letter focusing on her, her being a good, moral person, and the relationship as a side item, explaining you've only met him 3 or 4 times. The attorney will read the letter and might even decide not to put it in with the application. You'll have to be ready to expand on it if the attorney asks you to and if you don't feel comfortable, you can always say no. I've had clients with friends that have told them no. Yes, they are disappointed, but it's their friend's name being put out there on legal documents and you just can't pressure someone to do it. 

Thank-- that's actually quite helpful!!