My mom is obsessed with my weight!

hdchafin

My mom has always been obsessed with my figure, im never just pretty. Its always you sure would be pretty if you would..... Insert diet plan here. Now granted Im not skinny and leggy. I am well aware that Im not perfect and could use gym time. Ok lets face it, Im fat. I know this. But every freakin day she is constantly yapping on and on about some fad diet that I should be trying. Today she told me I should order nutrisystem and have here and waiting for me when I have the baby, so I "can start it as soon as I walk in the door from the hospital." I was tearing up listening to her on the phone, but she never skipped a beat. "H you can be so pretty after you loose your weight." Normally i just hang up and move on, but today she really hurt me. The worst part is she doesnt notice or care. Im not her perfect vision of beauty.

Cherylwang

Sorry you have to deal with that. Some people have no tact. Especially during pregnancy when lots of people have body image issues. You would think she would be aware of that. I have no good advice except to tell her to shut up. And tell her she is hurting your feelings.

curlylocks3

I'm so sorry, thats a really crummy feeling to have- especially the part that she doesn't notice how much she has hurt you. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. 

Mztwilson

If that was me there's no way I could not snap on her. That's really crappy of her to talk to you like that! I'm sorry you had to be put through that.

MollySm

I'm sorry she's being like that. I'd just try and ignore her (easier said than done), by focusing on how you are going to be different with your own child. Or cut her off for awhile if she's making you feel terrible.

tbmadeamistake

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, it's not fair and it's not right of her to put you through that.  I think you need to seriously say something to her, because if she does it to you she may start saying similar things to your LO.  She needs to know there are boundries and she can't cross them.  It's not her body, not her life.  Aside from that, no, you can't necessarily start NutriSystem or whatever after you get home, especially if you are BFing, you need the calories.  She needs to take a giant step back, and unfortunately the only person who can tell her that and have a hope of getting through to her is you.  Maybe write a letter if you don't feel like you can say it to her face without getting upset?

 

Hugs!!

hdchafin

Thanks everyone. :-)

laramt

I'm sorry that was said to you especially by your mother. Try not to let it bother you (easier said than done, I know). I know it doesn't make these things any easier or even acceptable, but these things usually stem from someone else's insecurities about themselves. Just know you are doing what's right for you and your baby and that's all that matters.x

lola4411

i am so sorry to hear this.  your post was so tough to read especially since the negativity was coming from your mom, whom you should be sharing the joys and excitement of pregnancy.  none of us need to be reminded that we are gaining weight, it is right in front of us!  just remember the life you are creating and try to drown out her horrible comments.  i would also let her know how much she hurts you with her words.  finally, i think her comments are coming from her own place of insecurity and really have nothing to do with you.  just remember that

ahopkins0419

Thats really crazy its coming from the person you love so much. The next time she calls with something about weight, I would just tell her I have to go and until she can find something better to talk about I have nothing to say.

JNerd

I'm so sorry to hear that she treats you this way. ((Hugs))

cristykaye

My mom was the same. It was really bad in high school and I was a skinny, toned, tall athlete. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my body but I sure thought there was. Luckily, she got fat after I graduated high school and shut up and I realized that I was just fine.
I know it can be stressful but try to remember that she prolly has her own issues and that's why she is taking them out on you. You are perfect no matter what size you are. The only thing I can say is to stay healthy! You can be beautiful at a 2 or a 22!!! Or whatever size!

gmc222

My mom also gives me a hard time about my weight, although she is less obvious. I know my parents are very critical of my weight gain, which makes me in turn feel critical of myself. My mom tends to be obsessed with weight in general, always mentioning how she lost 2 lbs or gained 3 lbs, etc. I've gotten to the point where I told her I don't want to talk about anyone's weight, including mine or hers.

I'm sorry you have to listen to that, stay positive!

shellbell813

I have always struggled with this with my mom as well. I found that when I did finally confront her about it and how it made me feel, she has really made an effort to not be so judgemental. Of course our relationship still isn't perfect, but it helps to be open and honest about how she is hurting you. 

I've always had weight problems and never seen myself as "skinny." And I know that most of what she has done has been her way of "encouraging" me to be the best person I can. However, she has had to learn that encouragement and support is very different from criticizing and belittling, and the latter can have an adverse effect. Communicate with her and let her know of ways that she can support you without making you feel bad about yourself. (ie. pointing out the positives -- "You look great! You must be eating really well." -- Instead of -- "Maybe you shouldn't eat that brownie... you don't want it to go to your hips.")

hdchafin

@gmc222 that sounds like my mom. She is always on some diet, or always talking about starting one. Its all she wants to talk about. But she is very overweight and doesnt get up off the couch to do anything. She is always looking for the magic pill that will make it melt away with no effort. @cristykaye‌ I was anorexic the entire time I was in high school. My lowest weight was 82lbs. I collapsed and people finally opened their eyes to it. I never understand why she tries to take me back to that. I guess I was prettier when I was unhealthy.

jjva

@hdchafin, the fact that you struggled with an ED makes your mom's behavior all the more appalling, IMO. I'm so sorry she is treating you like this. I agree with other posters, it's way more about her than you -- not that that makes it easier.

ElTrain5

Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.  Can you just stop her mid sentence the time she starts in and say something like "Mom....I just need you to listen to me for second here, before you continue, I need you to understand that your comments about my weight hurt me and they do not help me in any way or encourage me to want to lose weight, they just make me feel terrible.  Also, I am trying to set a good example for my daughter (I'm assuming that's her in your avatar, she's beautiful btw!) so that she has a positive self image and self confidence about her body, and to do that I need to teach her that her beauty is more than just a number on a scale.  So, to really set that example for her, I need to believe it myself, so I need you help me by not making any more comments about my weight and diet.  I know you don't mean to harm, but it's got to stop, and it has to stop today."   do you think she'd get the message?   

jshrop

My retort would be "mom, you'd be so beautiful if you weren't such a judgemental bitch." And then hang up.


But then again, I'm a bitch. And hormonal. And I lack a filter most days.

hdchafin

@jshrop. Yep, its getting to that point. Let all hormonal unfiltered bitches unite. :-)

jshrop

You go girl!

PressLove

Some people have no clue.  She may actually believe that she's being helpful.  You have to love yourself and know that you are beautiful.  I had a similar issue with my grandmother.  I finally had to tell her that I didn't need her comments about my weight on any else's.  She had the choice of keeping her comments to herself or not talking to me.  While she still makes a slip here and there, standing my ground with her (in a respectful, but stern tone) was well worth it.

CherSomething

It sounds like a problem with her, not you. Like she's transferring her issues in to you in a very unfortunate way. Sorry.

Mom&nurse

Sorry she is not supportive. We are here for you and being pregnant is hard enough without an unsupportive mother.

hdchafin

Thank you all!

izzetoot

I agree with other PP and think she is being absolutely horrible to you when she is supposed to be a strong supportive role model, especially now.  If she won't listen to reason or is hard to talk to I would cut her out until she came to you and asked why. Then tell her its because she is a bad influence on you and you don't want your kids overhearing her or worse her telling them to diet too.   And if she likes you in her life she better stop or you'll cut her out even more.  Hopefully that will strike a cord with her.  Be strong and stick to your guns, don't let her bring you down. You have so much going for you right now and should be celebrating that instead of allowing her to make you worry about the weight gain ALL women experience during pregnancy.  Then you should have a donut:) (((hugs)))

RedMar

I'm sorry you have to hear this on a regular basis. What I have learned from my mom is to do everything opposite that she did- hopefully we'll have the strength to do this with our children!!

kibean

I am sorry that she said those things to you. It sounds to me like she really needs you to set some boundaries with her and for you to clearly let her know how you will and will not accept being treated. 

For example, you could say "Mom, I know that you are concerned about my body and weight, but it is my body and I will make decisions regarding it. If you bring it up again, I am going to leave/hang up because it is not a topic that I want to discuss with you." PERIOD and then stick to it. That is the most important part. Despite her negativity, inappropriate behavior, and tactlessness, it sounds like she wants the best for you/wants a relationship with you. So, if you are consistent with enforcing your boundaries she should get the picture quickly. 

I had to do this with several family members and although I really did have to hang up on them or leave the situation a couple of times, they learned very quickly that I simply was not going to put up with being treated that way. Hang in there and be strong!

TheMrs820

I am so sorry you are being treated like that. It sounds to me like your mom is obsessed with weight loss herself & has major body issues. She may not even realize how she makes you feel.

I would tell her....and we all could stand to lose a few...cheer up

celticbiohazard

Agree with everyone who says (1) this is awful and (2) it's really about her, and not at all about you.  Now is a time to be loving and taking care of your body, not trying to force it into someone else's notion of ideal.  I have a horrible body image too (although, major credit to my mom, she did her best not to contribute to it), and the weight gain during pregnancy is really emotionally wrenching at times!  You do not need this!

My armchair analysis is that you're sort of a "magic pill" by proxy.  She "can't" get thin, but she can badger you to lose weight, and bizarrely, by using the same techniques that haven't helped her at all.  If you do it, she doesn't have to.  Ya know?  It's a thing that I think all parents do at least a little bit, but then some do it a lot, and it's very harmful.  You can't make up for what it is she feels SHE lacks.

My heart goes out to you.  Stay strong.  Do you have a partner or close friend who might be able to support you through a firm, short talk with her about this?

ncbelle

Sorry  I think it's time to be very firm and clear with her "I'm an adult.  I'm well aware of what I need to do to be healthy.  I will not continue conversations with you when you belittle or insult me."  End story. 

You don't need to put up with shaming from anyone, even your mother!!

Danischn

That's horrible that you have do deal with that from your mother. I'm sorry and sending you hugs. I could definitely not handle my mom telling me that over and over again. I would agree with other PP and would set some boundaries about bringing up weight again!

temursgirl

My mom did that, too. She had major body image issues and an ED. Now my aunt has started doing that. She has different kinds of weight issues. It's especially hard when you're pregnant and already feeling sensitive about your appearance. I've had to talk to my aunt less because of this. I agree with PPs that you don't deserve this and may need some distance if your mom can't hear you and reign in her comments. Sorry this is happening and GL.

ELC252011

That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you can see you are beautiful. Dint let this put you down.

pcourtade

I'm so sorry. My mom used to be like this when I was a teenager. I think a lot of it had to do with her own insecurities. Granted, I was a little over weight at the time, she said it in such harsh ways, especially for a teenager. I too am fat now. She's probably still be on me about it but I don't see or talk to her much now.
You should tell your mom how it makes you feel. Also tell her your beautiful no matter what size you are. If she talks to you like that again, end the conversation. You don't need to deal with that.

FutureMrsW9

I totally agree that it's more about her than you.  Have you ever voiced to her that it hurts you when she says things like that to you?  And is it really about your appearance or your health?  I know sometimes parents are concerned for our health but don't really know how to put the words together.  Nonetheless, how she says it to you and how it makes you feel is completely unacceptable, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that from your mom of all people while you're pregnant.