September 2014 Moms

Clean plate rule in your house?

TinkL0verTinkL0ver member
edited March 2014 in September 2014 Moms
Did you have one growing up/do you have one now/will you have one when baby gets older?

Clean plate rule in your house? 124 votes

Yep, have to eat everything in front of you before leaving the table
9% 12 votes
Only if you want dessert
27% 34 votes
Nope, for reasons I'll post below
56% 70 votes
Special Snowflake that I'll explain below
6% 8 votes

Re: Clean plate rule in your house?

  • Growing up I had to eat everything for dessert at home (which we didn't usually have being pretty poor) but at my uncles house where we would go weekly it was eat everything to leave the table and I hated it. I would be there until we left sometimes. I don't think we will have any clean plate rule when the kid is here. 
  • edited March 2014
    How I grew up, if I felt full then I was finished and if there was still food on my plate it would be saved for another meal. Dessert was also not something special, so I didn't always want it (especially if I was already full). With how many of my friends have eating/weight issues that they think is from growing up in a clean plate house, here it always is if you're full, you're full
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  • I picked special snowflake. It totally will depend on the child. If we have a child like DH or myself, who really loves food, no rule. If we get a super picky child who doesn't eat enough, I might do a version of the clean plate rule but give smaller portions. We will definitely have a rule that you have to at least try everything.

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  • DH had to eat everything off of his plate when he was young and he still struggles with the ability to stop eating when he's full. DS has tried eating everything but the veggie and then wanting dessert. Now, no dessert unless you finish your veggie and eat a reasonable amount of the other stuff.

    That's how my husband grew up too, and he too generally won't stop when he's full. If we start having problems of not eating meals and wanting snacks soon after, we'll re-think it, but for now, if she's full, she's done.

    We did have to stay at the table until everyone was done though. I kind of like that. My DH could go back to playing once his plate was clean - to this day, he eats crazy fast.

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  • We do not do a clean plate rule in our house. We are in this super awesome picky phase (read: it effing sucks) and so a lot of times I end up being the only one eating dinner, since DH doesn't get home until 1am. We very rarely have dessert, but if they do not eat dinner, they may not have any snacks and if they are hungry, they can have what they left on their dinner plate. As a result they usually eat a really good breakfast, because by the time morning rolls around, they are hungry. Oh well. We are getting to a point where they have to TRY one bite of everything on the plate, and we offer very small servings. So for instance, if it is someone's birthday or something special where we have dessert, they have to have a couple bites of everything, or at least try.
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  • My husband had it growing up and I think I did when I was younger but then I got really picky. It got to the point my mom would make dinner and if I didn't like it I had to make my own food. So I was usually on my own for dinner. We want to raise Ds the way dh was raised when he gets a tad older. His plate has to be clean, but right now he is only 2 and doesn't get it and is picky. It's gonna be hard because my eating habits are not good.

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  • beckynsean11beckynsean11 member
    edited March 2014
    I had it growing up. If I didn't finish my plate, the leftovers were served to me the next meal. I understand that my parents did this because I was very picky, but I think it contributed to some of the food issues I have now. I don't plan to do this with my kids. I'll require them to eat some of everything on the plate.(that's the plan, at least)

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  • DS is 2 and is a very picky eater.  Our rule is that he must have a few bites of everything on his plate if he wants dessert (usually just fruit or yogurt, but he loves it).  He's about 50/50 with this, which is fine by me.  So it's not a "clean plate" but rather a "try everything" rule.

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  •      I was unnaturally thin as a child due to Marfan Syndrome, which they didn't diagnose until I was in my teens.  My whole family is heavier, and my dad was convinced that I was malnutrioned.  He would always fill my plate for me, and I felt like eating it all was an insurmountable task.  I understand that he was trying to "get me healthy", but it caused me to be really weird about food for awhile when I first moved out on my own.  I still panic a little whenever someone else is in charge of meal planning at our house.  
        I believe I'll do something like my sister does, which is offer a reasonable amount, and no snacks later if that food goes to waste.  You can chose to finish it later if you get hungry again.
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  • Growing up we had to eat what was on our plate before leaving the table. HOWEVER, we did not get a lot of snacks in between meals for the main reason that my parents didn't want us to have a weight issue or just be able to eat junk whenever we felt like it. Also, we had very well balanced meals and my mom never gave us more than what she knew we could handle depending on age. The only exception was if we were trying something new and she honestly wasn't sure if we'd like it. We had to take TWO bites of whatever it was and if we truly didn't like it, we didn't have to eat the rest.

    DH's family was/is raised to eat whatever they want, whenever they want it. His brother and sister are both overweight and his nieces and nephews are no different. His mom has a Little Debbie snack cabinet that is always stocked full and they are constantly snacking between meals. Since we got married, DH has learned to try things just once and he's actually very grateful I've had him do it! He's also figured out that not everything you put in your mouth has to be over salted, deep fried, and enough for 3 people on one plate.

    Needless to say, we'll probably be a clean plate family and I'm perfectly happy with that decision. 
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  • I have a pretty bad relationship with food from my childhood, and would never force my kids to eat. They have to take one bite, then are excused if they don't want more.
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  • If we followed the clean plate rule in our house, we would be at our table 24-7 between meals. Making a toddler eat is exhausting and not worth the battle in my opinion.
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  • We didn't have a clean plate rule growing up but you had to try everything on your plate. Often eating the veggies was stipulation for dessert but dessert was rare.



    We have struggled with DD eating from the beginning. Right now we are focusing on dinner. We eat as a family. Everyone must stay at the table until the last person finishes. You don't have to eat, but that food is all you will be offered for the rest of the evening. There is always at least one thing that she likes on the plate. If she wants seconds of one item but hasn't eaten the others that's fine. When she's a little older and can understand more calmly what I'm asking, we will implement a two bite rule for new foods. Right now we are trying to just have a good relationship with dinner in general.
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  • No, I didn't have the clean plate rule. I don't plan on having it. We do have a 2 bite rule with new food when we have my step kids, so I see us continuing that.
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  • We are a you must try everything on your plate rule.  You don't have to finish but you can't expect anything after that if you don't finish your dinner.  DS is off and on, sometimes he gobbles down everything other times he doesn't want a thing.  I agree with the obesity comment above, and I worry I put too much on the kids plates based on myself and not what is enough for them.

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  • jmolrjmolr member
    Luckily I don't have issues with my kid eating.  He eats an adult sized portion and then some.  There are days he doesn't like what I'm serving and he'll only eat a few bites and I'm fine with that too.  My parents never did "the clean plate rule" and I don't intend on doing it either
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  • StasiStasi member

    I will enforce a "trying everything on your plate" rule, or "eating most of your food, if you serve yourself", but there is no way I'm forcing a child to eat a set portion I scoop for them.

    So, no clean plate rule for our family.

                                                                            
                                                          
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  • I think we'll do a variation of it. I had it growing up and have no food issues now, I am not overweight, and I do not have any issues knowing when I'm full. My brothers are the exact way. We had the rule and it mainly applied to our vegetables, b/c I was such a picky eater. I would eat every thing but the veggies. That was not going to fly in our house. I think we'll do the same thing. We'll make sure kiddo has reasonable portion sizes. If he/she eats most of everything, we won't care. If he she eats everything but the veggies, we will enforce the rule. 


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  • I hate the clean plate rule. I was at a friends house in HS and was served pasta with just parm cheese, it was way too dry for my taste. They had the clean plate rule and I was forced to finish it even as a guest, I still feel upset and uneasy about the experience. I have a picky eater so I have done lots of reading about children and their relationship with food. Nothing good seems to come from forcing someone to eat.
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  • NO NO NO.  I didn't have it and there were times I didn't eat much.  That was fine.  I can tell when I'm full as an adult.  I'm slightly overweight, but that is due to soda and grad school.  My baby eats a LOT.  She certainly eats enough and I can't imagine forcing her.  If she goes through a stage when she is picky, she'll get some things she likes and get less in general, but she won't have to eat when she doesn't want to.  She'll get enough--I'm not worried.  This rule just breeds obesity and not knowing your own body.  Plus, all kinds of weird control issues with food that can lead to eating disorders.  I don't want that for my kids long term or as part of my daily life. 
  • Growing up the way I did, food stamps etc., we were always taught not to put more than we would eat on our plate. If we were still hungry after the first plate then we could get more... however, if anything was left on our plate, it was saved for the next day.

    My DD (20mo) is one of the best eaters I have ever known, she eats EVERYTHING! We don't force her to eat everything on her plate, however she must try everything (which she willingly does). If she doesn't like it, then it is not something we will force her to eat nor serve for a while, eventually we do try that food again. DD eats mainly fruits and veggies, which is what she asks for all of the time. I have to say, I hope she stays this way!!
  • My reasoning for not implementing a clean plate rule is that a.) this could cause overall weight/body issues.  As kids start to get older and recognize how hungry they are, ideally they'll know when to stop, or when to ask for more without going overboard.

    Also, b) sometimes you just won't like what is on your plate!  I will never force my kids to eat all of something if they don't like it.  I will make them take 2 bites to see if they like it, but if they legitimately don't like it I won't make them eat it.  
  • clean plate leads to obesity and makes you rely on your eyes and not your stomach to tell you when you are full.  I don't want my kids to have the same issues I do.
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  • If you take it... You eat it

    So since the kids don't dish themselves up for meals they don't have to worry about it yet. We're just working on it for snacks etc right now when they decide they want a yogurt and suddenly change their mind after it has been opened. We have started adding seconds yo that though if you want more you should eat it or at least some of it!!
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  • There are many, many obesity and food related issues on my side of the family. So my only real goal is to try and set good healthy eating examples and avoid hang ups for kids. My mom restricted certain foods, shamed me for eating to my appetite etc. and all cause she was sick herself when it came to body image/weight etc.
    the only real rules we have is if you are hungry you must eat at the table. No wandering with goldfish etc.
    for the following reasons:

    Pedi said it promotes good eating habits.

    Pedi says it reduces choking

    I don't want to clean that shit off my couch.

    If you can't be bothered to sit and eat you probably aren't hungry

    I find my kids snack very little and eat well at meals

    And they always look for a table to sit at when we're at play dates etc. it's not a battle at all since I consistently enforced this early on

    As far as trying things I encourage by saying " have you tried it recently you might have changes your mind?" And leave it at that

    I don't offer alternative meals

    We all sit for dinner as a family

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  • DD1 has to try everything. My husband is an extremely picky eater and it drives me bonkers!!! (He even hates how picky he is). So I always feed her, and starting with DD2, whatever we're eating. I don't make her clean the plate but I save whatever she didn't eat for dinner and usually eats it for lunch. I grew up pretty poor and we absolutely did NOT waste food. That mentality has not, nor do I believe it ever will, leave me.
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  • We had that rule growing up. If we didn't eat, we often lost privileges and the meal was saved for our next meal or snack.

    We don't have that rule in our house now. I don't want to make food a battle. My job is to offer a healthy variety of food and his job is to eat what/how much he wants. He is not a terribly picky eater, but I do usually make sure there is at least one thing that I *know* he will eat on the plate. We don't have dessert routinely, but the only rule I have with dessert is that he had to eat some dinner. If he doesn't touch anything on his plate and then wants birthday cake an hour later, I'll make sure he eats something reasonably healthy and usually leftover from dinner before he gets it.
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  • As a child we had the clean plate rule and we won't for a few reasons. I don't want my children to think they have to clean their plate even if they are full, & they'll eat if they are hungry. I don't want them to have a food battle for the rest of their lives. I also do t have the eat all your food for dessert rule, I don't want them to think dessert is a reward for getting full.

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  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    edited March 2014
    mmnumber5 said:
    I read somewhere that the clean your plate rule is one of the problems with the rise in obesity because you don't listen to your body say you're full.
    ^^ this. I was just talking to my husband that I used to always have to finish my plate growing up and it gave me this horrible complex that compelled me to always finish my plate up until adulthood. Even at restaurants who served entirely too much, I would force myself to nearly eat the whole thing and I would feel guilty if I did not! I finally trained myself not to when I moved out of my parents at 18. I'm thankful I had a high metabolism & was active because if I didn't- I'd have been in trouble. Me & DH said that will definitely not be something we do but we will implement the eat your veggies rule.
  • MBanoMBano member
    I grew up having to finish everything on my plate. No wasting food, but SO is lenient bc the younger boy is super picky and refuses to eat veggies (I hate that and wish that SO would let me put it on his plate, he's 11 and and should be made to eat food that is served, we should not have to make something special for him) the 15 yo eats anything and everything under the sun.
  • I was always forced to eat what was on my plate and if I was actually hungry was never taken into account... I was also forced to eat things I didn't like. I remember chewing steak until it was basically rubber so I could spit it out. I will encourage my little one to try everything but they will never have to finish it if they don't like it.
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  • When I was little we had the clean plate rule and as I got older it became if you don't like it you cook for yourself. I do have issues with food esp. Going out to eat I feel like if I ordered it I need to try to eat it all.
    We will not have the clean plate rule but will probably get LO to try everything on their plate. As an extremely picky eater myself I will hold out hope that this will encourage our child to like a variety of foods but I will not force anything if they do not like it.
  • I won't do a clean plate rule when my little one gets older for two reasons. I want them to learn to listen to their body when they are full. Also, as a somewhat picky eater myself, I don't think there is anything wrong with having likes and dislikes. Ellen Satter's philosophy which is what we go by where I work, and what I plan to incorporate into my parenting is about a division of responsibility. The parent is responsible for the for what, where, and when the child eats (except in infants when the parent is only responsible for what). The child is responsible for how much and whether to eat the foods offered. Ultimately, if your child is hungry, he or she is going to eat.
    The obvious exceptions are children with more going on due to psychological or developmental issues. For example, children coming from an abusive or chaotic environment often control whatever they are able to because they have no other control in their life and the can present in hoarding food or refusing to eat. Also children with sensory issues won't eat certain foods due to texture so there may need to be more flexibility there.
    Wow, I got a little long winded there! Sorry!
  • After trial and error with ds1 - who now eats great at age 4 - we have come to the conclusion that forcing them to finish isn't for us. First of all I'm not a perfect portion spooner. I like them to at least try everything on the plate. Ds2 is a terrible eater so it's a battle to just get him to eat a few bites at dinner. I just want to try and get proper nutrients in him bc I know he's hungry - as he pulls at my sweater while making dinner for something to eat. He is a snacker too which I really try to avoid.
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  • FlowerchicaFlowerchica member
    edited March 2014
    I don't subscribe to the finish your plate mentality. I think you eat till you feel fine and you're done. My kid's a grazer and I hope to continue to foster that way of eating. We don't keep any bad snacks in the house - so if she's grazing - it means it's fruits, veggies, etc. 

    As for dessert - if she doesn't want to finish her plate- then I figure she's not hungry - so there's no need for dessert either. I don't know if I'd hold it over her head though. Since we graze we generally don't load dessert at the end of a meal. It could come when she comes home from daycare or earlier in the day or before she's going to go out and play. I also think having it after dinner is just overkill.....


    I guess we're trying to get away from having a colossal dinner meal. 

    As for trying everything on the plate - I have never really stressed it . However I will keep offering things. Eventually she folds and tries something. So she may not like broccoli - but that doesn't mean I'll offer an alternative vegetable. It also doesn't mean she'll get an option to swap it out for something else. She'll just have a little less to eat that day.

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  • We had a clean plate rule in my house and I would look to do a variation.  First and foremost the serving size needs to be manageable/reasonable.  If they haven't eaten in hours it's reasonable they'll be sufficiently hungry and can have a normal portion based on their age/size.  If they've snacked recently, they should have a smaller portion.  That being said, my kids will need to eat everything on their plate, or they'll get the leftovers later.  I'll also be understanding if there's something in particular they don't like (i.e. green beans) but not being stupid picky (vegetables in general).  I guess the goal is gonna be more "here's a little bit of food, if you're still hungry after that you can ask for more."

    DH's family was a lot more relaxed when it came to food.  The kids ate what they wanted, which in turn has made them in general picky eaters (thank goodness DH came around and started eating more veggies, 'cause that would drive me nuts).  A lot of that was based on my FIL not liking veggies, so he wouldn't eat them, the kids saw that so they decided they didn't like them and they didn't want to eat them either.

    Obviously DH and I are more concerned with what our kids will be eating than his family is, so I'm slightly worried about how family functions will go considering DH nieces and nephew have the same lax eating rules (the other day nephew only at a little turkey and a buttered role for dinner, no potatoes, not 

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  • mmnumber5 said:
    I read somewhere that the clean your plate rule is one of the problems with the rise in obesity because you don't listen to your body say you're full.
    This!  I don't want my children to think that they have to eat something just because it's on their plate...especially with the crazy portion sizes we're accustomed to in the U.S.  They should learn to listen to their bodies and truly understand when they are full. I do believe it's the parent's responsibility to serve reasonable portions to their children and not fill their plates up also.

    With that being said...I do think that if there's room for dessert, there's room for vegetables! Lol!!
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  • I honestly think that the clean your plate mentality that I grew up with is part of the reason I was an over weight teenager and adult.   In my family you were celebrated for finishing your food and especially if you wanted 2nds.  I remember being told how good of an eater I was at Sunday dinners of pasta and Itallian meats at my grandmothers house.

    I hope to do a modified approach, where my child has to have a little of everything on their plates but if they are full they can be done.  As long as I know they are getting enough food and they are not going to snack poorly later, Im ok with them not eating a lot at dinner.  

    Me and DH are both overweight, we are now trying to cut portion sizes and start eating a little better so when LO comes we are making healthier choices
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  • We had it in my house growing up. DH did not. We will not have it with our kids. After being a nanny for 5 years, I learned that children go through all different kinds of eating phases and you just have to kind of roll with it if they are in a weird one. I believe in staying at the dinner table during dinner, but if they aren't hungry I'm not going to force them to eat what they can't.

     

     

     

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