Do We Need a "Rules" Announcement

PrivateOne

The IF board recently added a sticky announcement at the top of their page regarding the etiquette for posting on their board.  I'm thinking we may want to add one to this board as well.  Personally, I am having a bit of difficulty with all the new posters not giving warnings for other kids and bfp's.  It seems that this is happening more frequently and I don't want anyone to have to endure any extra sadness during their difficult days.

I now our board is special and not quite like all the other TTC related ones, but I'm thinking we could all benefit from having a general message about what we are about and how to intro yourself.

Am I being crazy and extra emotional for thinking this or do you agree it's a good idea?

Samuelismomma

no you are not being crazy and emotional..or if you are I am too! The drive by's are upsetting me too...because a lot of times they don't post again or add to the boards...and like you it' seems to be on my crappy days! On42 and becoming made me feel great , but they are our girls ...lol

ksgsmu

yes!!!  we need one!

ksgsmu

I asked @bumpjackie how we can get this accomplished.....

PrivateOne

Awesome @ksgsmu! I don't mind writing it up and sharing to get everyone's approval.  I just don't know how to actually post it as an announcement.

Samuelismomma, @On42 and @ProcessOfBecoming were definitely happy bfps announcements ... and even they put warnings

Mrs.McIrish

Ladies, No one knows how much other people's kids photos or people complaining about TTC #4 hurts more than me but this is TTC> 35. It's not a inferility board. The warning about kids has never been a "thing" here. Drive by BFPs have never been acceptable though. Be careful what you put in a stickie post.

BeckyP005

I do remember when I first started this board almost 3 yrs ago a lot of us got upset with pp coming on with 2 or 3 kids already. I will admit I was one of them but then as time went on like McIrish mentioned we are not an IF board.

I'm use to the siggies with kids..hell I love looking at the kid threads on parenting board. Doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside and some can't do that. Not sure there is a safe place on these boards lol.

I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I feel we embrace every poster here that has a child. I honestly don't think a short/sweet nicely worded sticky will be harmful...it's just to give those who need a heads up or having a bad day. We don't know if that child they have is from DE...DS or that person has had many losses. I truly think that the pp posting would not get offended.

It doesn't have to be a novel. Sigh..I don't know. Not sure if I make sense since I hate writing stiff like this!!

jenfer916

I think regardless of how many kids you may or may not already have it's still difficult. We all want a baby and are having trouble. Pain is pain and it's relative to the person who is feeling it. Whether you are on #3 or #4 you're still struggling with infertility. We are all facing being over 35 and wanting a baby. I don't think posters mentioning their kids is ever a personal attack.

PrivateOne

I agree @MrsMcIrish and @BeckyP005.  A simple sticky message about what we are about and to encourage folks to add a warning in their subject line if it's warranted.  That way those that want to avoid a post they have the opportunity to do so.  Also, a little bit about drive-bys not being acceptable, ever.

I will work on a little something and then send it out so everyone can give their opinion/recommendations before it ever gets added to the board. If at any point folks aren't digging it we can scrap it altogether.

BeckyP005

I never thought its a personal attack. They don't mention because it is not an IF board.

kindershlitz

I think a simple guide sticky is a really good idea. When I introduced myself I did not know to mention anything and nobody mentioned it in my post. As I've been here I've figured out the etiquette. I surely didn't mean to offend anyone. I do realize it is a sensitive topic so sometimes I even feel badly in that I don't post on someone's bad news because I might make them feel worse...does that make sense? It's not to not be supportive I just-I don't know. At the same time does that mean I delete my siggy? I think I hang around enough that people recognize my name?
I
think additionally the social group thing might be a good idea as the big 3-5 seems to divide people and each year after makes the journeys even more diverse.

I think pps may have said it better.

jenfer916

I guess in a way it makes me feel less accepted by this board in way and that stinks.

BeckyP005

No I don't think you need to delete siggies. As stated this is NOT an IF board its for anyone TTC after 35.

Just a casual note should be fine if this is going to be done

on42

I know I'm not really part of this board anymore at the moment, but I do have a thought as someone who's been here since June. Please do remember that you have the option to remove signatures from all the posts that come through. You do have the option to not view anyone's signature, which may be useful if you're going through a difficult period and can't or do not want to see BFPs or other children mentioned. That at least gives you some amount of control over what you do and do not see.

That's only for signatures though. What people put in their posts is a different story and that does probably bear some kind of note, especially for the "drive-by posters", or those new who would like to participate.

BeckyP005

@jenfer916 why are you saying this!! I haven't been on my computer since it is having problems so I can't see your info. I'm at a point where there are kids everywhere. I'm a nanny for pete sakes! Lol I have no problem with posters having kids. This is just a suggestion

Please don't leave...

PrivateOne

I want to be clear, everyone (in my eyes) is accepted here whether you have no children of your own yet, have 5 and wanting a 6th and everything in between.

Speaking as one of the ones that has never been able to have one of her own, there are days when it is harder for me to read about someone trying for more children.  That is my own hurt and sadness that I have to deal with. I completely understand it is a fact of life and have dealt with this fact for many years now.  It does not mean I do not want to get to know you or support you in your next journey.  I'm just looking to have a little warning on a post if children will be mentioned so I can decide if I'm comfortable reading it or not.  And really I think this is more applicable for intro posts.  Once we get to know a fellow bumpie we know their situation and know what to expect. 

 

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BeckyP005

Can we just start drinking now? )

jenfer916

I understand. I guess I feel like I should apologize because I'm sure there are times I didn't provide a warning. Looking at it from my perspective a sticky guide would have helped me as a newbie.

BeckyP005

Oh crap some of you can't drink. I will have all drinks for you

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BeckyP005

You could of at least put some cute hot guy on that gif!!!

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ksgsmu

PrivateOne-  Thank you for drafting something!

I agree that this is NOT an IF board.  That being said there should be some stickie with general etiquette that is on every board.  I know that due to the age of the board many women have children and trying for more.  I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!  I welcome everyone on this board!

 That being said there should be an awareness that also due to our ages many women here are struggling! No need to warn about tickers etc... but a bfp warning or a topic that discuss a sensitive subject ( loss etc...) should have a warning.  A simple statement in the sticky to be "sensitive" to everyone on the board should suffice. I don't expect anyone to hide their child or not speak of their child.... now complaining that you have 4 kids and are so frustrated that you have been trying a whole 2 months and not pregnant yet - thats when my blood boils.  But after being on this board two years I know even a sticky won't stop that kind of stuff...  you just gotta ignore most of it.

latershrader

I'm not a newbie anymore, but I would have loved a "sticky" when I was one. The boards are intimidating with the codes/acronyms and warnings and post this not that and siggy's and and and...

The reason I stay here and don't EVER EVER go to the other boards is because everyone here is welcoming and if you do mis-step, a gentle reminder is given. The way the other board treat newbies who don't know is just harsh sometimes! However, I do feel like the gentle reminders come from the same ladies...so let's give them a break and do a sticky!

saucymonkeygirl

I'm confused about the rules and signayures and pretty much everything. As a newbot, I would appreciate some guidelines and some definitions of common abbreviations. I'm so confused!

Samuelismomma

I get more upset about the drive by's really...once someone introduces and I know there struggle with or without children it's all good:)....sticky should be fine,,,

fabumama

Mrs.McIrish said:

Ladies,
No one knows how much other people's kids photos or people complaining about TTC #4 hurts more than me but this is TTC> 35. It's not a inferility board. The warning about kids has never been a "thing" here. Drive by BFPs have never been acceptable though. Be careful what you put in a stickie post.

Agreed. May I say that as a newbie who did intro myself I was surprised to learn about the "warning" requirements about having a child already. Not because I can't empathize with those who are struggling to conceive but simply becaus this board is called TTC over 35 and doesn't say anything about infertility, etc. Not everyone has fertility struggles at our age. That being said, just because I didn't the first time doesn't mean I won't this time. Who knows? I completely understand though about the drive-by posts. Those aren't necessarily welcomed in any board. I just would like everyone to feel welcome and not feel bad if they have a child already. I know there are several of us on here that do have children already. Why can't we all get along?!

mindaa

Ditto what most have said... I certainly want (and need!) this board to stay active and don't want a mass exodus of the TTC #2++ ladies because they feel excluded.  

But I agree the sticky's are always helpful in getting to know the "culture" and etiquette of a board. So, thank you ksgsmu and PrivateOne for taking that initiative.

To put it in another perspective... as someone who's TTC #1, If I wasn't aware that this isn't an IF board but one that includes AMA women in all stages of TTC, I could just as easily offend someone by making a stupid, judgey comment about "young mom's" or "big families" or whatever. (I wouldn't, just trying to think of other examples of how a sticky is useful for all of us)

KirstenAlecia

PrivateOne said:

The IF board recently added a sticky announcement at the top of their page regarding the etiquette for posting on their board.  I'm thinking we may want to add one to this board as well.  Personally, I am having a bit of difficulty with all the new posters not giving warnings for other kids and bfp's.  It seems that this is happening more frequently and I don't want anyone to have to endure any extra sadness during their difficult days.

I now our board is special and not quite like all the other TTC related ones, but I'm thinking we could all benefit from having a general message about what we are about and how to intro yourself.

Am I being crazy and extra emotional for thinking this or do you agree it's a good idea?

I think if ANYONE here needs this it should be done. Im a tough cookie and nothing gets to me easily but i have not had multiple losses  ( i had a loss in my early 20s and even that I moved past easily but i also had my daughter) or endured anything that some of you beautiful ladies have. If it even benefits one person and saves them grief please do! I hate the idea of one of my fellow bum pies having extra sadness.

KirstenAlecia

JimBobCooter said:

BeckyP005 said:

You could of at least put some cute hot guy on that gif!!!

My bad...

Thank you for that…..just made my day. mmmmmm mmmmmm! 

PrivateOne

JimBobCooter said:

BeckyP005 said:

You could of at least put some cute hot guy on that gif!!!

My bad...

Love It!!!

:-t  I bet any of them could have a try at knocking us up, LOL!!. [That was a big fat joke, I just needed a big laugh after this trail of posting.]

Samuelismomma

@ privateone thanks for the laugh...of course my eyes are thanking jimbobcooter:p

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Davie813

So I'm very late to the party (please tell me the phone booth guys are still here!), but I agree that a gentle, friendly sticky could be helpful.  I obviously don't want those having a hard time TTC #1 to stumble upon posts that hurt, and I think the sticky could actually make people TTC #2 or more feel more at home, too.

Nobody on this board has ever been anything other than kind and welcoming to me, but like @kindershlitz, there have been times when I felt hesitant to post, even though I wanted to be supportive, because I was afraid doing so might actually cause hurt/offense instead.

Thanks, @PrivateOne, for volunteering for this!

ksgsmu

I think that we can all work together to come up with something that EVERYONE can agree with!  This board is amazing and we just want to keep it that way! 

KirstenAlecia

JimBobCooter said:

BeckyP005 said:

You could of at least put some cute hot guy on that gif!!!

My bad...

@Davie813 look they came back just for you! 

on42

What if we posted a "questionnaire" for new posters to fill out? That way, we get to learn more about them, they are given some direction, and in this way we can ask about them. 

A recent post (https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12280220/yes-no-ahh#latest). It's just not fair to treat people as if they don't belong. Everyone should be welcome. This IS a TTC board, so anyone with TTC questions, including potential hpt results should be allowed to post - we just need to give them a place to start.

Thoughts? Or maybe someone suggested it and I missed it in this thread (sorry if that's the case!).

Mommalawyer

I agree, being new myself, that some sort of guidance might be good for a newbie. However, I think people can be a bit sensitive. We "know" each other electronically. We arnt all best friends who hand out on the weekends. It's a online social media support system. If you can't take the good information with the bad information from a post, maybe you shouldn't be on here. Now, I'm not condoning that anyone ever say anything mean, rude, or cruel to another person, but it's an board about TTC. Joining this board you assume the risk that others MAY have kids, others MAY have a BFP, others MAY have a BFN, others MAY suffer an early loss, others MAY have things in their signature that signify WHO THEY ARE as a person. Is a disclosure really necessary? Now the random drive by posters, well, there's a special place in social media hell for you!!! Frankly, these days, I'm more depressed over seeing all the people NOT getting pregnant (especially when in a similar situation as myself) than the people who are getting pregnant. It's discouraging. But that's just my humble opinion, I'm offended by very little....

KateLouise

kindershlitz said:

I think a simple guide sticky is a really good idea. When I introduced myself I did not know to mention anything and nobody mentioned it in my post. As I've been here I've figured out the etiquette. I surely didn't mean to offend anyone. I do realize it is a sensitive topic so sometimes I even feel badly in that I don't post on someone's bad news because I might make them feel worse...does that make sense? It's not to not be supportive I just-I don't know. At the same time does that mean I delete my siggy? I think I hang around enough that people recognize my name? I think additionally the social group thing might be a good idea as the big 3-5 seems to divide people and each year after makes the journeys even more diverse. I think pps may have said it better.

I often feel the same about not wanting to comment on someone's thread when they're expressing some upset or hurt. I don't want to offer my compassion, just to have my siggy make them feel worse.

Davie813

KirstenAlecia said:

JimBobCooter said:

BeckyP005 said:

You could of at least put some cute hot guy on that gif!!!

My bad...

@Davie813 look they came back just for you! 

Thanks, @KirstenAlecia!  The kind of--fluttering--pecs on the one on the far right are mesmerizing.  In a mostly good way.