Vent. Need to get over this..DD's first birthday party (LONG)

honeydew01

DD's first birthday party was on Saturday and it was a disaster, it's Monday and I am still angry and honestly getting depressed dwelling over it. I need help to get over it and move on. I started planning her party since December. Lots of pinterest and research and many many hours spend on crafts and such...I enjoyed doing those so I don't regret it. Personalized to-go bags for favors, personalized bubbles for kids, mini-cupcakes with everyone's names on them, handmade vases for the tables, various desserts and food all made from scratch..our house was small so we rented a community center...ISome of you may remember that I was upset that only a handful of people responded to the RSVP so I had to follow up and ask each individual if they were planning to attend or not since we had to let the venue know how many people were attending. Here is what went down on her birthday:

1. On Friday 18 people cancelled on me for various reasons! That's right, 18 people!

2. 2 more cancellations on the day of.

3. 4 families no-showed (3 of which had 2 kids). One of the families was DH's brother and family...we called them to see if they were running late, they were like "oh it's today? we thought it was tomorrow."  Now we've always been there for their kids birthday parties, plays, events, whatever...Another family was a friend and I was excited for her kids to be there, I called them to see if they were running late, I had a missed call from them. I call them back during the party only to hear "oh I lost the invite and didn't know where you were having the party at, I called you but you didn't answer (I was busy with the party didn't hear the phone!!) so I am back at home and it'll be too late to drive back. Sorry!' So instead of 16 kids total, we had 3. 

4. The cake: the bakery I used is the one who made our wedding cake and we have become good friends since. However she lives 2 hours away from us. So I 

had asked her to deliver the cake to my in laws (15 minutes away from her) and since they were coming to the party, they'd bring the cake with them. Hind side is 20/20. That was a huge mistake of mine. They ruined the cake on the drive. I spent hours to come up with the design and it was very special to me. It was all smashed. It was so bad that my SIL who was setting up the dessert table was nervous to put it on there because she knew I'd be upset...

5. I had asked my DH to go over  to the community center the previous week to measure the tables for the table cloths and make sure everything works. He said he went there, the door was open, he went in and checked everything and left. Well, the stereo and projector didn't work. The slide show of her first year couldn't be shown on the projector and we didn't have music. We put it on our cell phone but the room was big and you couldn't hear it.

6. Back to the slide show: this was something DH was responsible for and aware of from 3 months ago. I asked him multiple times how the project was coming along. He assured me not be worried that he'll have it and it'll be done and great...well he actually started working on it 2 days prior to the party. I was less than pleased with the selection of pictures. We had it playing on the computer anyway even though we couldn't show it on the projector for everyone to see and I even heard 2 separate people comment "oh DD that is not a good picture of you..." 

7. Since DH is supposedly great at public speaking, he was going to thank everyone who showed up and make a few comments about people who were tremendous help to us during the difficult first year. We talked about this multiple times. He assured me that he knew it all and not to worry. Well he F'd that up too. Big time. I won't get into details..he even forgot some of the people that were/are major help to us.(ex. My mom has passed away so my aunt made food for the first 2 weeks that I couldn't walk, I made sure that he would thank her because really having warm food for 2 weeks when I couldn't walk was a life saver...) or totally forgot to mention my dad who lives next to us and watches DD multiple times a day (for 10-15 minutes or whenever I drop her off to play so I could do whatever I need to do around the house). On Friday I asked if I should make a list for him, he was like no I got it all in my head...

8. We had a dessert table back drop that DH and I spent hours on DIY. That didn't make it.

9. The hand made personalized to-go containers so people could take food/dessert home didn't make it. Mind you I made many trips to Michaels with 50% off coupons to get all these items... forget the time I spent on making them...So people couldn't take stuff home and everything came back home with us.

10. I DIY something for DD's high chair for when she was going to get into her smash cake. Didn't make it.

11. DH made a DIY stand so that I could display the number 1 chocolate lollipops and chocolate covered strawberries that I made matching the party theme. Well he measured wrong and the strawberries didn't fit. Again my fault for not testing it prior to the event. It was painting and drying until last minute due to DH procrastinating to get it done sooner. I should have done it myself. Beating myself up for it. All along DH indicated that I should focus on my DIY crafts and making dessert and food...

There are other small stuff but these are some of the things that stood up in my mind.

The party started at 5 pm, we rented the place from 3:30 so we could have time to set up. My brother and SIL were going to help DH set up so that I could stay with DD while she napped and come over when she was up so she would not be super grumpy. I was nervous about this and thought that if I am not there things might not be set up or go smooth but multiple times DH said to relax and to "trust him" that he'll be fine and everything will be as I envisioned. Hind side is 20/20 but I feel like if I wanted it done right I should have been there to set up and manage it myself. The only problem was that DD is used to me getting her and nursing her when she is up and since she refuses bottles we needed her to nurse and be rested for the party or she would have been a mess..I did draw everything with details and DH and I went over them the night before, again DH assured me that he has got it and I should relax and just get the kid ready when she is up from her nap and get there. 

Anyway, I was pretty disappointed and sad. I came home and got DD to bed and just took a long long shower and cried my eyes out. All those hours spent on making DIY crafts, various desserts from scratch...I feel like people had no respect for us. I understand if 2-3, heck 10 people were unable to show up, things come up, I do understand, but 3/4 of the crowd were missing. If it was just the immediate families we could have just had the party at our house...I feel like I'd never want to have another party planned...

Now it's Monday, actually her real birthday is today and I still can't get over how I had this marvelous party envisioned for her and how so many things went wrong...I need to get over it and move on...

If you made it this far, a huge thank you to you.

honeydew01

Yeap totally a vent. There will be no party next year. 

ashiscute

DaisyBlinks said:

Yeah I couldn't read all that. Maybe the vent made you feel better? Hope next year goes more smoothly!

This.  Remember that she doesn't remember any of it.  Honestly, we've only had small parties at our house with immediate family.  All of the other stuff seems unnecessary to me.  I don't think I put that much work into my wedding.

jnnfrrose6

Wow....I did read all of that and honestly, you need to lighten up.  It's a first birthday party.  Did your DD have a good time?  That's really all that matters.  

As to all the people not showing up, that sucks, but really, who expects so much work to go into a first birthday that it'd really be a problem if they don't show.  You seem to be focusing on all the things that went wrong and nothing that was (I assume) good about it.  You were there, with your DD and DH, celebrating her birthday.  That's what matters.  Time to take a deep breath, maybe make some lists next time so you don't leave things behind (because it sounds like that was part of the problem) and back away from pinterest.  

EandIMommy86

When my daughter turned 1 it was just our family. We had a picnic in the park and came home and she had a cupcake and we continued the celebration at home. It is annoying that a lot of people cancelled but I agree with PP, she won't remember and at that age, there is no need for that elaborate of a party.

I hope that next time it will go better and to be honest, children are WAY more interactive with one another at 2 than they are 1. I feel like throwing something that extravagant for a one year old is more for the parents/adults than for the child. That is just my two cents though.

RN2011

Nicb13 said:

honeydew01 said:

Yeap totally a vent. There will be no party next year. 

Dude, don't say that. I know you think that now, but you won't a year from now. 

Yes, it sounds like the party was a huge cluster fu*k of awful things that went wrong but OH WELL! I'm sorry you worked so hard on this and nothing went right but hey, when it rains it pours right?

In the big scheme of things...it's not that big of a deal. And I'm not trying to be mean because I make a big deal out of parties too but like my husband says....no one except for YOU cares about all the little details.

Try to get over this and don't waste your daughter's actual birthday being depressed. And maybe scale things down a notch or 2 for the next birthday party  

This. We had very similar things happen at our DD 1st birthday. People didn't show up, my cousin thought it was the day after and actually questioned me as to why I didn't have my cell phone when she was trying to call, we had people show up we didn't invite and on top of all that it snowed. I tried not to focus on any of that. Rather I choose to remember how cute she looked in her dress, how she spent practically the entire time walking around and how much she loved her cake! We also celebrated her actual birthday a couple of days after just the 3 of us and I wouldn't change a thing. Don't let what happened already and you can't change ruin today. Happy Birthday little one!

fanofanne

Nicb13 said:

honeydew01 said:

Yeap totally a vent. There will be no party next year. 

Dude, don't say that. I know you think that now, but you won't a year from now. 

Yes, it sounds like the party was a huge cluster fu*k of awful things that went wrong but OH WELL! I'm sorry you worked so hard on this and nothing went right but hey, when it rains it pours right?

In the big scheme of things...it's not that big of a deal. And I'm not trying to be mean because I make a big deal out of parties too but like my husband says....no one except for YOU cares about all the little details.

Try to get over this and don't waste your daughter's actual birthday being depressed. And maybe scale things down a notch or 2 for the next birthday party  

i remember when you were planning all this.  i'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped...seriously, i probably would have reacted the same way too.  but like others have said, your lo i'm sure did not realize what was going on, and i'm pretty sure you'll be laughing at this five years from now.  

honeydew01

Nicb13 said:

honeydew01 said:

Yeap totally a vent. There will be no party next year. 

Dude, don't say that. I know you think that now, but you won't a year from now. 

Yes, it sounds like the party was a huge cluster fu*k of awful things that went wrong but OH WELL! I'm sorry you worked so hard on this and nothing went right but hey, when it rains it pours right?

In the big scheme of things...it's not that big of a deal. And I'm not trying to be mean because I make a big deal out of parties too but like my husband says....no one except for YOU cares about all the little details.

Try to get over this and don't waste your daughter's actual birthday being depressed. And maybe scale things down a notch or 2 for the next birthday party  

Thanks! I meant that I'll just make a cake and celebrate it with our immediate families at our house, no more big party shenanigans. 

honeydew01

TaviaBrad said:

When my daughter turned 1 it was just our family. We had a picnic in the park and came home and she had a cupcake and we continued the celebration at home. It is annoying that a lot of people cancelled but I agree with PP, she won't remember and at that age, there is no need for that elaborate of a party.

I hope that next time it will go better and to be honest, children are WAY more interactive with one another at 2 than they are 1. I feel like throwing something that extravagant for a one year old is more for the parents/adults than for the child. That is just my two cents though.

You're absolutely right. She won't remember it. We had a very difficult first year and I guess it was our way to celebrate that we made it? I agree I went overboard with planning and making stuff. I couldn't help it. I like doing that kind of stuff. I would have done the same if I was planning it for any of my nieces...live and learn.

honeydew01

LalaMama81 said:

I totally understand being upset over last minute cancelations - especially that many of them!

The rest of it, I guess I don't really get. How did things "not make it?" It sounds like you and DH weren't communicating well and/or you just took on WAY too many DIY type things for one party. 

Regardless, I'm sorry it didn't go as planned. Luckily, you're the only one who will remember, she won't!

He forgot the box that had those items in them at home. 

We thought we were communicating well. We had everything boxed, labeled, and drawn on paper how to set up. The room we rented was just one big room, we had to set up the tables and stuff.. 

And you're totally right. I took on too many DIY projects. I like doing that stuff. Now I learned that I should have just had a cake and ensured that the cake made it there in one piece and called it good. 

spainy17

I'm sorry you were dissappointed.  From what you were saying, you really hyped the whole thing up to proportions that is not the norm for a 1 year old birthday party and I am sure that people cancelling on you probably thought it was a super low-key thing (as most 1 year old parties are) and probably had no idea the time and effort that you put into it.  I feel like most people would not purposely be disrespectful, especially that many people.  It just clearly meant a lot more to you and people didn't realize it.  Your daughter is lucky to have someone who cares that much and you were there with her and like you said, you all survived the first year.  Maybe next year you can scale down and still do some of the things you love but just make it more low key.  Thankfully your DD probably loved it.

hilsy85

sorry you were disappointed, I would have been too! regardless of whether it's a 1st birthday party or whateve,r you obviously put a lot of time and effort into it, and it's always upsetting when something important to us doesn't go as planned. 

I'm sure in a few years you'll be able to look back at this and laugh (and honestly, isn't it really just the BEST representation of the first year with a baby? Give up all control and any pretense that things will go how you expected = parenthood!) but for now, I think you're totally justified in being hurt and angry!

nanabanana06

I get that your upset, but it's a 1st birthday party, not a wedding. I get that Moms get all excited and into first birthday parties. Including myself. However, Pinterest is the devil and should just go away. It's nice you wanted to do those things, but it wasn't necessary. Your child is 1. All she realizes is cake and people. Even presents don't matter to her. I would just take a step back, take a chill pill, and plan a smaller party next year. Until they are school age parties are kind of just for the parents and families.

dufferoo

Ugh, that all sucks, but it sounds like you've learned an essential lesson of parenthood: birthday parties are always a letdown!! Which isn't to say you should never have one again, just maybe don't invest so much if your heart and soul into it next time? They're like New Year's Eve: the more you hype it up, the more disappointed you'll inevitably wind up

honeydew01

Thanks everyone for letting me vent it out and I appreciate all of your comments.

I did learn a lesson or two or three. I don't know maybe part of it was cultural? I obviously don't remember my own first birthday but culturally the first one is celebrated big, but then there is no emphasis on the 16th or 18th or whatever, it's only the first one is usually celebrated big. I don't know. I can sit and analyze it over and over but you are right, it was a bigger deal to me than to others who thought it was a low key event and cancelled last minute. 

About pinterest and DIY projects, I admitted and agreed that I went overboard with making stuff..no one cares and it's unnecessary, but I did it because I had fun doing them, it's my hobby sort of and honestly it keeps me busy and away from worrying about x or y or z about DD. I don't regret doing them even though I know it was unnecessary and no one cares...

Thanks again for letting me vent it out, I obviously could not do it with friends and family at this point so I appreciate this!

honeydew01

Nicb you're so sweet. Thanks and I hope that your son's 2nd birthday turn out fabulous! 

Caseyk1127

I'm sorry I feel your pain. We don't have family nearby so for my sons 2nd bday I planned a party at the childrens museum for him and his classmates ... Over 20 kids rsvp'd and only 1 showed up ... I spent $1000 on rental, favors, cake, etc. Nobody even said anything until that Monday at daycare when I was dropping him off. I was not happy and will never plan anything like that again until he's much older. On a positive note he loved his day and that's all that matters. On my daughters 1st bday my family came out to visit (as they did on my sons 1st) and actually had the nerve to call me ahead of time and ask that I not plan a party like I did for my sons 1st because it was "just too much" ... All we had done was a cookout, cake and relaxing! So for hers they requested we eat out and go shopping ... As you can imagine my 1 & 2 yr olds were thrilled.

ss265

OP, it sounds like you might have over-extended yourself for your LO's birthday party. I understand the hype - in DH's culture, the first birthday is a big deal so we had a party with friends and family to celebrate it.

But I think it's important to strike a balance between the effort you put into a party and what you get out of it. In my experience, the more effort I put into things like parties etc., the less likely I am to enjoy it because I just end up with super high expectations on how I want things to turn out. In the grand scheme of things, you survived the first year of your LO's life and she has achieved a major milestone. I would focus on that and try and get past the details of the party that didn't work out.

myjohnsonboys

I read the entire vent and felt your pain. We too had a huge 1st birthday for our son and having that many mishaps would have sent me over the edge. LOL! Seriously, the main thing that would have upset me is having so many people not show after they said they would. Out of the 50 kids invited (we have huge families) we only had 5 not show up (I was not mad at all). I hope you change your mind next year and give your daughter another party but scaled back. I'm a mom of 3 boys and I'd like to suggest you limit the DIY projects to 1-2. It's easy to get all excited over every thing you see on Pintrest but choose the one maybe 2 statement pieces and that's it (you just can't do/have everything).

Also, hate to say it but it seems your DH dropped the ball on a few items. Honestly most men are just not as in to these things as us women can get. I've learned to just enlist my DH help for drop off, set up, and clean up. I leave the details to myself and usually my sister. Try to find a helper who will get excited over the details with you. For the guest list may I also suggest setting up a FB or Evite reminder in addition to your invites to serve as a reminder for the guest and rsvp tracker for you. Please remember to enjoy the day and not stress over the small details that did not go well. In the end if your daughter had a good time that is what matters most. We had a 3 tier cake that was so heavy it broke down and we could only display the top two tiers. Things happen the show must go on.

BeachBabe22

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you planned.  I think it's extremely rude for people to cancel the day before and others not show up.  I'm sure your daughter had fun and hopefully a small party next year will work out better. 

hollygb22

I'm sorry. I would be absolutely be pissed about the no shows. Sorry, if they were real friends or even family they should have the decency to call and let you know they can't make it. I think it's extremely rude on their part. As for the rest..i tend to agree with the other ladies..it's a birthday party. From what you wrote, sounds a little over the top and a lot of your major gripes are about stuff you or your DH simply forgot to pack.

I wouldn't say write off having a party next year and punish your LO..maybe just plan a realistic party/celebration.

Meery82

Oh buddy, you totally set yourself up for disappointment. I would be pissed as well about the last minute cancellations and no shows. I went a bit overboard on DS's first birthday party. Not quite to the extent that you did though. I do understand why you're disappointed. It is exciting to plan your child's first birthday party, but I think you just set the bar so high, having it go off without a hitch was impossible. I definitely wouldn't write off planning a party for next year; I would just scale it and your expectations back a bit.

LittleApple

Sounds more like a wedding than a 1st birthday party!  Honestly, nobody cares that much about your kids birthday.  The only people that really really really do are you and DH.

honeydew01

Thanks so much for everyone's input I have read them all, thank you for taking the time and reading my novel of a vent. As I said above, it may have been a cultural thing, I don't know. We celebrate the first birthday big and I went all out knowing DD is too young to even comprehend what was happening, I don't deny that one bit. 

LittleApple, I understand that the only people that care as much about DD's birthday are us, however, it was shocking for me to have 20 people cancel last minute and 4 families not show up. These are close family members (DH's brother and family) and we have been there for every one of their kids birthdays, events...so to just not show up because as you say "they don't care as much" is rude in my opinion. 

Lessons learned, points taken...and as someone mentioned it could have gone worse say if DD was sick or something...I am thankful she was fine and enjoyed her smash cake. 

LittleApple

Sorry, didn't mean to be so harsh, but actions speak louder than words.  If these people honestly cared, they would have remembered.  I think it is rude for them to not show up or cancel last minute and I hope you have a better outcome next year.

Beth.1212

hilsy85 said:

sorry you were disappointed, I would have been too! regardless of whether it's a 1st birthday party or whateve,r you obviously put a lot of time and effort into it, and it's always upsetting when something important to us doesn't go as planned. 

I'm sure in a few years you'll be able to look back at this and laugh (and honestly, isn't it really just the BEST representation of the first year with a baby? Give up all control and any pretense that things will go how you expected = parenthood!) but for now, I think you're totally justified in being hurt and angry!

This! I'm sorry that the party didn't go as you planned. Now you know better for next year. I hope that you, DH and DD enjoyed her actual birthday. 

g8trkim

Sorry it didn't go as expected but remember who the party is for. If your LO enjoyed herself that's all that matters. Now you know who to not invite to future parties.

g8trkim

Sorry it didn't go as expected but remember who the party is for. If your LO enjoyed herself that's all that matters. Now you know who to not invite to future parties.