STM+ moms issues with older kids

74dragonfly

DD age five has done pretty well adjusting the baby BUT she has regressed sttn. She wakes me every night saying she had a bad dream.
The baby got me up last night at 1:30 and 5. DD got me up at 12. Last night sucked.
Anyone else with issues?

sportsmomma

DS (2yo) is having a hard time sharing the spotlight and while he's super sweet with the baby, he acts out by hitting us, the dog, throwing tantrums, etc. it kind if goes in waves and hope it improves soon!

robbie3982

Ds1 jas been acting out at home and school. Did not expect it from him at 4.5. Was expecting it from ds2 (2.5) but he's done great

utlawgirl

Yep. My solid sleeper has decided to fight bedtime and start waking up multiple times at night. (She's 3.) Sucks. We're trying a star chart to see if that gets us anywhere.

swirl25

Uhhhh...where do I start??? We've had sleep issues, behavior issues...you name it. DD1 (3 y.o.) was waking up screaming for us at night and we (well, DH - we agreed he was on DD duty since I am up nursing at night) would have to lie with her till she fell back to sleep. That has pretty much stopped, but the tantrums/misbehavior is ongoing and has been the hardest to deal with...I feel like I am ALWAYS yelling at DD and it's just counterproductive...she's in that "threenager" phase and doesn't give a shit whether she gets a time out or not. It's definitely been challenging, but we realize she is adjusting and jealous of the attention LO is getting, so I've been *trying* to be more patient. It's a work in progress and little by little we are getting through it. I will be ecstatic when she gets over this hump though.

The absolute crazy thing, though, is that she somehow decided to potty train during the madness....and was fully trained within a week. It's been 3 weeks and she's doing awesome. So there's at least one good thing to focus on!

74dragonfly

utlawgirl said:

Yep. My solid sleeper has decided to fight bedtime and start waking up multiple times at night. (She's 3.) Sucks. We're trying a star chart to see if that gets us anywhere.

We need to do a star chart.

74dragonfly

We have made am effort for lots of one on one time. That seems to have helped some nights

samiaf

What I do with my children is to just say to them, " Hey come on over here and sit with me.  It seems lime you are having a hard time.  I know it has been hard since the baby has come.  I have noticed that you have been doing (I'll in the blank) and wondering what we can do to change this. Do you have any ideas?  My seven year old is getting pretty good at this and the four year old is even able to come up with ideas.  It can be pretty eye opening sometimes to hear what they say.  I will also just affirm their feelings.  Sometimes just saying, " I know you really want to play with that doll.  Not offering any solutions,just keep saying "yes, I know you want the doll."  When they are complaining about someone or belly aching about something I will ask" What do you want me to do?"  That way you are teaching them to think and problem solve and gives our sleep deprived brains a break.  It takes time and practice for this to work.  Hugs to all you moms.

KFiori1

DD1 didn't sleep much the first year, but then slept great from 1-2.5, which was September, and that is when she got potty trained. She went through a few months of either waking us up to go to the bathroom(I was fine with that) or freaking out that her blanket wasn't wrapped properly. She was up several times a night. Right before the baby was born we got her to the point that she would use the bathroom at night by herself without waking us, and the blanket thing wasn't an issue anymore. However, ever since the baby was born, she started wetting the bed at night. So she is in pull ups now at night which saves us from changing the sheets, but she wakes up if she has peed in the pull up, wanting a new one or underwear. So she is back to waking us a few times a night.

Lawren

Owen still acts as if she doesn't exist. Literally. I think he's touched her once since we brought her home from the hospital. He's in denial

ugoglencoco

No sleeping issues but lots of other regression and behavior issues. Ds1 refuses to feed himself (I think because the baby gets fed). Also some hitting and lots of temper tantrums and constant whining. He doesn't really act like the baby exists which is ok by me, he's at least not trying to hurt him. He has been VERY angry at mommy and daddy though. I have been trying to do more things alone with him. DH took him to a car show yesterday and in taking him to see the Lego movie tomorrow. I know this will pass but he's really been testing our patience lately! Hang in there everyone!

insertclevername

DS1 was doing great but recently had two urine accidents, kicked another kid at school and has been extremely defiant towards DH and I. I am not sure if it is just him being three or he is acting out because of DS2.

I took him on a special outing just the two of us this weekend. I thought that would help but now he is back to wanting me to help him with everything and not DH.

He always STTN but woke up this am at 4:30 to use the bathroom. Thankfully he went back to sleep because DS2 did not.

I just keep reminding myself that this is all will pass. I keep trying to pull deeper and deeper to find more patience but honestly I am in survival mode at this point. I just try to parent the best I can and enjoy my boys.

ChuggingWater

6.5 and DS1 made my life HELL last week.

To the point of I (regrettably) got angry and kicked his lego bucket.


LEGOS, people, legos.  Of all the things to kick and spill.  Focking legos.



He doesn't say that it is related to DS2.  I think it is actually coming from poor interactions with peers at school.  He keeps crying and saying that no one likes him.  No first grader should feel like that.

ChuggingWater

In fact this just prompted me to email his teacher.  Perhaps I should actually be working this morning... Hmmmm

ChuggingWater

@NYmama1 - Defiant.  That is an excellent word to describe DS1's behavior.  

MissyC979

KKDRAGONFLY said:

utlawgirl said:

Yep. My solid sleeper has decided to fight bedtime and start waking up multiple times at night. (She's 3.) Sucks. We're trying a star chart to see if that gets us anywhere.

We need to do a star chart.

We did a star chart and it really turned things around. We list things like getting dressed, eating dinner, taking a bath, and staying in bed. If he got all stars for a day he got something small from the "mystery box." We only ended up needing it for a few weeks. He still occasionally wakes up at night, but he just pees and goes back to bed.

SkiHorse

BlueCards said:

DS (2yo) is having a hard time sharing the spotlight and while he's super sweet with the baby, he acts out by hitting us, the dog, throwing tantrums, etc. it kind if goes in waves and hope it improves soon!

This is our experience with our 3 year old.  Lots of regression, including biting and hitting, trouble with potty-training skills, and refusing to share his old baby toys with the new LO.  I just started a Love and Logic course, and I also plan to meet with his preschool teachers (we haven't gotten any reports of trouble at school, so maybe they'll share their good strategies.) Although I anticipated some acting out, it has been worse than expected.  I feel like I need a better tool kit to handle it, especially given my sleep deprivation, raging hormones, etc,

SkiHorse

After posting my reply, I noted Swirl25's phrase "threenager." Exactly! So far, the 3 yr. old "big brother" isn't very motivated by sticker charts or other bribes and is really difficult to put in a timeout because he won't sit still without restraint when he's acting rebellious or angry. Would love to hear suggestions from other moms with kids this age.

ugoglencoco

SkiHorse said:

After posting my reply, I noted Swirl25's phrase "threenager." Exactly! So far, the 3 yr. old "big brother" isn't very motivated by sticker charts or other bribes and is really difficult to put in a timeout because he won't sit still without restraint when he's acting rebellious or angry. Would love to hear suggestions from other moms with kids this age.

With my oldest it took me sitting in the room and putting him back in the chair every time he got off the chair for a time out.

He will go in the chair by himself now and most of the time will calm himself down. Once he knew that it didn't matter if he moved, that his time out started once he was in the chair and restarted every time he got out he picked up pretty quickly!