This isn't much in comparison to the other stories and really NBD but it grinds my gills when I have to address my own thank you card. Seriously, c'mon you addressed my invite just fine. Weird to get mail you addressed yourself.
My best friend from college had us do this. Her mom hosted her shower but I hosted her bachelorette party.
3 gifts (shower, Bach, wedding) tons of money, a HORRIBLE barf green dress later....
I never got a thank you note for anything, and she was divorced 6 months later. SO MUCH for addressing your own TY note. Her lazy ass never got them out. We don't talk much anymore.
I was surprised (being young and not knowing any better) that if people come to your shower, they aren't bringing a gift to your wedding. Not that I ever said this out loud to anyone but DH, but I was surprised. Makes sense though.
I've never heard of going to any gift giving event and not bringing a gift. Where I'm from, it's pretty common practice to do a registry gift for the shower and cash for the wedding. We got a mix of both because DH has different traditions.
I don't think anyone that came to the shower and wedding didn't bring a gift to both.
This isn't much in comparison to the other stories and really NBD but it grinds my gills when I have to address my own thank you card. Seriously, c'mon you addressed my invite just fine. Weird to get mail you addressed yourself.
I just did this at a friend's shower & didn't mind too much, but now that you mention it, it's a little weird. However, I will not be doing that as I am a label printing extraordinaire! Gotta love computers sometimes! I printed address labels for all my wedding shower & post-wedding thank yous, as well as our mailed baby announcements. Who hand-writes addresses on envelopes anymore? Not me LOL
ETA: The shower host addresses the invites (I would hope) & not the guest of honor... although I did design, order, address & mail my own bridal shower invites since I lived at home while engaged & my mom is computer illiterate. I guess that was one way I helped thank my mom for all the shower planning & throwing.
I've never heard of asking guests to address their own thank you cards, that seems rude to me.
Also, I take a gift to both shower and wedding. But, if invited to more than one shower I only take one.
What is everyone's take on multiple showers? For the wedding I had a family shower and a friend shower - the only people invited to both we're bridesmaids. I assume the same might happen for baby, I certainly didn't request it but it's just two vastly different groups of people.
I think multiple showers are fine and pretty common nowadays. I was fortunate to have several friends/family offer to throw them for different groups of people in my life. I had a friends shower, a shower for my side of the family/hometown people, a shower from DH's side, and a work shower. Four showers is a tad excessive...
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Formerly dlsexton
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BFP #3 July 2013 ~ M/C Aug 2013 @ 5.5 weeks
BFP #4 Oct 2013 ~ Miss Lydia born 6/3/14 @ 36 weeks!
So I don't have a snafu, rather a question for you all. I saw something recently for a "diaper raffle" Where people can bring a gift or not, but if they bring a pack of diapers (doesn't matter the size) and they are entered for a large type of prize (grill set, water park tickets, portable dvd player, etc.). As a FTM I haven't been to many baby showers and don't know if this is tacky or not. So what are all your thoughts?
This must be a regional thing, because almost every shower I've been to has had a diaper raffle. I don't think it's tacky, it says "optional" on the invite, so it's not putting the guest in any kind of position but in the position of being a big girl and making that choice for herself.
Honestly, I'm avoiding the Baby Shower thread like the plague because people get WAY too into the rules/etiquette. Just use common sense.
And a lot of it is regional. Where I am from it is a major no-no for your mother to throw you a wedding or baby shower. It's considered very rude and gift grabby. Interestingly enough it's not taboo at all for your mother to throw you a sip-n-see.
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How is it rude for your mother to throw you a shower?
I guess it's cultural too. Latin moms throw baby showers, it's pretty much expected lol
It's considered to be rude because its seen as the mother asking for gifts for her kid. I'm pretty sure it's a Southern thing. A sip n see is a come and go type party with beverages and light finger foods. Mom is basically on display with baby while guests sip their drinks and see the new baby. No shower games or anything like that. Usually the church ladies bring sweet handmade gifts for the baby, not that they have to, but it just usually happens.
A lady who gives me the stank face everytime I see her invited me to her baby shower that she hosted herself. For her 5th child under 6 y/o. At the local $10 buffet spot. She also made sure to make it clear that you needed to pay for your own food.
I personally am not too hurt by moms having showers for each of their children. However, don't invite me to spend money on you when you can't spend 10 sec saying good morning to me once a week.
Advice wanted... Three of my best friends have offered to host a baby shower and I am extremely grateful! I just received the invitation in the mail and realized they asked it to be potluck. It is already at my mothers house which is 45 minutes from where I live / most if my friends are. I am concerned that asking people to drive 45 minutes away, bring a potluck dish , and a gift is tacky. I'm afraid people just won't come :-( Am I overreacting? Do I say something? I would rather buy all the food myself and have people there to celebrate with me than people be turned off...
Wow. I guess everything I've been to has been tame. My shower is only my 4th one though.
I hate raffles and I hate baby bingo. Sit the fuck down so I can see!
I hate being asked to bring a book or diapers. Tacky. Register for the brand of diaper you want.
I don't like guessing how many candies are in the baby bottle.
I think addressing your own thank you envelope is stupid. How lazy can you get?
We didn't even do the money dance at our wedding because I find it so tacky. And I never give or participate in it at weddings. I just bought you a $200 gift and you have a cash bar. I already paid for that cheap shot you're going to give me.
I hope your guests realize it was not your decision to have them bring food. But I agree there probably isn't much you can do. Tough situation. Sorry, I can imagine that would be uncomfortable for you. Maybe as part of thank-yous you can acknowledge the gift, the drive, and the dish they brought, rather than just the gift and their presence. Good luck, deary.
Advice wanted... Three of my best friends have offered to host a baby shower and I am extremely grateful! I just received the invitation in the mail and realized they asked it to be potluck. It is already at my mothers house which is 45 minutes from where I live / most if my friends are. I am concerned that asking people to drive 45 minutes away, bring a potluck dish , and a gift is tacky. I'm afraid people just won't come :-( Am I overreacting? Do I say something? I would rather buy all the food myself and have people there to celebrate with me than people be turned off...
ETA: spelling
Since the invitations have gone out already, I'm not sure there's much you can do. It's pretty tacky and honestly I would feel a little put out having to cook food and drive 45 minutes to bring you a present.
Thank you for being honest! I talked to my BFF, she said they didn't mean to write potluck. One girl made the invitations and was making one for a group shower for girls on her army base and she forgot to take it off! My sister will let people know when they RSVP, such a weight off my shoulders! I honestly felt embarrassed, I'm glad it wasn't just me overreacting! I was so afraid they would think I was ungrateful!
How is it rude for your mother to throw you a shower?
I guess it's cultural too. Latin moms throw baby showers, it's pretty much expected lol
This. My mother (PR) wouldn't have given up her right to throw me a shower for a second! She had been waiting for that chance my whole adult life She let my three best friends plan the games, but she did everything else.
I am not, however getting a second shower, nor do I need/want one for baby girl.
ETA: come to think of it though, other than my three best friends, the rest of the shower was my small family...so no one would really have thought much of my mom throwing the shower anyway...
My friend had one with her first. She sent out roughly 150 invitations. And there was a note on the back requesting "no yellow outfits please!" And "please include a gift receipt to make returning gifts easier." So basically, whatever you bought was going to be returned. Nice. We bought a cute sweater vest outfit that had plenty of yellow, off a clearance rack, and did not provide a gift receipt. Because we're snarky like that. (The reason for the no yellow was because her hubby felt it was too girly)
I threw a bridal shower for my now SIL since I was her MOH. It was nothing fancy; I couldn't afford much and live out of state so I couldn't do any prep work until the day of, when I was running around like a madwoman trying to get it all done. She wasn't even expecting one, but I really wanted to give her a day to feel special. She and my brother had already lived together for years and have a kid together, so they didn't need anything for the house, so I made it a lingerie shower. It was actually called a "Naughty or Nice" shower so people who didn't feel comfortable buying lingerie could get her something like bubble bath or fuzzy slippers. First, almost nobody RSVP'd and I had to call everyone multiple times to get an idea of how many were coming. So the day of the shower comes. My mom and my best friend and I all got her awesome gifts from Victoria's Secret. NO ONE ELSE BROUGHT ANYTHING! Half the group actually LEFT to go to the store and get alcohol (I just had raspberry lemonade in a punch bowl since I was on a tight budget; I will say I did write "cocktail attire" on the invites which may have led them to believe there would be booze, but I thought it just indicated that I wanted people to dress up a little) and came back with cards they had just bought and cash out of the ATM as their gifts. I was so mad she didn't get to open gifts and have a real shower experience. Who goes to a shower with no gift???
I threw a bridal shower for my now SIL since I was her MOH. It was nothing fancy; I couldn't afford much and live out of state so I couldn't do any prep work until the day of, when I was running around like a madwoman trying to get it all done. She wasn't even expecting one, but I really wanted to give her a day to feel special. She and my brother had already lived together for years and have a kid together, so they didn't need anything for the house, so I made it a lingerie shower. It was actually called a "Naughty or Nice" shower so people who didn't feel comfortable buying lingerie could get her something like bubble bath or fuzzy slippers. First, almost nobody RSVP'd and I had to call everyone multiple times to get an idea of how many were coming. So the day of the shower comes. My mom and my best friend and I all got her awesome gifts from Victoria's Secret. NO ONE ELSE BROUGHT ANYTHING! Half the group actually LEFT to go to the store and get alcohol (I just had raspberry lemonade in a punch bowl since I was on a tight budget; I will say I did write "cocktail attire" on the invites which may have led them to believe there would be booze, but I thought it just indicated that I wanted people to dress up a little) and came back with cards they had just bought and cash out of the ATM as their gifts. I was so mad she didn't get to open gifts and have a real shower experience. Who goes to a shower with no gift???
Seriously? No gift? I don't think I could consciencely show up at a shower with no gift. But on a side note, I always love to embarrass the guest of honor at these showers. I always do gift baskets with the fun stuff: handcuffs, chocolate for body painting, whip cream, good head gel, pop rocks, etc.
I just got my shower invite from my aunt, and it asks for books instead of cards. I'm not sad - I love books!
My best friend did that for my shower and didn't tell me. When I got there and she showed me the little poem that asked for them and the basket of books, I knew I should be a little embarrassed because I've learned on here that it's tacky, but I was still so glad she did it because I got so many great books!
I just got my shower invite from my aunt, and it asks for books instead of cards. I'm not sad - I love books!
My best friend did that for my shower and didn't tell me. When I got there and she showed me the little poem that asked for them and the basket of books, I knew I should be a little embarrassed because I've learned on here that it's tacky, but I was still so glad she did it because I got so many great books!
this must also be a regional thing b/c we did this for my best friend's baby shower and no one thought anything of it. i know people on this board say that it's tacky b/c it's like asking for two gifts, but honestly, three of us went in on one gift, and then each bought a book to give, and she was thrilled. the books all came from the heart, and she got so many lovely ones. it's not about the amount that people spend, it's about the thought - and baby books are so near and dear to people. everyone has a favorite, so it's like giving a little piece of your childhood or a little piece of your favorite moments with your own baby.
Re: Shower etiquette SNAFUs
I've never heard of going to any gift giving event and not bringing a gift. Where I'm from, it's pretty common practice to do a registry gift for the shower and cash for the wedding. We got a mix of both because DH has different traditions.
I don't think anyone that came to the shower and wedding didn't bring a gift to both.
alyssa719 She says my brain is gone at 1:32. Here is the link
It's considered to be rude because its seen as the mother asking for gifts for her kid. I'm pretty sure it's a Southern thing. A sip n see is a come and go type party with beverages and light finger foods. Mom is basically on display with baby while guests sip their drinks and see the new baby. No shower games or anything like that. Usually the church ladies bring sweet handmade gifts for the baby, not that they have to, but it just usually happens.
My lip reading really is failing in my old age!!!! Oh Nooooooeeeesssss.
A lady who gives me the stank face everytime I see her invited me to her baby shower that she hosted herself. For her 5th child under 6 y/o. At the local $10 buffet spot. She also made sure to make it clear that you needed to pay for your own food.
I personally am not too hurt by moms having showers for each of their children. However, don't invite me to spend money on you when you can't spend 10 sec saying good morning to me once a week.
ETA: spelling
I hate raffles and I hate baby bingo. Sit the fuck down so I can see!
I hate being asked to bring a book or diapers. Tacky. Register for the brand of diaper you want.
I don't like guessing how many candies are in the baby bottle.
I think addressing your own thank you envelope is stupid. How lazy can you get?
We didn't even do the money dance at our wedding because I find it so tacky. And I never give or participate in it at weddings. I just bought you a $200 gift and you have a cash bar. I already paid for that cheap shot you're going to give me.
How is it rude for your mother to throw you a shower?
I guess it's cultural too. Latin moms throw baby showers, it's pretty much expected lol
This. My mother (PR) wouldn't have given up her right to throw me a shower for a second! She had been waiting for that chance my whole adult life
I am not, however getting a second shower, nor do I need/want one for baby girl.
ETA: come to think of it though, other than my three best friends, the rest of the shower was my small family...so no one would really have thought much of my mom throwing the shower anyway...