Shower etiquette SNAFUs

VTKatie

Since tacky shower ideas seem to be the theme of the week, I wanted to hear your shower horror stories.  What is the tackiest thing you have ever seen done at a shower (wedding or baby)?

I actually don't have too many outside of the norm...moms throwing their own showers, gift preferences on invites....that type of thing. But I did go to a bday party for a 1 year old where the mom created a registry and sent that out to everyone for gift selection. That was very special.

lindslalala

A "friend" on FB threw her own shower for her 3rd baby. It was her 3rd son, all born within 4 years of each other. She posted it on FB and said anyone was welcome to come, because all babies deserve to be celebrated! She specifically asked for diapers in her post too.

susanskowera

My sister went to a Bridal shower for a friend, so naturally gifts were exchanged.  She got invited to the bachelorette party, and on the invite it said "gifts will be exchanged before the party begins"....and she registered for more shit between the bridal and bachelorette parties!!  Like, "here, I need more shit...buy it for me and then pay for my drinks later".  Thought that was pretty tacky. 

We made our baby registry the other day and I felt like I had too many things on there!  I felt like an AW because I registered for 85 things at Target (20 of them were books, but still...)

VTKatie

tundrabunny said:

I went to one that turned into a surprise purse party in the middle of it where the hostess tried to sell some random purses on behalf of her daughter to the guests. It was terribly awkward for everyone because none of us expected it and nobody wanted one.

I've only ever been to two baby showers though. I'd highly recommend being a transient loner if you're looking to get out of going to this type of thing.

I wasn't at a shower, but went to a friend's house for our monthly girl's brunch when something like this happened. The girl had this lady come and do a jewelry trunk show and try and sell us stuff. What made it worse was there were only 3 of us and this person clearly thought she had come to a larger party for a lot of women (it took her hours to set up apparently and nobody bought anything). She had brought her husband and daughter to model stuff and pass things around. So.fucking.awkward.

abundancenow

I had heard that an acquaintance registered for gifts only from Pottery Barn for Kids because it was so expensive and she already had most of the things that she needed, but was planning on returning everything for cash or credit to Pottery Barn for things she wanted for her home. Not really sure if this was true, but she's the tacky self indulgent type, so I would not be surprised.

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INmommy871278

I helped host a baby shower for a friend who didn't want any games at her shower and invited over 100 guests. Her mom stepped in and told her she had to have a couple games, so we were able to come up with a couple that she agreed to. The shower was at her parents house in the basement. There were so many people that the chairs were lined up like church rows and people had to balance the food on their laps. It. Took her over three hours to open all the gifts, over half the people ended up leaving before all the gifts were opened. There were also instructions in the invite to bring a pack of diapers in a specific brand and certain count.

kay anthony

VTKatie said:

tundrabunny said:

I went to one that turned into a surprise purse party in the middle of it where the hostess tried to sell some random purses on behalf of her daughter to the guests. It was terribly awkward for everyone because none of us expected it and nobody wanted one.

I've only ever been to two baby showers though. I'd highly recommend being a transient loner if you're looking to get out of going to this type of thing.

I wasn't at a shower, but went to a friend's house for our monthly girl's brunch when something like this happened. The girl had this lady come and do a jewelry trunk show and try and sell us stuff. What made it worse was there were only 3 of us and this person clearly thought she had come to a larger party for a lot of women (it took her hours to set up apparently and nobody bought anything). She had brought her husband and daughter to model stuff and pass things around. So.fucking.awkward.

I had a very similar thing happen back when I was in college. I and several other people were invited to a friend's house for dinner. Instead of dinner, it was a "surprise" sex toy party. Everyone was hungry and nobody bought anything. Oh, and the girl's boyfriend was there and went and got out all of the toys that they had bought previously from this company and discussed what they liked about each of them, and why. Ew.

eortman

It probably isn't the tackiest thing I've ever seen, but I still can't get over the shower my MIL threw for us for the wedding. There were over 40 people and I only knew about 4 of them. Many of the people invited were not invited to the wedding and MIL knew that, yikes! None of the cups or plates matched and there wasn't enough food for everyone. The door prizes for the games were all dollar store type finds, including Christmas towels (the shower was in February) and toothpick holders. I love my MIL dearly and nothing like this has ever occured again, so I have to wonder, was she mad at me or what? Or maybe I am just terribly ungrateful and uneducated about shower etiquette?

eortman

I went to a shower of an old high school friend who I hadn't talked to in .... 2 years. I felt really bad for her since I was 1 of 6 women to show up.

Halfway through the shower, a male friend of hers showed up in nothing but an adult diaper and a bib...... and I wish I was kidding. It was the most bizarre, awkward, CREEPY thing I'd ever seen. 

I left after she told everyone she'd taken 3 Vicodin that morning because she hurt her back cleaning her house for the shower (she threw herself) and excused herself to go outside and have a cigarette. Yeah. I considered the $75 worth of baby clothes my clean break from her. 

 

*Stuck in the gray* This is the worst thing I think I have ever heard. That's the kind of train wreck that you will never forget. Kudos for the clean break, though!

dobbyisfree

I actually think i have only been to one baby shower ever, my aunts when I was a kid and I only remember the favors (spoons with mints on them. My mom still has so many of those spoons). But a coworker last year had door prizes on every invite - everyone had a different gift they had to bring just to get in! My other coworker said it would be okay if it was like, shampoo, but some people got diapers which are expensive! I told her ahead of time I thought it was ridiculous so my door prize was 'your love'. Haha. I couldnt actually attend so I dont know how the rest went, but they did construct penises out of play doh for one game. Super classy.

cookiemomma14

So I don't have a snafu, rather a question for you all. I saw something recently for a "diaper raffle" Where people can bring a gift or not, but if they bring a pack of diapers (doesn't matter the size) and they are entered for a large type of prize (grill set, water park tickets, portable dvd player, etc.). As a FTM I haven't been to many baby showers and don't know if this is tacky or not. So what are all your thoughts?

sxymamakat

bcook530 said:

So I don't have a snafu, rather a question for you all. I saw something recently for a "diaper raffle" Where people can bring a gift or not, but if they bring a pack of diapers (doesn't matter the size) and they are entered for a large type of prize (grill set, water park tickets, portable dvd player, etc.). As a FTM I haven't been to many baby showers and don't know if this is tacky or not. So what are all your thoughts?

Horrifically tacky.  My eyes bugged out at this badly enough to dislodge a contact lens.  HELLZ NO. 

ashcross

I have a question, I'm a FTM and I have ever been to only two baby showers in my life. One when I was like 5 years old and the second one when I was 23 for a friend but hers was a big co-ed BBQ with family and friends so no games. 

Anyways, after reading these posts..I've seen a couple comments where people mention raffles or prizes for the guests. I have no idea what the hosts have planned but is this something I need to do or worry about or the hosts? 

Thanks

zellatrix

I don't have any of my own, but each of these are making me cringe. Awful!

ashcross

Nevermind….sorry ladies. I will ask on the baby shower thread. 

alyssa719

Wow.  Umm... I've only been to (I think) two baby showers ever, and one of them was a coworkers' and it was held *at* work, so kind of mandatory.  I guess I fit in the group of not having any friends??  Or not having friends who are having babies or something?

All of this stuff is *horrifying* to me.  The only time I've gone against the old school etiquette rules was for an invite to a wedding from a girl DH used to get high with in high school (this happened about 11 years post HS).  He hadn't spoken to her basically at all, she found him on FB, and 2 weeks later we had a wedding invite.  Even though we were engaged (and together for a long time before that), she included me on the invite as "guest"?  I had no idea who she was, or how she fit into his life... and I don't think he RSVP'd, we sent no card and no present.  I'm pretty sure the only reason you'd invite an (almost) stranger to your wedding is to get more gifts??

cookiemomma14

Thanks ladies. I figures it was but those raffle tickets were cute..ha. My mom, grandma, and bf are planning the baby shower but keep asking me about what I think of these ideas. So thanks for saving me, now I know to tell them no.

Jennik30

One of the girls I worked with last year demanded someone throw her not only a baby shower but a Pampers party as well because she did not want to have buy diapers for her baby at all. When it got close to her shower, she gave all of us at the store a print out of her multiple registries all with the most expensive things highlighted.

LyndseylovesHugh

A guy I worked with 8 years ago, someone I haven't see since, invited me and everyone else to a baby shower via Facebook that him and his girlfriend are throwing for themselves. This shouldn't surprise me because this is how I was invited to his wedding (to his ex-wife).

rattlecanqueen

Question!
As a stm, I'm not expecting a shower or even a sprinkle...especially since this one is also a boy. Is it tacky to throw your own bbq/diaper party?

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nolemomma14

I went to a bridal shower once, the invites specifically stated not to bring gifts. Upon arriving at the shower there was a pampered chef consultant there who handed each guest the bride's wish list. There was a a presentation of all of the items on the brides wish list, and then everyone was expected to buy a gift for the bride. It was the most awkward thing ever!!

ashcross

Bliss+Berry said:

ashcross said:

I have a question, I'm a FTM and I have ever been to only two baby showers in my life. One when I was like 5 years old and the second one when I was 23 for a friend but hers was a big co-ed BBQ with family and friends so no games. 

Anyways, after reading these posts..I've seen a couple comments where people mention raffles or prizes for the guests. I have no idea what the hosts have planned but is this something I need to do or worry about or the hosts? 

Thanks

@ashcross Well, if you are asked, I would mention that you would prefer not to have a raffle, because that would be mortifying.  

As far as all shower planning goes (including prizes for games, etc.) I would leave that to your hostesses.  

Thanks for the feedback. Yea, I certainly don't plan to be apart of the planning. They did ask me a few things about the planning and I just told them to do whatever they wanted to do because they were throwing it and that included games so I have no idea what to expect. 

[Deleted User]

bcook530 said:

So I don't have a snafu, rather a question for you all. I saw something recently for a "diaper raffle" Where people can bring a gift or not, but if they bring a pack of diapers (doesn't matter the size) and they are entered for a large type of prize (grill set, water park tickets, portable dvd player, etc.). As a FTM I haven't been to many baby showers and don't know if this is tacky or not. So what are all your thoughts?

I'm sure most consider it tacky but I'd spend the $4 on a pack of Walmart diapers for a chance to win something fun! 

Then again, most of the baby showers I attend are for family or good friends so I don't feel put out giving them "extras" like diapers or books. 

zellatrix

kdelgado03 said:

I went to a bridal shower once, the invites specifically stated not to bring gifts. Upon arriving at the shower there was a pampered chef consultant there who handed each guest the bride's wish list. There was a a presentation of all of the items on the brides wish list, and then everyone was expected to buy a gift for the bride. It was the most awkward thing ever!!

Pampered Chef showers are a thing, but you are supposed to tell people in advance!!

AmericanInOz

rattlecanqueen said:

Question! As a stm, I'm not expecting a shower or even a sprinkle...especially since this one is also a boy. Is it tacky to throw your own bbq/diaper party?

takcy! 1. you don't throw yourself a shower 2. don't you already have most of what you need as a STM? I sure do. And I sure don't expect my friends & family to buy the diapers we will need..............

dobbyisfree

My mom wanted to do the diaper raffle but I want to use cloth diapers. Id never heard of it before so I didnt know what it was about. I think she was disappointed that I took it away from her.

yurmom

This isn't much in comparison to the other stories and really NBD but it grinds my gills when I have to address my own thank you card. Seriously, c'mon you addressed my invite just fine. Weird to get mail you addressed yourself.

sxymamakat

ashcross said:

I have a question, I'm a FTM and I have ever been to only two baby showers in my life. One when I was like 5 years old and the second one when I was 23 for a friend but hers was a big co-ed BBQ with family and friends so no games. 

Anyways, after reading these posts..I've seen a couple comments where people mention raffles or prizes for the guests. I have no idea what the hosts have planned but is this something I need to do or worry about or the hosts? 

Thanks

Sometimes there will be small prizes for baby shower games.  It's not something for the guest of honor to worry about, your hosts would take care of it if it is part of the party.  Raffles are never okay.  There are also often favors as well, just a little thank you item for attending- again, this comes from the hosts.  :-) 

VTKatie

kdelgado03 said:

I went to a bridal shower once, the invites specifically stated not to bring gifts. Upon arriving at the shower there was a pampered chef consultant there who handed each guest the bride's wish list. There was a a presentation of all of the items on the brides wish list, and then everyone was expected to buy a gift for the bride. It was the most awkward thing ever!!

This one might take the cake. I read that one out loud to my fiancé while he was playing video games and he paused the game and made me repeat it. That is just terrible.

snysilver

Just this past weekend I attended a "cash shower". I received an invite to a bridal shower a week & a half before the event. There was no registry included in the invite, which is fine of course. So I called the hostess to RSVP, and had to leave her a message, so in my message I said yes I would be attending & asked if she could call or text me to let me know if the couple had registered anywhere. Two days later she texted me to say, "they don't have a registry, it is a cash shower."
Awful. If you don't need gifts, then why would you have a shower? Basically I was invited to pay for my own seat at the wedding.
And I'm with @dlsexton, I hate filling out my own envelope for thank you cards. I took the time to buy you a gift (or in the case of this latest event, write you a check) select & fill out a card, but it's just too much work to address my envelope? You're soooo busy?

bewilderingstar

I don't have any horror stories but I sure am enjoying reading about others!

taylorjeanne84

Oh God. These are terrible. I love it!!!!

PenelopeSnuz77

dlsexton said:

This isn't much in comparison to the other stories and really NBD but it grinds my gills when I have to address my own thank you card. Seriously, c'mon you addressed my invite just fine. Weird to get mail you addressed yourself.

My best friend from college had us do this. Her mom hosted her shower but I hosted her bachelorette party.

3 gifts (shower, Bach, wedding) tons of money, a HORRIBLE barf green dress later....

I never got a thank you note for anything, and she was divorced 6 months later. SO MUCH for addressing your own TY note. Her lazy ass never got them out. We don't talk much anymore.

yurmom

snysilver said:

Just this past weekend I attended a "cash shower". I received an invite to a bridal shower a week & a half before the event. There was no registry included in the invite, which is fine of course. So I called the hostess to RSVP, and had to leave her a message, so in my message I said yes I would be attending & asked if she could call or text me to let me know if the couple had registered anywhere. Two days later she texted me to say, "they don't have a registry, it is a cash shower."
Awful. If you don't need gifts, then why would you have a shower? Basically I was invited to pay for my own seat at the wedding.
And I'm with @dlsexton, I hate filling out my own envelope for thank you cards. I took the time to buy you a gift (or in the case of this latest event, write you a check) select & fill out a card, but it's just too much work to address my envelope? You're soooo busy?

Asking for cash for any shower or wedding...just no...ugh, seriously now that takes some balls.

netsirk2013

I am going to have a cookout for friends andfamily right before tthe baby comes. Probably the 4th of July weekend. We just moved into the house & we wanted to do this but it hasn't happened yet. We think it will be multi purpous, show the house to people who havnt seen it, baby room & eat some grub. People can ask questions & bring the baby something if they want but its not the main pourpouse. I've also explained to everyone that we have everything for baby we need & I don't want a baby shower.