Baby Showers

mer313131

Hi there, a couple friends mentioned throwing me a sprinkle or small shower. I had a baby shower with DD and she is now almost 19 months. I feel like it is considered tacky to have a 2nd shower so soon after the first, but are the "rules" different when you are having twins? Be honest, I can handle it! We have mostly gender neutral stuff for one, but nothing for the second obviously. We are not dirt poor but are certainly worried about finances (like most people with incoming twins, probably!). Thanks!

jeephappygirl

Having twins or a different gender baby is reason for second showeres with my family & friends. Due to some legal stuff my husband was going through, I opted to decline having a shower. Everyone was disappointed & always asking when it was going to be. Everyone was assuming we woukd have one. My dd was 28 mo when my b/g where born.

jocie2581

I am anti second shower. Though pro baby meeting party after the munchkins arrive.

LittleLady77

Etiquette says no showers of any kind for 2nd babies but honestly I wouldn't care that much. If you want a small sprinkle go for it. I probably wouldn't list registry info in the invite or anything but give it to your host if people ask her. It should be about the celebration not the gifts. Other options are beer and diaper parties (co ed) or a sip and see after the babies are born.

4legsRbest

I personally do not think showers are appropriate for any child other than the first. My BFF had a "sprinkle" (she threw herself - yikes) for her second and her reasoning was that her second baby was a different sex and she needed stuff. However, the point of any baby shower is to welcome the mom to motherhood, not to get stuff. I think a sprinkle and shower are the same thing.

Just MHO. But I wouldn't judge anyone for doing it - it really isn't any of my business, I would just politely decline the invite and would not purchase a gift. I would however send a card after the baby(ies) birth and a small gift depending how clsoe I am to the person.

carrotcake06

In my IRL world, second showers are nbd. My ILs have a large, close knit family and my MIL offered to host a get together prior to the babies' birth. They live 5hrs away and I couldn't find a time to do it since work was insanely busy, so we ended up not doing one. Everyone ended up mailing gifts after the babies were born.

I expressly declined a meet the baby party afterwards. They are preemies and the last thing I wanted was dozens of people all up in their business. Especially since we were creeping up on cold/flu season. No thank you.

Labyrinth3000

I think a Sip and See or a more co-ed adult cocktail party would be perfectly fine.  A full blown baby shower might be a bit much for a second pregnancy.  Also, feel out what your friends and family are thinking.  Maybe they all want to have another baby shower for you.  My family are always looking for excuses to throw parties and love to shop for baby things.

ceechie

If your friends really want to throw it, then I don't think it's a big deal. They want to celebrate you. If you were throwing it- tacky.
One of my friends threw my one for when I had ds (I already had dd two years prior) and when I had the twins. I really, really didn't want either and fought her so much. But she was just really excited for my family. I told everyone- no gifts just come and have a party. I didn't know what to do...

MommyWannaB10

I am having a 2nd work shower, but not because I wanted to. My boss is super excited for us and wants to do it because we're having 2 girls this time; they also threw me one when I had DS, but that turned into a "meet the baby shower" because he came the Friday before the scheduled shower (it ended up getting pushed back though).

I tried to decline her doing a second one because I thought it was tacky and almost greedy, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. DH's work is also doing a shower, again because they want to not because we did.

If someone else really wants to do it, then go for it. I would not throw one myself though, that is tacky & greedy.

zazu13

I have been to several 2nd showers in situations where it was baby #5 but first girl after 4 boys or surprise twins after being "done" and having tubes tied. It was no big deal imo and the baby shower police did not show up If someone has offered and you want one, go ahead. If people think its tacky, they dont have to come. You really dont need a 2nd of everything, but it would probably be nice to get a head start on diapers and people love picking out twin oufits which you will probably receive a lot of. Congrats, Mama!

legaleagles

My mom asked if I wanted a second shower - I declined. 2 groups of very close friends are each hosting a "sprinkle' of sorts for me, but it's mostly just time for us to hang out as friends. One is this weekend: massages, hair blow outs and dinner, the other one at the end of March is just lunch at a local tea shop. And it's only with these respective groups of friends.

My work and DH's work are also hosting small luncheon showers for us, but both our offices do this for any baby (1st, 2nd, or 3rd+) that are born at our companies.

Jenn06L80

I am not having a second shower. I wouldn't want one and I don't want my family and friends to spend money they don't have.

I am sure when people come and meet the girls they may bring clothes or diapers which would be wonderful!

daisy19782011

I think a meet the babies would be better than a shower. I had my shower after the girls were born anyway b/c I ended up on BR for 4.5 weeks.

Momof8inSC

I wonder if this etiquette situation is different in different parts of the world/US. Here, most people get a shower To celebrate a second, third, tenth baby. Seriously, it's normal in my area. Every local person I know IRL has a shower with each baby. It's not even a question. Maybe it's a southern thing!? My husband's work is giving us one (was supposed to be a surprise but I'm so glad someone who knows us and knows we don't like surprises told us ahead of time so they could relay that info. Plus Hard to plan for a surprise after 32 weeks pg w twins), and some ladies at my church are "bringing the shower to me" next week. They're doing finger foods and just coming to my house.
My husband's cousin is having #3 and having a. Full blown shower. This is normal and no one bats an eye around here.

Jamie718

My ds just turned 3 and I'm having twin girls.  My friend was really insistent about throwing me a shower.  I was hesitant about it and worried if people would think it's tacky to have a second one.  However, I lived in CA when I had my son and have since moved to UT, so none of my friends here had ever been to a shower for me.  It's pretty normal in this area to have a second shower if you're having a different gender and in our case multiples!  I was worried no one would come, but I had 30 people show and they were all so excited so I'm glad I did it. 

I'd say if someone wants to throw you a shower, go for it!  If people think it's tacky they just won't come.  I wouldn't want a meet the baby party, that's the last thing you need when you're worried about preemies, germs and still trying to recover from giving birth.

Burberry0421

I really think it's personal preference. Everyone I know here has had multiple showers for each of their children. I think the majority of us think it's more about celebrating a new baby than about it being proper etiquette. I have a girlfriend who is pregnant with her 5th, and their church threw them a shower. My best friend & MIL are throwing me a shower and I've been blown away by how much people want to help out & bless us. It's a whole different game when it's twins. IMHO.

oughtonk

Our friends and family have been pretty insistent on throwing a shower for us, we decided to have one but it's more to celebrate my SO and his trip into parenthood.  Our twins are his first children and our friends are throwing us a coed family "party" at a park with friends and family.  

In my circle of friends everyone has showers for 2nd, 3rd, and so on children.  I struggled with the decision some but finally realized if our friends and family want to do this for us then we will be thankful to spend the day with those we love.

hayleydeee

I asked this question on a couple of boards when I was pregnant. The general consensus was that since I was having twins, and they were both boys (my 1st was a girl) it would be okay. 

But in the end I just didn't feel comfortable with it, and asked that they not through me another shower.

I do have friends who've had big showers each time they have another baby (even when it's the 3rd singleton, of the same gender). It's a little weird, but I've always gone and enjoyed the parties. 

AlliBalleza

From an outsider looking in, every single friend of mine that has had a second baby shower I have never thought, "Oh God, that's tacky." I've always been excited about them having a baby again and this is our time to celebrate it!

Ylvelill

In Denmark there is no such thing as a shower you have a baptism or naming party where people bring gifts after the baby is born.

Jamie718

Am I the only one who never really thought a baby shower was about welcoming the mom to motherhood?  I thought it was really just about welcoming the baby.  So in that respect, I get when people have a shower/sprinkle for each baby, because each baby should be celebrated.

mer313131

Thanks for all the responses! I think I will ask my friends to keep it really small and not mention gifts or a registry on the invite. I don't want a meet the baby party, as I don't want a bunch of people holding them right away and especially right before flu season.

LeoLauren

Never heard of the term 'sprinkle' before...is it a regional thing? Where is everyone from? Either way all the sprinkle talk makes this preg mama want to pee.

LucyRicardo3

I really think it does vary from area to area, and even within different social circles, too.

I, personally, agree with other PP's that all babies are to be welcomed. However, I would encourage it to be a very scaled-down gathering. No fancy custom invitations, gourmet food, or lavish registry. "Just the basics, ma'am. "  and certainly don't throw it for yourself. If someone offers, decline. If they offer again, insist on it being simple.

A Sip N See would make me nervous, not just for the germ exposure, but it's tough enough as it is trying to get your bf/pumping/feeding schedule(s) established, and trying to get some rest to recover from delivery as well as very little sleep anyway. I would be too worn out and nervous to enjoy any of it.

Another option would just to meet your friends for dinner somewhere that is local and affordable and everyone goes "dutch", more as a social time or Girls Night Out Dinner, without gifts expected. I've been to one of those and it's a great time and I simply brought a Hallmark card with a Target gift card inside for whatever necessities the mom may still need.

Enjoy this time!

shanaynerz

DD is only 16 months and we're now expecting b/g twins. A new friend of mine has decided to throw me a shower. She didn't get to go to DD's shower b/c we weren't really friends then, but we've grown super close now and I know it means a lot to her, too. I think when you're having twins it's not tacky to have a shower. We have enough for one baby (and the girl), but we'll need lots of things again, and I like the idea of celebrating these twins that get to come home with us. I'm not inviting as many people as my shower with DD, like it'll be mostly friends. If someone offers to throw you a shower I say go for it!

Wishing35

If your friends want to throw you a sprinkle I say let them! If people don't want to go they won't, I personally love baby showers.

mer313131

shanaynerz said:

DD is only 16 months and we're now expecting b/g twins. A new friend of mine has decided to throw me a shower. She didn't get to go to DD's shower b/c we weren't really friends then, but we've grown super close now and I know it means a lot to her, too. I think when you're having twins it's not tacky to have a shower. We have enough for one baby (and the girl), but we'll need lots of things again, and I like the idea of celebrating these twins that get to come home with us. I'm not inviting as many people as my shower with DD, like it'll be mostly friends. If someone offers to throw you a shower I say go for it!

@shanaynerz, congrats! Are you guys upgrading to a minivan with the news of twins? We are strongly considering it even though I never wanted one! So many new decisions now that we are expecting two instead of one!

shanaynerz

@mer313131 Congrats to you, too! Yup we've already bought the minivan! DH wanted to just get it right away. My Ford Explorer only had 2 seats in the middle and the 3rd row would have been impossible to get to. There are definitely so many more things to consider now with expecting two! I feel like we have so much to do/get and are running out of time.