Forced out of the closet — The Bump
Trouble TTC

Forced out of the closet

My hysteroscopy was scheduled for the 1 day DH cannot take off work so we asked my MIL to go with me since I won't be able to drive. I really hated to do it but we had no choice. Although I think my MIL figured out that we are having troubles, it was still embarrassing to admit our secret. I guess I'm glad that the secret is out but will also now feel more pressure every month. What makes it tougher is that MIL is very Catholic so she may also now be judging us morally. I can't wait to get this over with. Thanks just needed to get this out.
Ready to take the road less traveled. 

Re: Forced out of the closet

  • How did she respond? Was she supportive?

    Me: 32  DH: 33  Married: March 2004

    July 2006: started TTC
    2008: HSG (normal), couple rounds of clomid through gyno

    2008 - 2010: dragging my feet out of fear and procrastination
    October 2010: first consultation with RE, dx PCOS and fibroids (DH slightly low count/motility)
    Oct. 2010 - Dec. 2012:  In DENIAL! avoided the issue because I was scared of surgery
    January 2013: returned to RE, fibroids grew significantly
    February 2013: second HSG, fibroids pushed on tubes which blocked them somewhat
    March 2013: MRI to determine what type of surgery may be necessary
    July 29, 2013: fibroids (5) removed via robotic laparascopy
    August 2013 - Nov 2013 : benched due to recent surgery

    IUI #1, Dec. 24, 2013, BFN 
    IUI #2, Jan. 25, 2014, BFN
    IUI #3, Feb. 25, 2014  BFN
    IUI #4 canceled due to lack of response to letrozole
    IUI #4.1 April 28, 2014, BFN
    May 16, 2014: wtf consult, start prepping for IVF in June and add injects for one last IUI in the meantime
    IUI #5 started letrozole and bravelle but canceled after HSG led to new diagnosis
    May 21, 2014: third HSG, tubes blocked, one at the beginning, one hydrosalpinx??
    June 11, 2014: consult, approved to move on to IVF because the hydro is not completely blocked therefore allowing fluid to move through slowly rather than backwards
    IVF #1 August 8, 2014 - 3dt of 2 embryos, BFN
    September 17, 2014 - 4th HSG, the right tube is very patent (open!!) dye went straight through this time. Weird!
    October 2, 2014 - started metformin treatment
    November 14, 2014 - blood work, brought A1C down from 5.8 to 5.5
    November 26, 2014 - RE finally back from vaca and reviewed my chart, no more IVFs for rest of calendar year
    December 1, 2014 - Right after Thanksgiving, I called a new clinic and got in right away! Plan for IVF
    December 17, 2014 - ER! 29 retrieved (!!), 16 mature, all 16 fertilized (ICSI)
    IVF #2 December 20, 2014 - 3dt of 3 embryos, BFN

    We are done with treatment unsuccessfully. :(


    PAIF/SAIF/All Welcome!

    image    image
  • (((((Hugs))))) I'm sorry you had to come out about your IF before you were ready... especially if you feel you may be judged morally. I hope she is understanding, helpful and judgement-free!!!
    **SIGGY WARNING**

    Me: 32 DH: 35  TTC#1 since March 2012
    Dx: Poor Embryo Quality, Arcuate Uterus, Poor Uterine Blood Flow, Mild Endo, 
           Protein S Deficiency, Sjorgen's Syndrome 

    IUI #1-5: BFN
    Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy: minimal endo, partial septoplasty
    IVF #1: 10R/6M/6F ~ Day 3 ET = BFN
    IVF #2: 14R/9M/5F ~ transfer canceled ~ all embryos arrested at 1-2 cell stage
    IVF #3: 9R/5M/5F ~ 1 frosty!
    IVF #4 (FET #1): BFN

    IVF #5 (DE IVF #1 with Dr. KK protocol): Currently PREGNANT!!!!!!
    Synthroid + Prednisone + Metformin + Baby Aspirin + Supplements Galore = 15+ pills a day
    Lupron + Lovenox + Delestrogen + IVIG + B/W = 2-5 pokes a day
    19R, 17M, 17F - transferred two Grade A blasts 11/16, four frosties!!!
    Beta #1 11/24 (13dpo/8dp5dt) = 367 ~ Beta #2 11/26 (15dpo/10dp5dt) = 709
    Beta #3 11/29 (18dpo/13dp5dt) = 1,997 ~ Beta #4 12/1 (20dpo/15dp5dt) = 3,403

    imageimageimage

    My Blog: Running and Dreaming for Two ~ All are Welcome!
    Sigh202
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  • She sounded really aloof which really surprised me. I hope that it's because we caught her off guard and that she becomes more supportive.
    Ready to take the road less traveled. 
  • I'm so sorry to hear that she wasn't that supportive.  Hopefully you are right and she just needs some time to process.  I certainly hope she doesn't play the immorality card on you!

    Me 36 with endometriosis, PCOS, fibroid and ovulation issues, DH 40
    TTC #1 since 04/12, BFP 10/12. Missed MC/D&C at 10 weeks 11/12
    TTC #2 since 12/12
    6 clomid cycles since 7/13, all BFN
    IUI #1 (2 b2b) with clomid and trigger shot on 1/20/2014 BFN
    IUI #2 with arimidex and trigger, B2B IUI's 2/24 and 2/25, BFN
    IUI #3 with menopur injections and trigger, IUI 3/23, BFN
    7 month break

    Fibroid surgery 10/14

    IVF cycle 1 beginning Nov. 1st...cancelled due to follicle issues.  On hold for Dec. due to holidays.

    IVF cycle 1.2- Gonal F (100) as of 1/12

  • My MIL knows too, and in the beginning she didn't say much. We got drunk for NYE and had a long talk she told me she doesn't want to pry so she never says anything unless I bring it up and she is sooo confused about everything she doesn't even know what to say. Maybe you MIL is the same way, if she's anything like mine they don't know anything really about having a baby. You just have sex and get pregnant to them.
    Fucking bump!!!!
    calindi
  • I hope her desire for a grandchild far outweighs any judgemental attitude about IF treatments! Good luck with your hysteroscopy.
    Me: 34 | He: 40
    TTC since 08/2012
    DX: DOR




    almostamissuscalindiindianaalum
  • Hugs, my MIL was the same way when we first told her but the more I shared (unsolicited) the more she responded. I think it's a lot harder for older women to know what to say. So many of the options available to us weren't available to them. She eventually shared with me how she miscarried a twin with one of my BIL but she never told any of them because DH also has an identical twin and it was too weird for her. Hopefully with time she will thaw.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    ME (26) DH (32) Diagnosis- unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss
    BFP #1 7/12- MC 8w.3d
    BFP #2 10/12- CP 
    BFP #3 1/13 - CP
    BFP #4 8/13- MC 6w3d
    IUI #1 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel 1/13-BFN
    IUI #2 2/14 100MG Clomid/Ovidrel- BFP! grow baby grow

  • I'm sorry you had to come out before you were ready.  My family isn't as strict in Catholicism, but a few friends are pretty hard core.  They know of our troubles, but I just don't go into details about treatment - keep it light by mentioning the meds and monitoring appointments.  It's technically not until you talk about IUI or IVF that most would have a problem.  And if they do, too bad!


    Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
    IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
    IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
    Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545  -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!
    Camila Josephine arrived 4/30 :)
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry you had to come out about IF before you were ready. Hopefully as soon as she has some time to process everything she will truly be supportive and helpful to both you and DH. ((HUGS))

    *****Siggy Warning*****


    Toby        image

    Me:28 DH:28
    TTC #1 since Nov '12
    DX: Non-IR PCOS & Hypothyroidism 
    BFP: 11/7/13 EDD: 7/18/14 Ectopic Tubal Surgery 12/18 
    2/5 HSG all clear!
    Femara 5mg + Trigger + IUI #1- 5 = BFN
    IVF #1 - 17R 15M 11F - Transferred 1 beautiful hatching blast on 9/26    4 Frosties
    Beta (10dp5dt) = 166  Beta #2 (12dp5dt) = 284  Beta #3 (14dp5dt) = 471  Beta #4 (18dp5dt) = 2032
    EDD: 6/14/15
    ~All are welcome~

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • Sigh202 said:
    She sounded really aloof which really surprised me. I hope that it's because we caught her off guard and that she becomes more supportive.
    I'm hoping that it's just because you surprised her.  I don't know your age or how long you've been married, but maybe she didn't think you were trying yet? Besides, no mom wants to think about their little boy doing the naughty.

    My MIL is also SUPER Catholic.  Not Virgin-Mary-Bathtub but won't ever go out of town for Christmas or Easter because she wants to go to mass at her own Cathedral, super-judgmental of peoples' decisions to use birth control (she's absolutely convinced it leads to promiscuity), votes Republican solely because they oppose universal access to contraception and abortion Catholic.  DH came out to her in November about our IF and *suprise!* she was totally understanding about it.  I was a little shocked, but I guess she really wants another grandkid (BIL and his wife, both also perfect Catholics, have one).
    Baby girl N born 10/29/14!

    **Follow your heart, but take your brain with you**


  • No words of wisdom, but I'm sorry you had to share this before you would have chosen, and hope as others have said that she wants a grandchild more than she wants to be judgy. Also that this opens doors for you both in your relationship with your MIL. @NariaDreaming i LOL'd about your description. When we drive parts of my state (WI) that are rural enough, we sometimes play a game counting lawn ornaments (deer, gazing balls, etc...with assigned point values.) Virgin Marys in bathtub shrines are worth MEGA points!!! :P
    2.5 years TTC with MFI, 3 failed IUIs 
    IVF w/ICSI October 2014: 17R, 13M, 12F 4 Frosties
    ET of two blasts 11/2/14 BFP!!! It's TWINS! EDD 7/21/15

    imageimage
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    jencity9Kam10calindi
  • Thanks for all the support. We've been married 8 years so she has probably guessed. She called me today and was in a better mood. Tomorrow will be awkward but hopefully coming out of hiding will end up being a good thing.
    Ready to take the road less traveled. 
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