Overwhelmed! Second baby on the way, need help from experienced moms — The Bump
3rd Trimester

Overwhelmed! Second baby on the way, need help from experienced moms

So I'm going in for my planned c section in less than a month and I feel like all of a sudden my sweet little boy that was 2 when I found out I was pregnant is now a cranky, picky boy 50%of the time and I'm just so worried that when this baby comes he will get jealous and act up even more. Overall he is a very good boy, but it's mine and his father fault that he may be a little spoiled. My concerns right now with his is: 1. He refuses to use the potty, I offer him "treats" if he goes or try to sit on the potty but he either cries or just lashes out and I don't want to push it or have him associate potty training as bad. I was hoping to have him trained before the baby came but doesn't look like that will happen. 2. He still sleeps in a crib(thankfully) but I've been going back and forth whether or on to transition him to a toddler bed. Lately he's been not taking naps during the day unless he passes out on his own, I have him stay in his room till he falls asleep, or in the car. And sometimes he gets upset to just go to bed at night in general. I don't want to set myself for more trouble and stress for when the baby comes, but I know sooner or later I have to do it. I guess the question is to just wait a bit after the baby comes to have a more idea of what both of their sleep schedules are like. 3. Finally we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and our lease is up in June which kinda works out because with my first son he slept in our room for about 3-4 months. I've been thinking instead of trying to find a 3 bedroom apartment or house to just have the 2 kids share a room for a year just until we get new orders(military wife) Any advice on that and how a baby sleeping in the same room as a toddler could be a bad idea...waking up at night, toddler getting sick, etc. I hope it's just the age/ phase because like I said he is overall a very good boy with his moments, I just don't have many friends that kids his age to ask for advice.

Re: Overwhelmed! Second baby on the way, need help from experienced moms

  • Putting too much change in his life right before baby comes is a bad idea. DD transitioned to a toddler bed a couple of months before DS was born, but only because she was climbing out and hurting herself. By the time he was born, she was back to sleeping well at night, but it was a close call. We debated potty training with her before he arrived, but decided against it. We ended up doing it 3 wks after he was born because she just seemed ready then. Her pedi advised against taking away her paci until 6 mos after baby was born, as it was one of her coping mechanisms. All of these things were easily ironed out once DS was born. DD didn't have much animosity toward him-she loved helping out with him, she did well sleeping in her bed, she PT'd fairly easily, and she weaned herself from the paci after biting on it so hard that it ripped. As for the room sharing, I don't have any advice. Both of my kids are light sleepers and it would be hard for them to share a room with middle of the night wakings. I'm sure that the behavior is just a phase. For a couple of months, DD was super cranky in the mornings and now she's just delightful. The first week at home with two kids was rough, but by the end of the second week, we had a new routine down and it was like he'd been with us forever.
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  • Worrying that he's going to be jealous doesn't help anything - he probably will be jealous and it will be okay, no lasting harm will be done and he won't even remember it. My son wasn't potty trained until he was 3 years old, just a little more than. So again, I would not stress out over it - when he's ready, he will potty on the toilet, until then just let it go and don't worry about it. He will potty train, he will, they all do. With regards to sharing rooms, my kids never wake each other up (except in the morning when they do it on purpose). You'll be surprised how much baby crying your big boy will sleep through, and you'll be delighted how much big boy noise the baby will sleep through. Siblings just get used to each other.

    It may be challenging in the beginning, but let me tell you - having our kids close together in age has been wonderful.  They play together SO well. They are absolutely BEST FRIENDS! It makes me so happy to see. 
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  • All I can say is relax. I have #2 coming here soon, and it's a bit scary, but I know I can do it. My son didn't get the potty training thing until 3 1/2, so that's no big deal. It will happen, just happens on their time unfortunately. He may very well be jealous, but it's okay. Just let him know that he's not unimportant, and let him help with the new baby. My toddler is actually excited about his little brother coming, and I intend to let him help (within reason) so that he knows that we love BOTH of them equally. He also will need to understand that babies require more attention, and we need our big boy to act like a big boy. It's a learning curve, but you'll find a rhythm. Our new baby will be sleeping in our room because he will be EBF.  Our toddler has his own room. Eventually they will share a room, but there's no reason that it can't be a fun and rewarding thing to happen for everybody. and, unfortunately, toddlers have a million phases, and some are less than desirable. My son doesn't enjoy napping, but I still have him do his "quiet time" everyday. He can nap, or he can use that time to do a puzzle, watch a movie, or just lay quietly. I would try to implement something like that so you can get yourself a few minutes of peace when the new baby is sleeping. Get your new baby on a routine, but remember that toddlers also thrive on routines.  Make sure he still gets his special time with you, whether it's a bed time story every night, bath time, helping you cook dinner, or whatever it is that you enjoy doing together. It will be rough at first, but I see no reason why everybody can't co-exist peacefully. Good luck!
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  • My first two are 20 months apart. I moved my boy to a toddler bed two months before baby came so he wouldn't associate the change with the baby. I was lucky he loved the baby and now they are inseparable. He wasn't interested in potty training until he was three. Since we also moved out of state around that same time I didn't push it too hard. Now they share a room and do just fine. I'm on my third and have the same concerns. Hopefully it works out as well as it did last time :) good luck
  • Chill out.

    Potty training will happen when it happens.

    You can use a PNP for baby or your toddler if he is not ready for the bed yet.

    Save your energy

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  • I have three children and am pregnant with my fourth.  My three are 9,6 and 4.  My six year has severe classic autism and still isn't 100% potty trained (but he is pretty close),  The point is I was more stressed when I having my second child then I am now with my fourth.  You just learn that kids adjust, even those with issues.  It may take work, but it will happen.  It may be a positive for your son to learn to share mommy and daddy's attention, especially if you say he's been getting a little spoiled.  At the same time, don't overwhelm him with change.  I wouldn't put them in the same room right away.  He needs his own space if at all possible, where he can go if the baby overwhelms him.  We plan on keeping the baby in our room for the first year.  Then we will decide from there where he/she goes.  The point to all of this is kids have to learn change happens and how to adjust, but at the same time we as parents need to keep it from being overwhelming.  Time and experience will help you find that balance.

  • He will adjust and so will you. Don't push potty training it is counterproductive if they are not ready. Just don't stress to much about it, kids pick up your feelings and play off them. Everything will be ok.
  • I'm expecting my second in a few weeks.  My DD transitioned to her "big gir bed" about a month ago; we wanted to make sure she associates sleeping in that bed as "her" bed, not the crib, so that we have the crib for the new baby.  We're introducing the potty but not pushing it, just king her everyday if she'd like to try sitting on the potty.  Usually it's a no, but oh well.  She's only 21 months and will be 22 months when #2 comes along.  I figure the potty training will happen when it happens, and for now I'm focussing on making her feel special and spending lots of time with her, but also trying to prepare her as best I can for when the baby comes. Also trying not to stress for my own sake!  We can only do what we can do; kid are pretty resiliant and I'm sure that we'll all be fine.  Eventually.
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