September 2014 Moms

Here is a rant about baby daddy >:|

Ugh so my baby's father was in the army. He came home for Christmas and that's when I conceived. He has another daughter with a different woman and he's back together with her. Which is fine but his mother just found out and knows just as well as I do it's his baby (though he keeps denying it) and she is all pissed off that I didn't tell her and I told her it wasn't my place to tell her that her DS didn't want anything to do with it and I wasn't going to force it on him. And now she wants to play match maker and make us be together even though he's with his other baby momma and I don't want to be with him because he's an asshole and keeps sending me really petty nasty texts.... I wish I could tell them both to fuck off like I realize she's just trying to help but I've come to terms with it and I don't need her playing dr Phil. Ugh
ECat504
SO
SD (11/2010)
DD1 (09/2014)
DD2 (10/2015)
Baby Girl #4 (11/2020)

Re: Here is a rant about baby daddy >:|

  • Ugh thats some drama.  Sorry you have to be involved with such an asshole.  Denying ones own child is so Maury.

    You are probably going to have to tell his mom to just butt out, that you appreciate it, and you want her to be involved in her grandchilds life, but at this point you have to put yourself in a good place, where you arent stressed out and put in a weird situation.  That her son choose to be with this other woman, and you have accepted that.  Explain to her the fact that he is denying you and the baby would be a horrible place to try and build a relationship on.

    Good for you for deciding to do it on your own and not waste any more time wasted on him.
    DH and I Married 11.12.10
    First BPP 1.24.14
    EDD 9.26.14

    Baby Cooper John born on 9.24.14 6lbs9oz


    Ecat504melissaevie
  • This is my UO for the day...this is bullshit that you have brought kids into this "relationship". It's bad enough that you had one kid with him, but now you went and got knocked up again and you have no one to blame but yourself. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you found out that he left his previous "baby momma" and now you are complaining that he isn't taking care of your kids either. This is why people get married before they have kids, so the kids don't suffer because of your stupid mistakes.

    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    MMason12michelle7482
  • Loading the player...
  • Thank you. That's a good idea I'm notorious for avoiding situations that make me uncomfortable but if she wants to be involved with her grandchild I do want her to be
    ECat504
    SO
    SD (11/2010)
    DD1 (09/2014)
    DD2 (10/2015)
    Baby Girl #4 (11/2020)
  • Thanks @acciopizza my mom has been trying to talk me into court but I don't want to drag the child through all the drama. Isn't it just easier to do it myself? I do have the financial means for it, but I've never been through this before and I don't really know what the benefits of his support is to the baby?
    ECat504
    SO
    SD (11/2010)
    DD1 (09/2014)
    DD2 (10/2015)
    Baby Girl #4 (11/2020)
  • Well it sounds like she wants to be apart of the baby's life. I would focus on that and decide what type of relationship you want with her. I would think you would want it to be open and honest. I would tell her that her son is only causing you stress right now so she needs to stop talking about that situation. 
    Ecat504kateitho
  • I do want her to be a part of the baby's life so I think I will tell her that she can be but i would rather not discuss her son unless he wants to step up. Thank you
    ECat504
    SO
    SD (11/2010)
    DD1 (09/2014)
    DD2 (10/2015)
    Baby Girl #4 (11/2020)
    pinguino11
  • I agree with everything @acciopizza suggested. Good for you for being strong, but you put his name on the birth certificate, and establish paternity. My parents had major court issues with their separation agreement and child support, but we didn't ever get "dragged into it." Don't deny your baby all the support owed.

     imageimage

  • an02102 said:
    You said he is in the army, I am not horribly familiar with this but I believe that the child will be eligible for a lot of benefits such as health care and other things as well, but I could be wrong.

    The child will be eligible, but the father (in this case) still has to claim the child and enroll it in DEERS (I forget what the acronym stands for but it basically registers dependents in the DoD system). If OP wanted to push for it, she could compel a DNA test, which would force him, through the military, to provide for his child. But it doesn't sound like that's an approach she wants to take. Which is fine! If she's capable of caring for the child on her own, more power to her.
  • Thank you. And yeah I think I'm just so afraid of it cause through my parents separation my siblings and I were drug through it and it was nasty.
    ECat504
    SO
    SD (11/2010)
    DD1 (09/2014)
    DD2 (10/2015)
    Baby Girl #4 (11/2020)
  • @Ecat504 Just remember you don't owe a goddamned explanation to anyone about your effing life choices (especially randos on TB). Hats off to you for doing what you want and making a choice that fits your life and values. It's just too damned tempting for people to judge a situation from one paragraph of back story on a message board. 

    Sorry to hear you're having to deal with his gross texts and lame behavior. Hopefully you can work out a good relationship with the grandmother- my mom's philosophy is if anyone one will love your baby let them do it! (obv barring abusive/crazy situations) 

    I agree with PPs and say you should look into getting legal advice on this. You might be surprised with what you find. And having someone knowledgeable of the law and dedicated to your family can be so comforting when dealing with these kinds of issues. 
    [Deleted User]Ecat504
  • My "father" left my mom when she was 3 months pregnant with me. He skipped town and didn't even tell his own family where he went. Once my mom came to terms with it as you said you have done she's never looked back. I'm sure you and your child will be just fine. I hope the drama ends soon so you can just focus on the baby. Best wishes to you!
    BabyFetus Ticker}
    Ecat504[Deleted User]
  • good luck to you and your baby on whatever choices you make! everything will work out :)
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Ecat504
  • I am sorry you're experiencing all this stress! I hope, for the baby's sake, baby daddy grows a set and takes responsibility for his actions.

    One thing that crossed my mind as I read other comments was just to encourage you to do what's best for the baby, even if that's not necessarily easiest for you. I know these decisions aren't as clear as black and white, but I truly think you should go forward with a paternity test (if that is ultimately necessary), even if the test ends up being court mandated. Establishing paternity ASAP can help you if and when custody and/or support issues arise down the road. What if, 5 or even 10 years from now, BD has an attack of conscience and wants to get involved? Get the preliminary stuff (like establishing paternity) out of the way while you have the control and say-so.

    Also, I think you said BD "was" in the army - is he still? If so, I would encourage you not to deny your child the opportunity to benefit from that in every way possible. I am not referring to only the obvious current benefits, but also future benefits - like scholarships available to kids of military parents and (God forbid) death benefits, should something ever happen to BD. Trying to think long-term here!

    Good luck and thanks for sharing! Hope BD's mom takes a chill pill...I would need a little break from her for a week or two!!
    AccioPizzaEcat504
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"