When people are rude to your kids... — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

When people are rude to your kids...

I am writing this at the risk of sounding like "that" mom. You know, the hyper-sensitive, "My precious angel is a special snowflake who deserves you to treat him like a prince blah blah blah" mom… but I promise, I'm not. Or at least try not to be lol

Anyway, I took DS to the urologist today for a follow up ultrasound on his kidneys to make sure the fluid had cleared out. (It did - hooray!). I had to wake him up from his only nap at daycare after only sleeping about 30 minutes - vs. the ~2 hours he usually sleeps - to take him to the appointment. So, suffice to say, after a few minutes of laying on his back, which he's generally not a fan of anyway, and being mashed on with the ultrasound whatever-its-called, he started getting fussy. Which then turned to crying with actual tears. Around 11 months he started having these little dramatic fits, as he's figuring out that he can take purposive action to demonstrate he's frustrated or unhappy about something, so that's basically what he was doing. I wouldn't say the ultrasound tech was really rude per se, but he was sort of mocking DS' fusses a bit and made a few comments like, "Well, you're just not getting your way" and "Such attitude!" and it kind of irritated me. I struggle with being a gentle parent who focuses on trying to connect and empathize rather than be dismissive and punitive, and having this man talking that way to/about DS was kind of harshing my vibes (lol) while already dealing with a fussypants. 

I guess if DS were older and if the man was a little more aggressive in what he was saying, I probably would have felt it necessary to say something to him, but I mostly just tried to ignore him and counter with telling DS, "I know, it's so frustrating!" and "I'm sorry you're frustrated, we're almost done" and things like that. 

Am I being whiney by even complaining, or would you be bothered a bit, too? In situations that are a little more extreme, especially with kids who can understand what is being said around them, how do you handle people who are disrespectful to them? 



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Re: When people are rude to your kids...

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  • I've noticed that some people are just uncomfortable around crying babies- and I feel like in your instance, he was saying that stuff not to be rude, but almost sort of joking around with him or in his awkward non-parent (i say non parent way because if he did have kids he'd prob be better at soothing your LO) way to see if he could get him to calm down.

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  • I agree it's never okay to mock a child, but I don't think that's what was happening based on what you describe. I agree with PPs that the tech was probably uncomfortable and was trying to navigate the situation as best he could. I would just let it roll off your back.
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    jesuisfatigueecagoldi[Deleted User]ah625
  • I've noticed that some people are just uncomfortable around crying babies- and I feel like in your instance, he was saying that stuff not to be rude, but almost sort of joking around with him or in his awkward non-parent (i say non parent way because if he did have kids he'd prob be better at soothing your LO) way to see if he could get him to calm down.

    I was also thinking of this.  
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    jesuisfatiguee
  • That would not bother me one bit. I think he was probably trying to make light of the situation that was made significantly harder on him by your child's carrying on. I don't think the tech was rude at all.
  • Thanks for your input. I didn't think the tech was rude per se, just kind of annoyed me. What can ya do?

    I was kind of hoping to discuss more generally how people handle when others really are outright rude to their kids, because that is interesting to me. I know one gentle-parenting lady IRL who is pretty confrontational, so I'm always curious to see how others handle such situations.




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  • I haven't had to deal with this yet. Or at least I can't think of any examples of overt rudeness.
    It is an interesting topic for discussion. I think it presents a very teachable moment and maybe forces you to decide if/what you're going to teach your kids. Be easy-going and let it slide vs be a coward or victim? Passive vs confrontational? Address the other person or just your child? Do you need to be the voice of a child who hasn't learned how to defend him/herself?

    The closest thing I can think of is if someone isn't watching where they are going and bump into LO (who may or may not be watching where they are going). I try to say "Excuse Me" or "Say Excuse Me" without really qualifying who I am talking to. The tone of my voice may imply I'm talking to LO, but I say it loudly enough and in a general outward direction such that I could just as easily be talking to the other person. Sometimes even strangers need gentle reminders of manners.
    jesuisfatiguee
  • Emerald27Emerald27
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    edited February 2014
    I think it really depends on what is said/done that's rude. If it's very minor, I would just calmly let it go and even consider explaining to DS later that that person was not very nice and that's not the way we treat people or whatever.

    ...but if it's objectionable enough, hell yes I'll stand up for my kid! I would do so in a fashion that I consider acceptable (no name calling or anything childish like that), because I want to always model behavior I expect from DS, but standing up for what's right and one's children is important. I have no problem saying "do not speak to my child that way." or "it is rude and unacceptable to speak to a child that way." To start at least... ;)
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    TiffanyBerryjesuisfatiguee[Deleted User]
  • Maybe in person there was a rude vibe, but typed out it just sounds like harmless commentary from the tech.
    Pposy
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