Is this stab worthy?

mrsdahamm

DH definitely just asked if he could sleep on the couch tonight because he really needs some sleep.

Oh I'm sorry. Is getting up every 2 hours to breastfeed, change a diaper, pump, then maybe sleep 15 minutes before doing it all over again getting to you?

And ps he's not back to work yet either, so it's not that.

ladyglittersparkles

Yup I'd be upset

kmeyers0611

Yeah that's annoying...

Andreabills

Yes, definitely stab worthy!

amdecker1016

I'd move everything in the living room so you will wake him up anyway.

But i'm just bitchy these days!

AriaAmante143

Yeah, I'd be pissed.

SamJustice

Ugh. Dealing with this myself. Yes, it is stab worthy. Even more when he whines about not getting a nap during the day.

kkranberry

Get him!

PinupMomma08

Yes.

Buuuuuut, if DH asks this while on leave I will likely give the ok because he will be on toddler duty.

akflutterby

Why can't he sleep in the living room since he's the one with the issue?

mrsdahamm

@amymheidecker the kitchen opens into the livingroom and my pumping supplies are in there... I can see some very loud washing of those items happening tonight.

And @SamJustice he totally through in the no nap thing.

I feel for him because he's tired and still trying to kick a cold he got a few days after we came home. But I'm starting to get the same thing plus recovering from a c section plus sustaining another human life. In short: I win, no matter what card he plays.

aLsMay24

Yeah I'd stab. Even though DH will be on toddler duty once this LO gets here I still expect a bit of help. He was great when DS was born. I just don't get how he thinks he should get a pass just because he can't bf. sorry buddy you will sleep later in life.

karacakes98

Ummmm yeah. Stabworthy fo sho.

nlane0723

Definitely stab worthy.

LolaBelle11

Yes, it is for sure stab worthy. I was in the same boat with my first DS. Baby cries, I breastfeed, change diaper, burp, get him back to sleep, pump, put pump parts away, go to the bathroom, come back to bed try to fall asleep and he would be awake 15-30 minutes later.. Repeat. This is what caused A LOT of resentment towards my husband and to this day I will never forget how he was so unhelpful. 

amdecker1016

To avoid this problem me and DH agreed for him to take a morning shift. 12-8AM.
No resentment here... Maybe. I'll get to sleep sometime.

mamamia866

Yes. Can we do it for you?

Edit: my H was telling me about a guy he works with who's wife makes him get up and stay up with her during night feedings, every night, even after he went back to work. I don't remember what my point was going to be, but yea. If he's not back at work yet, he needs to suck it up.

wearebirds

mamamia866 said:

Yes. Can we do it for you?

Edit: my H was telling me about a guy he works with who's wife makes him get up and stay up with her during night feedings, every night, even after he went back to work. I don't remember what my point was going to be, but yea. If he's not back at work yet, he needs to suck it up.

Lol. She's all "get your ass up. I don't sleep...you don't sleep mofo!"

I have a feeling my DH will complain about sleep...he does it already saying I wake him up with my insomnia and tossing/turning.

He got an ear full after that, so maybe he'll figure it out.

BabiesFTW

Yes. Stabby stab

sebullows

Mine would be dead already

Excitedmum35

I get why this is upsetting- my DH was amazing when DS was little- still is. But- if he gets sleep tonight can you strike a deal where he looks after LO tomoz while you rest?!?!

coreyeliz

Yup. Stab away. I'm taking the advice of @CaseAndDave and telling DH about this thread.

legallyginger

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: absolutely yes.

MK1550

Oh my gosh - totally stab worthy! Especially since he's not back to work yet

pepperedmoth

Isn't he helping with all those things? Like, if you're breastfeeding and then also pumping, why isn't he doing the diaper change while you pump and then cleaning the equipment for you while you go back to bed?

If he has been helping with these things, then yeah, I would be upset at him asking for a night off when I couldn't have one, unless he truly is ill.

If he's not already helping with all those things, I'd say THAT'S your real problem, because if he feels like he is totally useless during night feedings and you're making him wake up just 'cuz, then OF COURSE he is going to be cranky and want to sleep on the couch. Men need to feel useful. That's my sweeping gender-generalization for the day.

katykatykaty

WickedNE said:

Yeah I'd be annoyed if he did it all the time. But, I remember one night with DS I was SO tired I couldn't keep going. I just cried while feeding him. DH saw and took him when he was done eating so I could get a solid few hours of sleep. I was so run down and really needed it. When I woke up I was much better, it made a huge difference. So if your DH is having one of those nights where he really needs to recharge his batteries, I'd let him. It might make a huge difference in his mood and helpfulness. And if you take turns taking care of each other, you won't build that resentment that some people get. But fair is fair, if you do it for him...he needs to take a turn and do it for you!

This is what I was going to suggest... I don't think him asking for it is totally unreasonable, as long as you get to do the same thing. 

Could you have one night where your husband brings LO to you in bed to breastfeed and then he does everything else so you can go immediately back to sleep?  You could skip pumping that night. 

carrieandtim

I'd be livid.

VanessaBee

Yes. Yes it is.

That said though, would it actually be helpful to you if one of you was better rested? Would that mean he could do more stuff the next day and give you a little break? I think my SO will be out of town when Baby comes, and my mom is going to be my first-week-at-home-helper. I'm actually putting her in a hotel so that she can sleep good at night. One of us has to be the sane, rested one!!

crystaljoanna

I think it depends on how helpful he is while awake - if he's keeping you constantly fed, hydrated, cared for, and he's busy during the day, then one night on the couch might be okay. Or if he is really sick - you don't want exhaustion making things worse for him If not, no way is he getting a night off!

Momstheword83

Stab his ass!

mrsdahamm

Lots of follow up here.

DH is a deep sleeper. So I wake up to the baby before he does (if he does at all). My mom was here the first week we were home and was a fantastic night time helper, probably because she's been there done that. DH has only had a few nights of night time duties and he's done alright and I try to be vocal about what I need since this is all new to him too. I'm a pretty independent person, sometimes to a fault. So if he doesn't wake up I'm almost like eff it I'll do it myself, which I can't possibly do all of this myself and stay same.

So I gave him his night of sleep... It's his birthday today so I figure that can count as a present since I can't really go shopping for him or buy him a card (still on driving restrictions). I did also tell him when I agreed last night that maybe it would be good because he could be more rested and helpful than if he was exhausted. So we'll see how the day goes

Missfunball

I'd be all sorts of stabby. I told DH that first week I'm on utter duty only. Everything else is on him and after that he is night time unless we don't have pumped milk or if its more effort than just me popping in a boob to mouth. Not because I want to be a douche but I'm already exhausted and DH is leaving soon after due date.


I'm telling him its to initiate hardcore bonding and that ill be basically a single mom for 5 months so he's been smart enough to agree...for now

PerkyErky

I would be annoyed since he is not back at work and you said he isn't really all the helpful middle of the night and is a deep sleeper anyway.

If he gets his one night of good rest, then you should get a rest break at some point as well.

As others have said, it can lead to resentment and that festering resentment is never good.

clo1982

Mine would already be dead. I didn't get to read through all the responses so maybe this was covered but why are you the only one up after BF? There is no reason he can't do the diaper change and get the baby back to sleep while you pump...at least every other time. I'm not into the 'i'm up so you are going to be up to' mentality (although if it works for you have at it), but there has to be some equality. It can't be that the mom just flat out doesn't sleep because she has the 'equipment' attached to her. There are plenty of other things you could trade off doing so you both got a bit more rest. There were a few nights that DH and I slept in different beds if one of us was just exhausted so that the other could take over...but we never had the situation where I was the only one getting up each and every time. I think that would lead to so, so much resentment, which when added to exhaustion just doesn't end well. 

KariB509

Punch him in his penis.

kimberpoo

I'm definitely in the minority here, but I wouldn't mind. Instead since he'll be well rested I'd assign him some chores for during the day or a block of time where he has to take LO so you can nap, or whatever you want.

Then if he refuses the extra duties, stab him.

hemeyer31

I totally get being annoyed by that, I probably would be too. However, (maybe I'm a softy) I'd probably let it go and encourage him to get enough sleep so that he can be useful! When my DH is sleep deprived he's a giant worthless turd and I don't need TWO babies on my hands haha.