A14 thank you card discussion, WDYT?

Gigi8212

A14 is at it again, this time regarding whether it is rude to have your shower guests address their own thank you notes. In this case, the pre addressed envelopes are entered into raffle. Pretty much every person in that thread thinks it is completely acceptable.

Personally, I feel it is lazy to not address your own thank you cards. Yes, it's a pain. I would rather not do it. But my guests took the time to buy me a thoughtful gift and come to my shower, so I feel the least I could do is address my own thank you cards.

WDYT?

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12257782/tackiest-idea-i-ve-heard-of-yet

Helenahhandbasket

Unacceptable.

jf198400

Honestly I don't care, at least then you get a thank you card. I saw it done at a bridal shower and thought "that's a great idea" Not "eww how tacky". It's hard keeping up with everyone's addresses. I know this is an UO on this board, but I'm cool with it.

mjberube89

I just don't get it. Didn't the person who hosted the shower send out invitations? Because if they did, they must have all the addresses. So why would you need a guest to fill out an envelope with their address? Why wouldn't the host just give the MTB the address list? I'm so confused.

Gigi8212

My personal favorite is the poster who said she doesn't understand why she would need to write a thank you card anyway if she has already thanked the recipient to their face. My stepdaughter makes the same argument . . . she is 14.

sschwege

mjberube89 said:

I just don't get it. Didn't the person who hosted the shower send out invitations? Because if they did, they must have all the addresses. So why would you need a guest to fill out an envelope with their address? Why wouldn't the host just give the MTB the address list? I'm so confused.

That's what I don't get either!

Rogue237

Bliss+Berry said:

What I find utterly amazing is that most of them actually pride themselves on not having any consideration for their guests.  I mean, no one is going to tell you how they think what you've done is rude to your face.  It seems to bolster the argument that it's okay.  It's unbelievably clueless, entitled and self-absorbed.  

Omg, you're so boring. Like I said in that post, get a real problem.

Rogue237

Bliss+Berry said:

Rogue237 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

What I find utterly amazing is that most of them actually pride themselves on not having any consideration for their guests.  I mean, no one is going to tell you how they think what you've done is rude to your face.  It seems to bolster the argument that it's okay.  It's unbelievably clueless, entitled and self-absorbed.  

Omg, you're so boring. Like I said in that post, get a real problem.

Well aren't you amazingly witty.  Really, boring?  That's the best you can come up with?  

FWIW, it's not a problem for me because the people I roll with have manners and actually care about others more than themselves.  They don't think taking 30 seconds to address a thank you envelope to someone who has taken their time and money to buy a gift is an inconvenience.

Honestly, it's shameful to me how someone could actually brag about being inconsiderate.  It's so gross how people are so self involved.  It's inconvenient for meeeeee.  Why should I have to write a thank you?????  How fucking spoiled and entitled people have become.  

BiggerinRealLife

Bliss+Berry said:

Yes, well, consider the source.  A14?  Really, not at all surprised.  The only thing that runs deeper than the crazy in that group is the tacky.

ETA: Holy fuck, after reading only half of that mess.  

Oh, Berry, you just loooove to talk crap about A14 given any opportunity, don't you? You're still holding a grudge because we had your number the second you crossed our internet threshold and started trying to tell us all how to think? I can't imagine why this is the only board you're popular on. FTR every time I see some pearl-clutching, self-proclaimed etiquette queen cry "tacky!" all I can picture is some outdated southern belle with helmet hair fanning themselves with too-long fingernails dressed all in pink (signature color? Puh-lease.) enjoying a mint julep while they smother in their own smugness with a small group of cronies who all congratulate each other on how much better they are than everyone else and sit, happily, in their teeny-tiny little world. In other words, someone who is BORING, and whom I couldn't care less about. You keep being bitter and hating us, we'll keep being awesome.

And for the record, I don't pride myself on "not having any consideration for [my] guests." I pride myself in surrounding myself with people who are amazing and interesting and have lives that don't revolve around shaking a hankie at everyone who doesn't bow to Emily Post. My friends and loved ones don't care about shower etiquette and thank you notes, so why should I? As our board has said to you for the MILLIONTH time, not all of us are from the same region, the same socio-economic background, or heck, the same country, and it is DISTURBINGLY ethnocentric of you to keep insisting that your WASP-ey etiquette blanket should be spread over everyone. Grow up and open your eyes, there are other regional and cultural norms in the world. One man's lack of consideration is another man's normative.


BiRL out.

ETA: Classless? Lady, you have the mouth of a truck driver. You wouldn't know class if it threw you a shower.

Bluebird2318

Rogue237 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

Rogue237 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

What I find utterly amazing is that most of them actually pride themselves on not having any consideration for their guests.  I mean, no one is going to tell you how they think what you've done is rude to your face.  It seems to bolster the argument that it's okay.  It's unbelievably clueless, entitled and self-absorbed.  

Omg, you're so boring. Like I said in that post, get a real problem.

Well aren't you amazingly witty.  Really, boring?  That's the best you can come up with?  

FWIW, it's not a problem for me because the people I roll with have manners and actually care about others more than themselves.  They don't think taking 30 seconds to address a thank you envelope to someone who has taken their time and money to buy a gift is an inconvenience.

Honestly, it's shameful to me how someone could actually brag about being inconsiderate.  It's so gross how people are so self involved.  It's inconvenient for meeeeee.  Why should I have to write a thank you?????  How fucking spoiled and entitled people have become.  

Seriously, @Rogue237. If you are going to insult someone next time, get more creative with it. It has to be something that makes you seem especially charming and erudite. Might I suggest "crazy"? That one's not overused on here at all.

Rogue237

Bluebird2318 said:

Rogue237 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

Rogue237 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

What I find utterly amazing is that most of them actually pride themselves on not having any consideration for their guests.  I mean, no one is going to tell you how they think what you've done is rude to your face.  It seems to bolster the argument that it's okay.  It's unbelievably clueless, entitled and self-absorbed.  

Omg, you're so boring. Like I said in that post, get a real problem.

Well aren't you amazingly witty.  Really, boring?  That's the best you can come up with?  

FWIW, it's not a problem for me because the people I roll with have manners and actually care about others more than themselves.  They don't think taking 30 seconds to address a thank you envelope to someone who has taken their time and money to buy a gift is an inconvenience.

Honestly, it's shameful to me how someone could actually brag about being inconsiderate.  It's so gross how people are so self involved.  It's inconvenient for meeeeee.  Why should I have to write a thank you?????  How fucking spoiled and entitled people have become.  

Seriously, @Rogue237. If you are going to insult someone next time, get more creative with it. It has to be something that makes you seem especially charming and erudite. Might I suggest "crazy"? That one's not overused on here at all.

I know, I know, @Bluebird2318, but it really wasn't meant to be witty, just a statement of fact. A one track record, that one. Every time I see the name, I'm like…

Rogue237

@BiggerInRealLife:

Rogue237

Bliss+Berry said:

I'm flattered y'all remember me, I haven't a clue who any of you are.  I guess that comes from not giving a flying fuck if I'm "popular" on a message board.  

I seriously LOL'd.  People try to be popular on an internet forum?  That's fucking sad.  

Seriously though, go over A14 and bring some more ass-lickers over here to insult me.  This board could use the entertainment.  

HAHAHA Ass-lickers?

MamaLlama14

FWIW: I'm not reading the A14 thread b/c I don't care that much.  This one is filled with enough run-on sentences, unentertaining name calling and trolling for my taste.  

Regarding the actual topic at hand: My creative way around the envelope faux pas (because it IS tacky, BTW)... when I hosted my BF's bridal shower, I bought her a lovely address book and wrote a poem about wanting to fill it with the love of friends and relatives.  I asked people to put any special dates of interest in the planner portion so that the new couple could share in your joyous occasions (i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, etc...) and to add their address to the back so that the new couple could always send them a Christmas card.

That's how you turn tacky into thoughtful- make it about INCLUDING the guests in something special, not sending a message that they should be earning their keep and doing the work for the MTB/BTB.

BiggerinRealLife

@Bliss+Berry Don't be flattered. We only tend to remember the overtly asinine or hopelessly stupid.

And thank you for proving every. Last. One. Of my points.

mrscrcalli

Berry bliss.. I love that you always put FWIW. Knowing that it obviously isn't worth a damn to us.

A14 :x

divinemsbee

Honestly, if I'm not close enough to someone to not have their address, they probably aren't close enough to me to invite to a shower (unless they're a friend of my mom's, in which case she'd have their address, which she could e-mail to me). I've only had a bridal shower, but when my MOH hosted it for me, she laid some ground rules as to number of people (because it was at her house and she was hosting by herself) and then I gave her names and addresses. So, obviously I had everyone's address together. My shower was the Sunday before my wedding, and I had all my thank you cards out within two weeks of my wedding. Anything sent to my house before or after, the card was sent within 2-3 days.

It's just not that hard. You address all of your envelopes, pick up your list of who gave what, write 4 or so lines of gratitude, put in appropriate envelope, and stamp and mail. Lather, rinse, repeat. Assuming you're having a baby shower a good bit before a baby's born, it would take all of an afternoon to do. I guess unless you were having some giant pseudo-wedding baby shower extravaganza, then it might take 2 or 3 afternoons.

It's the polite thing to do, to acknowledge that someone spent their time and money to give you something nice. I guess I just don't see any upside to not sending thank you notes.

Empireceo

I went to a shower once that had us address our own thank you notes. Everyone was disgusted by how tacky it was. Honestly, how lazy can you be?

KatFCo

When the ladies at my church threw me a shower and asked the attendees to address their own envelopes, I was appalled. These women had lovingly bought me gifts and come to my shower and now were being asked to take part in my thanking them? I hand-delivered most of them anyway, and one of the ladies admitted being a bit confused for a second when I handed it to her--"how did you get an envelope with my handwriting on it? Oh yeah, the shower." I was mortified.

divinemsbee

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

I don't get how LAZY people can be.  You can't take 30 seconds to write a freakin' address on an envelope?  What's next?  Asking people to bring stamps and write their own TY note?  TACKY!

My shower was on a Saturday.  That Monday, every single TY card was written, addressed, stamped and mailed.  I had to send out over 40 cards (some people who hadn't been invited to the shower chose to send along gifts anyway, which was totally unexpected and generous).  It took me 2 hours or less to do it all.  It really wan't that big a deal.

There are ZERO excuses for not addressing the TY card envelopes yourself.  There are ZERO ways to get around the tackiness of asking your guests to do it.  Your hostess(es) should have all of the addresses for everyone - after all, they DID send out invitations, did they not?

Don't tempt them. And, yes, I have heard of people being asked to write what their gift was and put it in the self addressed envelope.

ArgyleBride

The symbolism is appalling: you are accepting generosity and then asking the giver to also provide the gratitude. 

P.S.  I'm such an etiquette snob I don't even hold with Emily Post (who is really Peggy Post now).  Judith Martin is the one and only.

Meery82

Gross. I'm not surprised.

Empireceo

Kimbus22 said:

Every time I see an April14 thread, I'm relieved I didn't get KU a few weeks earlier.  What the hell people?

You're telling me. I'm missing that shit show by one day!

MamaLlama14

Empireceo said:

Kimbus22 said:

Every time I see an April14 thread, I'm relieved I didn't get KU a few weeks earlier.  What the hell people?

You're telling me. I'm missing that shit show by one day!

Two days for me... we better keep our fingers crossed that these kids don't come early! 

NerdyLucy

Ugh.  It seems I've had to write my own name and address on envelopes for the last three showers I've gone to, both baby and wedding/household/bridal.  The effort for me to do it is minimal, and I don't mind that, but that could easily be turned around on the host or mother-to-be.

Do I think it's tacky as hell? Yes.

Do I usually go along with it anyway? Yep. Everyone always seems to think they're so incredibly clever to have thought of the idea, so I just stay silent and try not to say anything that might embarrass anyone.  I always tell myself that they probably don't know better.

goodgalpal

Being asked to address your own thank you card is not something I would want for the guests attending. I believe the recipient of the gifts should take care of writing the thank you's including addressing them.

BC&LM

NerdyLucy said:

Ugh.  It seems I've had to write my own name and address on envelopes for the last three showers I've gone to, both baby and wedding/household/bridal.  The effort for me to do it is minimal, and I don't mind that, but that could easily be turned around on the host or mother-to-be.

Do I think it's tacky as hell? Yes.

Do I usually go along with it anyway? Yep. Everyone always seems to think they're so incredibly clever to have thought of the idea, so I just stay silent and try not to say anything that might embarrass anyone.  I always tell myself that they probably don't know better.

Yeah, my SIL was going on about how great of an idea it was when they did it at her shower and how she thought I should do it at mine. I think I said something noncommittal like, "Oh, I don't mind addressing the envelopes myself," while thinking, "hell to the no!"

Side note: I hope people remember that when etiquette is breached, it's not always the honoree's fault; often the host is the one who breaches etiquette. My shower host did the books as card thing. My mother mentioned the host told her she would do it, and I told my mother I didn't think it was a good idea. It still was done, though. I hope people don't think I was the one being tacky because I tried to stop it!

RibbitGrl930

I think it's super rude. Is it the worst breach of etiquette? No...but it's super rude. The MTB gets to look gracious by making it obvious she's going to be sending thank you notes, but at the same time, does it with minimal effort on her own part. To be fair, i think hostesses hae truly pure motives for wanting to help the MTB, but are ill-advised in the execution.

jess9802

It's so sad that people equate basic etiquette, like writing a thank you note, with big-haired pearl clutching prudish Southern women. (Not that there's anything wrong with having big hair, pearls, or being Southern.) This attitude encourages greediness and entitlement. It's gross.

Someone who takes the time and money to buy you a gift and attend a party in your honor deserves the courtesy of a short thank you note that you, the recipient, have taken the time to write and address yourself. It's not an old-fashioned custom. Being pleasant and gracious never goes out of style.

Understanding basic etiquette is about knowing how to make other people feel appreciated for their efforts. Some people may not be bothered by the lack of a thank you, but I would bet lots of money that they wouldn't be offended by getting one. But there are still plenty of people out there who would be offended to not get one. Err on the side of caution.

Meery82

jess9802 said:

It's so sad that people equate basic etiquette, like writing a thank you note, with big-haired pearl clutching prudish Southern women. (Not that there's anything wrong with having big hair, pearls, or being Southern.) This attitude encourages greediness and entitlement. It's gross.

Someone who takes the time and money to buy you a gift and attend a party in your honor deserves the courtesy of a short thank you note that you, the recipient, have taken the time to write and address yourself. It's not an old-fashioned custom. Being pleasant and gracious never goes out of style.

Understanding basic etiquette is about knowing how to make other people feel appreciated for their efforts. Some people may not be bothered by the lack of a thank you, but I would bet lots of money that they wouldn't be offended by getting one. But there are still plenty of people out there who would be offended to not get one. Err on the side of caution.

Jess always says it best!

chevronseven

I'm not huge on traditional etiquette in a lot of cases, but this does seem a bit lazy. Maybe I'm weird but I actually like addressing envelopes! It's fun to get mail with a handwritten address and having it in your own writing would kind of take away from that. Also I think Facebook invites are for college parties, not baby showers, so that does seem a bit tacky. But I'm also really big on doing what works for you and your circle of family and friends instead of following some arbitrary guidelines set and followed by strangers, so to each her own! One person's tacky might be another person's treasure, haha